


Catnip

by Rukazaya



Series: Catnip [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Animal Transformation, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:44:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 88,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rukazaya/pseuds/Rukazaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo x Izaya. Shizuo accidentally turns into a cat. Without knowing the tabby is his arch-nemesis, Izaya takes him home and keeps him as a pet. As a cat, Shizuo discovers a side of Izaya that nobody knows, his secrets, life, fears, loves and feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:**  Catnip  
 **Rating:**  T (subject to change)  
 **Pairing:** Shizuo x Izaya  
 **Prompt from the Drrr Kink Meme:**  Shizuo accidentally turns into a cat. Without knowing the tabby is his arch-nemesis, Izaya takes him home and keeps him as a pet. As a cat, Shizuo discovers a side of Izaya that nobody knows, his secrets, life, fears, loves and feelings.

(Shizuo pays Shinra another visit because he needs him to tend a few of his injuries. Though, somewhere through the visit, Shizuo accidentally gets turned into a cat. The cause is from one of Shinra's work-in-progress experiment, so he had not created a cure yet. Because of that, Shizuo is stuck as a cat until further notices. Even more, he can only speak and meow like a regular cat.

Not wanting to be stuck with the doctor any longer, Shizuo leaves  _(it's night time when Shizuo leaves)_. Though, on his way to his apartment, he just so happens to run into Izaya. At first, Shizuo thought that Izaya was going to just ignore him, but Izaya actually picked him up. After a few cooing of words at the cat, Izaya just happens to take Shizuo home with him.

Shizuo believes that this is just horrid, but as time past, he starts to slowly discover a side of Izaya that nobody knows about. He learns a lot of Izaya's secrets, life, fears, loves and feelings. Izaya talks to Shizuo about this since he believes that Shizuo is just a mere abandoned cat. Izaya shows deep caring and genuine concern for cat!Shizuo, always putting Shizuo first in front of everybody else. Shizuo finds himself attach to Izaya and is starting to rethink about turning back into a human once Shinra develops a cure because he doesn't want to go back to seeing the evil side of Izaya who still hates him.)

 **Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters!

_THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned._

* * *

"Now, now Shizuo. Calm down. I… I'm sure I can figure out a cure. I think…" the good doctor said, raising his hands in defense.

'There's just one too many  _'I think'_  in that sentence,  _SHINRA!_ ' the former bartender and possibly now former debt collector yowled at his doctor friend.

The doctor, Kishitani Shinra, adjusted his glasses which gleamed as it reflected the light mischievously. "Though I honestly did not think it would work so well. I must say, I'm quite proud of my achiev-ow, ow, ow!"

Since the now probably former debt collector could not talk, he resorted to biting his friend's arm to get his point across.

Because quite unfortunately for the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro, Heiwajima Shizuo was accidentally reduced to a smaller scale Pianissimo of Ikebukuro, in the form of a light tan cat.

To rewind back for a few hours, Heiwajima Shizuo was a man feared by many. At least, he was feared if one was sane. Only the insane or the ignorant did not fear the monster in a bartender suit. And unfortunately that day, one of the ignorant who did not know how strong this man was, crossed the line by mentioning a certain famous actor in front of him in hopes of dodging his debts.

Normally throwing a street lamp eight times his weight did nothing to Shizuo, but perhaps throwing three of them at the same time was a bit too much strain on his wrist that day. So Heiwajima Shizuo visited a certain underground doctor just for a check up in case it does become bad enough that he wouldn't be able to work tomorrow.

After all, last time he went on for a whole week without realizing he had a broken leg because he didn't feel too much pain. It took longer to heal because he hadn't realized it. Ever since then, Tom, his supervisor, always requested that Shizuo go in for a regular check up.

Though a regular check-up should not include an accidental drop of a vial with mysterious liquid which would turn someone into a petit animal.

Either way, Heiwajima Shizuo, the greatly feared man of all of Japan roared liked a tiny tiger in the palm of Buddha's hand.

Shinra couldn't help but giggle. "Look Shizuo. I promise you that I'll figure out a cure for you, alright? Don't worry about it."

With a gentle condescending pat on the little tabby kitty's head, Shinra walked away, humming a bit too happily. Shizuo could not help but suspiciously eye how Shinra was busily ordering a set of new scalpels for 'special surgeries' along with all sorts of heavy duty leather straps, a smaller scale not for humans but a perfect size for a medium sized cat.

Shizuo wisely decided that he could not stay the night at all when Shinra specifically ordered for 'express night delivery' for all his purchases.

So when night time came, the once blond debt collector slipped out into the night and headed towards home. It was raining and though normally he didn't mind it, now that he was a cat, he hated how the water made his fur sticky and cling to his skin. He was wondering if he should try Tom's house first since he didn't have the keys to his house and just hope his senpai understood cat language when a man suddenly swooped him up with a large net.

"Gotcha you stray cat! Betcha been rummagin' them trash you stinkin' mongrel~"

'What the hell!' Shizuo roared as he twisted and turned in the net, his limbs getting more and more tangled.

"Can't wait til we cut off yer pecker so you stop spreading around more of your kind in these parts with yer germs."

Shizuo froze at those words. Wait,  _pecker_? So he's going to cut off his…?

The tanned cat shivered. That did not go well with him at all!

Furious, Shizuo gripped at the taut net and used his little monstrous strength to rip apart the strings.

The man howled in surprise and yelled as Shizuo slipped through the hole and dashed off as fast as his four legs could carry him.

Once he ran ten blocks randomly, Shizuo stopped near one of the streets.

'So, at least my strength is still with me… though a bit downscaled.' He thought to himself.

Shizuo blinked as something hit him hard with a force strong enough to snap his head. He pawed his scalp and noticed that it was stained with a bit of blood.

"Look, a dirty kitty!" One of the elementary boys yelled as he picked up another stone to throw at Shizuo. He arched his back and hissed menacingly. But the three boys only laughed as they picked up more pebbles, stones or trash around them to throw at Shizuo.

"Dirty kitty, go away!"

"Yeah you spread germs!"

"Bet you got a disease!"

Shizuo dodged another trash flung at him and ran, as the three boys chased him down laughing, their umbrellas bobbing left and right. It was a sad day for the former Fortissimo of Ikebukuro as he was now being chased away by three snotty nosed brats. Blinking away the rain that stung his eyes and ran down his face, Shizuo ran between the people's legs, almost getting stepped on a few times.

Frustrated, the tabby ran to the side where there was a sudden open space.  
 _  
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!_

A crash, as a car slammed its breaks and rammed into Shizuo. As his form was flung in the air, the once bartender couldn't help but think how funny fate was, the ironic déjà vu slapping him in the face.

When he fell to the asphalt, Shizuo moaned, feeling all the bones in his body groan with him.

The kids, thinking he was dead just ran away laughing, as the truck driver cussed at his bad luck and drove away without a thought.

After they left, the cat lifted a paw. He struggled, forcing his sore body to listen to him, as Shizuo got up like a battle worn warrior.

"Still alive huh? You can still move. That's quite admirable."

The tabby turned his face and hissed at the direction of the voice.

Shizuo wasn't sure if he should be surprised or not to see the infamous informant of Ikebukuro staring down at him under an umbrella.

"I saw you being mauled down by those kids."

The feline hissed, arching his back despite the screaming pain. He gave all the warnings to let the man know he better not mess with him too.

"Are you scared of humans?" he asked the cat.

'As if I could reply back, flea.' Shizuo growled.

The informant nicknamed as 'flea' by Shizuo was none other than his archenemy, Orihara Izaya. The man who had never failed to bring misfortune to the blond who only sought to live in peace.

And now, Orihara Izaya was looking down at Heiwajima Shizuo while holding a sole umbrella above his head with the other free hand in his pocket.

Shizuo looked away, not liking how he had to look up at Izaya for once.

"Do you hate them? Humans? For what they do to you? Heh… you remind me of someone I know."

'Fine, look down at me. Whatever. Fucking flea. Go away.'

The cat mewled pitifully as it slunk away.

All of a sudden, a hand scooped him up. Shizuo hissed and clawed at the informant.

"Now, now, stop squirming." Izaya said with a criticizing tone. He held the cat up by the neck and gave him a good scrutinizing look.

"Hmmm… how the heck can you walk after being almost run over by a truck? You seriously do remind me of a certain monster I know haha."

Shizuo flared out all of his claws and tried to slash away at his face. But he was being helplessly dangled in the air as the raven chuckled at his antics.

"Cute, cute. It wouldn't be fun if you didn't have any fighting spirit in you. Do you hate humans that much little kitty?"

Shizuo hissed, 'no, I just hate you, fucking flea!'

But unfortunately the language of the tiny animals was lost to the great knowledgeable informant.

"Now, now stop that. I could leave you to starve and die in the cold if you wish, you know."

The tabby drooped his shoulders and hung his head low. He was tired, hungry, sleepy and sore. Not to mention fucking wet and cold. His bad day just turned for the worse and to be insultingly held up by the 'flea' was a new low for him.

Tired of fighting back, Shizuo decided to let Izaya claim his fate after all. He would just get him back ten folds later.

To Shizuo's greatest surprise, Izaya unzipped his jacket and slipped in the wet cat inside. The informant slightly shivered at the cold but carefully held the broken cat inside his parka.

"No scratching. Not sure how many germs you got for a flea bitten mongrel, but I can't have you die on the way home."

Shizuo growled at being called a 'flea bitten mongrel' from the flea himself, but once he felt himself being carried off inside that warm jacket, he couldn't help but drift off to an exhausted sleep.

* * *

The ex-blond, the ex-bartender, the ex-debt collector and now ex-human woke up when he felt a warm sensation along with a very uncomfortable sensation fused together.

Shizuo hissed and scowled as he spluttered in the bathtub half filled with lukewarm water.

"Hold still, damn. I was almost done too."

Shizuo hissed at the man who was holding him in the water. The man was none other than his arch-enemy who decided to take pity on him, unaware of his true identity.

"Geez, why did you have to wake up now? You slept through just fine when the vet did a quick check up on you."

The tabby continued to hiss and struggle as the informant held him down firmly, scrubbing shampoo all over the cat's fur. Shizuo refused to give up and kept on thrashing about, splashing water all over the human.

"Well,  _two_ can play that game." Izaya huffed as he got up and took off the shower handle and started spraying.

Shizuo yowled and ran about the bath tub, jumping out and clawing at the door. Izaya ran and sprayed at him by the door and followed the trail like an experienced soldier with a machine gun as the cat dodged left and right.

Finally, after knocking over every item in the bathroom, a few clawed bath curtains, and several battle scratches later, Izaya turned off the shower handle, exhausted.

"I seriously can't believe you have so much energy left after being slammed into a truck. And the vet said you didn't even have a broken bone," he huffed as he grabbed a towel. Then he gathered up the equally exhausted cat and started to dry him.

"Though that's what makes you so interesting," the informant smirked.

Shizuo only gave him the 'stink eyes of disapproval.'

Izaya laughed heartily. Shizuo hissed as he allowed the informant to dry him thoroughly. At least his fur would be dry soon.

As he looked over to the side, he noticed a flea and tick shampoo along with cat brushes.

Did Izaya have a pet in the house?

No, those must be newly bought because they were still in a plastic bag with receipts. The items still had price tags attached.

Shizuo frowned. Did Izaya plan to keep him for long? And he mentioned the vet... exactly how long was he knocked out?

As Izaya walked out of the bathroom carrying him, Shizuo wondered if he should try to leave.

Then he remembered the guy who tried to cut off his nuts, the kids, and the truck... Shizuo decided that the streets of Ikebukuro was a lot less safe when he was small feline.

Besides, he didn't feel like eating out of the trash or catching rodents for a living.

Izaya laid Shizuo on his bed and wrapped him up in his comforter. Then he went back to the bathroom to take a shower himself since his new pet had made him thoroughly wet anyway.

With the soft sound of the shower along with the warm cotton comforter wrapped around him, Shizuo drifted back into sleep once more.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Shizuo woke up, he was back inside Izaya's warm jacket. It felt weird to be handled and carried, the swing a lulling pendulum. But the once former Fortissimo of Ikebukuro shrugged it off, curled inward, and went to sleep like a baby in a rocking cradle.

The third time Shizuo woke up was when something was jabbed into his skin. But not pierced. Shizuo tugged at the restraints on him to test its durability.

Shizuo yowled and hissed. He was on some sort of a white table as the vet stared at his broken needle.

"Huh..." was all he said. Then he went and grabbed a second needle and stabbed again. Shizuo hissed once more, clawing at the table, struggling to break free.

The vet looked something between perplexed and irritated as he went and grabbed a more heavy duty needle and injected Shizuo with some chemical, flooding his bloodstream with drowsiness. Again the cat fell asleep.

Once again, Shizuo blinked his sleepy eyes open to notice that he was being carried inside Izaya's jacket with both arms cradling him.

"Ah, you're awake I see. The vet was furious you know, saying you broke two of his needles while getting your shots. Haha... but at least it's good to know you're pretty healthy for a street cat."

Shizuo grunted, which sounded more like a pathetic mewl to his own ears. He rolled his eyes in disgust. How did it become like this?

"Hungry huh? Well you haven't eaten so I guess we'll drop by Russia Sushi. We can hope that we don't run into a certain beast along the way."

Izaya skipped along the streets of 'bukuro happily. Shizuo grumbled and muttered something along the lines of stupid flea trespassing his territory though it sounded more like a displeased mewl. But he was hungry. So he would let this one time slip. For now.

"Yo~" Izaya raised one arm to greet the tall dark skinned man in a traditional Japanese outfit. His other arm still held Shizuo safely and securely.

"I-Za-Ya! Good see! Long time no see! That no good! You miss sushi, sushi miss you! Bad sushi, sushi."

"That makes no sense you know, Simon. Haha."

Then the burly man with the foreign accent named Simon peered inside the buldge of Izaya's jacket.

Shizuo gave Simon the 'stink eyes of doom' and hissed, curling inward again. It was super embarrassing to be seen like this, whether he was a cat that no one recognized, or not.

"Kitty? New pet?"

"Ah yes, a stray I picked up. Sorry, he seems to hate humans."

'Stupid louse, I don't hate humans. I just hate being treated like a feeble mongrel.' Shizuo snarled which sounded more like, "maaawl..."

The two humans both peered in and burst into laughter.

"Kitty sleepy?" Simon asked.

"Probably just hungry."

"Ah then more sushi! More sushi is good sushi! Bad sushi is no sushi. Bad people deserves spanking."

Izaya just chuckled and walked inside, shaking his head.

"Dennis," Izaya said in acknowledgment as the chef nodded a greeting.

"My usual please. And if you have any spare cuts you were planning to throw in the trash, I'll buy them off of you."

Noticing the cat Dennis nodded with understanding.

As soon as they entered, Shizuo's sensitive nose picked up the scents of enormous amount of fish flooding his senses. A ear perking up, he peeked out, his mouth salivating and his stomach grumbling as a reminder.

"Ah, finally decided to greet your surroundings?" Izaya asked the cat cheerily.

Shizuo ignored him.

Instead Shizuo focused on the smell of fish all around him. It made him almost dizzy with the overloading senses assaulting his nostrils.

Shizuo let out an impatient meow.

Izaya chuckled and rubbed a spot under the cat's chin.

"Patience. You'll get your fish soon enough."

Dennis then handed Izaya his wooden block of sushi. Shizuo whimpered, pouting at the unfair and discriminatory treatment to cats.

Izaya laughed as Shizuo shrank back a bit inside his jacket in disapproval. "Don't care for the rice?"

To Shizuo's surprise, Izaya took the fatty piece of sushi off of the rice and dangled it over Shizuo's mouth. He did not expect such a selfish informant like Izaya to give his meal to a cat first. The ex-debt collector gratefully leaned up and accepted the morsel, hungrily chewing at it.

The cat mewled happily as he ate from Izaya's hand, nibbling a bit at his fingertips then licking with his brittle tongue for more.

"Good isn't it? It must be pretty good compared to all the trash and rats you've been eating all your life huh," Izaya smiled fondly at the cat licking at his fingertips, wanting more of that taste.

'Stupid louse, I didn't eat any trash or rats,' Shizuo thought but since he couldn't say it out loud, he didn't bother. Instead he went on licking that fingertip that still had the taste of the fatty fish. God it was good! He had never tasted such an amazing sushi all his life!

Izaya smirked as he took another slab of ootoro from his own sushi and dangled it in front of the cat, just a bit away from his reach. Half of his tan furry body leaned forward out of the jacket as Shizuo reached for the fish.

The paw on the jacket zipper slipped as Shizuo dropped few inches. Luckily Izaya's hand caught him just in time before his entire body hit the floor.

"Careful, careful. Here."

Izaya's long fingers wrapped around right under Shizuo's chest and neck area as he held him up. Half of his body still in the warmth of that jacket, Shizuo pawed at the fish that was just out of reach.

He scowled, mewling at his fail attempts and the cruelty of Izaya who kept holding the fish right above his head.

Izaya chuckled as he watched his arch-enemy turned cat paw at the fish in the air.

Finally the informant lowered the fish slightly so Shizuo's claw could force it down as he clung to the piece of sushi and hungrily ate.

Unknown to Shizuo, Izaya smiled fondly as he watched his new pet eat greedily from his hand.

Clutching at the fresh meat, Shizuo didn't even notice the way Izaya smiled at him as he hungrily devoured the fish. The taste! The smell! The texture! It was simply divine!

Shizuo was too busy eating, he did not realize he had gathered a small group of voyeurs.

"Oh my gawd, Iza-Iza! Is that your new pet?"

"Is she a girl? Please say it's a girl! Did you name her yet? You should name it Taiga from Toradora!"

The obnoxious otaku duo of Ikebukuro were cooing at the mini-size monster of Ikebukuro as Togusa and Kadota looked on.

"Ah, no I just picked him up yesterday so I haven't named him yet. And the cat's a 'he,' unfortunately for you," Izaya replied to Walker as Shizuo finished eating and licked his own paws clean. Shizuo mewled for more.

"Such a cute kitty!" Erika exclaimed. She reached to pet the cat.

Shizuo hissed, swiping at the hand as a warning though he didn't reach out far enough to mark her. She yelped and pulled back immediately. He scowled at her, still not fond of being treated like a small pettable animal. Hell, ever since Middle school when he grew tall, no one had petted his head. It felt unnatural to have everyone coo at him and call him cute.

"Ah sorry Karisawa-san. The cat hates all humans at the moment," Izaya explained as Shizuo went back to curling up inside his jacket.

'Stupid louse, I don't hate humans. You guys are just annoying,' Shizuo rolled his eyes at Izaya's terrible judgment and mawled a long discontent meow as he flicked his tail.

"He seems to like you though," the man with the beanie commented. Shizuo's ears flickered and flattened as he growled in disagreement.

"Hahaha... I don't know about that. I think he just wants to be fed right now."

"Here you go, good customer," the Russian chef laid out a small bowl with the left over cuts of assortment of fish.

Shizuo heard the light clatter of the dish hit the bar. He peeked out again and sniffed the air. Izaya held the cat by the neck, pulling him out of his jacket to place him lightly by the bar.

Shizuo sniffed at the delicious looking fish cautiously. He didn't expect it to be poisoned but...

Oh hell!

He bit a mouthful of the morsel of meat and relished at the taste. He chewed and chewed, loving the way how the flesh split under his teeth. He held onto the piece between his paws, the claws clinging onto the fat.

It was good. It was sooo good. It was the best meal he had ever had.

Without knowing, the tan tabby had begun to purr as the once Fortissimo of Ikebukuro destroyed his meal with bliss.

But when Erika tried to pet his head again, Shizuo hissed, taking a break from chewing to claw at her in warning once more.

"Awww man... such a cute cat but he won't let me pet him..." Erika mourned as she held onto the bar with her two hands, her chin on the wood, pouting regretfully.

When Togusa picked up a piece of fish to try to entice Shizuo for a pat, the ex-debt collector let out a nasty hiss for stealing his meal.

Togusa sighed as he dropped it before the cat lunged at his neck.

"The cat is pretty irritable huh?" Kadota noted.

"Nah... just doesn't seem to trust humans. When I found him, he was being quite bullied by them," Izaya said, watching his cat with keen observation.

Shizuo grunted, at hearing Izaya say the word 'humans' as if he wasn't part of that crowd. But his grunt sounded more like a broken vibrator as he went back to purring and eating.

"Why don't you try, Kadota-san?" Walker suggested, jabbing him on the side. "Maybe he'll recognize your leadership!"

"Yeah, yeah, Dotachin! Try it, try it!" Erika chimed in.

"Well..." Kadota scratched his beanie uncertainly. It felt like his pride as a leader was in the air so he tentatively reached out to brush the back of Shizuo's head with the back of his hand.

Shizuo flattened his ears and swished his tail, not liking it. But this was Kadota so he allowed the small soft rub.

"Oooooh! As expected of the leader!"

"Woooo! Dotachin! You did it!"

Kadota couldn't help but lightly blush and feel giddy at being the first human to be accepted by the cat who hated all of humanity.

After several minutes, Shizuo turned to Kadota and hissed to leave him alone. The look said something along the lines of, 'okay you got your fill at petting me. Now leave me alone.'

There was a chorus of "aww..." as Kadota dropped his hand.

Izaya was still eating his sushi and talking to the gang, who sat next to him to keep him company while observing the cat. Shizuo finished his meal and licked his paws clean. That was one of the most delicious meals he had ever had in Russia Sushi for sure.

Once he was done cleaning himself, he hopped back inside Izaya's jacket. He didn't like being in the spotlight with so many eyes on him. It made him nervous.

Everyone was surprised to see Shizuo's choice of hiding place.

"I think the cat's fond of you, if he chose there to sleep," Kadota commented once more.

"Aye. I do hope he likes me," Izaya smiled a hand patting his jacket.

They all heard a hiss of disagreement and laughed.

"Or maybe he just doesn't like all the attention," Izaya chuckled.

"Guess you have a long way to go."

"What will you name him, Iza-Iza?"

"Hmm... who knows."

"You should name him ShizuShizu! He's so irritable and angry!"

"Shizu-chan would be a good name for the little tiger. The cat's tan just like him."

Shizuo froze stiff, his breath baited as he tilted his ears for Izaya's response. To his surprise, he saw Izaya blanch at the suggestion.

"Name him Shizu-chan? Oh no, that's a terrible joke even coming from me. Understandably, Shizu-chan is a monster but no way am I naming my own pet with such a detestable name. I wouldn't be able to love my cat if I did. I simply wouldn't."

Shizuo's ears flattened. He was glad he wasn't named Shizu-chan but... he had a mixed feeling all the same.

"Since he's a flea bitten mongrel, I think I'll name him Flea," Izaya decided happily with a condescending pat to Shizuo's head.

Enraged, Shizuo swiped at the hand through the jacket, ripping a hole.

There was a slight flinch and a small yipe as Izaya pulled his hand away.

The crowd around him chuckled.

"I don't think he appreciates his name much, Izaya."

"Well too bad. As his first punishment for swiping at me, his name will be  _Flea_ ," Izaya frowned at his jacket which now sported a gash.

Shizuo mawled and glared up at Izaya with disdain.

"No matter. Flea it will be. Besides, 'Shizu-chan' is such a degrading name even for an animal. Only a monster like Shizuo should bear such dishonor," Izaya shrugged as he ate his last piece of sushi.

Erika fangirled some nonsense about tsundere uke which everyone else ignored.

Izaya got up to pay his bill, still using one hand to hold Shizuo inside his jacket. The informant frowned.

"Now that there's a hole, he can slip easily now. Bad cat. How should I carry you hmm... I should carry you by the neck just to teach you a lesson."

As if the cat understood him, which he did, Shizuo scowled back. He pawed the informant's shirt to gauge how high his shoulder was before he jumped, surprising Izaya. Then Shizuo slipped inside his hood and curled in, his feet in the air as he tried to find a comfortable position.

Everyone burst out laughing as Erika cooed at the once feared monster of Ikebukuro.

"Oh my gawd, that's so adorable! It's perfect!"

Izaya shrugged nonchalantly though the smile on his face said otherwise, quite pleased with all the attention.

"Well then, I shall get going before the  _real_ monster of Ikebukuro finds me tonight."

And, as if having a cat in his hood was something he does naturally every day, he waved everyone goodbye and headed out, humming to a tune only he knew. Shizuo mewled with displeasure, just to let Izaya know he wasn't all that content. But all too soon, Shizuo went back to purring as the warm sun hit his form like gentle waves.

Izaya normally preferred to walk amongst the crowd and blend in to observe humans, but that day he thoroughly enjoyed as he checked his email on his phone and watched his humans in the corners of his eyes. Their cooing and aweing at him along the streets as they spotted the cat inside his hood.

Some girls even snap photos on their camera phones as Shizuo stretched a few times and curled back up around the hoodie for warmer spots.

Instead of taking the subways, Izaya decided to brave the possible chaos of the debt collector and walk the way back to Shinjuku. It was a lovely day, his cat was taking a nap and his purring was a nice sound. Besides, he kind of liked the affection of his humans smiling at him and his cat today. The informant hoped that the gods of Ikebukuro were kind enough that day and it wouldn't rain vending machines.

Luckily for the said raven, there was no raining vending machines or street signs. Not even a hint of a blond man in a bartender suit. Izaya did think it was unusual since Shizuo had this uncanny ability to sniff him out, but unknown to the informant, the sensitive nosed debt collector was at the moment taking one of the most relaxing cat nap's in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

But unfortunately for both of them, the gods of Shinjuku weren't so kind. The clouds gathered quite suddenly and a cold drop of rain hit the nose of the sleeping cat. Shizuo grunted as he pawed at the unknown assailant, only for another raindrop to fall near his closed eyelid.

"Oh dear. Looks like it's going to rain," Izaya looked up as the grey clouds gathered to cover the already polluted sky.

The informant sighed woefully at his torn jacket. He walked to the side of the road, under the canopy of a candy shop.

"Well Flea, I know you like it there but it looks like you'll have get out of that hood. I don't have an umbrella with me today unlike last night."

Shizuo grumbled as he twisted and turned in the hood, meowing a grunt.

"You really don't approve of anything do you? Haha... such a disgruntled cat. Maybe I should have named you 'Grumpy,'" Izaya smiled.

Shizuo didn't understand what there was about his grumpiness to laugh about. Then again, Izaya always was a bit screwy in the head for finding uncanny or morbid things to be humorous.

The cat shifted his weight and placed both paws on top of Izaya's head, trying to climb on.

"Ow, ow. No claws, Flea. The claws!"

Shizuo mawled and flopped on top of Izaya's head, his stomach laying flat.

Izaya raised his eyes as he tried to look up without moving his head, lest his pet fall off. Realizing what Flea wanted, Izaya burst out laughing.

"Ah I get it. You want to balance on my head while I cover it with the hood huh?"

Izaya covered his head and his cat with his large hood. When the fluffy fur flopped on top of Shizuo's head he let out a displeased meow as he batted away the fur with his paws. With a light chuckle, Izaya slightly slipped the fur behind Shizuo's head.

"If I don't cover you, you'll get wet and I know you won't like that~"

A low rumbling meow was heard, making Izaya giggle again. He covered Shizuo this time with his hood after his crabby consent then he balanced the cat with his hands.

"Here we go Flea! Hold on tight!"

With that, Izaya dashed off into the rain, the pitter pattering of the rain drops surrounding them. Shizuo held on tight, retracting his claws, as he bobbed up and down on Izaya's head. Several times, his instinct told him to claw at the skin and hold on but he decided to trust Izaya's secure hands.

Laughing, the informant ran through the streets, his face drenching in the rain. Slowly the hoodie was soaked wet but Shizuo didn't find it as irksome as Izaya's bubbly laugh was contagious and almost pleasant.

Almost.

It didn't take long for the duo to finally arrive to Izaya's studio apartment. Izaya was still giggling like a kid after running in the rain when he got into the elevator. He took off his jacket and wrapped the drier side around his new pet and held him in his arms close to his heart.

Shizuo folded his legs, trying to get comfortable while finding a spot that wasn't wet, when the elevator dinged and stopped at the floor where Izaya resided.

"Namie-san~ I'm home~" Izaya chortled as he kicked open his doors once he unlocked it, absentmindedly petting his cat. Shizuo batted at it with his paw irritably.

"Look, say hello to my new room mate!" Izaya held up his pet proudly.

Shizuo ripped out a mighty roar in all of his orange fur, claws extending in fury.

Namie, his long dark haired secretary with a beautiful face but cold chilly eyes regarded Izaya's new room mate with a just as equally icy tone.

"I do hope you're not planning to add kitty litter changing in my resume, because I certainly didn't sign up for this. And I want a raise."

Izaya chuckled.

"Oh Namie-san, how I love your unfunny jokes. I also expect you to feed my cat three times a day and groom him once a week.

The informant deftly dodged a kick as he skipped into his living room, dangling the cat in his hand.

"Flea, this is your new home now. That witch knows some poisonous spells, so I'd stay out of her way if I were you."

Shizuo hissed. He would have anyway.

Carrying the cat, Izaya ran up the stairs to his room to show the area, since his pet wasn't a dog, he doubted that Shizuo would follow him when he wanted to show him his new home.

"And this bathroom here is where the litter box is. I hope I don't have to toilet train you too often. I heard cats are natural at this."

Shizuo blinked at the litter box in the bathroom. When did he...

… did he buy it back when he bought the tick and flea shampoo?

Man, this guy was prepared to have him as a pet.

Shizuo mawled, thoroughly humiliated at being carried around by the neck and showed around as if he was stupid. Granted, Izaya had no way of knowing that his cat understood human language.

The raven went downstairs to show the kitchen next. Then his work area. After he showed his pet everything he could think of, he carefully lowered the cat. Curious where he would go first, Izaya watched as Shizuo sniffed the air.

Things looked very different when you're the size of a cat. They were bigger. Taller. Higher...

But first thing first, Shizuo scrambled and ran underneath the sofa, away from everyone.

A low mawl was heard as Shizuo settled in, hissing when Izaya looked underneath his couch to check on him.

The informant chuckled. "So you decided that the first thing you want to do is hide from me? Lovely. You really do hate humans huh?"

Shizuo hissed in disagreement, though he figured Izaya would just assume what he wanted. Instead he started scratching at the surface of the couch.

"Hey, hey! No scratching! Ah well... it's just underneath the couch I guess..."

After several minutes, Izaya sighed and got up, especially when Namie started rattling of the list of things he had procrastinated to do the entire day.

The informant went back to his desk to work. But instead of working from his usual spot, he took his laptop and walked back to the couch where Shizuo hid under. Getting comfortable with a warm mug of coffee, he spread out his worksheets and started typing away.

Shizuo swished his tail, bored after pulling at the wood and leather for few minutes. He could see the rays of sunlight inch closer and closer. And it looked tempting. Oh so tempting... to relax and sunbathe the day away...

The orange tabby pawed at the rays, his body and head still hidden under the couch. Swishing his tails again with discontent, Shizuo gave up and pulled his body out of the sofa.

As if to show it was his idea all along, no he was not tempted at all by some stupid rays of sunlight, Shizuo hopped onto the soft couch, not looking in the direction of the informant who was smiling at him. At first he was just planning to curl on the arm of the couch but when his paws touched the leather, he instantly purred. He extended and retracted the claws as he felt the texture of the leather under him.

"Ah, ah! No claws, Flea," Izaya scowled as he reached for his cat.

Shizuo hissed, arching his back and slashed at Izaya in warning.

The informant sighed as he went back to sitting at his far end of the couch.

But Shizuo listened. As much as he wanted to slash the leather and feel it rip between his claws, he retracted them with disappointment. He circled around, trying to find a good warm spot. Seeing that the side where Izaya sat was the best place, he grudgingly walked over, his tail up high and proud, and plopped next to him. Making sure his fur did not touch the louse.

Izaya watched for a second before he burst out with a small chuckle, unable to contain himself. He reached out for a small pat but quickly withdrew when Shizuo hissed in warning.

With a half regretful smile, Izaya went back to focus on his work. Shizuo on his end flopped onto his back, his legs in the air while one of his forearms clutched at the side of the couch. He then drifted into another content sleep, purring all the way.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Shizuo was drifting in heaven, floating among the clouds as the warm sunlight caressed his face and body. He wasn't sure why he was so sleepy all of a sudden and somewhere in the corner of his mind, he had a nagging worry of being a cat. Somehow he needed to contact Tom and explain why he couldn't be at work today…

But all of his worries didn't feel urgent when the warmth enveloped him along with those soft strokes that washed over him like the lukewarm ocean waves at the beach.

He didn't even know he was purring quite contently and loudly when the sun finally faded and the soft afterglow left him save for the constant rubbing of his belly. His tail and ears twitched, flopping over so that the strokes would continue from his head to his spine. He purred as it continued, brushing just at the right spots. A rub behind the ears he couldn't reach with his paws and a long stroke down his furry back. He arched a bit as the hand reached his bottom where the tail began…

… wait. A hand?

Shizuo blinked open his eyes and came face to face with his most hated enemy. His long fingers curled like a warlock casting a spell on him.

The tabby hissed as he doubled back, curling to a far end corner of the couch.

"Awww… and he was enjoying it too…" Izaya snapped his finger.

His secretary gave him a cold stare. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Ah, but I am working!" the informant exclaimed as he proudly produced his camcorder.

"Ta-da! I'm making a documentary of my new pet, the Adventures of the Flea! The cat who hates all humans but will one day slowly melt under the love and care of his master! I'm sure if people to buy DVDs of Maru being brushed all day, and just sitting in boxes, I can make a killing off of this. I'm sure I'll get millions of subscribers on my nico nico and youtube channels!" Izaya exclaimed as he did a short giddy tap dance and flailed his arms about in jubilation.

Both the cat and the ice queen came into a mutual agreement as they stared at their master as if he had finally lost his marbles.

Shizuo yawned, arching his back, tails swishing to show his immense lack of interest on the matter before he headed toward the kitchen. With all the good feelings gone, he felt the need to fill that void with something delicious.

It didn't take long to find his water bowl and food bowl. But seeing his dry cat food, he only sniffed at it and turned to meow at Izaya in disgust.

"Hmmm… you don't like that brand? Strange, I thought you'd love it after eating just trash all your life."

Couldn't they please stop with that assumption already? Shizuo rolled his eyes and swished his tail to show his irritation. He refused to eat cat food and that was that. Instead he pawed at the refrigerator door. If he could rip out a net and be fine after being struck by a truck, he should be able to open a simple fridge, right?

"Can cats actually smell the scent of food emanating from the fridge?" Izaya frowned, confused at his cat's odd behavior.

"Perhaps the cat can only eat human food or dead mice if that's all he ate in his life," Namie suggested since it seemed as if her boss wouldn't be doing any 'real' work any time soon until this matter was resolved. Shizuo sincerely hoped that Izaya had enough common sense not to give him dead mice. He would claw his face if he did.

"Ah! I see. That makes sense. Thank you Namie-san, I didn't know you knew so much about cats."

"My pleasure. And it's just simple intuition. After all, I had experimented on large quantities of animals in my life time. None I can quite liberally say as to exactly what nature those experiments were," the woman smiled dreamily as her thoughts went back to her past experiments she had the pleasure of handling.

Izaya and Shizuo couldn't help but note the disturbing nature of that smile.

"I-I see… anyways, Flea. It's your lucky day. I hate eating out of cans but I got some for cooking, so canned tuna it is." And with that, Izaya cut open a canned tuna and placed it in the cat bowl.

Now  _that_  he could eat.

As Shizuo was finishing up the tuna, Izaya slowly extended his hand to see if he could pet him. His cat hissed, taking a pause from eating to glare at his master before he went back to his eating. Izaya let out a defeated sigh. If cats could smirk, Shizuo would have.

"Oh yeah, cats like milk don't they?" Izaya remembered, getting up to open the fridge for milk. Shizuo's ears perked at the word 'milk.'

Izaya got a saucer and poured a generous amount of milk on the plate. Then he placed it on the floor next to Shizuo. The tabby immediately lapped it up with relish. The informant sat crossing his legs as he placed his elbows on his knees, his cheeks in his hands as he watched his cat devour milk.

Namie came back to the kitchen, crossing her arms as she made a comment of disapproval. "You know, most cats are lactose intolerant. It's the media's fault for fooling the population with false information. It also has no nutritious value for feline creatures. As an informant, I thought you knew this,"

"Always the sour apple of the bunch, aren't you Namie-san~ Let me have my fun~" Izaya looked behind him as he leaned, pouting at his secretary in an upside-down grin.

"So this isn't for work then. Why are you so interested in this cat? Surely it can't be for monetary value since you don't really care about money." Namie scowled.

Izaya rocked his body as he continued to look at his secretary upside down. "It's a seeeeecret~~" he teased.

After Namie rolled her eyes and walked away, Izaya clapped in glee. "Ah, the witch is gone! The witch is gone~! We should sing the Wizard of Oz song. Alas the great classics of this world are forgotten and dead too often."

Shizuo raised one eyebrow and really wondered if Izaya had gone nuts as he rambled on nonsensically. Then again, back in high school, he was the same. It seemed as if he had not changed much since then. Shizuo had avoided him once they graduated so it had been a while since they were in one place together for more than an hour at most. An hour normally being the time it took for the debt collector to chase the informant out of his territory.

The once feared 'Monster' of Ikebukuro wondered if he had become lactose intolerant as he carefully lapped up the milk. It would be the worst tragedy of his life if he couldn't drink this every day, somehow worse than being a cat and having Izaya as his master…

But luckily for him, his stomach seemed to take it perfectly fine.

After drinking until he felt full, Shizuo sat up and burped, which caught both the ex-debt collector and the informant by surprise. Shizuo blinked as he thought to himself, 'can cats burp?'

Izaya stared at his cat for full 1.5 seconds before he burst out laughing as he said, "I can't believe that expression! Ahahaha… are you caught surprised by your own burp? It's like a baby being totally unprepared for his own first fart!"

Shizuo glared at his master. 'Gee thanks louse, for reminding me once more of my lack of knowledge of being a  _cat_.' With an upturned tail, Shizuo haughtily left the informant as the latter rolled on the floor in peals of laughter.

As the tabby cat came to the living room, his eyes met the icy secretary, who was now sitting on the couch looking through the files Izaya had finished typing up. They silently stared at each other down in an invisible communication.

Shizuo wisely decided not to curl up on the couch while she was working and headed upstairs. The no-nonsense secretary dropped the issue as she went back to work without even a smile to gloat at her victory.

The tabby pushed the bedroom door ajar with the butt of his head and stepped inside. Seeing the cotton comforter still there from last night, he jumped onto the bed and curled back in, pawing at the soft fabric under his claws.

After pawing at the fabric some more, he curled his body into a ball and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Shizuo dozed, dreaming of the 'real flea' turning into a cat. He laughed at Izaya and chased him around Ikebukuro. Then the flea turned into a mouse and he turned into a cat and they parkoured the entire night on top of roof tops after roof tops of their city.

The cat's ear twitched as his paws made a scraping movement and his tail twirled as he chased the flea in his dream while on his back.

The ex-debt collector woke up when he felt suffocated; he had finally trapped the mouse into an abandoned building when the roof suddenly collapsed. Being abruptly awakened from his dream was irritating at best as he looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling. Though it was dark, his cat eyes were able to discern his surroundings. He arched his eyebrow as he felt a gigantic arm wrapped around him which was the source of his dream's roof collapsing on top of him.

Shizuo turned his face to the side and felt his entire fur stand on its end as he came face to face with his arch enemy sleeping peacefully next to him. It was terrifying and horrifying to see such a huge face up close, not to mention very disturbing. He yeowled in surprise as he tried to push himself away.

Izaya groaned lightly and hugged his cat closer, much to the horror of the little feline.

With all four paws pushing his body away from the informant, Shizuo wondered if he should claw his way out of this odd turn of an event. To think that one day, the flea who hated his guts and more than anything would have wanted to use his intestines for some exotic violin, would rather cuddle with him in bed while sleeping… was not only appalling but also just plain disturbing.

Shizuo grunted, trying to push himself further away, only to be distressed by how Izaya wrapped around him even tighter, his gigantic body, easily curling around him.

However, the cuddling wasn't that bad, especially the way that hand nestled on the fur behind his ears, the warmth enveloping him. Shizuo grew up without much physical display of affection and seriously, who would want to hug the tall blond monster who terrorized the city? He had no sisters, Kasuka wasn't really a physically affectionate brother, his parents were too busy, he never had girlfriends and his guy friends weren't really touchy-feely types so…

What the hell was he thinking?

Feeling disgusted with himself for even thinking he liked a hug from the louse, he swiped his claw at the face that was too close for his comfort.

"Owww…!"

Izaya immediately jerked away, his hand on his cheek as his sleepy eyes opened groggily.

"Flea… can't you sleep without scratching me ugh…"

Shizuo huffed, ignoring his 'master's' whine as he got up, turned his tail up snootily and jumped down from the bed. Izaya rubbed his eyes as he sleepily watched his cat head to the bathroom.

The unfortunate ex-human sat next to the litter box and stared at the sand. It was degrading. He just couldn't do it.

Instead he hopped onto the toilet seat, strategically placed himself just right and…

… did his business.

After he was finished, he used his paw to flush the toilet.

By then, Izaya was at the door, his eyes wide, his sleepiness dissipated in place of his renewed shock.

"Flea? Did you just… oh my god!"

With a haughty turn of a tail, Shizuo jumped down and walked away, his head up high to show Izaya was being quite rude to look down on his intelligence.

But the informant didn't see such display of arrogance as he was busy fumbling for his phone.

"Namie-san? Namie-san! You should have seen this! Flea just used the toilet! No, not the litter box! The real- … And yes I know it's 3:40am in the mor… ow, you didn't have to scream so loud into my ear!"

Shizuo snorted as even he could hear from his distance (though he supposed cats had better sense of hearing) as Izaya's secretary screamed into her phone that he needed to make some  _'real friends'_ and stop calling her in the middle of the night over unimportant matters such as his pet's feces.

Izaya's shoulders drooped sadly as she hung up on him.

As he saw the informant's sad defeated back, once again the ex-debt collector wished that cats could laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the evening, or beginning of a morning, was rather uneventful. There was a small tug of war between the bed space, as Izaya tried his best to coax the cat to sleep with him, while Shizuo hissed and spat at a distance, refusing to sleep next to the dirty 'flea.'

Seriously, if the informant just knew the truth, he wouldn't touch his cat with a meter of stick. Unfortunately for both parties, he didn't know. And an uninformed informant was a sad thing.

In the end Izaya curled up on the other side of the bed and slept while Shizuo burrowed inside his small fluffy blanket to catch the rest of his sleep. He felt so drowsy. It wasn't that he was tired, he was just sleepy. He wasn't sure if it was because he turned into a cat, or his body was trying to adjust to being a cat or the after effects of those drugs that the dumb vet pumped into his blood system, or the combination of everything.

Shizuo drifted between dreams until he felt a light wind on his face. He stretched all of his limbs while laying on his back lazily and opened his eyes.

He yowled in surprise again and hissed as he noticed a huge face staring down at him like ceiling cat.

"Awww… he's awake. And it was cute to watch him paw at the air… did you have a nice dream chasing mice, Flea?"

Shizuo rolled his eyes and huffed. He was chasing a certain 'flea' alright. Feeling indignant about his new name, he rolled to the side and jumped down from the bed, ignoring the grinning informant. The tabby pawed at the door to let his new owner know, he would like to go out.

Well, he  _could_ try to break it open, but he didn't feel like revealing the extent of his supernatural power or exert the effort.

Izaya laughed from his bed as he rolled to the side and got up. "In need of your morning breakfast, kitty?"

Shizuo frowned. He was sure he was a medium sized cat, in no way anywhere a kitten. But it seemed everyone just liked calling him 'kitty.' Though it was demeaning, at least it wasn't 'pussy.'

They both scurried downstairs to the kitchen. Shizuo didn't even bother to look at his bowl and just pawed at the fridge to indicate that he wanted what's 'inside' that large white box rather than whatever Izaya had bought yesterday. The informant frowned though he opened the fridge and looked inside. Shizuo placed his two fore-paws on top of the lower compartment to look inside, the cool air brushing his whiskers.

It felt weird.

Izaya scratched the back of his head as he sifted through. There really wasn't anything he could feed his cat so he took out his carton of banana milk.

"Sorry Flea, looks like this is it for now. I'll go buy you something you'd like today though."

The informant got another saucer to pour the milk and placed the plate down on the floor. He watched with a smile as Shizuo greedily lapped it up.

"Heh… so you like banana milks too huh. That one was Shizu-chan's favorite along with the strawberry milk."

Shizuo took a short pause at hearing that but continued to drink the milk, trying to hide that he understood Izaya. The informant just smiled, this time not trying to pet his cat as he watched him drink.

True, Shizuo used to drink it every day at school. He remembered how Izaya used to cringe and say that they were too sweet for him to drink. He growled a bit at remembering how Izaya used to tease that he had a childish taste.

Then he blinked, remembering something else.

Izaya hated banana milk and strawberry milk.

So why did he have them in his fridge?

Shizuo shrugged it off. Maybe that snow queen drank them instead, though it didn't seem to match her personality. It didn't make sense for Izaya to keep milk he never drank.

Hopefully, this wasn't an indication that his identity was revealed, but seeing how Izaya seemed to 'love' him so much, he doubted it.

Izaya watched until Shizuo had finished eating his fill before he took the plate back to wash it. His cat licked his whiskers and his paws. Shizuo wasn't sure if he was suppose to wash his own face now that he was a cat and it was impossible for him to wash his face like a normal human… and he didn't particularly wanted to. So he decided not to lick himself.

The thought was just…. ugh.

He watched as Izaya got ready, brushed his teeth and washed his face with partial envy. After Izaya patted his face with a towel, he looked over at the cat who stared up at him and softly meowed.

"Still hungry?" Izaya asked, chuckling, not understanding why the cat actually was watching him do his daily routine since he had avoided him earlier. To Izaya, the only reason why the cat would follow him around would be for food.

Shizuo let out a long disgruntled mawl saying 'no you idiot.' Izaya laughed, not understanding but finding his response cute. He walked over to his closet to change out of his grey pajama hoodie and short black pants and into his regular clothes, the black v-neck with a pair of black pants. Shizuo turned away when Izaya changed, still feeling a bit conscious of seeing a nude male body. Granted it wasn't as if Izaya had anything he didn't have, but regardless, he still felt self-conscious, cat body or not.

"Alright I'll be back Flea." Izaya said as he pulled on his fur hoodie.

'Oh, no you don't!' the tabby thought as he launched himself onto Izaya, catching the informant by surprise.

"Hey, wh-whut? Whoa?"

Shizuo clawed up the body and tucked himself inside the hoodie again, his two fore-paws on one shoulder.

"Ah, you want to come along too?"

'Obviously. I ain't going to make you buy some nasty cat food I can't eat,' the ex-debt collector huffed. Izaya just chuckled, zipping up his parka.

"Alrighty then," and with that, Izaya stepped out of his flat.

Shizuo climbed on top of Izaya's head, flopping his stomach on it as the informant walked into the elevator. He swished his tail as he stood on his hind legs, wondering if he should try to make a run for it to Tom's place.

But he wasn't sure if he could dodge all the brats and the trucks, the traumatizing experience from the other day still fresh in his memory. Shizuo grumpily decided to stay with the 'flea' just a bit longer until he could devise some sort of a plan.

Izaya hopped into the morning street of Shinjuku, bustling with men in suits and women in their office attires. The informant starkly stood out in his casual outfit with a cat flopped on his head, mewling. Some glanced his way, giving him a strange curious stare, while some were too busy to even look up and notice the sky as they hurried to their work. Feeling the stolen glances his way, Shizuo curled back into the hoodie and hid, his perky ears listening to the loud sounds of the awakening city while his curious eyes just peeked out past the fuzzy brown fur. Whether he was a cat or not, Shizuo still didn't like being the center of anyone's attention. Unlike his pet, Izaya did not mind the stares much as he weaved his way through the crowd to the pet store nearby.

He said his hello to the friendly cashier who giggled at her early customer with a cat in his hoodie.

"Ah you're back again Orihara-san! Your cat's awake now! How cute, he's tucked in your hoodie!" She cooed at the curled up animal who looked at her suspiciously. He hissed a small warning to stay away. Women made him nervous and that fact hadn't changed even as a cat.

"Ahahaha, sorry Kiko-san. The cat doesn't seem to like humans much," Izaya explained as the girl went "awww…." in dejection. Shizuo rolled his eyes. That excuse was getting old, not to mention incorrect. But he hid himself in the hoodie regardless, save for his ears and his eyes, glaring at the humans.

"So, what are you here for, Orihara-san?" she asked after she tried to coax the cat for a pet, which Shizuo cringed away from. He wouldn't let some five feet two inch woman pet him! He never had in his entire life and he wasn't going to change that all of a sudden now that he turned tiny.

"Ah, seems my cat doesn't like dry food. So I was looking for something else…"

"Oh, this way. I got the perfect choice." The lady named Kiko led the way to Aisle Two with the cat merchandises. Shizuo's curious eyes peeked out as he saw rows and rows of toys and food along with disgusting kitty litter.

When they passed by a certain section, his sensitive nose which was picking up way too much information as is, quickly sent him a signal. He perked up to turn in the direction that had some magnetic draw to him, but they were already walking away.

Finally they arrived at the rows of wet canned food. Kiko was showing Izaya various brands as Shizuo peeked out of the hoodie once more. He saw the suggestions and blanched. He really did not want to eat any of that but… if he must…

He jumped out of the hoodie, startling the two humans as he scaled the walls.

"Ah, Flea! Hey, get back down here," Izaya tried to scoop him back, but Shizuo upturned his nose and dodged easily. He scurried along and sniffed at each can curiously, trying to look at each labels.

"I think he wants to pick the brands himself." Izaya pocked his hands and giggled, watching his pet gracefully weave around the stacks of cans without knocking them off.

Finally Shizuo found what looked like 'real' fish cans, some rabbit meat and other various things at least closer to his liking. He knocked those down from the aisle as Izaya held out the front of his jacket like an apron, catching the cans of his choice.

"Wow Orihara-san, your cat's kinda smart." Kiko whistled.

Shizuo froze. Maybe he was being too smart about this? Maybe he should have acted dumber? Should he have…

"Ah, isn't he? He's also super durable too. The intelligence of a street cat who had to live on instincts alone in the wilderness of modern city is quite something." Izaya smiled proudly at the pet store clerk.

Shizuo let out a sigh of relief, for a cat. He wasn't sure how long he could fool Izaya, but at least the informant seemed to have decided he was extraordinary enough.

Once the debt collector was done picking, he hopped back onto Izaya's shoulder. He miscalculated and slipped, his belly flopping hard onto the shoulder rather than landing on him gracefully. He clawed his way back into the hoodie, his legs randomly up in the air as he twisted and turned.

With a light chuckle Izaya decided those brands were good enough and dumped them in the basket. He bought several extras along with it. As they treaded back, Izaya stopped at the toy aisle.

"Which would you like Flea? How about this one?" Izaya asked as he tugged at the long stick with a feather on its end. "Or would you rather chase a mouse?" Izaya pulled out another stick with a fake mouse toy on the end. The mouse made a small squeak as the informant squeezed it.

But Shizuo's mind was somewhere else. Rather, his mind was following his nose as he sniffed the air.

Something was here.

Calling him.

It was like destiny or fate. Something magnetic, something that drew him near…

The tabby jumped from the hood and flopped onto a basket filled with packaged Silver Vine sticks. Shizuo rolled on top of it from one end to another before he flared out his claws and got ready to pounce …

"Oh, no you don't!"

Izaya picked up the little beast by the neck and wrenched him free from his prey.

"Actinidia sticks eh? You got a good nose if you could smell them from their plastic packages."

Shizuo didn't listen as he clawed the air helplessly with want. Need.

"Alright. Silver Vine sticks it is. Along with these I suppose…" Izaya decided to choose some toys that he wanted to play with his cat and dumped them in the basket. Carrying the cat by the neck, away from his shopping bag, Izaya walked over to the register and checked out.

Shizuo mournfully looked at the bag in Izaya's hand, not understanding why he needed that stick. It was like cigarettes to him, an addiction. An addiction he didn't know he had until now. The tabby cat mewled in protest as he stared down at the bag.

"Okay, okay. When we get back, I'll give you one. Now stop hunching."

But the tabby didn't crawl back into Izaya's hood but flopped on his shoulder, still staring longingly. Once in a while, pawing at the air.

Izaya sighed and grabbed the cat by the neck and held him in his arm. At least he figured, the cat won't be running away from him any time soon.

Shizuo lost sense of time as he stared at the bag, his nose trying to sniff out that… scent he couldn't quite figure out why he desired so much.

It wasn't until Izaya turned a corner into a dark alleyway, that the cat came out of his trance and looked around him. The pet store wasn't far from Izaya's flat. So why did he take such a long route back to…

"I know you're following me. There's no use in hiding," Izaya called out, catching Shizuo by surprise. He didn't realize they were being followed.

"Heh… so you found me."

The voice was of a man, in his mid-years. He wore a trench coat despite the hot weather, and a suspicious hat. Shizuo's eyes widened as the man pulled out a kitchen knife from the inside of his coat.

'Whoa… I knew Izaya's job was dangerous but…' Shizuo blinked at the gleaming silver knife and then looked back up at the informant.

Izaya smiled back serenely at the man without a hint of being threatened or scared.

"My, my. If it isn't Miura-san. I haven't seen you since your wife divorced you."

"And it was your fault!" the man called Miura shouted, his knife pointing at the informant, holding it out with a slight tremble. Shizuo wasn't sure if it was due to the fact that the attacker was scared or if it was out of adrenaline rush. He had always known Izaya must be hated by many but to actually witness it was a different thing altogether.

'He probably deserves it anyway.' Shizuo scoffed.

"Ah, blaming me now? You know it was  _you_  who cheated on your wife. It was  _you_  who left behind evidence that made it so easy for your wife to possibly think you were cheating on her. And it was  _you_  who made it so easy for me to recover all those evidence for your wife. Perhaps it was  _you_  who wanted to get away from your boring life with your wife? Tied down by domestic boredom, perhaps you wanted some excitement? A little bit of spice? After all, all I did was gather evidence that  _you_ left behind carelessly. Maybe you wanted to be caught? Maybe you wanted her to leave you? Did you ever think of that?" Izaya continued to prattle as Shizuo's ears flattened. Of course Izaya would shift the blame to someone else. It was just like the damn flea to do so.

But the full effects were visible as the man dropped the knife and fell to his knees, sobbing. Izaya sighed at the pathetic view. He started around the crying man and out of the alleyway, lightly scratched behind Shizuo's ears.

Shizuo was looking bored at the whole thing, irritated at how easily Izaya deflected the blame. But he froze when he felt those cold fingers scratch the back of his head. Caught by surprise, Shizuo yowled.

The man looked up at the sound of the cat, his eyes unfocused.

"Y-you still took her away from me."

"No, you took her away from yourself." Izaya tried to deflect back the blow, but it was too late. The man looked crazed and far gone as he got up, holding the knife.

"I… I still can't forgive you! It's your fault!"

Izaya froze, taking a step back, his smile borderline wavering and hesitant. He let out a sigh, trying to stay nonchalant. "This is why I hate it when humans can't be reasoned. Though I still love you since you're not a beast like a certain debt collector I know."

The man lunged for the informant as Izaya jumped out of the way. In an instant, Izaya had a knife in his hand, the shopping bag and its contents scattered on the asphalt floor. Shizuo jumped out of the way, climbing onto one of the trash cans and watched the two stand with their weapons in hand.

"I suggest you slowly back away, Miura-san. I don't think…"

"It's not fair! It's your fault! Your's! All of it!" The pathetic man was raving mad, delirious as he cried. Izaya sighed and rolled his eyes, muttering something about how he hated men who wouldn't listen to logic.

Shizuo hissed at Izaya, fully knowing that he was making a reference to him.

"The cat!" the man shouted, grabbing Shizuo by the tail. He was suddenly held up in the air and the tabby yowled in pain.

"If I killed your cat, you'd know how I feel!"

Izaya's eyes widened, his scarlet eyes finally showing his true emotion instead of hiding behind his mask.

"Wait, leave the cat alone!"

Shizuo stared into those black unfocused eyes, the delirious man panting heavily as he raised his knife.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Japan doesn't have 'catnips.' Instead they have something equivalent called 'Silver vines' also known as Actinidia polygama or cat powder. The reaction to Silver Vine is similar to the catnip response, but appears to be more intense.
> 
> Thank you for all for reading and all your lovely feedbacks.


	6. Chapter 6

Everything else happened so fast. Shizuo flinched, preparing himself to be slashed or stabbed as he was held up helpless, his tail screaming in pain, and his body tightening for the attack. Then the next thing the ex-debt collector knew, Izaya was there, his flick blade stabbing at the hand that had held the cat's tail. Shizuo was dropped to the ground, which he gracefully landed on all his four.

There was a scream, a sound of the knife clattering on the floor as the man ran away.

Izaya fell to his knees, grabbing his left arm as he panted heavily in pain. Shizuo knew that blood was shed. Not just the attacker, but Izaya's. He could smell it, the pungent smell filling the nasty alley.

After few seconds, a hesitant voice called out, "Flea? Are you okay?"

Shizuo walked over as Izaya turned to face him. The ex-debt collector was shocked to see Izaya's face, still smiling though his lips were trembling blue. There were tears in the corners of his eyes as he tried to fight back the pain.

Shizuo had never seen Izaya cry. Even when he was beating him up during lunch in high school. Even when he chased him down an alleyway and pummeled him. Even when one of his violently thrown projectiles actually hit the man… Izaya had never cried.

The tabby cat was hesitant as he walked closer, a soft meow his only way to communicate how he felt. Shizuo felt guilt spreading through his tiny form. Izaya could have easily dodged that attack. In fact, he was very good at deflecting anything. He knew that Izaya wouldn't have gotten hurt if it wasn't for his own carelessness and being caught by that madman.

Shizuo mewled softly in small apology and rubbed his head against the trembling hand that was now dripping with blood. Now he could tell that Izaya had blocked the blow with his own forearm. He may hate the louse but he had just saved his life. Maybe twice if Shizuo counted possibly starving to death or mauled by little kids and trucks on the streets had Izaya not taken him in.

"There, there. As long as you're not hurt." Izaya got up and started to gather the items he bought from the store. It hurt to watch the informant try hard not to use too much of his bleeding arm, his face sweating as his face clearly showed pain now that he didn't feel the need to hide.

Shizuo tried to help by pushing the cans with the butt of his head. Izaya laughed at him as he struggled not to show pain in his voice. The ex-debt collector frowned. He didn't like this tugging feeling in his heart. Their relationship wasn't supposed to be like this. It should just stay pure hatred or apathy and nothing more. He didn't like this stringy sticky feeling he felt nor the lukewarm warmth that spread in him.

Once Izaya got everything in the bag, he walked back to his studio with Shizuo quietly back in his hood. As he greeted his secretary who had arrived for work, he showed his bleeding arm proudly, all the traces of his previous pained face gone.

Namie scolded Izaya, grabbing him by the ear as she threw him on the couch, yelling at him to lie down, add direct pressure and elevate his arm so he won't bleed to death, in her words. She muttered under her breath as she got the first aid kit and put on her elastic gloves. She showed him no mercy as she poured anti-bacterial liquids on her screaming boss' arm and started to stitch the long nasty gash. (Normal first aid kits won't have needles but Namie's first aid kit did, considering how often Izaya got hurt each time he ran into certain someone in Ikebukuro) Izaya continued to make jokes and laughed until his secretary threatened to stitch up his lips shut while she was at it.

Shizuo sighed as he watched the two from the coffee table, his tail swishing with agitation. Izaya was back to being nonchalant and it only made Shizuo scowl more at the man's lack of honesty and seriousness about the matter.

* * *

The next day was much more uneventful. Shizuo wondered if Izaya actually worked at all considering all he seemed to want to do was entice him with the toys he bought.

All twenty or so of them.

"Come on, kitty, kitty~" he sang as Izaya tried to lure his pet cat from under the couch with a fake mouse attached to a string. He was on the floor with his stomach to the wooden surface as he craned his neck to get a better view of the darkness under the couch. But the only thing Izaya could see were the pair of glowing golden eyes that glared back at him.

Shizuo sighed. This had been going on almost nonstop since he bought all these dumb toys. He wondered if Izaya was faking his injury.

But no. The informant seemed injured enough as he did not use his left arm at all and only his right. He always gave loud complaints to his secretary as to why he could not work due to pain and suffering.

To both Shizuo and Namie, it seemed like a bluff.

Well, maybe only partially to Shizuo since he did see the louse cry when he thought he was alone.

Feeling a bit guilty as his heart ate him alive, Shizuo made an irritated mawl before he batted at the mouse, tossing it back to the flea.

"Ah! He touched it! Namie-san~~ come look!"

There was a slam of books onto the floor which startled both Izaya and Shizuo. The latter hissed as his head was harshly bumped up against the hard undersurface of the sofa.

"Izaya-san. I take it that your  _arm_ is a lot better lately?"

"Oh no, it still hurts and my poor body feels sore…. Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Izaya yelped as Namie pulled him up from the floor with a yank of his ear.

"If you feel well enough to play with your cat, perhaps you should do some work!"

And with that Izaya slumped back onto his computer with a great sigh.

Shizuo watched from his place, his tails swishing. He wondered if he should somehow communicate with Tom about what had happened but he had no idea how he could go about doing that. Or contact Kasuka.

With those two option not being a 'choice' at the moment, there was nothing for Shizuo to do but wait until there was a chance to turn back into a human being.

And that meant, somehow… staying as a pet cat to Orihara Izaya.

This really bothered Heiwajima Shizuo greatly.

But what bothered Shizuo even more was that somber face in front of him. Sometimes the ex-debt collector could catch Izaya off-guard now that he was around him 24/7. And at those brief moments, when Izaya was alone and without a single human being around him (save for the cat), the informant had a very melancholic face.

Like right now. His eyes drooped just a bit lower, his eyebrows slightly furrowed together in the middle and slanted low at the ends. His thin lips troubled, his serious eyes just a hint of …. something Shizuo could not figure. Was it sorrow? Or loneliness?

It tugged at his heart to see it and Shizuo did not like it.

Then there was that bandaged left forearm.

That really pained Shizuo, as if some eagle was clutching his heart and sinking its talons into him, slowly suffocating him with guilt.

It was guilt. It had to be guilt. Shizuo didn't even want to think what else it could be.

The tabby peeked out from the couch and squeezed his body out once he felt safe to do so. Away from everyone's eyes, he carefully stalked toward Izaya.

The information broker had not noticed his cat as he was finally concentrating on his work. His eyes screened his monitor, fine printed words glaring back at him. It gave Izaya some headache but this was information on his beloved humans. As he quickly scanned the content, he memorized things he needed while sifting through the lies hidden behind lies in each pieces of data.

Hearing a clatter, Izaya glanced out of the corner of his eyes reflexively to look toward the noise, before his eyes went back to work. Then he made a sharp turn and stared in shock as his cat sat at the far edge of his desk, his hind legs down and forelegs up, imperiously looking down at him.

Izaya tilted his head, wondering if he should go get toys to play with or not move at all in case he scared away his cat who seemed to hate all humans. They regarded each other for awhile. When his orange tabby didn't move, Izaya slowly turned back to his work, though he kept trying to steal glances at his cat out of the corner of his eye.

Shizuo knew Izaya was looking. He was obvious about it after all. With an inward sigh, the tabby lightly stepped forward, his arched back ready to jump away in case Izaya made a sudden movement. He carefully stepped on the piles of paper, not making a sound as he grew closer. Izaya was typing away, though there were some hesitant keystrokes between words. His concentration was obviously elsewhere.

Then Shizuo jumped onto Izaya's lap, catching him by surprise. He pawed at the informant's chest, feeling the soft cotton of the fabric cling just right to his claws. It felt nice. The tabby kept kneading the shirt, paws outstretched as a small purr started to develop at the back of his throat.

"Eeeeh? So I'm your personal scratching post now?" Izaya chuckled as his rueful yet amused eyes stared down at his cat. The tabby stopped purring and pawing for a brief second as they locked eyes. Then with a flick of his ears, Shizuo went back to pawing at the shirt, sharpening his claws a bit, ignoring the informant's complaints.

"Easy, easy! Ow… that claw went through my shirt there, kitty!"

Shizuo made a small growl of disapproval. He didn't like being called kitty!

But Izaya just took it the wrong way again and softly patted his cat's head with the back of his hand. It felt condescending even as Izaya allowed himself be his cat's scratching post. However the scratching! Oooh… the way Izaya scratched behind Shizuo's left ear! The tabby cat purred without realizing as he tilted his head toward the fingers that gave him unimaginable pleasure. Shizuo pawed a bit more but feeling more than satisfied, he stopped. Instead he tilted his head the other way so the fingers could scratch his other ear.

Izaya inclined, his fingers stroking across the cat's orange fur to the other side, scratching behind the right ear. Shizuo sat in Izaya's lap, purring before he flopped on his back so the hand could travel south to his chest.

"You know, you're quite a handsome fellow, did you know that?" Izaya smirked as a finger rubbed underneath his arch-enemy-turned-cat's chin.

The purr stopped only briefly before it resumed. It felt too good right now for Shizuo to hiss a retort and stalk off just to make a statement Izaya would probably misinterpret. Instead, he laid sprawled out on his back as those heavenly fingers did their business, delivering him pleasure.

The doorbell rang which snapped Shizuo out of his heavenly euphoric swim. He frowned in discontent as Namie went to the door.

"Ah, that must be Shinra. I asked him to come check on my arm. Please let him in," Izaya asked, his fingers still absentmindedly caressing Shizuo's soft fur.

However, Shizuo froze.

Shinra?

_Here?_

He quickly got up, his hind legs powerfully pushing himself off of Izaya's lap and scrambling under the couch.

Izaya winced, feeling the pain of those sharp claws left on his thighs when Shizuo launched himself off. "Flea, he's a friend of mine. No need to hate humans to that degree."

Shizuo hissed before he went still and quiet.

He couldn't let Shinra know he became an unwilling pet to Izaya.

He wanted to die of embarrassment and let mice eat his intestines right now.

Shizuo held his breath as he heard the door open and Izaya greeted their friend. The cat sniffed the air, the familiar smell of antiseptics hit his nose strongly. Shizuo wrinkled his nose and settled back.

The good doctor, albeit underground one, sat down on the couch, the one Shizuo happened to be hiding under. The leather seats sunk and Shizuo held in a hiss as he flattened himself even more, trying to become 'one' with the floor. He tried to empty his mind and become 'zen' in hopes that the doctor wouldn't sniff him out. It was silly but it was the only thing Shizuo could do in order to keep himself from freaking out.

Now if only Izaya didn't mention having a pet cat … and try to entice him out from the couch...

Izaya sat next to Shinra and winced as his bespectacled friend took off the bandages.

"Not bad... Yagiri-san treated you well. It shouldn't leave a scar once it heals," Shinra said as he cleaned up the wound and reapplied the proper medical procedures.

"Ah, so fortunate I am to have such a talented secretary," Izaya jested with a light voice. Namie scoffed as she went to the kitchen to make some tea.

"By the way, Izaya. I have a strange erm... request."

"Oh, do tell?"

"I'm looking for a tabby cat. Kinda light tan or orange... medium size... full grown... erm... perhaps 3 years old lookin'..."

Shizuo felt all his fur stand on end and his tail swished back and forth. He waited with baited breath for Izaya's answer.

"Heh~ I didn't know you owned a cat Shinra," Izaya said with a light smile, totally avoiding the question.

"Well, I don't … not really. It-it was a surprise gift for Celty so please don't tell her. Sadly the cat ran away before I could give it to her, you know?" Shinra laughed nervously as he wrapped Izaya's wound. However, nothing went unnoticed by the great observer of humans. The informant had sharp eyes and even sharper ears as he noted how awkward his friend was at talking about this 'cat.'

"Aaah~ I see. That's not much information to go by... there's too many cats with that description. Does it have any scars or interesting behavior?"

"Well... I didn't get to keep it long enough to know that much..." Shinra hesitated.

"If that's the case, I'd say just go buy another cat for her, Shinra. Why are you so hung up over this one particular cat?" Izaya shrugged, though his eyes were observing his friend very carefully, catching all his moves.

"Haha... true... well, I bought him for a price and..."

"My information will cost you even more. Is that cat worth it?"

"I-it's my first gift to Celty? Well, a cat that is..." Shinra flailed, trying to make sense of his excuse. Izaya gave him a courteous nod.

"I'll see what I can do Shinra."

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you. Oh and please keep this a secret from Celty?" Shinra sighed in relief, thinking Izaya had bought his excuse.

Izaya gave him a professional smile. "Of course. Your secret is safe with me."

Shinra giggled at that. "For a price I'm sure."

"You  _wound_ me." Izaya sighed dramatically, clutching his heart with his good hand.

"Anyways, I'm off." and Shinra left. Shizuo sighed in relief, finally letting out a long breath of air.

Namie set the two teas she had prepared on the coffee table. One was originally for Kishitani sensei but Shinra seemed like he was in a hurry to return to his love. So the cool secretary took the tea for herself, enjoying the warm bitterness of the brew.

"So, why didn't you say you happened to come across a cat of that description?" Namie asked. That was one thing Izaya loved about his secretary and highly valued her.

She knew to keep her mouth shut.

"Quite simple. I knew Shinra was lying to me."

"Oh? And what did he lie about?"

"You asked me before, why I'm so curious of this one cat, yes?"

Namie shrugged, not caring anymore. She didn't particularly care about the cat, just that the effect that the cat caused on Izaya, which was that he had become a great procrastinator of work as of late.

"Well, when I found the cat, he had got hit by several rocks and soda cans, then run into by a truck."

Namie blinked. Shizuo hissed under the couch. So the louse  _had_ seen it all and didn't bother to help. Figured.

"Hit by a truck?" Namie repeated, unsure of what she had just heard.

"Yep. And the cat came off totally unscathed. Interesting, don't you think?"

Namie lowered the cup and cross her arms against her chest.

"It's not possible. You must have seen things."

"Namie-san, Namie-san~" Izaya chastised his secretary as he made a circular motion with his index finger. "You of all people should know nothing is truly impossible in this world. A headless living being shouldn't be possible nor a breathing head without a body. But ah~ they exist in our world regardless."

Namie rolled her eyes. "Your point being?"

"Experiment, Namie-san. The cat must have been one of Shinra's experiment. The guy always loved supernatural things. He never showed interest in humans, you know, even as a kid when I first met him. Only time his eyes gleamed with interest is when he finds an oddity."

"So the cat is...?"

"Probably one of his escaped experiments. Though I've never heard of Shinra ever experimenting on live animals... but I do know his father does, so I guess it's not a huge surprise he took the next step in studying the world of science," Izaya concluded, happy to now know the exact reason for his 'cat's' peculiar strength, fast recovery power and high endurance of pain.

"So you're keeping him?" Namie got up.

"Yes, I think I will. He interests me. And Namie-san?"

"Yes?" She stopped, in the middle of standing up straight.

"No, you may not experiment on him. So please don't take out your tools. I saw your eyes glitter and I know what that means for you too."

Namie sighed and walked away with her empty cup, muttering something about Izaya being a spoiled sport and how the man did not truly appreciate the possible revolutionary leap in science.

While Shizuo on the other hand, decided he would stay very far away from this Namie lady from now on.


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the day was spent playing the game which Namie mentally called, the 'trying to lure the cat out of the couch' game. She sighed with a snobbish look of, 'I seriously don't understand you,' as Izaya, despite his bad arm, was on the floor laying as flat as possible as he tried all the tricks in the old book to entice his pet to come out of hiding. Shizuo lay there hunched, sending out a long mawl of disapproval each time Izaya tried to reach for him with either a toy on a stick or his hand. All of them received a haste scratch of doom from the cat and Izaya quickly pulled away.

"Maybe you should have gotten a dog," his secretary told him, shaking her head at her boss' silliness.

It was Izaya's turn to let out an exhausted sigh as he turned to face her. "Namie-san, you just don't understand do you? The trick is to win them over. Its a game. Dogs trusts too easily, therefore, no fun. With cats, you have to melt their icy little hearts and make them love you back."

The queen of ice just stared at him with blank eyes and an expressionless face that said, 'are you pulling my leg here? That was a lame joke.'

But either way, Shizuo remained stubborn. He just swished his tail and let out an irritated sigh as Izaya kept poking his butt with a new toy. He did feel bad about the arm, he really did. However, he refused to come out, not with that secretary of his who hinted that she too wanted to rip him open and operate on him.

Izaya sighed, getting up. At first, Shizuo thought he had given up finally and relaxed.

But he heard something rip open.

Rather, he  _smelled **it**_.

_It_  being the most phenomenal, incredible, mind-blowing  _thing_ in Shizuo-'s short cat-lived existence.

Immediately, Shizuo lifted his head, smelling it. He bashed the top of his head on the bottom of the couch but he didn't care. All of his fur tingled and his skin prickled. He dashed out, zooming, skidding across the wooden floor with his wide eyes like antennas searching for the origin of that  _thing._

And there it was. The informant was sitting on the couch which Shizuo had hid under, but the cat didn't even look at the human. He saw the torn bag. A bag filled with sticks. Sticks that  _called_ to him more than the bitter cravings of nicotine from his cancer sticks.

With his mouth watering, Shizuo flung himself into the air and landed on Izaya's chest with such force, the entire couch wobbled, almost falling over backward. But Izaya managed to steady himself as he shouted, "whoa~ hey there little kitty! No, no, no, you can't have all of them! Hey wait! Waaa~"

Shizuo didn't care as Izaya quickly zipped up the bag with remaining Silver Vine sticks as he held just one between his two fingers. Shizuo pawed for it, stretching up as he stood on his hind legs, balancing himself like some jester walking on his hands.

Finally Izaya lowered it just a bit so Shizuo's paws could reach it. He immediately took hold and gnawed at the tip, licking it's thin lines tenderly as his tongue ran up and down. He tried to lower the hard stick so he could reach the shaft as he lovingly dragged his tongue all the way to the top where Izaya's fingers held it firmly. Shizuo purred, his ears lowered demurely as he sucked on the rod hard.

"You cheated."

An apathetic voice cut through all the purring and meowing of the tabby cat on Izaya's lap. The informant merely shrugged.

"Did I? I think the end justifies the means," and he goes back to eyeing the purring cat who had won the stick from his fingers and was cuddling with it, rolling on Izaya's lap. Shizuo licked the end of the stick, sucked it, and twirled his tongue around it as he curled up toward the informant's stomach. His paws and hind legs clutched the long rod as he rubbed his entire body against it, rolling from side to side. Shizuo didn't even mind the soft petting of his fur or that deft finger nimbly taking advantage of him as Izaya scratched the back of his ear. Shizuo purred even louder, satisfied. No, content. No.

Intoxicated.

Drunk off the Silver Vine stick, Shizuo swam heavenly as he sucked and sucked, his back now on Izaya's crotch and the tabby's stomach in full view to his master. He stretched, feeling so drunk, so high, happily filled with chemicals flooding all of his senses, blocking any common sense that tried to knock at his brain for some control.

And finally Shizuo fell asleep, purring on his arch enemy's lap, oblivious to the world around him, too content to care that he was directly on Izaya's lap… crotch at that matter.

When Shizuo woke up, the silver vine stick was gone and it was dark. He adjusted to the darkness to find himself on the soft sheets on top of the bed.

With Izaya curled around him, sleeping soundly.

Shizuo almost swiped at the face and thought to make a run for it when…

…he realized that Izaya's 'bad' arm was holding him. It was still bandaged. A reminder of what had happened earlier that day.

Shizuo grumbled, feeling his shoulder awkwardly shift, trying to get comfortable. In the end he gave up and flopped onto his back, his belly exposed. He curled his head near Izaya's and his furry ears brushed against his lips. Shizuo could hear Izaya's breath clearly, even and at peace.

The tabby lay there, trying to fall asleep. But it took a long time for Shizuo to fall asleep again. He tried blaming it on the fact that he had slept a good deal of the day but the dark corner of his mind told him the truth.

With Izaya's warm breath on him and that bandaged arm wrapping around him securely, Shizuo couldn't help but feel guilty... yet safe...

... and loved.

And no one outside of his family had loved him so fiercely before.

* * *

Shizuo woke up feeling groggy and stiff. When he opened his eyes, he knew why.

That damn arm was on top of him all night and it was heavy.

He wiggled, trying to pry himself out of Izaya's grasp as he sought freedom.

"Nngh…. Good morning Flea," the informant whispered tiredly as he pulled Shizuo closer into a warm embrace. Shizuo growled under his breath, just enough for Izaya to hear and know his displeasure. But the cat didn't bite or scratch. Nor did he struggle.

Izaya smiled in small victory, snuggling closer. It made Shizuo's fur stand on its ends but he endured. He could see the bandages on that arm and he kept telling himself in his head that he should tolerate at least this much.

Since Izaya had suffered the heavier wound because of Shizuo. And Shizuo hated having anyone get hurt because of him, no matter who it was.

The informant sniffed Shizuo's fur on top of his head and lightly brushed over it with his fingers. He frowned at the tangles.

"Flea? Don't you wash yourself? Your hair is all tangled and matted," he scowled, confused. Didn't cats know how to wash themselves naturally?

Shizuo froze. He had forgotten to do that. Granted he was usually under the couch, and there wasn't much room for washing. It still felt weird to lick himself and taste the dirt off his fur. It made Shizuo wrinkle his whiskers in disapproval.

Izaya sighed. "This won't do, Flea. I can't have you be so dirty and flea-ridden at my place. This isn't the streets you know." and with that, Izaya picked up the scowling cat by the neck and walked to the bathroom.

Ignoring his cat, Izaya sauntered into the bathroom and locked the door. Only then did he lower his pet onto the sink. Shizuo hissed and spat, swiping at Izaya to stay away.

Then he froze as he watched Izaya take off his shirt. Then his pants…

And then his boxers.

Shizuo stared in disbelief as Izaya stripped completely nude from head to toe.

"Now, since last time you soaked me with all that splashing, I hope you'll behave yourself a bit better this time."

'As if that's a good reason for you to strip you fucking flea!' Shizuo wanted to yell at Izaya but all he could do was hiss at him. He realized how undignified he must have looked and that made his ears droop flat.

"Now, now. You behave Flea," the informant pointed at Shizuo and the once-blond-now-tabby-cat wanted to scream back, 'who's calling  _who_ Flea?' but Izaya ignored him. He stepped across and turned on the bath. Shizuo's eyes widened when he saw Izaya's bum, two pale moons flashing at him.

Shizuo looked away. 'Calm down. Calm. He doesn't have anything you don't have… I don't need to be so worked up over this…'

But then he realized he was wrong. Izaya now DID have everything he didn't have. Izaya was  _human_  and Shizuo was a cat.

Shizuo wanted to facepalm. Except it was a pawpalm.

Whichever.

Once the tub was flooding with lukewarm water, Izaya came back for him. Shizuo was still struggling to deal with all this, thinking, 'okay, let me rephrase. It's not like I've not seen nude men before. It's not a big deal! Granted sure, Izaya's kinda too skinny for my taste… wait, what does this have to do with taste? Gah… I'm not making any sense anymore…' and before Shizuo realized, Izaya had swiftly picked him up by the neck when he was distracted.

"Ready for your bath, Flea?" Izaya smiled at Shizuo.

The tabby cat flattened his ears even flatter if possible and gave a long pitiful 'maaaawl,' and gave his master the most watery 'puppy eyes' possible, pleading… and hoping… somehow he could get away from this cruel and unusual punishment.

"No can do. You are getting your bath. Today."

Shizuo wished he did lick himself, as nasty as that sounded.

The cat stared in horror as Izaya lowered him slowly, carefully…

The tabby spread out all of his limbs, all of his fur standing on end and the tail puffed and rigid as the water drew closer and closer….

Just one touch was all it took for Shizuo to go berserk on the spot.

He yowled, cried, screamed, slashed, shrieked, howled, tossed, bit, scurried, ripped, sprayed, splattered, threw, hissed, spat, hollered, screeched, and roared as loud and violently a light-tanned tabby cat could do as the water splashed onto him with all the pawing he did. Izaya held onto him as tightly as he could, always around the neck where Shizuo couldn't reach him. The water got on everything, Izaya and Shizuo both as well as the tubs, the walls, the ceiling the floors, the sink, the mirrors… everywhere and even on the door at the far end of the bathroom. Shizuo's mind was horror-struck as he thrashed about wildly, hissing and screeching the entire time as the terrible 'water' clung to his fur, making him heavy, sticky, as if someone had dumped gooey slime or honey on him and he couldn't get it off of him no matter what. The feeling was the nastiest sensation Shizuo had ever felt. He wanted his fur fluffy again, and  _dry_!

"Yeow!"

And suddenly Shizuo was dropped into the tub with a large splash. Horror-struck, the once-human scrambled to safety, pawing at the slippery tub until he finally got up to the corner wall and huffed.

He looked up to yell at Izaya with all the hissy voice he could muster but he stopped when he noticed the informant hold onto his bad arm and ran out the door in a hurry.

Shizuo stared, frozen.

He saw blood dripping down that arm before Izaya ran off.

Looking at the floor, he saw the red blood mingle with the splashes of water. He could smell them too, the coppery iron in the air.

Fear-stricken, Shizuo carefully pulled up his paws to his view. Sure enough, his claws were bloodied and he knew it wasn't his own.

Cursing, Shizuo jumped back to the tub, scurrying as he washed away the blood from his paws. He hated the water yes, but the blood stabbed through his guilty heart more piercing than the fiery madness that overtook him before.

The water around him turned pink with blood. Shizuo waved at it until the water looked less-pink. But the traces of blood was still there, and the smell lingered as well.

He sat there with water around him, swallowing the lump in his throat hard. He didn't know what to do as guilt ate his heart whole and ate him whole as well. He was shuddering when Izaya finally came back, still nude though he had ripped off the bandages and had a first aid kit with him.

Shizuo stared wordlessly, granted as a cat he had been always wordless, as Izaya bit his lips in pain and pulled off the sticky blood-soaked bandages in front of the sink and mirror.

The tabby cat's eyes widened at the sight of his own scar on the man. It had ripped the stitches alright, re-opening the wound Izaya had taken for him.

Shizuo swallowed again, the lump growing bigger.

There wasn't much Izaya could do with one hand. He hissed in pain as he held down his bloody arm and re-bandaged it the best he could. It was long and awkward process.

Shizuo once again wished he was human. He could help Izaya then.

But the tabby frowned. No, as human he would have done worse damage. Even as a cat he had the strength to hurt people.

He hated his own cursed strength.

When Izaya had finally finished bandaging his own arm with the help of his one hand and teeth, he turned to his pet cat that stood still in the tub. He scowled.

"That hurt you know Flea. And to think that I even bothered to rescue you twice from…" Izaya stopped his yelling when he saw his pet cat sulk in the tub. "Huh… do you know what you did?" he asked his guilty-stricken cat who mewled sorrowfully, unable to look up at his master.

Izaya sat down on his knees and regarded his cat. "Huh… so you're finally not thrashing about from just a bit of water." He carefully lifted his hand and wrapped it around the back of the cat's neck. The tabby stiffened warily but did not make any moves to hurt the informant.

Satisfied, Izaya squirted some shampoo into his hand and started massaging the cat's back and head. Shizuo kept still. He hated how the water clung and soap even worse, but he no longer fussed. He mewled pitifully and disapprovingly but that was all.

Izaya smirked as his hand scrubbed the underbelly of his arch-enemy, unbeknownst to him. "See? It's not so bad once you're wet, Flea. Just the initial beginning might suck, but once you're under water and soaked, it's all the same, isn't it?"

'No, it still sucks,' sulked the cat but he merely mewled back in response. Shizuo sort of liked the massaging fingers but he still hated the water. He closed his eyes and let Izaya do whatever he wanted, even scrubbing his tail which puffed and swayed.

Even with the throbbing pain in his arm, which Shizuo knew because Izaya sometimes flinched when he used his bad arm, or when some water got splashed onto it, the informant made sure the tabby was cleaned. Dirt and sod came off his fur, making the browned fur change back to its original golden lush. Izaya brushed the tangles with his fingers, combing through gently so it didn't hurt Shizuo. The rubbing was soft and tender, the strokes pleasant and delicate, despite the water that made Shizuo uncomfortable, Izaya made it bearable, and even enjoyable to a point.

'He didn't deserve that,' Shizuo thought when his ears flattened and his eyes flickered guiltily at the bleeding arm that started to seep through the hastily wrapped bandages.

'And I don't deserve this.' Shizuo's golden eyes darkened as his heart sank heavy in his chest.

Finally finished with the bath, Izaya lifted up his cat gently from the warm water. Shizuo felt chilly and shivered as Izaya held him close. The tabby leaned in to the body for warmth. But it wasn't long before Izaya yanked the towel and wrapped it around his cat, mussing up the fur as he tried to dry him. Once through, Izaya grabbed a second dry towel to wrap around Shizuo. Then he placed his cat on top of the sink, the bowl a perfect size for the tabby to curl up in.

"Now stay here while I take my shower…" Izaya said and Shizuo just mewled demurely.

Izaya gave him a small pat and a smile so radiant, Shizuo couldn't help but wonder why the informant still loved this cat that had given him nothing but trouble and pain.

'Is this even the same person I know?' Shizuo wondered. It didn't make sense. The Izaya he knew was cruel and selfish. He had no regards for others but himself. He was arrogant as he looked down on others, placing himself on a pedestal of the gods.

This Izaya, he did not know. This Izaya was kind and gentle. This Izaya was silly at times but had held no malice. This Izaya was forgiving.

And this Izaya loved him.

Which Izaya was… the real one?

And why did this Izaya love him? He was only a cat who brought him nothing but… 'trouble and pain.'

Shizuo scowled. He was always nothing but trouble and pain to others around him. He only brought hurt to those whom he loved. So he learned to distance himself, guard his heart from betrayal. Only those who sought him in the past were gangasters, looking for some 'glory' and 'fame.' Those who truly loved him and didn't fear him were few. So very few. And even then Shizuo guarded his heart because he was afraid to hurt them with violence that came to him so naturally even if he didn't want any part in it.

It wasn't his fault that a bar of iron can bend like straw. It wasn't something he could control, though lately he had been trying very hard. But Izaya always ruined that. Making him angry, always disrupting his peace…

And now, Shizuo didn't know what to make of it as he watched the man flinch when the warm shower hit his arm like thousand needles. Sighing, the informant gave up on the shower and decided on a bath, plugging up the tub and laying down as the water filled up. His bad arm was hanging off as he tried to relax. He used his one good hand to scrub himself and he wasn't doing a good job at it. Finally when he had finished washing as much as he could, Izaya lay there, soaking in the water.

Shizuo watched, his fur still half wet, contemplating. It was clear that Izaya was in a lot of pain but he seemed to have given up on washing properly or figuring out how to treat his wound without help. He would need Namie and she wouldn't be back for awhile.

So Izaya lay there in pain, soaking up what hot water he could have since that was the only thing that was pleasant to him right now.

Shizuo swallowed another chunk of guilt that choked his throat. He hopped down from the sink and reflexively shook his fur. It puffed like a cactus. He didn't like it one bit.

But he liked the stain of red on the floor even less.

The tabby walked around the blood splattered spot and jumped onto the edge of the tub. Izaya looked up at him, surprised.

"Flea?"

And before Izaya knew, the pet dove into the water like a cannon ball and came up to the surface gasping. The informant burst out laughing as he picked up the struggling and half drowning cat.

"What the heck do you think you're doing Flea?"

'Trying to make you feel better,  _flea_ ' Shizuo grumbled but it only sounded like a spluttering meow to Izaya's ears.

Shizuo hopped onto Izaya's stomach and lay there, his belly flat onto Izaya's chest and his paws and hind limbs outstretched. The waves of warm water threatened to drag him back down but Shizuo trusted that Izaya wouldn't allow that.

To Shizuo's both dismay and relief, Izaya smiled back at him. The hand, the one with the good arm, reached forward and brushed back the cat's wet head and flattened ears.

"You're all wet now you know. I'll have to dry you again. You sure are good at giving me extra work, Flea." Izaya giggled but Shizuo could hear that there was only happiness in that laugh.

'Yeah well… it's a small price to pay if I can make you laugh,' Shizuo grumbled. He owed this man a lot.

A lot. So much had piled up with interest; Shizuo didn't even know how he could repay them all.

But he knew at least where to start.

First, by giving this man some smiles. And if the cat 'Flea' could make this informant smile, then that was what Heiwajima Shizuo intended to do.

So Flea lay on top of the other 'flea', his wet paws on the chest, being mindful that the claws didn't scratch that smooth pale skin and purred, the low vibration rippling pleasantly. They were at peace as the soft warm waves washed their bodies with the sound of their beating heart harmonizing together.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Name:** Heiwajima Shizuo  
 **Age:** 26  
 **Occupation:** Ex-gas station boy, Ex- children's stage hand, Ex-fast food restaurant employee, ex-bartender, ex-all sorts of jobs, possibly ex-debt collector and ex-human. Occupation he now holds is a certain Shinjuku Informant's pet cat.

Shizuo sighed as he sat in the small sink with a dry towel around him. Izaya had finished his bath and was wiping himself down. The tabby curled up inside the towel, only his eyes peeking out, one ear flopped down due to the weight of the cloth. He watched as the informant hummed himself a children's show opening song and wiped off the water and blood. The man was a stick, too skinny and too pale. He had an androgynous body and a face to match, not quite masculine but not feminine to the point where he was more female. A petit body, lean and firm. Just the right amount of muscles with no excess fat. Shizuo watched how the quadriceps stretched taunt, those milk-white inner thighs spreading apart when Izaya leaned down to clean up the water and blood on the floor. As he stood up, Shizuo noted how Izaya had a well-sculpted hip bones that led down to the moss of coarse-black pubic hair… and the manhood which…

Shizuo shook his head as his fur stuck to his face like a wet lion's mane. What the hell was he…? He shuddered at the mere thought of him _checking out_ the informant and crawled back into the soft cottons. He wanted to be dry, dammit! This wet business was making him think weird thoughts, that's what it was!

Izaya must have heard his pet mewl because he was soon there, a towel wrapped around his hips, and another on his head as his hand ruffled it. "Flea, you still angry with me for giving you a bath?"

Shizuo just peeked over his shoulders to look behind him and face his 'master.' He gave a muted mawl as an answer. Izaya laughed.

"Sorry, sorry. But you needed a bath, Flea. You've marked me so we're even, yes?"

'Even? If only,' Shizuo sighed. They was far from even, he knew. He owed the man more now instead of getting 'even.'

Izaya started drying his pet, tousling his tabby's head and drying his fur the best he could with his towel. It wasn't rough even if it was firm. Shizuo stretched some as Izaya went over his body thoroughly with the towel. He wrapped the cloth around Shizuo's forearm and squeezed gently as he brushed back. Then the other arm. The hand stroke the back fur, starting from the head and down the spine. There was a light massage as well as finger-combing and Shizuo would have purred lightly if he wasn't wet. He did roll just a bit to the side to give Izaya more access to his wet stomach.

Shizuo curled his tail between his legs as he flopped his belly to the ceiling, his back on the soft towel with the curve of the basin easy on his back. Izaya chuckled as he used the drier side of the cloth to rub the tail.

The golden tabby was mewling happily when something black caught the corner of his eyes. He opened his sleepy eyes to see Izaya hold up a big, black… hair dryer.

Shizuo's eyes widened when the informant pressed the on switch, firing the heat waves into the air with a loud whirl.

The tabby cat's golden eyes lit up as he scowled, hissed, twisted and turned but despite the chaos, he remembered to retract his claws.

"Will you calm down? It's just the heat from the hair dryer, it'll make you dry faster!" the informant yelled at his pet as he held him down in the sink.

Shizuo  _knew_  that but still! It's so  _different_  when you turn into a two feet long cat and the world becomes  _giant!_  Dude, that  _thing_  blew the most gigantic gall and the  _heat_  was just unbearable! Not to mention the  _noise!_

The tabby mewled and whimpered when Izaya was finally done blowing the jet of hot air into his fur. His fur felt… fluffy. Overly fluffy, as if he had just come out of the dryer, all tumbled up in the hot air like some laundry, or as if someone had zapped him with a static electricity wand.

"See, that wasn't so bad now was it Flea?" Izaya said as he carried his pet in his arms like a baby wrapped in a towel.

'Flea, if  _you_  were my pet, I'd show  _you_ exaaaaaaaaaaactly how I feel right now,' Shizuo muttered.

Then the informant laid him on the bed with the soft comforters. Shizuo stretched out lazily, wondering what Izaya had in mind next…

The informant was back with a brush in hand.

Oh, I see.

Shizuo tried to escape, but Izaya caught him right before he dropped from the bed.

"Oh no, you aren't going anywhere."

Shizuo pouted and looked as miserable as possible as Izaya took his brush and started to brush the tabby's soft tan fur. He started from the head and Shizuo admitted, he liked that, especially behind his ears since he couldn't scratch that part easily. Then the brush combed his body, long and slick as Izaya held him by the underside of Shizuo's chest.

The tanned cat purred without realizing when the brush started to untangle the fur where the tail and his butt connected, arching his back with each stroke. Oooh, okay, that felt good… right there…  _right there….!_

By the time the tail was done, Shizuo had flopped onto his belly so Izaya could stroke the brush across his chest and belly, the white fur fluffed and untangled.

"See how nice it feels without all that dirt and mud?" Izaya smirked as his fingers combed through Shizuo's fur. The ex-debt collector trembled lightly at the sensitive stimulation. He mewled back in response, his eyes heavy with sleep and pleasure.

Izaya smiled at his purring pet, the cat content with the pampering. He lowered the brush so his fingers could work the rest, now that his cat no longer was shedding fur. The tabby certainly had soft fur, and it felt nice to tangle his fingers into it, feeling the body heat underneath. He lightly brushed over the tuff of white fur on the chest area, feeling proud that his pet who had the pride of a small lion. Then the fingertips caressed lower and lower, making small circles on his belly, exposed to him so naked.

Izaya lowered his head and lightly placed a kiss on the tabby's cheek when the cat had his eyes closed and purred satisfied.

The purring stopped as Shizuo stared up at his 'master,' horrified at his action.

Shizuo gulped and shrank away. Didn't the dumbass Flea know who the hell he just  _KISSED?_

No, of course not. Of course he didn't. And there was no fucking way Shizuo was going to tell the truth either!

If a cat could be flabbergasted, shocked, aghast, horrified, stupefied, terror-struck all at the same time… now was that time. But Izaya took no notice of it as he dropped his pet onto the bed and lightly patted his head twice. It was such a condescending gesture, clearly distinguishing Izaya as the owner and Shizuo as his pet… but the ex-debt collector took no note of it.

He sat there on the bed… dumbfounded, and confused, his mind blank at what had just happened.

A-At least the Flea didn't kiss him on the lips…. right? Right?

After awhile Shizuo sighed and rolled off the bed, walked down the stairs… and hopped on to his favorite spot on the black couch. Then he glared at the informant who was at his desk typing away. The tabby tried to show his disdain, but the informant showed no sign of noticing the glare. In fact, with each passing minute, the more Shizuo glared at Izaya, the more evidence of his own guilt was reflected back at him. The man had a wounded arm… reminding the tabby that Izaya had taken a hit for a cat. And the man had given him a bath, food, shelter, comfort… and even protection from the city and bullies.

Shizuo's shoulder drooped. It was a lost cause. He owed Izaya a lot of debt now. He tried to grudgingly tell himself that Izaya did it without knowing that he was Shizuo, and that Izaya himself had a lot of debt to pay, considering all the mess and trouble he had set up for the blond since high school.

It wasn't enough, however. Shizuo still felt guilty. Especially when Izaya flinched each time he typed with his left hand.

The tabby sighed and swished his tail in agitation when the door opened. A kid with blond hair and a white hoodie came in without even ringing the bell since he had the key to the place, which made Shizuo turn his head in curiosity. The boy, no older than a high school student, was taking a newspaper out of his yellowish tan messenger bag.

*Whap*

The newspaper was thrown on top of the work desk in a flashy manner to catch the informant's attention. Izaya continued to type until he was finished however, then turned to focus on his visitor.

"Yes, Kida-kun? I thought your time to give me your reports was tomorrow?"

The boy named Kida shrugged. "It's not like I want to see your face a day early, Izaya-san. But Saki insisted."

"Hooo? Saki? And what might this be?" Izaya snickered as he picked up the morning newspaper.

"I told her that you probably knew already, but she still told me that I should make sure. Read the section for Missing People… though I'm sure you already know of…" the blond teenager paused when he looked at the informant's face.

Shizuo too craned his head to try to see past the newspapers that was hiding Izaya's face, the silence too curious for him not to care. Perhaps it was because he had turned into a cat… but the curiosity was killing him. Shizuo jumped down from the couch and walked over to the desk. He jumped back up on the desk and sat with his tails curled, wrapping around his hind leg.

When Izaya lowered his newspaper, Shizuo noticed that there was a small smile on the informant.

"I was slightly busy, I didn't realize. How long has he been missing?"

Kida shrugged. "As the newspaper says, it seems about four or five days. Long enough that his employer… erm…"

"Tom Tanaka," the informant filled in for the boy.

"Yeah him. He and Shizuo-san's brother seemed to have alerted the authorities. The police have been looking for him but…. I guess they're going public now with reward money for any information they can get." The teenager scratched the back of his neck. "Do you think he's…. dead?"

"No, Shizu-chan can't die that easily." Izaya quickly dismissed it, but to Shizuo it sounded as if Izaya was telling himself that for self-reassurance.

Kida shrugged. "Alright. So do you want me to try to gather some information."

Izaya shrugged nonchalantly, folding his hands. "I doubt you can get much if the police can't seem to track it, but sure. See if there's any gangs involved or the yakuza. If the police can't seem to lack information on this case, then probably one or another has had covered it up."

Kida nodded, still curiously eyeing Izaya to see if the news had taken a blow. But seeing that Izaya was still… Izaya the Poker face, Kida shrugged it off and walked out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Izaya dropped his mask. Shizuo blinked in surprise as color drained from the informant's face almost immediately now that no one 'human' was around him.

Izaya shoved all the papers from the desk aside, making his pet cat yowl in surprise as the files were thrust into his face. But the informant took no notice as he slammed down his laptop and furiously typed away… on two keyboards simultaneously. Shizuo blinked as he watched Izaya madly switch his gaze back and forth from his laptop to his desktop, desperately searching, looking for something. He had several windows up, chatting with multiple people, while hacking into several surveillance cameras and police files. Izaya's fingers were a blur as Shizuo watched in surprise. And his face… looked as if something had possessed him.

It went on for hours. Two hours, three hours… four hours… it came to a point where Shizuo got worried. Flea or not, this was madness! Izaya didn't even seem to care how much time had passed, he was working just as desperately, trying to track  _him_ down. Him. Shizuo. Now turned into a cat and sitting  _right next to him!_ But Izaya didn't know that. His fervor to find Shizuo was still the same as he started but the ex-debt collector could see that Izaya was covered in sweat.

Wanting Izaya to rest, get some water, or eat something… take a break and walk around, whatever!—Shizuo jumped onto Izaya's lap and tried purring. He rubbed his face against Izaya's chest, trying to get his attention. But no, the informant didn't even seem to notice he was there.

Frustrated, Shizuo jumped on top of the laptop to get his attention. 'Dumbass Flea! I'm  _here!_  Right in front of you!' the cat hissed.

"Not now Flea," was the only words he spoke as Izaya picked up his cat and lowered him to the floor.

Shizuo almost jumped, not because he didn't want to be picked up (which he didn't) but rather, Izaya's fingers were  _freezing cold!_

As Shizuo was lowered on the floor, the tabby mewled and rubbed himself against Izaya's legs to no avail. In the end, Shizuo gave up. He went back to the couch, his favorite spot to sit as he watched the informant.

Six hours passed… seven…. then eight. It was approximately Nine o'clock P.M. as Shizuo watched the informant work non-stop. He frowned as his ears twitched.

Since when did Izaya care so much about him anyway? Didn't he want him dead? Ah… was Izaya angry that someone might have snatched up his 'prize kill' or something? Shizuo growled angrily. It must be that. With Izaya's fucked up mind, he was probably very angry that someone else could have stolen his kill.

As Shizuo looked back at Izaya, he started to feel sleepy, tired and bored of watching the informant look for him. Sure he felt guilty, but he did his best to try to tell Izaya. It was his choice if he wanted to waste his health, right? Right?

Trying to ignore the guilty pang in his chest, Shizuo decided to just go to bed. Izaya could stay up all night and search for him if he wanted, ruin his health if he didn't care, Shizuo was right here in his very apartment. Greatest informant in the world or not, there was no way Izaya would find him.

Still. As Shizuo drifted off to sleep, a thought occurred to him.

When was that last time… when Izaya's hand felt so… cold?

It seemed important… that Shizuo connected it with an event… that happened recently…

Unfortunately for the tabby cat, sleep came to him too fast. He gave up trying to piece together the puzzle since that wasn't his expertise to begin with and drifted off to dreamland.


	9. Chapter 9

When Shizuo woke up, it was to the feeling of the couch suddenly sinking. Caught unaware, the cat jolted up and glared at the secretary who proceeded to not notice that the cat was taking up the spot. She had tossed the files she brought for Izaya it seemed. Shizuo yawned and stretched and checked the desk. Sure enough, Izaya was still there, furiously typing away.

"Well then, thank you for the extended vacation," and with that, Namie turned to the door. Izaya barely gave her a nod of approval as he was too preoccupied. That suited the young secretary perfectly fine as she closed the door behind her and hurried back home to her beloved brother.

Shizuo blinked at the sunlight. What time was it if… Namie had come…

It was 9am in the morning. Shizuo blinked a few more times as things started to click in his head. He quickly looked up at Izaya.

He looked… ragged and worn out… the dark circles had turned almost black with exhaustion. Shizuo was pretty sure the man didn't sleep at all… nor eat. How long has he been at this?

Shizuo tried to calculate. That blond teenager came… yesterday morning? Close to 11a.m…. So it's been… 22 hours?

He's going to kill himself at this rate!

Shizuo jumped down from the couch and quickly hurried over to Izaya. He yanked on Izaya's pants but the informant didn't budge. He thought of swiping his leg to get his attention… but thought better of it. Shizuo wasn't sure how much he can control his strength as a cat at the moment and making Izaya have another wound to tend to is the least he wanted to happen right now.

The tabby jumped on Izaya's lap and purred, kneading his pants and chest. But Izaya paid no attention to him save for an absentminded pat on his head once. Then he went back to typing. Frustrated, Shizuo yowled. He hissed too. But instead Izaya typed away with renewed fervor, muttering something under his breath as he tried to find the missing link.

'I'm  _here_  you stupid flea!' Shizuo shouted but it only came out in hissing fits of a cat. Then he looked at the keyboard. He can  _read_. Maybe if he can type out…

Shizuo jumped onto the keyboard, his whole body landing on it. The monitor fizzled and the computer beeped out the random keys as the cat tried to paw at it. He was too big. His whole paw would land on five or more keys at the same tim-

"Flea! Stop that!" Izaya scooped up the cat angrily. Shizuo hissed back, but at least he got Izaya's attention… snapping him out of his mad trance.

"You're hungry huh… sorry." The informant finally looked at the clock. "I didn't realize so much time had passed…"

'No shit,' Shizuo rolled his eyes. Well, cats couldn't but… he did inwardly.

"I'll… get you something to eat." The man got up tiredly, as if all the weight in the world was on his shoulders. If only he knew that the tabby he was carrying, laying half flopped on his shoulder and across his chest was the exact same man he was searching for all day and night…

Izaya carried his pet to the kitchen, lightly stroking the fur of the tabby's head and back. It was soothing but it didn't sooth Shizuo at all. He was worried for this man's health though he couldn't quite justify why he should be worried to begin with. The cat told himself, 'I'm just worried dammit!' as he wasn't someone who could use logic to back up his emotions. He was worried and that was all there was to it.

As Izaya let him down and looked for a bowl to fill with kitty food, Shizuo admitted he must have some feelings for this man. It was more than just guilt. He couldn't quite say he liked Izaya but anyone would worry if someone starved himself and didn't bother to sleep as he searched for him, right? Ruining his own health just to find him…

Shizuo was touched. Just a smidge. Even if he still thought Izaya was looking for him for his own twisted reason. Twisted or not, the care Izaya showed to Shizuo, hidden away from all the other people's eyes, made the once debt-collector re-evaluate his opinion on the man.

The informant scooped the kitty food to his bowl and the scent of delicious fish caught his attention. Then a saucer of milk was placed next to him. Shizuo realized he was indeed hungry. But he looked up at Izaya and meowed when the informant started to walk back to the computer. He hissed and bit the fabric of the pants, pulling. Shizuo was glad he was strong enough to stop the bigger man.

"What is it? Did you want something else?" Izaya frowned when he couldn't move. Shizuo hissed again, headbutting the fridge. Izaya looked at the fridge and then back at his pet, not quite understanding him. Shizuo sighed. He wedged his head between the folds of the door and pushed, trying to open the fridge.

"You want something else?"

'No you idiot, I want you to  _eat_ something!' Shizuo wanted to scream at the man.

Izaya sighed and opened the fridge, pointing at the content. "See, there's nothing here for you to eat."

'I know that! I want  _you_ to eat!' Shizuo wanted to flail his arms about but all he could do was jump at the cabinets and watch as food tumbled to the floor, making a mess.

"Flea! Stop that!" Izaya yelled as he grabbed his cat away. "Now look what you did!" Izaya sighed, clearly frustrated as he got a rag to mop the floor as the milk carton exploded.

Shizuo meowed. Izaya… had never yelled at him like this before. He watched the banana milk that Izaya said he hated in high school spread across the floor slowly. 'What does all this mean, Izaya?' Shizuo wanted to ask. Why was he so desperately looking for him? Why does he keep milk that he said he hated and teased Shizuo with for his sweet tooth? Why does he keep  _him_ , a cat with brute strength that obviously must remind him of…

Izaya cleaned up quietly. Shizuo didn't do anything as the informant didn't eat and went back to his computers. He didn't have the heart to try to tell him to eat, after the mess he created. He stared at his own food and then back at Izaya who situated himself in front of his computer again, his fingers slower now as he typed away.

Shizuo was hungry, he could feel his stomach moaning. But he left his food untouched. It didn't feel right somehow that Shizuo ate and slept while Izaya was not eating as he looked for him.

So the tabby sat on his hind legs and kept a silent vigil next to Izaya, watching him. He watched as Izaya chatted with 5 different people on one monitor while he skimmed through 15 different surveillance cameras in Ikebukuro and other districts of Tokyo. He watched Izaya pay for any leads, any information and any news. Shizuo scowled when someone obviously told Izaya the fake information or the wrong leads and watched in despair as Izaya leapt on it and searched any possible nook and cranny to see if it lead to the blond debt collector.

After a total of approximately 36 hours, Izaya was exhausted and Shizuo was equally feeling fatigued. The tabby watched as Izaya followed lead after lead which Shizuo knew were all dead-ends but didn't know how to tell the informant. Finally, Izaya got fed up. He stood up and grabbed his monitor and hurled it across the wall. The blond tabby flinched as the monitor's window shattered and cracked. Then he yelped and moved out of the way as Izaya ripped the keyboard and threw that too against the wall. Then the 2nd monitor joined the other two when the mad informant exerted his anger over it.

Huffing, Izaya glared at his motherboard. Shizuo thought for a second that Izaya was angry enough to destroy that as well, but the raven turned away. He wasn't sure if it was because Izaya knew in the back of his mind, he shouldn't destroy his precious data that was stored… or he was too weak to pick it up… or both, but Shizuo watched as the informant sank in his chair with his hand to his face.

At first Shizuo thought that he was just massaging his face but he realized he was wrong when he heard a quiet sobbing.

'No way… he couldn't be…'

But he was. Shizuo's jaws dropped (mentally) as he saw the man cry for the first time. Sure he had sort of seen Izaya cry before earlier that week (which was another shock to him) but... but this...

He had…

Never.

Seen.

Izaya.

Cry.

This.

Hard.

Shizuo jumped from the desk to the crying informant's lap and meowed softly, a paw on the man's chest, hoping to comfort him. The tabby leaned his head forward and looked up. He stared in disbelief at first as he saw tears fall down those sad crimson eyes and wet the cheeks he always thought were dry. He watched the tears gather to the man's chin and fall like steady rain drops. Shizuo's chest squeezed painfully as he wanted to whisper,  
 _  
Why?_

Why Izaya?

But only words that came out of his lips were more meows and mewling. He placed two paws on Izaya's chest now, kneading him a bit as he cooed a bit more, trying to comfort him.  
 _  
It's okay._

I'm here.

I'm here Izaya…

I'm here…

But no matter how many times Shizuo said them; they fell deaf to the man's ears.

Finally, after few minutes Izaya wrapped his arms around his pet and buried his face into that soft fur as he cried louder. Shizuo whined when he could feel those tears soak into his fur, but he quickly retracted his reflexive claws before he could hurt Izaya. He mewled softly as he turned his head and licked at Izaya's face.

His tears were very salty.

Shizuo started to lick Izaya's face clean as informant cried, softer now. And not as loud as before.

Holding onto his cat, Izaya cried his heart out until he was too exhausted to stay awake. Soon Shizuo could hear Izaya's even breathing as he slumped in his chair. 'It must be uncomfortable…' Shizuo thought, feeling the arms around him slacken. Izaya was in an awkward position, his body leaning against one side, his head backed against one of the arms of the chair and left leg stretched out while the other curled in…

But Shizuo knew he was probably too weak to carry the man up to his bed… and he didn't have the heart to wake him up. The man was exhausted because he was searching for  _him_. He deserved the rest… even if he was only resting after he cried his heart out.

So Shizuo curled his tail around his body as he nestled on top of Izaya's chest and went to sleep with him.

Izaya was knocked out for a long time. When Shizuo woke up again, Izaya had moved to the bed room and the tabby cat was curled around the informant. Shizuo blinked, yawned and stretched before nestling next to Izaya again. He noticed that Izaya had cried so he licked the tears away again. Then he went back to sleep, lulled by the soft breathing and the gentle waves of Izaya's chest heaving up and down.

They slept for a long time, needing the moment of peace together; the informant needing the rest, and Shizuo needing to connect with the man he once hated.

After drifting off, Shizuo thought he heard Izaya say something to him, but his mind was too dulled by sleep decipher his words.

When the tabby cat stirred awake, he blinked at the sunlight and turned to his side. He froze and jumped up from the bed when he noticed the bed was empty and cold.

He scrambled down from the bed and rushed out the door. He felt relieved to see Izaya in his usual swivel chair typing away and sipping his morning coffee. He didn't have dark circles under his eyes anymore nor did he type away frantically. It looked as if everything had gone back to normal, business as usual.

"Morning, sleepy head." Izaya called out to his cat without even looking up at Shizuo. The cat frowned inwardly and wondered where the surveillance camera was… because that would be the only way Izaya would know his cat was awake and was staring at him from above the stairs.

The cat hopped down the stairs two steps at a time until he reached the floor. Then he jumped on top of Izaya's lap and…

Purred.

Shizuo could feel his pride and dignity shrivel to the size of a pea but hey, if it made Izaya feel better…

Wait. Since when did Shizuo care about the Flea's health and feelings?

Despite the turmoil in his heart, Shizuo purred anyway, rubbing his head on Izaya's chest, pawing at his pants. The informant gave a light chuckle and pat his head. Then he scratched him behind his ears.

Ahh…. T-that felt good…

Shizuo rolled over to his stomach so the informant could scratch him on the belly too.

Living as a cat wasn't so bad, he decided. He still needed to figure out a way to tell Kasuka and Tom not to worry…

But Shizuo decided that he no longer wanted to tell Izaya that he was a cat. Who knew what Izaya might do once he figured out his enemy was helpless? Besides, the man wasn't destroying his health trying to search for him now… the desperate need to tell Izaya faded from the tabby's heart.

For now, Shizuo concentrated on trying to make Izaya feel better, as strange as that sounded.

Shizuo rolled around, seeking his attention like a normal pet cat. Izaya sometimes laughed at his antics in trying to drive his attention from the computer, such as laying on his keyboard or pawing at his chest. Sometimes Shizuo stretched and dangled on Izaya's shoulder, batting at a loose string or two. When he finally started to slip backwards and claw at the fabric, Izaya's shirt ripped, which earned him a small scolding.

After the cat was fed and Izaya changed his shirt to another non-descriptive black, Namie came in and the work resumed. Namie was shooing the cat with her broom when Shizuo was trying to open the cabinet for more food as the secretary listed off Izaya's revised schedule since he took almost two days off searching for the debt collector.

"And Shiki-no-danna will be here in few minutes." Namie said as she finished ratting off the list.

"Thank you. Please make some coffee for the kanbu, if you will. And I'll get the documents ready." Izaya nodded as he typed away.  
 _  
Shiki?_

Shizuo's ears perked, scrambling away when Namie pat his butt with the straw broom to kick him out of the kitchen.

Shiki was coming…  _here_?

Somehow Shizuo didn't like the sound of that….


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: quick apology. This fic was planned out back before book 9 was translated and I didn't realize that Izaya met with Shiki in Shiki's car… not at Izaya's apartment. Sadly I can't change this scene to fit the story so please forgive the inaccuracy compared to the novels.
> 
> Also someone pointed out Izaya had broken his computer previously. I'm not sure why but I strangely always thought he'd have backup computers or something. And since he also has a laptop, I hope we can just gloss over the loophole. ^^; Thank you for pointing it out though!

When the door bell rang, Shizuo had rushed under the sofa again. Call it anti-social, he didn't care. All of Izaya's clients gave off a bad smell.

This man was no different. Namie had opened the door to greet the yakuza and, even before he had walked in, Shizuo could smell him. A powerful man, not just physically but in all aspects. The man gave off the smell of 'strength,' a man with very little weakness. There was a mix of expensive cologne and imported musky cigarettes that lingered around him. And a hint of gunpowder.

What distinctly lacked was the smell of sweat that humans had; sweat that smelled like fear. This man exuded power in all sense of the word, and Shizuo didn't like it at all.

Shiki walked in grimly, all business-like as he sat down on the sofa. Izaya was already closing his laptop and making his way over. From where Shizuo was, he could see Shiki's legs. Izaya sat opposite of the kanbu, on the sofa Shizuo was hiding in. He felt the couch sink above him and the tabby hissed loudly.

Shiki raised an eyebrow. "A cat?"

"Ah yes, I adopted one. He's quite people-shy." Izaya smiled. "Do you want to see him?"

"Not interested." It was curt and to the point reply.

"I insist! He's cute tsuntsun, reminds me of a certain blond." Izaya giggled. Shizuo saw a hand with a ring on its forefinger reach under the sofa and toward his face.

Shizuo swiped it lightly with his paw, not enough for Izaya to bleed but a light scratch as a warning.

"Ow!"

"You mean Heiwajima-san? Or that free-lance kid of yours?" Shiki asked half playing along with a bemused voice though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. There was no reply from Izaya, which made Shizuo wonder if the flea was giving him a challenging smile like he usually did, hiding his emotions behind his smiling mask.

Namie placed cups of coffee on their tables as Shiki went to business, pulling out files for Izaya to look at.

Shizuo sniffed the air. Something was wrong. Something felt…. very off.

"It is very rare of you to ask me to get a file on this matter," Shiki was saying as he tossed the stack of papers on the coffee table. A photo fluttered and fell under the sofa, right in front of Shizuo.

The cat froze.

The picture… was of himself.

Well, not the cat-self. But when he was human. It was a picture of Heiwajima Shizuo.

W-wait… that meant… these two were talking about him!

Shizuo jumped out of the sofa and got on top of the table, trying to read the files. What was this about? What kind of deals were they making? What did this have anything to do wit—

"Whoa, whoa, Flea! You'll spill the coffee on the papers!"

Izaya quickly picked up his pet cat and sat back down. Shizuo hissed, his arms reaching out toward the paperwork. He wanted to read! He wanted to know! What were these two scheming?

"Now, stop that! Sit still!" Izaya struggled to keep his pet on his lap as Shizuo kept twisting about to get loose.

"Interesting pet cat. A golden colored tabby cat… as a pet?" Shiki's voice was just above a whisper but strangely it pierced through Izaya's shouting and Shizuo's hissing. They both froze. Rather, Shizuo stilled which made Izaya finally grab his pet and hold him still.

Something about the atmosphere chilled when this man in white suits spoke. Shizuo turned his head toward the yakuza. Those sharp grey eyes seemed to look right through him.

But there was no way… he would know… right?

Shizuo sat quietly in Izaya's lap, weirded out. His senses were going haywire around this man. Of course, Shizuo always had a good sense of smell but as a cat, it was different. Now that few days have passed, he was starting to distinguish what he was smelling. He could smell things like fear, anger, sadness…. And this man smelled of danger. It made his fur stand up straight.

"Sorry about that Shiki-san, do go on," Izaya nodded as he pet his cat.

This made Shizuo stiffen even more. Izaya's fingers… they were freezing cold.

Shizuo jumped at first but Izaya held him still, making sure the tabby wouldn't bother their conversation. Shizuo understood now. Cold hands… it made sense.

Looking up at Izaya, Shizuo would have never known. That poker face he wore revealed nothing but his body temperature and sweating explained everything to Shizuo the cat.

Cold hands… meant fear. Those few times Izaya's body temperature had dropped, the incident with the man who tried to kill them and that time when Izaya was desperately trying to find Shizuo…. it was all when Izaya had been afraid.

Izaya? Was he afraid of this man? Or was he afraid of the content? Or the deal?

Shizuo observed carefully. It seemed Izaya was very alert when he was with Shiki.

Something was off… something… wasn't right.

An hour passed.

Shizuo was pissed. What pissed him off the most was the fact that Shiki and Izaya obviously spoke 'around' the subject. It seemed they already knew what they were talking about without saying it directly, making Shizuo even more confused.

Through out the whole thing, Shizuo didn't quite understand what Izaya's new deal was with the yakuza. Except that it was regarding him.

In either case, Shizuo didn't like this man and he made sure that the yakuza knew it by hissing and glaring at the white suited kanbu. Izaya's hands were cold and even Shizuo's animal instincts alerted him that this man smelled of danger. He will protect Izaya from allharm from now on.

However, Shiki ignored him for the most part as the dealing continued.

Then when Shiki was talking about a certain point on the map, he leaned forward. Shizuo could feel Izaya flinch back just a bit, not noticeably of course but enough for an animal to feel despite Izaya's perfect mask, as the fingers stroking his fur froze like ice.

Shizuo lunged forward with a battle cry.

There was a sharp hiss from Shiki, mostly from surprise rather than pain as the cat bit the forefinger that was pointing at the map. Reflexively Shiki snapped his arm, flinging Shizuo across the room and slamming him against the bookcases. Books toppled to the floor and fell on top of the cat like debris and rocks.

"Flea!" Izaya jumped up from the couch and rushed towards the cat, throwing the books out of the way to look for his pet. He quickly inspected the dazed feline to make sure he was okay… despite the fact that Izaya's logic should have told him that the cat with the monstrous strength should be fine when compared to the normal man who just been bitten by him.

When he gathered up his pet into his arms and turned around once more, only then did he seem to remember Shiki, who by now was already being tended by Namie with the first aid kit.

"Shiki-san, are you alright?" Izaya was walking back when Shiki lifted up his good hand to stop him from coming closer.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to come near me with that cat of yours," Shiki smirked dryly. "He seems… territorial rather than anti-social."

Izaya chuckled weakly at that. He held onto his pet cat tightly. The tabby was dazed but at least conscious. Shizuo growled lowly in response.

"How is… your finger?" Izaya asked cautiously.

"Torn. Should be alright in three days," Namie replied for both of them as she bandaged him up. Shiki only nodded.

"I guess we can end the meeting here for now. You can look it over yourself I'm sure." Shiki shrugged coolly, not really affected by the cat's attack. Shiki packed up his things and left shortly after, even though Izaya tried his best to make the yakuza stay in order to make things up to him.

Shizuo, on the other hand, continued to growl and hiss until Shiki left.

After the yakuza left, Izaya scolded his cat. "Flea! What's wrong with you! Why did you do that to our guest… hey, Flea! Flea!"

'Flea' decided he had had enough. Shizuo jumped out of Izaya's arms and with a puffed up tail raised high, ignored Izaya as he hid under the sofa again.

Izaya sighed. "I should take you to a vet. Come back here. Are you alright? Hey, don't scratch me!" Izaya had tried to pull the cat out of his sofa with no success. Shizuo refused to come out.

"I wonder what got into him today…" Izaya sighed as he gave up and started cleaning up the table.

'You idiot.' Shizuo thought as he swished his tail in silence.

'You were clearly scared of him approaching you.'

And that was good enough reason for Shizuo to initiate his attacks from now on.

Shizuo didn't like this…. at all.

When Izaya quietly got dressed to sneak out, Shizuo almost missed him. The damn flea was quieter than a cat! Though Izaya had taken precautions so his pet wouldn't wake up in his bed, Shizuo did. It was pitch black as the informant got dressed but Shizuo could still see in the dark quite well. As Izaya was about to get out the door the tabby jumped into his hoodie and got comfortable, his master squeaking in surprise at the sudden weight.

"Flea? Thought you went to bed. You can't come with me, it's too dangerous." Izaya tried to pick up his pet by the neck but Shizuo hissed and swiped his paw in a warning.

"Okay, okay… if you want to come…" Izaya sighed. He hoped that the cat wouldn't mess up his plans tonight. However, if the informant had known that the feline was in actuality 'the number one monster that always screwed up his plans'…. he probably would have left him at home instead.

It was past midnight when Izaya left his studio. Shinjuku was brightly lit in the main streets but the informant quickly veered off into the darker parts of the city. Shizuo half sat in the hoodie while his torso rested on Izaya's shoulder, looking out with a stern gaze. What was Izaya doing out this late? Did it have to do with the map Shiki gave him?

Did it… have to do with him?

Shizuo tensed up. Didn't Izaya normally have others do the dirty work? Or have some networking boys like that one blond kid who gathered the information for him? As far as he knew, for the week or so Shizuo had been spending time with this guy, Izaya did not go out and stalk people himself. He normally gained information through his computers or other free agents.

This wasn't right… something was wrong.

Izaya turned another corner in the dark alleyway, passing through it silently. The informant moved not unlike a cat, slinking against the walls, watching where he stepped so that he wouldn't make a sound… Shizuo too didn't make a sound, least he got Izaya into more trouble… even if it was the damn flea who was walking into whatever mess he was looking for.

Izaya came out of the alleyway and looked around to make sure no one was there. He jumped and started to climb a fire escape ladder next to the building, connecting the windows. When the informant came to the 3rd floor window, he used his pocket knife to turn the lock and slowly opened it before jumping in.

It was dark but Shizuo's eyes adjusted. The room was empty of people but was trashed. There were beer bottles on the floor, the mattress was worn, the sheets dirty. The television looked old and the place reeked. The tabby blinked. He recognized this place.

This was the last place he came before he went to visit Celty at Shinra's place. He was chasing a debtor and the man's last known address was here. But he, Tom and Vorona came to the empty room and felt discouraged at losing their runaway again. He had gone to Celty to vent and as he waited for her to return from her carrier work, he had drank Shinra's weird potion and…

"Who's in here?"

There was a shout and Izaya quickly turned to meet a gruff looking guy with a nasty glare.


	11. Chapter 11

Izaya was the first to react. He jumped out of the window, holding his clinging cat securely to his shoulder. Reaching out his free hand, he grabbed onto the nearby fire escape ladder and slid the rest of the way down. Shizuo held on tight as he heard loud shouting above and something large being thrown against the window, shattering the glass. When Izaya landed, Shizuo could see him wince and with good reason: sliding down a ladder barehanded would burn like hell!

Izaya ran. His legs carried him like the wind, the parkour master knowing exactly how to outrun his chasers from his years of experience with an infamous beast. The shouting grew more and more distant until Izaya and Shizuo didn't hear anything from behind.

Panting, Izaya quickly hid in the nearest alley, leaning against the rough brick wall to try and catch his breath. His pet cat had somehow held on the entire way, mewing softly in comfort and lightly licking at one of the finger near his mouth.

"Heh, guess we outran them, Flea." Izaya smiled and patted the furry head.

'More like you did,' Shizuo thought, responding with a small meow.

"Well, well. Look what the cat brought in."

Both Izaya and Shizuo jolted as they turned to face where the dark voice came from. Shizuo hissed as the three hoodlums approached them. One of them carried a long crooked pipe. Shizuo knew the neighborhood was bad considering it was the ghettos and he hissed louder in warning, telling the men to back off.

"Now dear sirs. I'm just passing through. Didn't mean to trespass your turf." Izaya carefully stepped backwards, fingering his switchblade in his pocket. Just then, two men jumped to the ground from the 2nd floor balcony, landing right behind Izaya. They had successfully trapped him. Izaya quickly backed away from the men behind him as well, scowling. He glanced around his area. There were no ladders within reach, no trashcans or dumpsters… they were behind the men. If it was Shizuo, he could probably climb the walls with sheer speed and power to jump higher, but Izaya lacked the strength, even if he had the skills.

Izaya took out his blade and flashed it warningly, his eyes flat and grim. He smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"If you want money, I can give you what cash I got. But let me go."

The men laughed. "Negotiating? I don't think you're in any position for that." The man with the pipe dragged the steel against the asphalt floor, sending chills up Shizuo's lithe bones. One other man held chains like a whip, another wielded a knife.

"Money's good but we're looking for some fun tonight, you see." The men slowly took steps forward.

"Fun? That sounds dandy but I don't see how that concerns with me." Izaya backed away from the men until his back touched the side wall.

"You just invited yourself in." One of the men with a gold front tooth smirked, the dim street lights reflecting off of it.

"Ah, thank you but no thanks. I'm not interested." Izaya held onto his cat while he kept a steady hand on his knife, prepared to defend or attack.

Cold.

Immediately, Shizuo felt how  _cold_  Izaya's fingers were. Even if Izaya's mask was perfect, the smile unwavering, his fingers were ice cold.

And that was enough.

"Flea!" Izaya shouted in surprise when his pet cat yowled loudly and jumped onto one of the man's face, clawing and biting him.

"Fuck! Get this cat off of me! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking shit cat!" There was a slight confusion as the man tried to grab the cat but Shizuo was faster. He scratched the man's cheeks until it bled and bit hard at his ear, not letting go until it ripped.

There was a woosh as Shizuo felt the ear rip, his claws coming away with bits of skin and blood. He heard a man's feral scream right before he felt a strong grip on his tail. The hand ripped him away and flung him roughly against the wall, slamming his head and body hard. Then another bash. And another. And another. Shizuo felt repeated pain as his skull and body felt crushed against the force, the wall unyielding.

"Stop! Stop it! Leave my cat alone!"

Even with his head spinning and his body a wreck, Shizuo still faintly heard Izaya's voice from a distance, the sound of it piercing through the wall of pain and the roaring sound of blood rushing in his ears.  
He opened his swollen eyes weakly, dangling upside down. He had hoped that Izaya would run while he created the diversion but no, the damn flea had stayed.

'Why didn't you run?' Shizuo wanted to shout at Izaya for being an idiot. But he knew, Izaya couldn't. He didn't want to abandon his pet.

If only Izaya had known that the 'pet' was his arch-enemy… then the informant would have given him up on the spot.

Shizuo felt sour bitterness in his heart. Part of him wanted to be glad that Izaya had stayed for him, risking his own life just as he had… but Shizuo still believed that Izaya would dump him if he had only known the true identity of his furry companion.

"You're quite attached to your cat," one of them spat out blood. Shizuo didn't even remember attacking others but he must have, seeing that three of them had scratches on their faces. Two of the men had restrained Izaya, his arms held behind him as the informant glared at the men.

"Let me at him!" The one with the ear ripped off stomped forward, one hand grabbing the side of his head that was earless. His eyes were enraged as he took out his knife and was ready to stab the cat to death.

"I said  _wait_ dammit! I'll do anything, just let my cat go!" Izaya shouted, his voice shrill and angry.

'No… no… Izaya… don't…' Shizuo said, which came out like a pathetic mewl of a badly wounded cat. Though he was sure he could take the beating, the men were stronger. And even with his supernatural strength, the scale of the power he once had was diminished. Shizuo felt weak, wrecked and hurt all over.

A knife was pushed against Shizuo's neck, the sharp blade on his blood-coated fur. "Anything?" the man with the gold teeth asked as he smirked.

"Then strip."

Izaya glared before he shrugged the men off of him. He carefully took out the wallet from his pocket and tossed it to the floor. One of the men, the one with the chain, grabbed for it and started to pull out the cash greedily. The knife fell to the floor next, along with all sorts of things from inside Izaya's jacket. The one with the pipe whistled when he saw a small collection of switchblades on the ground.

"The coat too. It's a nice one." The gold teeth leered. Izaya glared back before he took it off and threw it on the ground. Once the jacket was off, the man lashed his heavy chain across Izaya's back. The informant lurched forward from the force, crying out in pain before the other man used his steel pipe like a bat to his chest. Izaya coughed, air knocked out of his lungs.

"Don't touch his face. I kind of like his pretty face." The gold teeth smirked. The other two men complied, going after Izaya's body, slamming him against the wall, striking his torso, and bashing legs.

Shizuo hissed and spat, trying to raise his upper body to scratch at the man holding him by the tail. But before he could get himself up, he was slammed against the wall once again, the world spinning painfully as he skull felt like it cracked in two.

"I said to leave the cat alone!" Izaya shouted angrily, despite being beaten down by three men now, one of them stomping on his back.

"Sure. If he behaves." The gold teeth flicked his Zippo and languidly let out a puff of smoke. "Also, if  _you_ behave as well."

Izaya wrapped his arms around his head while the men went on a rampage, kicking and stomping him happily, laughing and jeering. Once they had enough fun, growing bored now that Izaya wasn't twitching or moaning as much, one of them suggested stripping him.

Shizuo's eyes widened, still trying to think beyond the pain and the blood rushing to his head from being held upside down. He struggled again until he felt a knife on his throat.

"Cat. If you're a smart kitty, then you'd best stay still. Else, I'll kill your master."

Though the men knew normal cats wouldn't understand the threat, the knife against the throat should have been clear perhaps. Or maybe the men were too high on bloodlust to think straight. But regardless, Shizuo understood his situation. The more he struggled, it only grew worse for Izaya.

So it was all he could do as he watched in horror as the men stripped Izaya of his ripped pants and his boxers. Pinning him against the wall, one by one they assaulted him. Izaya struggled, half in a daze from the pain, but a few more well placed punches and jabs made him curl over, relenting.

" _Aaah… aaah… aaah!_ "

Izaya's moans were reflexive; his body no longer under his control as the men forced themselves onto him. The men slammed Izaya against the dumpster and took him like a dog.

"Bitch is  _tight!_ I love his ass!"

"Hey man, be quick! I want my turn."

"Just fuck his mouth, he's too fucking loud anyway."

Izaya's mouth was stuffed with the impatient man's or gang member's cock as he was forced to suck him dry while his ass was taken at the same time. Shizuo couldn't take his eyes away from the horrific scene. Even as Izaya moaned, came, the men taking their turns filling his anus and mouth, white cream dripping down his chin and thighs… it was like watching a nightmare Shizuo couldn't wake up from. The men stabbed Izaya's left hand when he stopped twitching to make his ass tighten with pain, jeering at him for being a whore with a loose ass and in need of punishment. They laughed at his cries as they took cigarette breaks between their turns. One of them stubbed the end on Izaya's right hand, laughing while the other commented how tight his ass was again.

Once the men were done, they threw Izaya to the ground, laughing. One of the men picked up the frozen cat, tossing him on top of Izaya before they gathered their stuff, and left.

Shizuo crawled closer, he himself broken and bleeding as Izaya lay on the dirty asphalt, bruised, used and covered in blood and cum.

'Hey flea.' Shizuo said carefully. If he could talk, it would have sounded like more of a stutter, mixed with a large ball of tears that he forcefully swallowed. But it only came out like a choking meow.

'Hey flea. Wake up.' Shizuo tapped the arm with his paw.

'Wake up dammit!' Shizuo shouted, a louder meow in the silent alleyway.

Izaya groaned in pain as he turned his head. He looked at his cat and smiled weakly. "Hey there furball. You look like a mess. Guess I'll have to give you a bath… whether you like it or not." Then he chuckled, but the weak sound was cut short by a ragged cough.

'You idiot! It's no time for you to be joking like this!' Shizuo scolded but it only came out like a soft disgruntled mawl.

"Sorry Flea… I'm sorry you have a terrible master. It hurts huh?" Izaya weakly raised his hand to try to pat his cat. Shizuo leaned in just a little, tilting his head so Izaya didn't have to reach far to touch him.

'You, stupid, stupid flea! Why the fuck are you worrying about a  _cat_  when you're the one more broken?' but again Shizuo's shouts only came out like the dissatisfied mawling of a wounded cat. Shizuo moved closer so he could rub his blood-matted furry head against Izaya. It felt… degrading to act like a cat but for Izaya's sake, Shizuo was willing.

"Hey, don't apologize," Izaya said as Shizuo rubbed his head against the palm of the informant's hand. "It's not like this is the first time I have gotten into a mess." Izaya laid there in a wreck with his shirt torn, his pants and boxers pulled down to his thighs. Shizuo wasn't sure if that meant Izaya had gotten beaten this badly or raped before as the informant's words were vague.

Shizuo mawled, the long pitiful sound echoing through the lonely streets like the howl of a lone wolf while the tabby rubbed his bloodied head against Izaya's palm. The raven's hand was still cold which only worried Shizuo more. Was Izaya lying? Or was he nervous? Was he simply scared? Was this Izaya's first rape? Or was it true that he had had other run-ins like this? Shizuo couldn't tell anymore. The only truth to him was that Izaya's hands were cold and that that was never a good sign.

At that moment Shizuo couldn't help but think, if only he hadn't jumped that man. If only he hadn't tagged along… Izaya might have escaped without the 'extra baggage'. If only, if only, if only. Shizuo was full of nothing but regret after regret piling up heavily in his heart. Izaya was so good at running away from him that seeing him caught by some common thugs and broken down like this sounded so impossible to the ex-bartender. But here he was, with Izaya, both broken and battle worn on the cement pavement in a nondescript alleyway. The only reason he could come up with how Izaya got hurt was because  _he_  was there with him. If… Izaya had come here alone… then…

'He needs medical help.' Shizuo broke his train of thought, as he bit the shoulder of Izaya's shirt and started to drag the heavy man toward the entrance of the alleyway. He couldn't quite place his strength on his limbs, one leg feeling as if the bone was broken or cracked and his head spinning from the blood loss. His body screamed at him, all of his muscles feeling as if they were being ripped apart but Shizuo stubbornly tried to drag Izaya out of the alley. After two or three slides upwards, the tabby's legs gave in and he crumpled to the floor. Refusing to give up, Shizuo struggled to stand back up and try again, only for the shirt to rip between his teeth. The small feline tumbled backwards from the force.

"Flea… it's alright." Izaya whispered. He held up his weak hand to beckon the cat.

"Come here."

The tabby wobbled close and flopped onto Izaya's shoulder, laying on top of the patch where he had ripped the informant's shirt both in apology and to try to keep him warm. Shizuo never felt so useless in his life. He couldn't protect anyone. He couldn't even get help, not without someone who might know cat language. He couldn't even take Izaya to get medical treatment. He had even ripped Izaya's shirt. He couldn't do  _anything_ right. If only cats could cry… he would have just broken down right now, holding onto Izaya.

"There, there… sorry, are you cold?" Izaya's cold fingers scratched behind Shizuo's ear, just the way he liked it.

'Stupid flea… you're the one who's cold…' But Shizuo shivered. Half loving the scratch, half falling apart from the care this man showed him despite how broken Izaya himself was.

Izaya wrapped his arm and hand around the small body, gently patting the cat. He found comfort in it, the way how small furry animals always melted some people's heart just from their existence alone.

"You know, you don't have to drag me out here. I don't mind laying down." Izaya's voice was gentle as it reached Shizuo's furry ears.

"I've often laid on the ground like this, staring up at the sky. I've had plenty of run-ins with yakuzas and gangs. And man… do they play dirty." Izaya giggled a bit. "Shizuo… he doesn't think about trapping me or using his brain to corner me. He just… chases you know? With a beast like that, all you need is speed and know your way around the maze."

Izaya sighed a bit as he continued to pet his cat and looked at the murky Tokyo sky. The skyscrapers, pollution and heavy clouds covered up the stars. Not a single starlight showed through, not with all the superficial neon lights illuminating the night with their artificial glow.

"So when they come at me in groups, sometimes… just sometimes… they catch up to me."

It was Shizuo's turn to freeze at hearing such confession. How badly was Izaya beaten when they caught him? Was he even… raped? Humiliated?

"Afterwards they'd all throw me on the ground and leave after they're done. And each time, I look up at the sky and I remember." Izaya's voice drifted in the silent alleyway. Every fiber of Shizuo's being listened, his heart strangely racing as Izaya showed a part of himself that he'd never revealed.

"I remember that one time… one time that the gangs caught me in high school. Man… they roughed me up so badly that day… I couldn't even move a finger, hahaha…."

"That one day… Shizuo found me while I was looking at the sky, trying to work up some strength to bypass the pain and go over to Shinra's. You know what he said? He just said, 'you look like a mess, louse.' Geez Shizu-chan, really? Wasn't that obvious enough to you?" Izaya giggled until he coughed in pain, his chest hurting badly as his rib cages seemed to poke at his lungs. Shizuo frowned. He couldn't remember this day at all…

"Anyway, I thought I was a goner then. I was so sure he'd beat me up more. Or kick me while I'm down and leave… I mean, that's what enemies do right? That's what… I might have done if I saw Shizuo on the ground… stomp on his back laughing, poking at his wounds…"

Shizuo twitched at those words, 'yeah you would do that wouldn't you, you dumb louse.'

"But no. He picked me up and carried me to Shinra's. To be honest, I was very shocked… touched even. Though I was immature and jabbed at him the entire way, calling him names…" He sighed.

"I regret that now. I should… have thanked him. But me back then… I couldn't. I had too much pride… too much ego. The fact that someone I hated and someone who hated me took pity on me to help… it hurt too much." Shizuo remained silent as he listened. He didn't move at all. He was much too shocked at hearing this confession.

"So each time I have these run-ins and they dump me for dead, I lay here and look at the sky… remembering that cloudless blue day… wondering if Shizu-chan will give me a second chance…" Izaya laughed again weakly. "It never came though… each time I got beaten, each time I was assaulted… each time I lay on the ground hoping Shizu-chan will find me again… for a guy who says I reek and that he can find me from miles away… never had he found me again when I waited for him."

Shizuo's heart shattered. His paws gripped a bit around Izaya's skin possessively though he kept his claws retracted.  
 _  
'I'm here.'_

_'I'm here now.'_

_'I'm here Izaya. I found you. You don't have to wait anymore.'_

But of course, Izaya could not hear him. Even though Shizuo had found him, this time he couldn't carry the informant back to be treated. This time, he couldn't be thanked properly so he could ease Izaya's guilt. And again, Izaya waited for Shizuo, who would never come to find him.

So many things Shizuo wished he could do.

But he was so powerless.

For a man cursed with supernatural strength, never had he felt so utterly powerless in his life.

"So it's alright, Flea." Izaya spoke softly as he closed his eyes, his cold fingers still gently rubbing his cat's bloodied fur. He laid there like a broken bird with clipped wings as he gazed at the polluted overcast sky with forlorn eyes.

"It's alright if I don't get help. As long as… there's one more chance for Shizu-chan… to find me."


	12. Chapter 12

Shizuo mewled softly, licking Izaya's finger as the large hand pet his head. Izaya giggled as the tongue tickled, which only made the tabby lick him even more.

Just for the sake of doing something, anything.

Anything to comfort this man. Shizuo was willing to stoop down to any level necessary to achieve that. If being a cat made this man happy, Shizuo was more than willing to be his cat.

After awhile Izaya closed his eyes, letting out a ragged sigh before he fell unconscious. Shizuo meowed, worried. Was he in that much pain that he fainted? Was he internally bleeding? Was he … dying?

The tabby crawled up onto his chest and laid there to listen to the soft beating of the male's heart, in an effort to make sure that Izaya had just fallen asleep. Once he made sure of that, he got off, worried that his weight would be suffocating to the injured male. After that Shizuo tried to pull Izaya's pants back up with his teeth, they were only pulled down to his knee's and thigh's but he hoped it would keep the informant at least a little warmer as well as decent.

Then the rain came. Shizuo looked blearily up at the once grey sky that had been threatening them earlier and was now pouring down upon them with rain. Why were the gods so cruel? Did they really have to make the situation worse? The tabby meowed softly as he looked at those quivering blue lips, worried Izaya might catch pneumonia. He licked away the cold rain from Izaya's cheeks. No matter how many times Shizuo licked them away, the rain continued to fall, the water dewing and dripping down their merciless path. And the informant's cheeks were cold. So very cold.

The cat looked back at the grey sky to ask, 'why?' However, the lonely streets of Tokyo did not reply back, leaving him with only the soft pitter-patter of rain falling to fill the air. But as the raindrops fell onto his bloodied fur, Shizuo continued asking, 'why'?

_Why him?_

There was an infinite amount of questions to ask that cloudy sky, strings of questions after questions after questions concerning the injustice of it all.

_Why me?_

As the rain fell onto the quiet streets of Tokyo, Shizuo brushed up next to Izaya, trying his very best to keep him warm. But the male's temperature was falling fast. Izaya needed to get help but Shizuo couldn't drag him out of here….

Then, in that brief moment when Shizuo was wondering if he should try to go get help from someone,  _anyone…,_ when he heard a voice.

"Oh, look. There's something over there."

Shizuo's ears perked up. Broken body or not, he quickly stood between Izaya and the random passersby with umbrellas. Shizuo growled and hissed, his matted fur standing on its ends, tail straight up, looking as threatening as a small two feet tall feline could look.

"Fuck! Does that thing have rabies?"

"Let's get out of here!"

As the two ran off, the street started to bustle with people as they woke up to go to work in the morning. The once silent streets had more and more people in business outfits, hurrying to and fro. Shizuo anxiously watched as some of them came a bit too close for his comfort.

"Oh my god! There's a really hurt kitty here!" Shizuo heard a woman scream and quickly turned to that direction.

"Come here baby, I'll take you home. You really need someone to look at you, you're bleeding!"

Shizuo hissed, waving his paw in the air, telling the woman to go away. He wasn't leaving Izaya here alone, and unattended. Who knows who else might come and beat him, rape him again, try to see if there was anything else to rob… or worse, try to sell him underground when he was unconscious like that…

No. Shizuo couldn't go and get someone to help. Not even Shinra…. There was no time.

Maybe Izaya was right. He didn't trust humans. He couldn't trust anyone at all.

The lady was trying to call animal control for someone to grab Shizuo when another woman next to her shrieked again.

"There's a  _person there! In the alley!_ "

At that moment the crowd that had gathered to look at the bloodied cat guarding the entrance to the alleyway all looked up. When some tried to get closer for a better look, Shizuo hissed and spat and forced them to back away.

"Hey, I think there really is someone lying on the ground there."

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"I think that guy got mugged!"

More people gathered, but Shizuo refused to let anyone pass through. He didn't trust them. He didn't want any of them to see Izaya broken like that either. He knows all too well about mob mentality, as soon as someone gets the courage to say something dumb, they all might react upon it. And he had seen how teenage girls would giggle and laugh 'gross~' and take pictures of disgusting images to send through their cellphones. Regardless, Shizuo held his ground, not letting anyone pass through, not even a guy who tried to coax him away with promises that he was just going to look to see if he was alright. Shizuo didn't care. The guy looked like a sleeze ball and sure as hell didn't look like a doctor anyway.

Finally the ambulance arrived. When the medics came, pulling out the stretcher, the crowd was explaining to them how the cat wouldn't let anyone pass through. But to their amazement, when the medics carefully approached, the tabby gave them a look over…

… and stepped aside.

The astonished crowd all cheered as the medics rushed in to the alleyway to find a wounded man, obviously with traces of sexual assault that the crowd did not see from their distance. One of the ladies sniffled and told a medic, who sat next to the cat to inspect the wounds, how she believed that the cat was very loyal to his owner. Shizuo looked at the medic wearily, not liking how he was trying to inspect him as everyone talked around him, theorizing their own ideas over the situation. The crowd in general agreed that, even though Shizuo didn't have a tag, the fallen man in the alleyway was probably his owner.

As Izaya was strapped carefully and carted into the ambulance, one of the medics decided to pick him up, saying, "You want to go with him right?"

"We can't bring a cat with us!" One of the guys said as he was checking Izaya's heart rate.

"What, so we'll leave him here? He's obviously hurt. The poor little guy protected his master from the looks of it. Can't hurt to bring him along." The kind hearted medic carefully placed Shizuo next to Izaya's face.

"You can sleep now. He'll be alright."

There was a gentle pat on Shizuo's head.  
 _  
'The poor little guy protected his master'_

Those small words meant so much to the tabby cat, more than the medic could ever know.

If only cats could cry…

Once he saw that Izaya was to be taken care of by the right people, only then… did Shizuo finally closed his eyes, fainting from the exhaustion and pain he had held back for hours.

* * *

"Open wide~~!"

Shizuo was standing straight upon his hind legs, carefully balancing as he watched Izaya toss a raisin into the air between them. It sailed up briefly before coming back down for Shizuo to catch and proudly chew within his mouth.

"Good boy, Flea! You're really good at this!" Izaya chuckled while he rummaged through the bag of raisins with his one good hand. The other was heavily bandaged due to a severe knife wound the men had given Izaya in order to make him 'tight.'

At that moment, due to all the laughter echoing within his room, no one would think it was coming from a bandaged man in a hospital bed who had been mugged, slashed and raped last night with only a similarly bandaged up cat with a cone around his neck to keep the male company. But here was Orihara Izaya, sitting up in his hospital bed as he tossed raisins for his cat to catch. Though the hospital obviously did not allow pets, the "Flea" was an exception… especially after the cat had broken out of his metal cage at the Veterinarians, ripped the door off of its hinges, ran through the streets to locate the hospital where Izaya was being kept, bypassed all the screaming nurses and doctors as he dashed about until he found his master and stayed hissing in his corner of the male's hospital room until they let the cat be. And to think this was the cat whom the vet had diagnosed as having suffered from severe wounds and would need to rest for at least a week inside of his cage.

To his defense, 'Flea' never left the room or bothered anyone so long as he was allowed to be with Izaya. And humans naturally spread the news about the loyal 'Hachiko Cat,' - as they called him. Some came by to coo at him, even if Flea hissed warnings at them, and the nurses weren't allowed to pet cats due to the hospitals sanitation codes. However, the nurses still came by to try and pet him as well. They simply washed their hands after they left the room. Others often visted with little treats for the Flea, which he begrudgingly ate because they tasted good. Soon enough Flea had become a small celebrity among the hospital residents despite the huffy higher-ups who disapproved of his presence.

So when Namie came in that day with a suitcase containing all of Izaya's paper work, she had to tap her high heels impatiently upon the tiled floor to catch her employer's attention. Izaya, however, continued to not notice as he tossed another raisin up into the air. This time Shizuo missed, causing the raisin to fall into his 'cone of shame'. He rolled his neck, trying to get the raisin to move around inside of his cone. Once it started rolling as well, Shizuo then turned his neck until the raisin began to roll over the surface of the cone like a race car until, finally, he was able to toss it back into the air with a flip and catch it in his mouth. Only then did Izaya turn around to Namie to brag, "Namie-san, Namie-san! Did you see that? You did right?"

Yagiri Namie rolled her eyes and interrupted with an annoyed voice, "you know, raisins and grapes cause cats to have kidney failures."

That made both Izaya and Shizuo freeze mid-toss. The poor, rejected raisin fell to the floor and rolled away.

"Also tuna causes Steatitis or Yellow Fat Disease so you really should stop giving him all that tuna. And you  _still_  give him milk after I told you cats can be lactose intolerant. At this rate, I bet you'd even give him chocolates and other sweets." Namie continued as Shizuo's jaw dropped. No  _chocolates?_  Being a cat  _really sucked_! What the heck could he eat then?

"Do you really not know these things or do you know them but continue to feed them to him in order to test and see how much your cat can endure?" Namie crossed her arms while both Izaya and Shizuo looked a bit sheepish - the latter currently staring awkwardly down at his paws the best that he could with a cone around his head - as though they were two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Shizuo felt like an idiot for playing along with Izaya, begging for food like a pet cat.

"And seriously. Why are you making a cat with a head concussion and muscle sprain/strain jump around catching food that'll cause him kidney failure? And eat it after it's rolled around the cone that's dirty with dust and fur? Disgusting." With a huff, Namie continued to nag Izaya as she dropped the suitcase onto the bed, extremely close to Izaya's leg so that it almost hit the injured limb. Shizuo yelped and hurriedly jumped out of the way but just as quickly looked up so that he could still watch curiously as Namie handed the informant the clipped papers.

"Here. The files you wanted me to get from Kida-kun."

"Ooooh! They sure work fast!" Izaya happily took the files, his previous shame forgotten as he tossed the raisin bag aside.

"Well, if I'm done," Namie shrugged as she left, her high heels clicking loudly. Izaya didn't even bother looking up to say good bye as he was already typing away on his laptop furiously.

Even more curious, Shizuo carefully stepped around the papers and tried to read the words. Then he looked up to see a flashing image on the screen. He blinked. He recognized those people.

They were the fucking thieves and rapists from last night!

Shizuo hissed. What were they doing on the computer screen? What was Izaya searching?

"Ah, you recognize them, don't you Flea. Smart boy you are." Izaya chuckled as he scratched the back of Shizuo's ear, trying to calm him down.

"Don't worry though. You won't be seeing these jerks for awhile. I shipped them off to the icy tundra of Russia as labor slaves. Too bad I can't see their asses freezing as they are forced to perform some harsh manual labor."

Izaya cackled as he clicked away at the files.

Shizuo blinked again. Manual labor? Slaves? He merowled to catch Izaya's attention, pawing at his thigh for some kind of explanation.

"Curious, little kitty cat? I bet you are, aren't you~" Izaya cooed and pet his overgrown cat, who was obviously not a kitty anymore.

"You see, revenge is only sweet when you can see the guys who tormented you go through the same pain you did. The duration of the act of revenge is the only part that makes it sweet, the rest is just hunger. Hungry for more revenge as bitterness settles in. But I'm ahead of myself." Izaya points at the guy with the gold teeth.

"This one is the ring leader. He's the one forcing his men to bring in the constant cash flow. He doesn't care if his lackeys steal from their grandmother's so long as he gets a consistent paycheck at the end of the week. Their gang is pretty small but you see, that guy…" - Izaya now gestured towards the one who had the chains last night - "meets his quota by borrowing money from the yakuza when he otherwise fails to attain enough money. And the ring leader doesn't know that the money he's extorting from his lackeys is actually borrowed money with a time bomb attached. So you can see, I merely… tipped the yakuza off, you know." Izaya smirked and all Shizuo could do was watch as that malicious smirk spread coldly across the informant's face.

"All I did was give away their location. Then the yakuza swarmed in, demanding their payment with interest. When that didn't go too well, they sold them off. It's a cruel, cruel world out there, my little Flea. Oh, woe are us, what will we do in such a cold, merciless world~!" Izaya waved his arms around dramatically then rested the back of his hand on his forehead as he fell back onto the bed and sank into its soft pillows.

"It's so unfortunate I wasn't there when they were shipped off. I wanted to see their faces, you know. Their faces of shock, misery, suffering, injustice and pure despair as they realized that their hope was fading like the island of Japan that fades from their view as the ship sails off… To live in a world surrounded by language barriers, racial prejudice, lawlessness and goodness knows what else." Izaya sighed dreamily as he imagined their faces.

Shizuo remained frozen stiff as the realization hit him hard. Izaya continued to brag. "Ah, yes. Too bad I'm stuck here. But, then again, I'm not sure if I want to chance it since if they do manage to escape they'd come right for me. Oh well~" He shrugged, petting his cat leisurely.

"But yes, Flea. Revenge is only sweet when you're actively feeling their suffering. But it's never enough you know. You want more. You want them to suffer and suffer and  _suffer_ … and even if they suffer more than you, because you yourself can't feel their suffering, you will always feel hungry. It will never make you full. Then it consumes you. In the end,their suffering will never satisfy you and one needs to learn to simply let go. And you know this in your head. But the heart rarely can follow." Izaya shrugged again. "Letting go of such an addictive drug is worse than trying to stop cocaine."

Shizuo looked up and meowed in response. Izaya scratched behind his ear as he looked into those golden caramel eyes.

"Don't worry Flea. You'll never see them again. You won't have to take revenge for me… isn't that nice?"

Shizuo didn't say anything. It wasn't that he wanted to take revenge for Izaya… no, he took that back. Even if he wanted to take revenge for Izaya, that option wasn't even available anymore. Did Izaya do this so Shizuo didn't have to go that extra length to exact his revenge, thus taking this addictive 'drug' himself to save Shizuo from it so to speak? But there was no way Izaya knew that the cat could even do anything. The cat shouldn't even be able to understand the human language.

It was for self gratification. For self interest. It was for himself that Izaya had destroyed these people's lives.

This was the part of Izaya that Shizuo hated. Shizuo was reminded once more why he hated Izaya. But something had changed.

Now, Shizuo realized, he no longer hated Izaya. Even when he didn't agree with Izaya's methods, what the blond felt was… more pity… and empathy. There were so many ways Shizuo could have prevented this if he was human. So many ways the debt collector could have saved this infamous informant from committing this sin if he could just talk to Izaya and tell him, 'revenge isn't worth it'. Not because Izaya didn't know, in fact Izaya himself knew that the revenge wasn't worth it. And the truth was, Shizuo also believed if he saw those thugs on the streets, he would beat them up with an inch away from their death. Shizuo and Izaya both believed in performing their own method of justice.

What was different between them was that Izaya had no 'breaks.' He did not have someone telling him that he had gone too far, that it was too extreme. After Shizuo was done beating up someone, he'd just walk away. Sometimes he would even take them to Shinra if they were close to dying. But Izaya kept poking at it, delving into it, scratching and scratching the skin until he scratched the muscles to the bone. He was like a child playing with matches and because no one stopped him, growing to play with gasoline. He kept digging deeper and deeper, playing with bigger and bigger fires. He did not have someone who understood his pain. He did not have someone who could help him sheath his sword before it was taken out to inflict pain. Because Izaya had no one who could take care of him, but himself. So he took the situation into his own hands, overdosing himself with the 'drug' in the name of revenge for personal gratification.

Now Shizuo could see things he never saw before. He could see that just sometimes… Izaya did things because he felt that he had to. Shizuo wondered if Izaya was hurt when he inflicted pain on others, just like him. The blond shelled up inside of himself, worried that his strength would cause other people harm and thus cause the pain inflicted on the other to reflect back as Shizuo began to hate himself for hurting someone. Once a long time ago, Shizuo hated Izaya for not seeming to feel pain when Izaya hurt others but…. now Shizuo wasn't sure. Even if Izaya didn't quite feel the pain reflected back the same way Shizuo felt pain when he hurt others… it was obvious now that Izaya himself knew that revenge was a drug he shouldn't be taking. But he took it anyway. Like a kid who kept eating candies for breakfast, lunch and dinner because no adult was there to tell him that it would ruin his appetite and later, his health.

Shizuo wondered, 'If only I was human, could I have stopped Izaya from hurting himself?'


	13. Chapter 13

Orihara Izaya healed perfectly. So perfectly that Shizuo couldn't help but wonder if Izaya had even felt any pain when the men had beaten, humiliated, and raped him. If Izaya was hurt, he didn't show it. After all, the man barely shown his weakness even to his cat which meant he probably never let his guard down, even when alone.

However… sometimes Shizuo did catch glimpses and hints of that wall vanishing but nothing more than that. Yet it could be simply because now Shizuo was much more alert and sensitive to Izaya's needs. He had memorized Izaya's schedule and had incorporated himself into the informant's daily life.

For instance, Izaya liked waking up early. No matter how late he went to bed, he always woke up early. He didn't sleep much as he considered it a waste of time, especially since most of the fun things happened at night. His breakfast was normally just a cup of coffee accompanied by a pouring of milk onto a saucer for Shizuo. Then while Izaya sat in his chair, reading his newspapers and sipping his hot coffee, the Flea would sit near his feet drinking his own milk. After that the informant would get ready for Namie to come to work as he checked for any network updates. This was where Shizuo would often sit in Izaya's lap and would keep him company. It was warm and relaxing while Izaya absentmindedly scratched behind his ears.

Once Namie arrived and settled down, things always got more animated. She would rattle off the list of clients Izaya had to meet that day and then when clients or freelancers - like that blond kid - came, Shizuo would normally dash under the couch to hide; always under the one Izaya sat in. He didn't want to meet anyone but he did peek out occasionally to be sure he knew the faces. Just in case one of them tried to attack or threaten Izaya in the future. Most clients were businessmen but some of them looked like yakuza. Shizuo would watch nervously as Izaya held his negotiations professionally no matter how mean and nasty his clients looked. The once-debt collector did know that the informant was more than capable of protecting himself, especially since he barely got hurt each time they fought, but still.  _Just in case._

For lunch, Namie usually cooked something simple or they would order delivery. Izaya actually preferred Namie's cooking, especially hot pot it seemed, but Namie usually didn't bother. Each time he asked she would normally say something along the lines of how only her younger brother deserved her cooking. Izaya had to often coerce her, claiming that she should practice her cooking for her brother, in order to get her to even consider cooking time-to-time. Regardless, Izaya always managed to give a bit of his food to Shizuo to sample, something of which he was grateful about, despite it often meaning he would have to do embarrassing tricks to earn a chopstick-held morsel. So far the Flea had 'learned' how to paw (or shake hands), beg (or when Shizuo put the hands together and shook them up and down), roll over, stay still, stand up and even catch (or when Izaya would toss the piece of food in midair and Shizuo would catch it with his mouth.) The once-blond debt collector even had to pretend to make mistakes so that Izaya would laugh and try to 're-teach' him the tricks all over again.

Shizuo realized he had rarely seen Izaya laugh when the blond was human. Not like this at least. Usually he thought Izaya's laughter was sinister and annoying. But now the informant's laughter made his heart warm just a bit. He would often go out of his way now to do silly stuff like randomly tripping over things just so Izaya could laugh about how 'ungraceful' his cat was.

After Namie left (sometimes not even after, to which Namie would nag and scold as Izaya quickly ran out for his break), Izaya would take a walk in the city. He would leisurely walk among his beloved humans, usually alone but lately accompanied by an orange tabby cat in his hood. Sometimes Shizuo sat on top of the informant's head or inside his jacket. The tabby did not say anything as Izaya continued to walk around aimlessly, or so he had thought at first. But Shizuo noticed that Izaya's daily routine was mapped. He walked a different street in Tokyo every day. Sometimes he was at Shinjuku. Sometimes Shibuya. Other times Suginami, Meguro, or as far as Adachi, Edogawa or Ota. And very often Ikebukuro.

Shizuo realized that Izaya hadn't given up. The informant was still searching for him. But not extremely hard… just making a part of his daily walk in hopes of a flying vending machine sent his way. Just in case Shizuo found him first. Just in case Shizuo could smell the informant and would shout his name like a battle cry and run towards him with a freshly ripped street sign just like the good old days. As if his disappearance was a lie. Though Izaya's face revealed nothing, Shizuo could feel the man's longing as he walked around.

Izaya didn't only walk around the city. He normally stopped by at a local cafe for another cup of coffee as he leisurely watched humans do their business or listened in on a random conversation. Shizuo at first found this boring, but spending more and more time with Izaya allowed him to discover things; it opened doors to the once-closed up delinquent who refused to interact with others.

Shizuo had always kept to himself, afraid that interacting with others would hurt them. But as a cat, he didn't have to worry about that anymore. Many people, mostly young girls, would approach Izaya, asking if they could pet his cat. At first Shizuo hissed and disagreed but as time passed, a small pat or two wasn't bad. He didn't like it but he allowed some girls to hold him and cuddle him. A few girls kissed him on the head. He was lucky he was a cat, else the once blond human would have turned into a tomato. As a cat, Shizuo learned to interact with others little by little, be less scared of hurting people, especially young girls. But what he enjoyed the most was that peaceful time when Izaya just held him close to his heart and scratched the back of his head or rubbed his belly as Shizuo drifted in and out of dreams.

Heiwajima Shizuo had always wanted peace. And it was Orihara Izaya, of all people, giving him that slice of peace he had always wanted. Shizuo gave up trying to be human or attempting to relay the message that he was human. He didn't know if Shinra could fix him and, if somehow, Izaya had found out that his cat was Shizuo and they did all these… embarrassing things together…. Shizuo wasn't sure if he could live that down. To be held, pet, washed, played with by his own nemesis… to feel the tranquility and security he had looked everywhere in the world for and had only found in his arch enemy's hands… to say that he had slept with Izaya, took baths with Izaya and even seen the informant get raped…

Yeah, Shizuo had given up on his humanity. For now, he enjoyed this moment where Izaya took care of his injured heart. And Shizuo gave back what he could by doing silly things that amused his 'master' and even made him smile and laugh. For a man who had said he only loved humans, it was obvious that he really did care for the strangely abnormal, strong and fierce pet of his.

Their nightly routines were either Izaya sitting on his computer or laptop (or both) and chatting in his chat room… or out holding underground negotiations in seedy places. Shizuo obviously preferred Izaya to stay home but whenever and wherever Izaya went, Shizuo passionately followed. Once Izaya really wanted Shizuo to stay behind but when Shizuo practically placed his neck between the closing door, Izaya gave up. He didn't want his cat hurt and he knew that a mere door couldn't stop the supernaturally strong cat of his to begin with.

In bed, Izaya always made enough room for Flea to sleep next to him. And to Shizuo, the bed was much more comfortable so he begrudgingly slept next to the flea. Later on he grew accustomed to waking up with a large arm around his body and the raven's head nestled close to him, the soft breathing indicating Izaya's peaceful dreams. Sometimes, just sometimes, Shizuo lay there watching Izaya sleep, the face up way closer than his need for personal space but he looked on curiously. The tabby studied all his weary lines and wondered from time to time how he had never realized just how human Orihara Izaya was. Not just a big bully who had always instigated anger in the blond but just another normal human who could get hurt and feel pain. Someone who knew how to smile. Someone who knew loneliness just as much as Shizuo.

The blond recounted his memories- the times Izaya had angered him, the times Izaya had taunted him, the times Izaya had forced him to use violence. Shizuo hated violence. The fact that Izaya would purposefully tease while innocently playing it off as nothing more than just playfulness, Shizuo had believed that underlying it were Izaya's hidden intentions to bring out the worst of Shizuo. Izaya loved to bring the worst out of everyone. That was what Shizuo hated about him because the damn louse had forced him to face his greatest fear and insecurity: himself. Every day Izaya had made Shizuo snap and display his supernatural power. Every day, Izaya had made everyone around Shizuo shun him for his violence.

Only a few people stood next to him. Very few people.

Shizuo had never understood why Izaya had done that in high school and then during their later years. To this day, Shizuo didn't know. A few months ago, he wouldn't have cared. He just wanted to be left alone.

Now.

Shizuo wanted to know.

Now, Shizuo would ask why Izaya did that. What Izaya was trying to achieve. Why Izaya desperately looked for him when the news of his disappearance had reached his ears. Why he cared for a cat with just as unnatural supernatural powers with blondish fur. Why he kept sweet fruit milks in his fridge every day while he never drank any, always replacing them with new ones daily.

Why Izaya never feared him.

Why Izaya had always came back for more beating even after Shizuo showed him exactly how much he hated him.

Why?

And finally, after about a month after the alleyway incident, Shizuo got the answer to one of his questions.

It started off as a normal day. Shizuo was trying to figure out why cats had a lot of fun playing with a ball of yarn, which Izaya had bought him. As the strings started to entangle around his body and the informant was laughing at his antics, there was a knock on the door.

Immediately, Shizuo tried to rush under the couch, hissing as he tripped over the strings, making the informant laugh harder while he held his stomach. Namie did not mention anything about Izaya having clients and Shizuo was totally unprepared for visits.

It seemed Namie wasn't prepared either as she spoke through the intercom, "I'm sorry but I don't believe you have an appointment with Orihara-san today."

"Oh, just let them in." Izaya said as he wiped a tear from his eye and stood up, leaning against his desk.

Namie glanced at Izaya for a moment before she unlocked the door and let his new clients in.

Instantly Shizuo smelled a familiar scent of tobacco and cologne. There were three… no, four suited men walking in. One held a large suit case.

"I was expecting you," Shizuo heard Izaya say with a hint of that cocky smirk on his lips. Izaya wasn't, Shizuo knew. But the informant always pretended he knew everything. By now Shizuo had learned to see through Izaya 'improvising' his situations.

"Orihara-san. I know  _you_ know where he is." The man was saying. Shizuo blinked. He had heard this voice before. He knew this man.

The informant merely shrugged, "Do I now?"

There was a slam as the man slapped his hand on the desk and leaned forward menacingly. "And I  _know_ it's your doing that he's missing. Before I report you to the police, I…"

Shizuo's eyes widened. That voice.  _THAT VOICE._

He rushed out of his couch with a loud meow as he ran straight to the man with dreadlocks and glasses.

"Wh-whoa? What… get him off of me!" Tanaka Tom was caught off guard as he was almost knocked down when a small feline tackled his legs.

"F-Flea? Hey, what the?" Izaya's defense was taken down too when he saw his cat attack his client once again. Everyone, save for one young stoic man rushed to try to pry the cat off of the tanned victim.

"Sorry about my cat. I think he must have thought you were trying to attack me when you slammed on the desk." Izaya smiled easily as he held his cat away from his possible 'client.' Tanaka huffed as he stood up, half embarrassed as he fixed his suit. Shizuo merowled and struggled as his paws reached out toward his senpai. It was his  _senpai_. Here!

The men ignored the cat to their best ability as Tanaka continued. "As I was saying, I know it's your doing that Shizuo is missing. I would appreciate it if you drop this act and …"

"You have no proof." Izaya bluffed. Shizuo was confused as he listened in. Why didn't Izaya deny that he had nothing to do with this? Why didn't he just say…

Then suddenly the blond understood. Izaya knew they wouldn't believe him so he didn't bother. He was used to being misunderstood. He was used to people just assuming the worst of him.

That hurt Shizuo even though Izaya calmly took the insult as if it was just an everyday matter.

"It is no matter." A calm voice stopped the argument.

Shizuo's jaw dropped as everyone looked back at the young man who was standing behind the circle all along, calmly watching.

It was his brother, Kasuka. His expression monotone, his hands in his pocket of his long black trench coat…. He didn't look any different from the last time Shizuo had seen him.

'K-Kasuka!' Shizuo called out to his brother. But no one heard him. Only a meow of a cat.

"It doesn't matter if you were the main reason for my brother's disappearance." Kasuka said as he snapped his fingers. The other two men, clearly the famous actor's body guards, brought out the suitcase one of them was holding and opened it up. In it were stacks of yen.

Izaya whistled appreciatively.

"I'll pay whatever the price for his information. You deal with information, do you not, informant-san?" The actor, Hanejima Yuuhei, said in a flat business tone.

Orihara Izaya smirked back.


	14. Chapter 14

"Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer," Izaya shrugged easily, still holding his cat who had stopped struggling to reach his senpai and instead stared in astonishment.

There was only a light twitch of Kasuka's eyebrow to indicate his annoyance before he continued in a monotonous voice, "If you just name the price, I-"

"Shizu-chan's information isn't up for sale," Izaya cut off the famous actor. He ignored the perturbed glare of a certain dreadlocks debt collector. "You'll have better luck with another informant. Ah, as I recall, there was a certain reporter who was trying to obtain some of his private information some time back. His name was, let's see… Niekawa Shu- "

"We don't care. We  _know_ it's your doing that caused his disappearance. We don't need to go to anyone else." Tanaka sharply interrupted the young informant in anger. Shizuo had to admit, if he were in their shoes, he would have thought it was Izaya's fault too. 99.9% of the things that went on in Shizuo's life, especially the 'bad' things, were all the informant's fault. This, he believed. At least, he did back then.

It was ironic, or perhaps it was karma, that even if Izaya had nothing to do with Shizuo's disappearance this time, everyone was accusing him.

Izaya pretended to consider as he 'hmmed' out loud, staring off into space. Then spotting Namie who was being a 'good' secretary and making everyone coffee, the informant called out to his employee.

"Namie-san~ you may leave for the day."

She frowned, turning to stare at Izaya. "I have a lot of piled up work due to your laziness, I'd rather…"

"Double. Pay." Izaya smiled and raised two fingers with his free hand while the other held his cat. Once Namie confirmed she would be paid in double for her absence, she quickly packed and promptly left happily. Shizuo couldn't help but think to himself what an ice queen she was, not really caring about her boss or her job as long as she could spend more time with her brother.

Once Izaya's secretary left, Kasuka broke the silence. "I wouldn't ask for details. All we wish to know is, if he's safe."

"Ah~ a closure. That's what everyone wants in their lives when a relationship breaks or they lose their loved one in an unfortunate accident. They just want to move on with their lives after if they could just arrive to their own conclusion. Humans are so selfish, aren't they Flea?" Izaya smirked and raised his cat at eye level to smile directly at him. It sent chills down the once-debt collector's spine. He knew… Izaya couldn't possibly know that he was who he was but… it was  _that_  smirk, where Izaya's eyes split and his lips grinned yet the smile didn't quite reach his cold eyes… he hated it when Izaya smiled like that. Clearly, his motives deceptive and untrustworthy.

Or so Shizuo would have thought a few months back. Now it was different. Shizuo understood that it was just another mask. A mask to hide his true feelings. Because Shizuo could feel how cold Izaya's hands were as the informant held his pet. The temperature was the only thing that Izaya couldn't seem to lie about.

His words worked. It made the tanned debt collector's face flush with anger and even the body guards narrowed their eyes, clearly offended. Kasuka remained still but Shizuo could sense that the actor too had a slight change of heart at the attack, manipulating his pure intentions and muddying it stained.

Something Shizuo knew all too well from firsthand experience with Orihara Izaya for the past decade or so. He was too good at twisting everyone's words to mean something completely different, bringing the worst out of people even if they were pure.

"Regardless, my answer is the same. I have no information to give you." That was not a lie. Izaya really did not have anything. But because he had manipulated the situation, his words now held a different meaning, as if he was intentionally withholding information.

"I would still…" Kasuka tried again but Izaya held up his hand.

"You have nothing that I wish to have." The informant said simply. Tanaka gave him a dark look. "Then you  _want_ us to blackmail you?" Because to others it was clear as day that Izaya knew where Shizuo was… or if he was alive or dead.

Izaya said nothing but gave him his most winsome smile which he knew would aggravate the debt collector. "If you can manage to find something that I would want for my services, you are more than welcome to try."

"I understand." The young actor said, raising his hand. The body guards quickly closed the suitcase.

"I hope to see you soon then, Orihara-san… with a more enticing offer." Even though Kasuka said those words in a flat tone, it was clearly a challenge, meaning the next time Kasuka came, it wouldn't be money on the table anymore but an all out war.

The men turned their backs on the informant and his cat as they turned to leave. Shizuo stared at the backs of his most trusted friend and his beloved brother. Leaving.  _Leaving him._

Quickly, Shizuo jumped out of Izaya's hold and dashed forward before anyone could react. He lunged, jumping high enough to cling onto the shoulder of the super star and almost knocked the young man down. The bodyguards were caught completely by surprise as they reacted a second too late when the tabby cat's claws dug into the dark coat and clung unto the man who turned his head to look at him.

The famous actor held up his hand, telling his men silently that he was alright, while he looked at the animal desperately holding onto him.

"Kasuka! Are you alright?" Tom was there, calling the actor by his real name while the debt collector's hand almost reached out to grab and yank the cat off of his kouhai's younger brother. Izaya was staring as well, obviously a bit taken back by his pet's sudden strange behavior which had seemed like an attack but had turned into something else that he couldn't yet comprehend. His cat never acted this way before with anyone and it was disturbing.

"I'm alright." The actor, Hanejima Yuuhei, also known as Heiwajima Kasuka, Shizuo's younger brother said in a quiet, monotone voice as he continued to stare at the cat clinging to him. His eyes clearly said he was silently communicating with the animal while the cat stared back at the actor with desperate eyes.

'Kasuka! It's me! You understand right? You always understood me no matter what!' Shizuo said, his eyes frantically trying to communicate with his younger brother who had always understood the real reason as to why the blond delinquent got angry and why he fought with violence even when he claimed he hated it. Kasuka had always understood the core problem to Shizuo's anger, despite what it looked on the outside, and had always understood his older brother's insecurities and fears. Even when Shizuo would spew out non-sense or claimed that he got angry because of something else, Kasuka understood and was able to differentiate the true reasons. When others just labeled the blond as a 'delinquent' that they wanted to avoid, Kasuka knew his brother wasn't actually a delinquent who fought because he was being a 'rebel'. He knew that Shizuo truly hated violence and that he couldn't help himself when he got angry. He had watched his older brother grow up and as the only human who was closest to Shizuo for years, Kasuka  _always_ understood even when Shizuo said nothing or was in self-denial.

Kasuka Heiwajima stared at the cat for a good while before he turned to face the rest of the people in the room. Facing the informant, the young actor said in a calm voice, "I think your cat must be smelling the scent of Yuigadokusonmaru on my clothes."

Everyone blinked as a second of silence passed while they tried to comprehend what was said.

"Yugiga-what?"

"Yuigadokusonmaru. Dokusonmaru-kun for short. My cat." Kasuka said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I think your cat must be smelling the scent of my pet, informant-san. Though this is strange. My cat is a male."

Shizuo's jaw dropped and his face fell in consternation.

"Ah… I see…" Izaya had forgotten the name of Kasuka's pet cat for that one second of confusion, a rare thing for someone like Orihara Izaya. Obviously the stress was slightly getting to him, keeping him on the edge that his cat's abnormal behavior had placed him upon.

"Come 'ere Flea. Now you can't go bothering other people's cats…. It's not even a female cat you can mate with, you know." Izaya stepped up to try to pry off his cat.

Shizuo hissed. He actually  _hissed_  at Izaya as he clung on. No, no. He  _had_ to go home with Kasuka no matter what! Kasuka would eventually understand! He must! He always understood! Always knew what Shizuo inherently needed even when the blond never spoke. Shizuo was sure that Kasuka would eventually figure it out and find a way to help…

As Izaya wrestled with his cat, there was a loud  _riiiip~!_ sound as the tabby's strong claws tore the coat's sleeve.

"Ah, FLEA! Now look what you've done! I really apologize, Hanejima-san. I'm sure it was a brand name coat… let me pay for the…"

"No need." Kasuka raised his hand and interrupted not only Izaya's apologies but also the entire awkwardly comedic outcome to what had once been such a hostile meeting. "It's fine. I actually bought it at a 500 yen store."

…

Everyone looked at Kasuka to see if the actor was joking but no, Kasuka was entirely serious. He was, after all, an eccentric celebrity who mixed and matched clothing and accessories from Gucci or Dolce & Gabbana with others from 100 yen stores (Japanese equivalent of Dollar stores) while still somehow making the cheap clothing look fashionable and brand name clothes look like casual wears; a unique sense of fashion taste.

"Ah… well, still. I would like to somehow compensate you…" Izaya frowned, now at a loss since he was in a disadvantage thanks to his pet cat.

Kasuka just carefully took off his coat. "It's unnecessary. We'll be back for a proper bargain." The threat wasn't there yet Kasuka still obviously showed that he wasn't planning on giving up nor was he planning to use Izaya's cat's mistake as a way to extort Shizuo's information.

Izaya was inwardly grateful though he did not show it as a plain smile remained upon his face. "I look forward to our next meeting then."

Shizuo meowed, again struggling, as his paws reached out for Kasuka. But Izaya held him tight, chiding and scolding his cat to behave while the guests left. Kasuka stared at the cat briefly, a contemplative expression hidden beneath dull eyes before he turned and walked towards them. Shizuo's heart thudded hard in his chest with hope at the approach… only to have it crushed when Kasuka pet his head.

"I can't take you, tabby cat-san."

Shizuo's ears drooped along with his long body and tail, losing his energy completely as if the cat understood what those words meant.

Izaya watched the exchange with an unreadable expression. He looked up at the young actor with a more serious look. "Hanejima-san. Would you… take this cat with you?"

Kasuka looked at Izaya with a blank expression.

"What I mean is… this cat… never likes people. It's… the first time he's shown such a strong attachment to anyone. I think it might be for the best… if you could adopt this cat…"

Shizuo froze. Wait, was…. Izaya… actually… asking Kasuka… to take him? Could he really be able to go home?

Kasuka frowned slightly, just a tilt of one eyebrow in his otherwise expressionless face.

"Thank you for the offer but… Dokusonmaru is all I need."

Shizuo's hope died as his younger brother and his senpai said their good-byes. He barely felt his arm being lifted as Izaya took one of his limp limbs and waved good-bye to them.  
 _  
Good-bye._

The door closed, the sound heavy in Shizuo's chest as it sank deeply inside him, and then they were gone.

"So… you really wanted to go with him didn't you, Flea?"

The words were spoken softly but it startled the cat out of his mourning. Izaya's voice had sounded so loud due to the ominous tension that that filled the place now that they were alone. Shizuo didn't even know how much time had passed while he was in this subdued state of loss, the cat just drooping limply while Izaya held him. Yet now that he had had his attention brought back to the present he knew it must have been a good while.

"Meow…" Shizuo mewed timidly. His body was slumped and stretching downwards due both to gravity and because Shizuo himself felt too drained of all energy to bother picking himself back up. He was so close. He was  _so close_ to going home with…

"Guess it was all pointless wasn't it? Trying to win your affection."

Shizuo blinked as he was lowered to the floor, frozen on the spot. What did he say? What had… Izaya… ?

The tabby cat's eyes quickly snapped up to look at his master and caught a brief glance of what he thought was…

A very forced smile.

Izaya turned away slowly, abandoning Shizuo as he walked back towards his desk. He sank into his chair heavily as if he was suddenly burdened, an idle hand massaging his temple. Shizuo stared at him for awhile, his eyes widening in realization.

He had hurt him.

Again.

Without knowing it, Shizuo had hurt Izaya again.

But it didn't make any sense to Shizuo why Izaya was trying to win his affection. He was a cat after all…. right? He wasn't human, therefore an exception to Izaya's love for humans. Or… at least... he should be.

And yet, it didn't matter anymore. Even though it made no sense to Shizuo, he knew he had somehow hurt the man who he owed a debt to and that was all that he had to know.

"Meow…"

Shizuo mewled apologetically as he walked over and rubbed himself against the informant's leg. From this angle he couldn't see Izaya's face as the hand rubbing his temple was covering it. But... Izaya wasn't crying…. right? His hands...now that Shizuo thought about it...they had been cold, hadn't they? While the informant had held the cat it had been cold... And Shizuo might have been too out of it then to realize this but now his mind was registering just what cold hands meant when it came to Izaya.

"Trying to apologize now, kitty?" Izaya chuckled bitterly though his hand still hid his face at first. Then, reluctantly, he lowered both of his hands to pick up his cat, and sure enough, as Shizuo had predicted the hands were cold.

"Niyaaa…"

Shizuo meowed again, shuddering slightly at the icy hands dipping into his fur and holding his warm body. When Izaya placed him on his lap, the cat stood on his hind legs, forepaws on Izaya's chest to begin kneading lightly while, Shizuo took the chance to stare Izaya in the face.

The mask… was still there. But only half-heartedly worn. Izaya smiled but it was only a half smile, only one corner of his lips lifting as the other remained sad.

"Trying to cheer me up now? It's not going to work…." Izaya closed his eyes and sighed, his shoulders slouching wearily.

"They came to me you know." The informant started to speak, his hands lightly massaging the cat's fur. Shizuo's temperature was trying to warm those hands up but it was to no avail. They remained cold.

"If those two… came to me… it means they're at the end of their ropes too. For I'm sure, I'd be the last person they'd go to to seek help…"

Shizuo blinked. That was true. Izaya would be the last person Tom-senpai would seek out while Kasuka would have used all of his influences and connections before he would ever come to Izaya for help.

"Merowl…?" Shizuo tilted his head in… that disgustingly-cute-way-he-knew-how-as-a-cat-though-if-he-was-ever-caught-doing-it-as-human-he'd-dig-a-hole-and-bury-himself-forever. Izaya let out a low chuckle, mixing it with a sigh that said, 'you're hopeless,' while he gathered the cat into his arms and hugged him close.

If someone had told Shizuo even two months ago that he would be acting this disgustingly cute in front of Izaya to win back his affection and cheer him up… well... he would have probably punched that person out of his clothes and sent him flying all the way to Hong Kong.

"This is bad… I thought maybe… perhaps the police could be of some use but…" Izaya bit his lower lip. Then he suddenly burst out laughing, startling Shizuo as the cat jumped lightly.

"Hahahaha… in the end, you really can't rely on anyone after all Flea. If you really want something, you have got to do it yourself." Izaya's laughter was maniacal as the male began to slump further and further down into his swivel chair. He laughed and he laughed - the sound crescendoing until he suddenly began to cough.

The informant sat up, sighing deeply, before sweeping his fingers through his bangs and the side of his head in obvious frustration and anger. "Is it even  _possible_  for someone to just suddenly disappear without a trace? Poof! Gone. No leads, no tracks; there's absolutely  _nothing_ left behind. It's like he magically evaporated into thin air. Like one day he just decided to… to…"

Izaya's voice, after rapidly firing away his irritation started to fade away at the last words.

"To… just… abandon everything."

Shizuo meowed half comfortingly and half curiously, trying to look at Izaya's face as he leaned on the desk with the cat on his lap.

"I thought… I thought he'd never change. You know… he'd always be there. No matter how many bullies, gangs, yakuza, police… even when assassins came his way he always defeated them all as if they were just dust on his shoulders he could brush off..."

Though Izaya's voice sounded melancholic, Shizuo on the other hand huffed indignantly. 'SO it really  _was you_ who sent all of them after me!' But Shizuo couldn't say all that. Instead he got on the desk and pawed at Izaya's hand that was covering the informant's face as he leaned against it. Still curious -and no it could not be because he was a cat that he had recently gained this curiosity- he walked around to the other side to check on Izaya's expression.

However once he saw it Shizuo found himself pausing, eyes slowly blinking in surprise at the sight of such a dejected and open expression on Izaya. It was truly rare to catch Izaya without any kind of guard up. Almost as if… Izaya truly felt crushed that…

Shizuo had abandoned him. It was as if Izaya truly believed… that by disappearing or dying or running away or whatever had happened to Shizuo, it was as if the blond had finally given up on dealing with Izaya's trolling and abandoned him.

Was that what it was? Was that all he was to Izaya? Just some indestructible being that Izaya could troll at? What was  _he_  to Izaya? Why had Izaya bullied him - since the very first day they had met?


	15. Chapter 15

Heiwajima Shizuo hated violence.

It was a very simple fact. One as simple and true as saying that an apple was an apple and an orange was an orange. They were words that Shizuo himself repeated daily nearly every time he used violence. But that was what confused people about him the most. Because this man who said he hated violence in the end always resorted to violence to solve his problems.

A punch.

A throw.

A kick.

Somehow and in some way violence always became his answer.

But what these people did not understand was, that it was exactly because Shizuo hated violence so vehemently that he also used only one of these options to solve his problems. Only one punch. Just one throw. Or one kick. Always, always, always -no matter the situation- he would try to end it as quickly as possible. Besides, in normal cases, one was enough to send someone comatose save for those abnormal cases like Chikage who had taken four punches before he was knocked out.

And the second thing that people did not understand when it came to Heiwajima Shizuo was that this wasn't just Shizuo resorting to violence _for no reason_.

He resorted to it because Heiwajima Shizuo was  _angry_.

Angry at other people.

At the world

At everything.

But mostly…Shizuo was simply angry at himself.

Because Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't born normal. Unlike other more 'normal' humans, it seemed that Shizuo was born without a limiter.

A limiter that could stop not only himself but all humans from hurting themselves.

For you see, the only time these limiters were used was when a human found themselves in danger, such as being trapped in a room set on fire. During times like these, humans could exert inhuman-like abilities, sometimes exerting up to 100% of their power in order to jump higher, hit harder, or run faster than they normally would to be able to save themselves. But Heiwajima Shizuo's brain seemed to have been formed with zero limiters. He was born with the ability to exert 100% of his power if he wanted to, whenever he wanted to, at the grave price of his fragile human body breaking every time he did so.

Heiwajima Shizuo was a man born to never have any kind of self-restraint. It wasn't necessarily violence Shizuo resorted to, but rather his and any other human's natural reaction to the 'anger' that he himself could not control. And this anger that seemed to always be a prominent emotion felt by the ex-bartender was spawned by his own frustration over this lack of self-control.

Because Shizuo had time and time and  _time_ again tried to control his anger and the power it spawned and had always failed And it was because he couldn't control his anger or his strength that Shizuo had eventually given up and continued to be destructive no matter how it destroyed his own body and even his own heart in the process.

But, even worse than that…

Shizuo had given up on himself too.

Because the blond had become too angry at himself for being born this way.

Too angry and too unable to accept that this was who he was.

So Shizuo grew to hate himself.

To hate himself so much that the hatred festered inside of him like a deep, dark hole permanently marring his otherwise pure heart.

Shizuo himself had always told Celty how he grew up in a normal, warm family. His parents loved him, his brother cared for him and he had no traumatic event that darkened his past.

The knowledge of having been raised in a seemingly perfect household was far more devastating than it should be, for it meant that in reality there was no apparent reason for him to be so "angry". And if there was no other reason for him to be this violent, the only thing left was... himself. He was to blame and no one else. Therefore Shizuo had no one else to hate but himself.

Thus when Heiwajima Shizuo said, "I hate violence," what he meant was that he hated himself, hated his nature of violence. Because, during those moments when he could think straight enough to say that line, it was often the time after he had just been transformed into the violence incarnate. A time when his body acted on his own. When everything became nothing but a blur. He saw nothing but red until the moment passed... When it passed, all he could see... was everything he didn't want to see. The aftermath.

An aftermath wrought with  _Destruction_.

Destruction of objects, furniture and property.

Destruction of streets, buildings, vending machines, and poles.

Destruction of  _people_.

Destruction of the people he  _loved_ and had only wanted to protect.

Destruction of his own body.

And finally, destruction of his very heart.

Because as he gazed upon the destruction the blackness spread.

 _Darkened_.

Black, Black, Black.

Blacker than the grime that covered the underground sewers where the trash gathered.

Blacker than the heart of a serial killer who enjoyed the violence he purposefully created.

But for Heiwajima Shizuo there was no enjoyment to the destruction that lay around him.

No….This wasn't what he wanted, he said to himself as he stood alone in the midst of a wasteland laid bare before him.

He had wanted to protect with this power, not destroy.

Because…

Because by destroying others around him, Shizuo was destroying himself.

Because deep inside, he was still that young boy who just wanted to love and be loved.

He was still that young boy who hated himself for being born this way.

Who hated and could never love himself.

Because he was afraid.

He was afraid.

Heiwajima Shizuo was  _afraid_.

Afraid of his own power.

Afraid because he  _couldn't_ protect others with it.

Afraid because all he could do was  _hurt_ those who he wanted to protect.

It was simple.

It was all  _so_ -

No…

Heiwajima Shizuo was so  _simple_.

Heiwajima Shizuo hated violence.

So Heiwajima Shizuo hated  _himself_

Because all Heiwajima Shizuo wanted was  _peace_.

Heiwajima Shizuo...

All he wanted was…peace.

And these were the two things that one had to understand about this man named Heiwajima Shizuo who dyed his hair blond at the tender age of 12.

Who dyed his hair blond not because he wanted to be a rebel or a delinquent.

But because he wanted it to serve as a warning sign.

Yellow for 'yield.'

Wait.

Slow down.

Turn around.

Don't come near me.

I don't want to hurt you.

Don't come near me.

Don't anger me.

I don't want to hurt you.

If you come near me….

I'm afraid I might hurt you.

Don't come near me.

I don't want to hurt you…

I don't want to hurt you…!

I don't want to hurt you!

Because-!

Because it hurts _me more_ to see you hurt.

I don't want to hurt myself.

I don't want to hurt myself!

I can't bear it!

I can't-!

Because I'm truly  _nothing_!

Nothing but a big coward!

People said Heiwajima Shizuo was strong after they saw his supernatural strength. But no. Heiwajima Shizuo didn't think he was strong. If he was truly strong, he would be able to control his power. If he was truly strong, he would be able to protect the ones he loved.

If he was truly strong, he would be able to love himself.

To accept himself.

For it takes true courage to accept who you are with all your faults. It takes a truly strong person to love yourself and to accept everything you hate about yourself. Because bravery isn't bravery if one does not know fear. Bravery is only bravery when the person knows what fear is but can still fight back even with the fear.

This was why Heiwajima Shizuo believes he is the biggest coward and the weakest person in the world no matter how everyone else believes him to be the strongest man in Ikebukuro, maybe even the whole world.

Strongest person in Ikebukuro? When that reporter had come to Shizuo asking such a ridiculous question, the blond could not help but snap.

'Strongest person in Ikebukuro my ass! I'm the weakest person in the world! How dare you stab me where it already hurts the most!'

So Heiwajima Shizuo had been prepared to walk the world alone with this yellow sign upon his head. It had truly seemed like the perfect solution for him when Tom-senpai had suggested it.

Like a yellow sign on the street for cars to drive around; so waves of humans could walk past his life, never to interact with the blond because his hair told them that they should be afraid of him.

It was okay for Heiwajima Shizuo to be feared for he was used to that.

It was okay for Heiwajima Shizuo to be hated for he was used to that too.

It was okay for Heiwajima Shizuo to not be loved for he had already given up on loving himself as well.

But despite how much Heiwajima Shizuo had given up on himself, still few were willing to be around him. His parents, Kasuka, Tom, Shinra, Celty, Kadota and the gang… they accepted him and did not fear him. And for that he was grateful.

However, there was one other person… one who was still around him despite not loving him. An oddity that did not fear him.

No, this man stuck around Heiwajima Shizuo not because he loved him, but because he hated the supernatural-freak.

The man named Orihara Izaya.

The man who disrupted Heiwajima Shizuo's peace in high school.

When Tom-senpai had suggested to Shizuo to dye his hair blond so people knew to stay away from him, it had worked. Shizuo had finally obtained a small slice of peace. But the fateful meeting with that  _flea_ had totally destroyed that small taste of joy.

He had always known from day one that something was off with Orihara Izaya.

He  _reeked_.

This flea reeked of everything Shizuo did not like.

Trouble. Disruption of peace. Danger. Annoyance. Arrogance.

A challenge.

Shizuo didn't think he was that smart. But he didn't think he was dumb either. His grades were average. His social skills subpar.

What Shizuo trusted more than his logic was his gut instinct.

His keen sense and intuition.

Shizuo knew that look. He had seen so many people give him that same look.

A look of challenge.

A look of condescending arrogance.

A look of 'I'm better than you.'

'I can take you down.'

'I can tame you.'

'I can make you mine.'

So many delinquents, gangsters and yakuza had challenged Shizuo with that same look. All Shizuo had wanted was peace but his supernatural powers made him the perfect target for people who wanted a position of power. Defeating Shizuo meant that they themselves were strong. So many men had challenged Shizuo to prove their strength, to prove their abilities at a grab for that position of power which the blond had never even wanted.

So many men believed that strength could win them respect, honor, women, money, position and power. The power of standing above everyone. The power of crushing anyone who dared to challenge their authority.

The power of a king.

Everyone looked up to Shizuo as if he had everything they wanted because he was strong even while the blond believed he was worse than a lowly beggar.

A lowlife army of one.

A man who stood forever alone.

The great price that came with his position.

But of course no one else could understand Shizuo's pain. All they saw was the strength that they could win over. The strength they wanted to defeat and thus have for themselves. Even though that wasn't how it worked but that was how humans thought; how they thought by climbing a high mountain they had defeated mother nature was the same thought process that went into their will to defeat that monstrous power so that they could say they had in turn claimed or tamed that power.

So when Heiwajima Shizuo had met Orihara Izaya, he had thought he was just like the rest.

Someone who was power hungry, someone who wanted to take advantage of him. Because the men who challenged Shizuo but could not defeat him instead tried to use Shizuo as their pawn or their shield.

Again…There were two simple things about Shizuo one needed to know.

One: He hated violence and only wanted peace.

And two: All those people who came to him disrupted everything Shizuo wanted. Disrupted his want to merely be left alone. Thus, Shizuo had believed if he could only chase Izaya away, he'd be left alone.

After all, everyone left him eventually.

But Orihara Izaya was different.

After being beaten, he still came back.

Not only that, the little pesky flea retaliated. In ways that were most unexpected. Since the smaller male was nowhere near strong as Shizuo, Izaya had to use the most unconventional methods to fight back.

By blackmailing, scheming, framing, lying, cheating, spreading rumors, falsely accusing him of things Shizuo had never done …

They were methods that Shizuo wasn't used to. He was more used to more direct confrontation such as man to man fights and these passive battles of intelligence were not something Shizuo knew before.

Yet, in the end, it didn't matter.

Shizuo still went directly to the source.

Orihara Izaya.

Because all he had to do was beat him up right?

If only Izaya wasn't slippery like an eel and faster than Shizuo.

And normally Shizuo wouldn't hate someone so much for being persistent. There were plenty of people who persistently tried to bring Shizuo down.

But no… Orihara Izaya was different.

The true reason why Shizuo hated Izaya was because he was the type of a guy who dug deeply into the person's negativity, their insecurity, weaknesses and self-hatred and then dragged them out for the world to see.

Dragged them out and forced Shizuo to face his greatest fear and hatred; himself.

It was because Izaya kept humiliating Shizuo that the blond hated him. Even if to others it appeared as all Izaya did was just 'provoke' Shizuo it was more than that.

Izaya was the type of person who kept dragging out your deepest, darkest secrets.

The parts you want to hide.

The parts you want to erase and don't want to accept.

Izaya kept forcing Shizuo to face his own fears, his own self-hatred; to face the very things Shizuo was trying to avoid all his life.

Because Shizuo was a coward. He didn't want to face himself. He didn't want to admit or accept the side of himself which dreaded. He knew he was running away but it was easier this way, easier to ignore and forget the dark muck that oozed out of his black rotten heart.

Izaya's taunts sounded innocent to the rest of the classroom and the teachers but to Shizuo, it was the most shameful part of him that he did not want anyone to know. And Izaya kept bringing it up over and over and  _over_ again every day.

Displaying the most disgusting part of Shizuo that he was trying to hide: the violent angry nature of himself.

His supernatural strength that he could not control.

Heiwajima Shizuo never wanted to display this power unless he had to and Orihara Izaya had forced it out of him every day. He hated being reminded of how he was a 'monster' which Izaya was apt to call him every time they met.

He hated it because the word 'monster' meant something more painful to Shizuo than to others.

He hated it because the blond wanted nothing more than to be 'normal.' But Izaya forced Shizuo to get into fights with school gangs, yakuza and even with himself, forcing the blond to get so angry that he would pull out vending machines like weeds, bend street signs like straws and punch through walls as if they were made out of paper… making Shizuo display how unnatural he was. Making Shizuo display his most hated side for the world to see.

Every. Single. Day.

And so this was why Shizuo hated Izaya. Not because Izaya just teased him. The cunning and manipulative Izaya only appeared to be innocently playing around but the damn raven knew what he was doing was much worse than that. And Shizuo knew that Izaya knew, which was why the blond hated Izaya for pretending to be so 'harmless.'

He hated him.

Shizuo  _hated_ him.

It was the one most undeniable fact of their relationship.

Shizuo hated Izaya because this damn flea thought he was greater than everyone, because he looked down on everyone when he himself was just a worthless insect. A damn louse who kept digging deeply into Shizuo's wounded, dark heart and pulling out all the stinking trash.

Shizuo hated Izaya because obviously this man loved tormenting others painfully and just as much as Shizuo hated Izaya, Izaya too said he hated Shizuo.

Or so Shizuo had once thought.

Now, Shizuo did not know what he thought anymore.

Did not know what anything  _even_ meant anymore.

Why had Izaya gone through such great lengths just to make Shizuo hate him?

Why had Izaya picked  _him_ of all people?

"Meow…" Shizuo tried again, headbutting Izaya's arm as the informant rested his cheek on his hand.

Hey, Izaya… tell me.

Tell me what all this means?

"Ne…" Izaya finally turned to face his cat with a strained smile.

"Do you think… he's dead?"

It must be the question that Izaya was too afraid to ask himself but finally dared now that he was forced to face it. With the coming of Tom and Kasuka, the gameboard had changed. But Shizuo didn't understand it at all.

Didn't you want me dead?

Or did you want to have the satisfaction of killing me yourself?

Shizuo just mewled and tilted his head questioningly as Izaya scratched behind his ear.

"Even you… wanted to leave me, didn't you?"

Shizuo froze in mid-purr. He felt guilty about that still. He quickly resumed purring, taking a step closer as Izaya's hand fell to stroke his neck and back.

"In the end, everyone leaves me huh…" he whispered quietly before following it with a light sarcastic chuckle to himself.

I'm sorry….

If only I could make it up to you…

But as usual, there was nothing Shizuo could do but watch as the man broke down right in front of him. Izaya pulled away, dragging himself into the kitchen, while being closely followed by his cat. He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of banana milk. And to the tabby's surprise, Izaya ripped it open and drank it straight.

As Shizuo had thought he would, Izaya cringed at the overly sweet taste and made a face. Then he poured the rest of the milk to a saucer for his cat instead. Shizuo lapped it up because that was what a cat was supposed to do and Shizuo was trying hard to act as naturally as he could without looking concerned for Izaya. He didn't want Izaya to realize that he could understand human language while he waited for Izaya to speak.

"You really like sweet milks don't you Flea, just like him..." Again there was that wry smile which tugged at Shizuo's heart. And again Shizuo pretended not to notice as he quietly drank his milk. He just had to wait, like he always did, for Izaya to open up to his pet cat.

Izaya crouched down, hugging his knees close while he watched his cat with one of his hands still holding that empty carton of milk.

"Do you know why I keep this, Flea? Even though I can't drink any of it? Really, It's almost a relief that you like this flavor. Otherwise it'd go in the trash every week like all the other's have been for the past 7 years..."

Again Shizuo kept silent, continuing to lap up the milk as his ears remained perked up while he listened.

"I've always wanted to thank him you know… if he had only been able to find me broken in the alley just like that last time." There was a small smile which lightly bloomed on his lips while Izaya's crimson eyes faded into the distance as he remembered. "I know… I'm kinda stubborn. I know even if I want to thank him properly, I would never be able to. My tongue would tie and I'd wind up insulting him instead."

True. That was very Izaya-like.

"Which was why… if the next time Shizu-chan was able to find me and take me home, I just… wanted to be prepared… to…. to be prepared to give him a carton of chilled sweet milk. He sighed, the breath heavy with regret.

"But now I guess even that that opportunity is now taken from me. I guess... he will never have another chance to find me. Because how _can_ he when I can't even find  _him_?" Izaya chuckled again, a sad forced laugh.

"How stupid. If only I wasn't so damn stubborn and… and now he's gone. I can't find him. Me! Of all people! The informant that even the Awakusu-kai can depend on! I can't find one human...and not just any human either. Because that guy couldn't hide himself even if he _wanted_ to. Everywhere he went there was bound to be screams, chaos and destruction… and yet… somehow… he…"

There was a pause before Izaya erupted in anger, the male throwing his milk carton across the room so that it hit the wall and ricocheted onto the floor.

"Why can't I find him? Why can't  _anyone_  find him? He could at  _least_ have the decency to give me a fucking corpse to find if he  _had_ died!" Izaya exploded in anger and frustration as he kicked the chair next to the kitchen table, scaring his cat.

"I just-!" His voice cracked as his rage reached its limit, Izaya no longer able to think straight enough to speak intelligibly."I just...wanted to..." Shizuo could barely hear the informant as he looked up, those raven bangs covering his scarlet eyes and making it impossible for the cat who sat still upon the floor to know his expression. All Shizuo could see was the way Izaya stood there, panting softly while he tried to control his flared anger at being so  _useless_  when it mattered the most.

Overbearing silence thickly covered the atmosphere between them. Shizuo quietly lifted his head up to check up on Izaya and meowed in a small attempt at trying to break up that oppressive air.

"Meow…."

So did you just want to say you're sorry? That you insulted me back then instead of thanking me?

"Meow…"

Was that all there was to it? Was that why you desperately searched for me? Why you didn't eat or sleep to find me?

No… there had to be more. There had to be more reason for why-

As Shizuo tried headbutting Izaya's hand again, the informant swiftly got up and ran up the stairs, catching the cat completely by surprise. But it didn't stop Shizuo from running after him, worry hanging over him like a thick cloud at the thought of what the raven was planning to do.

*CRASH*

Yep. Just as Shizuo had thought Izaya was masking his sadness and frustration with anger, hiding the side he rarely showed to anyone else by running to the bathroom and knocking all his toiletries down onto the floor.

But the next thing Izaya did was not what Shizuo had expected.

Izaya stripped, tossing the shirt onto the floor as soon as he pulled it off and over his head. Then he tossed his pants and boxers too, his cat not fast enough to get away as the large clothing fell on top of the tabby.

When Shizuo finally found the end of the dark tunnel and peeked out, Izaya had already turned on the shower and had jumped in…

And was pumping himself.

All of Shizuo's fur stood on its ends as he watched Izaya moan, that same raven hair dripping with water and pressed flat against his face while his cheek pressed against the wet tiles. Panting roughly through his nose his hand harshly fisted himself, the erection between his legs already hard.

The tabby cat's brain turned white as sheet while his mouth parted in disbelief.

No.

_Way._

Shizuo knew that many men, including himself, could get hard when angry, overlapping his frustration with sexual frustrations. It had happened to him too after all but…

Seeing another man masturbate due to his sheer frustration over such a matter was beyond Shizuo's expectation of the flea.

Granted, Shizuo concluded when he tried to regain some of his consciousness, Izaya relieving his tension through masturbation was far healthier than depriving himself of eating and sleeping while he went on his mad search but… this was… still…. very unexpected.

"S-Shizu-chan."

Shizuo's head snapped back up to stare when he thought he heard his…

"Fuck you to the damned seven hells and back again! I'm going to fucking  _kill you_ if I ever find you, do you hear me! God damn Protozoan! Aaah… aaah… nnngh…"

Awkward… this was very, very awkward…

Shizuo shifted his weight to his other leg as he froze stiff, listening to Izaya moan and unable to take his eyes away from the pale human masturbating to… him. Except Shizuo was there... watching Izaya's most private moment (which, funnily enough actually concerned him) even while Izaya had no idea.

The cat felt the crotch part of the pants awkwardly slip and fall from his head. It was like he accidentally walked into a room with some porn on the T.V. and he couldn't turn his head away from it while the scene played before him.

"Aaah… aaaah..! S-Shizu-chan!"

But wait. Why was Izaya masturbating to his name? I-in fact…

Actually, when did Izaya masturbate? He was a healthy male in his 20's. Shizuo himself masturbated pretty regularly (when he wasn't a cat) but… He lived with Izaya for the past several months now and… Uuhh… he couldn't remember when Izaya…

"Aaah…. Nnngh… aaah!"

Well shit. Did Izaya perhaps masturbate in showers? Shizuo avoided showers since he hated getting wet and all… D-did Izaya maybe feel too weird to masturbate in front of his pet?

"S-Shizu… there… aaah! Mo-more…!"

AND WHY WAS IZAYA MASTURBATING TO HIS NAME AGAIN?

Even worse. WHY WAS IZAYA PUMPING HIS COCK AS IF HE WAS THE ONE TOPPING HIM AND FUCKING HIM IN THE ASS?

Excuse me? Hello? There was NO WAY SHIZUO WAS PLANNING TO BE THE BOTTOM-…

Okay, whoa boy, Shizuo thought to himself as his mind reeled. He seriously needed to take a step back. This heat and the steam must have been getting to him...yes...that must be it because there was no way he…

Well… _fuck._

Shizuo looked down at himself and swallowed.

Why the fuck did he have a boner now of all times?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I know some of you will really hate this scene aha... but I wanted to make sure that from 'now' on, that it wouldn't be just 'friendship'. That Shizuo could just 'protect' out of obligation and friendship but I wanted it to be 'more' of course. This is a Shizaya romance fanfic after all... even if Shizaya is impossible technically. I hope the next transition will make that pretty clear :3 which was why i wrote this scene in. (Just in case I get people flaming me ahaha...)


	16. Chapter 16

What the fuck were cats supposed to do with a  _boner?_

Shizuo stared down at it and groaned, facepalming with his paw.

Cats… licked themselves clean right?

…. He looked down at his erection again. And lowered his head…

Yep, he could reach his head down there alright…

AS IF IN HELL HE WOULD SUCK HIMSELF! HELL NO!

Shizuo huffed, groaning painfully as he tried rubbing himself on the floor to make his hard-on go away.

Then Izaya got out of the bathroom just wearing his towel around his hips… walking towards Shizuo who was sitting by the entrance…

The tabby freaked out as his master casually walked towards him and he dove under the bed. He watched as Izaya took no notice and walked straight to the closet to change.

Good. The dumb flea didn't see his erection…

The cat froze as the bed sunk in with Izaya's weight, the mattress squeaking heavily. Then it kept on squeaking and squeaking along with the sound of muffled moaning after Izaya bit into the pillow, continuing his earlier ministration.

Well fuck, was Izaya really _that_ horny? Or just that angry with pent up frustration?

"Aaah… aaah… Shizu-chan… nnngh… fuck you! I'm gonna… nnngh..!"

There was a scent of musky sex in the air and Shizuo shivered under the bed.

'Well fuck you back flea! Why couldn't you be like a normal person and confess in a cliché way? Like tell me that you loved me in your sleep o-or maybe confess while crying to your cat?' Shizuo grumbled as he lightly rolled his hips against the floor, also horny from hearing Izaya masturbate to his thoughts. It was unfair. Very unfair. It wasn't as if he had  _asked_  to be a cat and got to see Izaya in his… _extremely private moments._  Even if Shizuo didn't want to see him, his sensitive cat ears could hear Izaya groan and his perceptive nose could smell the cum. The flea  _reeked_ as always; but it wasn't a bad smell anymore.

Shizuo wanted to fuck him. But it wasn't just that he found Izaya's body attractive. Well the flea  _was_ handsome… save for the fact that Shizuo used to hate that twisted face because of his own biased reasons. The tabby still remembered how often his eyes trailed over towards that pale body, noticing the small details as the raven-haired man stepped in and out of the shower during the time he had spent with the informant.

 _'Was this just lust? '_ Shizuo wondered briefly, his body heating up at Izaya's moans, the sound of the bed squeaking; as well as the voice calling out his name and the air filled with the scent of sweat and ejaculation.

 _'No, it was more',_  he decided. It wasn't like Shizuo ever lusted after any girl or guy to begin with. Truthfully, he had given up on looking for a romantic relationship a long time ago. But now Shizuo wanted to protect Izaya, take care of this man's wounded heart and actually get to know  _him._ Maybe he had thought they could start as friends once Shizuo had turned back into human but…

Now that Shizuo had seen Izaya obviously masturbate to his name, just staying as 'friends' wasn't really an option anymore. Not because Izaya was in love with him (or at least, he thought it was highly probably that Izaya was. Shizuo presumed that if someone's masturbating to your name, that meant they must hold some sort of strong emotion towards him…. Right?), but because Shizuo himself could feel his heart pounding within his chest with the need to touch and feel the raven in his arms.

 _'So there was more than just a 'thank you' huh, flea…'_ Shizuo thought to himself, remembering how desperately Izaya had searched for him when he had found out that the blond debt collector had gone missing.

Izaya must have been in love with him ever since that forgotten day that Shizuo saw the broken enemy on the ground, and had picked him up without a thought before taking him to Shinra.

 _'I don't even remember when it was…'_ Shizuo frowned to himself. He had taken so many people to be fixed up in the past; he must have considered Izaya just like the rest of them, just another person to take to Shinra's. That meant that Izaya's existence didn't have as much of a significant impact on Shizuo's life back then. While to Izaya, it had meant  _everything._

Now he was stuck under a squeaky bed in this awkward situation despite the epic level of revelation he'd just had.

Just fucking  _great_.

"S-Shizu-chan… nnngh… fuck…  _harder…_ "

He really should go and see if Shinra could fix him up.

"Damn you, you fucking protozoan! I'm going to… fuck you up… when I get my hands on you…!"

But what if Shinra still didn't have a cure yet?

"Haaa… aaah! Aaah!  _There…!_ Nnngh… I bet you like drinking it like a whore!"

Regardless, the need to return back to his human form had tripled in Shizuo's heart.

"Suck it you shit head! Use your tongue more!  _Fuck…_ guess a monster like you can't even suck like a human!"

Not because he had just found out that Izaya loved him and wanted to return that affection, no. Technically Shizuo could probably return the affection just as well as a cat (Sort of, but without the sexual intercourse).

"Heh, is that the best you can do? Nnngh…"

But instead because Shizuo really needed to let Izaya know…

"Aaah… aaah…  _Don't stop!_  Shizu-chan…! _Shizu-chan!_ I'm gonna…! Aaaah!"

THAT HE DOES NOT FUCKING BOTTOM FOR  _ANYONE!_

Shizuo groaned as the sounds the informant were making continued to filter through the air the room above him, frustrating him to no end. _Damn that louse…._ Izaya kept coming into his hands and there was nothing Shizuo could do but groan under the bed in irony as he rubbed himself against the  _goddamn floor._

The tabby cat decided that when he turned back into a human, the first thing he planned to do was to fuck Izaya's brains out.

But first, Shizuo needed to turn back into human.  _Somehow._ However, returning to Shinra's wasn't a great option. Mostly because how Shizuo 'accidentally' drank the potion was a dubious matter to begin with. Shinra's father had come by with a new potion from Nebula and while Shizuo was waiting for Celty, Shinra had 'accidentally' confused the bottle of juice with the mixture. Granted, the doctor had kept claiming that it was an 'accident,' but it didn't reassure the suspicious debt collector in any means at all.

Especially when Shinra called for his 'experimentation' tools right afterwards.

Shizuo knew exactly how much his 'friend' had wanted to experiment on him for years and cat or not, Shizuo was pretty sure that Shinra would jump at the chance. Also, there was still no guarantee that Shinra would have a cure for this experimental potion nor that his so-called-doctor-friend wouldn't experiment on him if he did go back.

And then there was another problem.

Orihara Izaya himself.

Though this was because the last time when the damned informant had been cornered without any information regarding Shizuo, he went out and almost got himself  _killed._ In fact, he had been  _raped,_ which was just as bad; if not worse.

Knowing Izaya, Shizuo figured he would plan to do something drastic again. And _very_ soon.

Or the meantime, all Shizuo could do was wait as Izaya came for the third time or so, and collapse back onto his bed, half laughing and possibly also half crying, although Shizuo couldn't really tell.

Though, he  _could_ hear the informant's soft whisper of, "When are you going to come back, Shizu-chan…" as he lay in bed after his invigorating exercise, slowly evening out his breath once more.

Shizuo gulped, and despite his awkward and aroused situation; His heart broke at those words.

_'I'm right here you stupid louse…'_

_'Literally right under your nose._ …'

But again as a cat, there was nothing Shizuo could do to comfort this man who was desperately looking for him.

After a painful long period of time, Shizuo was able to calm his arousal. He jumped back onto the bed, stepping closer to Izaya so he could check up on him. At first the cat thought that his owner was asleep, and perhaps it was because Izaya was a light sleeper; But once the tabby was lightly nudging his shoulder, the informant blinked open one eye before he turned over to his side to hug the cat close to him.

"Heh… Do you forgive me now?" Izaya asked as he snuggled with his cat, sounding slightly amused.

Even though Izaya had not said it directly to the  _human_ Heiwajima Shizuo, the blond answered to his enemy anyway.

Shizuo looked up and meowed,  _'Yeah. I do.'_

Shizuo forgave Izaya of all the bullying he had done in the past, all the fucked up accusations, the betrayal, the cheating, the scheming, the blackmailing and the lies.

Shizuo let them go.

Because the blond had finally seen a small peek into the raven's heart, a secret that the young informant had kept hidden for so long. Though Shizuo didn't quite understand everything about him, he wanted to give him a second chance. He himself wasn't a complete person, he was also a broken human being.

Who was he to judge Izaya? Especially now that Shizuo gotten the hint that perhaps Izaya had done those cruel things because… Izaya had loved him. A twisted sort of affection. Shizuo had always known that Izaya was a coward, and it made sense that he would have wanted to hide behind his masks from the start.

Not knowing the deeper meaning behind his cat's meow, Izaya sighed deeply, breathing evening out again as he drifted back to sleep. Shizuo too started to purr and fall asleep next to his once-enemy.

Perhaps it was a dream, or perhaps it was not. But as Shizuo drifted away, he heard Izaya's voice softly call out, "Shizu-chan…" There was longing there and regret. The cat pawed softly at Izaya's chest a bit in response, though the informant would never know that it was Shizuo replying back to him in his own way. That he was right there.

After awhile, as Shizuo's body started to relax into semi-sleep, Izaya started to speak his thoughts out loud.

"Shizu-chan… you know… When humans are at their weakest… When humans are in crisis and in pain… That is when they show who they truly are. When they are cornered, when they are at a dead-end, when they are trapped, and when they are condemned…Even someone that everyone had once thought was a saint would show their ugliest side. I've seen the most arrogant and haughty man surrounded by riches step on others and laugh… Yet when his power is stripped from him, he turns into nothing but a cowardly scoundrel begging for mercy…Without a single ounce of ego or pride in sight."

The cat stirred a bit, trying to blink his sleep away. However, Izaya's voice was like a lullaby as the music continued to flow.

"That's why I love you so much you know. When I throw you into despair, when I throw you against the strongest adversaries, you don't run. You face them head on. When people are attacked and oppressed, they show their purest form. And your purest form was the most beautiful."

'But my purest form is ugly.'

'It's violent.'

'It's anger.'

'It destroys.'

'It hurts.'

'It causes nothing but pain….'

Shizuo answered this inwardly, his paws slightly twitching along with his furry ears. He was too sleepy to even meow; his limbs too relaxed.

"No matter how strong your opponents were, you could take them. It was amazing. Even the strongest Yakuza or even the force of a truck could not knock you down. And I wanted to see it again and again; to watch you in your purest form again and again. Just for me to observe." Izaya continued. His voice started to fade too as he started to lose consciousness and sleep took over.

"And I thought… Even death…. Could never defeat you. It made me wish for immortality, you know… Because… I had found someone who could possibly even conquer death. When even being run over by a truck couldn't kill you, nor bullets… I wanted… to stand as an equal next to you. Me, who doesn't have any supernatural power like you… It was the only way…"

"My very own… Monster… Just like how Shinra had Celty…"

"But now… You're gone…"

"Where did you go?"

"Surely… It wasn't death who took you away from me…"

"I made you hate me and hate me… And hate me… So you'll forever be bound to me…"

"Who broke our chain, Shizu-chan?"

"Was she more attractive than me?"

"More intelligent?"

"Did you hate her more than me?"

"Did you love her?"

"Whatever it was, your feelings for her were more than your hatred towards me."

"Wonder who the lucky girl is…"

"Death is a seductive temptress, luring many men into her clutches. In the end, all men fall under her spell. Did you too- in the end- fall for her lover's whisper?"

"I don't believe in the afterlife… But if it was death who took you away from me…Then…"

"I…"

Silence blanketed the room as the human and his pet fell asleep from exhaustion after a long day.

* * *

Shizuo's ears twitched as he felt the bed beneath him sway gently with the rustling of blankets . Yet, despite this, he continued to sleep obliviously, drifting in and of consciousness, until …

...something began to feel off.

He blinked open one of his sleep-heavy eyes, drowsiness keeping the cat from seeing more than a mere glimpse of a familiar fur trim coat before Izaya was closing the door behind him.

Shizuo yawned as he turned over, going back to his blissful sleep unthinkingly while he listened to the quiet footsteps fade down the stairs…

The tabby jolted awake. It was dark; the room still completely black as night save for the faint neon light of an alarm clock that read 3:24a.m.

 _Why was Izaya going out this late?_  Where would he need to go that he felt the desire to even sneak out like that?

Shizuo quickly scrambled off the bed. He jumped once, twice, three times to grab the handle of the door and clung onto it until it fell open. Yet by the time he ran out to look down from the stairs, Izaya had closed the door and the cat could hear the faint sound of the keys locking.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Izaya had snuck out on him! Obviously it had to be something dangerous if the damn flea didn't want to bring  _him_ along!

Shizuo skipped several steps at a time and bolted to the door. Once there he studied it desperately from his low angle but, quite unfortunately for Izaya, there was no other way out but to break it…

Maybe it was nothing.

Maybe Shizuo was over thinking things again.

Maybe Izaya just wanted to go out for a walk and clear his head…

_"I don't believe in the afterlife… But if it was death who took you away from me…Then…"_

"I…"

Even now Shizuo remembered those words the informant had spoken as they both drifted off to sleep.

Fuck, there was  _no way_  Shizuo would not worry after that. He  _knew_  Izaya would do something drastic soon so he  _should_  have paid more attention… he should have known that Izaya would sneak off...he should have…

The little tabby took few steps back… then charged full force at the door.

*Crunch*

Shizuo blinked as his head spun and saw stars. Looking back at the door, there was an indented area about the size of a cat's head…

Fuck…!

The tabby ran all the way to the kitchen. Then he ran full force again, closing his eyes for the impact while he threw his entire body against the door.

*CRASH*

The young feline's body hurt  _everywhere_ , as if he had gotten hit by a truck again, but at least this time the door had broken at the hinges. But Shizuo didn't have much time! He quickly got up, lightly limping in pain as he ran to the elevator only to feel a slight relief as he saw that the elevator was going down rather than up.

At least if Izaya wasn't going up, he wasn't planning to throw himself from the roof and commit suicide… right?

Regardless, Izaya was still going somewhere out in the middle of the night and that was never good news. Or so Shizuo believed.

The tabby quickly found the stairs and jumped down, using his parkour moves to jump floor to floor through the cracks of the stair railings. A few times Shizuo thought he felt his feet slip but he managed to get to the ground floor in one piece.

Once safe on the ground floor the cat's body began to already feel the strain of the sudden exertion caused by all this energy but Shizuo's mind was too far gone in panic to feel the pain. All he could think about now was catching up to Izaya only to realize he was too late as he ran outside just in time to see the informant Izaya stepping into a black car with tinted windows.

And right before the doors closed, the cat's sharp eyes caught something else inside of the car.

A man in a white suit.

Shizuo growled. He knew it. He fucking  _knew_  something bad was up. This had to do with all that yakuza business!

But he didn't have much time to waste as the car began to take off into the empty streets. Without even considering how ridiculous the idea was, the tabby dashed off, chasing after the black car without a second thought.

Shizuo was truly lucky.

For if Shiki had chosen to take the highway instead, there was no way even with his monstrous strength that he could have kept up with the racing car. However, thankfully, they had taken the local roads. The occasional stoplight offered the tabby a chance to catch his breath, enabling Shizuo to keep up as he ran the entire time alongside the car. Had it been a person who was chasing the car full speed, the driver might have noticed, but a small cat running around on the sidewalk was unseen by everyone.

Finally the black Awakusu-kai's vehicle came to a stop at an empty parking lot. Almost immediately everyone inside of it filed out; one of the men carrying a black suit case as they proceeded to walk into an abandoned warehouse.

Shizuo was panting hard as he trotted inside after them. Glad that they seemed to have no other plans to leave anytime soon, he plopped into a corner to rest for few seconds. They wouldn't move too far from him…. Right? They were quite a distance from the docks so Izaya couldn't be taking any ships…

Regardless of these thoughts however, Shizuo only took about a minute of rest before he staggered back up and toward the building. If Izaya was in any danger… he wanted to be there.

He quietly stalked further inside, slinking around the corners of the warehouse. There were Russians in the middle where a lone table stood. The warehouse itself was very dusty and filled with boxes and crates in the corners and against the wall.

Shiki and his men were in a single file line before the Russians. Shizuo quickly realized what was going on almost as soon as the men started talking. The Russians had their own translator while Izaya worked as the translator for the Awakusu-kai.

'Of course. The bastards don't trust each other to have just one translator.' Shizuo mumbled at the yakuza. This way they could keep each other in check just in case one side paid the translator to translate incorrectly for the other.

It was obviously a tense situation as the men argued about something and the translators quickly fired away in the appropriate languages.

It became ugly real fast after that. Suddenly the men were yelling, save for Shiki who quietly smoked and occasionally said something that sounded terse. The other men were growling threateningly at each other, ready to bite off at each other's throats.

Then one guy yelled, grabbing for the suit case. Immediately, one of the men on the other side pulled out a gun.

That's when all hell broke loose.

*BANG!*

One sound and everyone ducked and ran towards the crates for cover. It was all so sudden and Shizuo blinked as if he was watching some movie while the men started firing away. Shiki's men were firing at the Russians who by now had taken one of the suitcases back with them.

But one was still on the table. The men were firing away, creating a no-man zone in the middle until the bullets broke one of the legs. The bullet ridden table fell apart, the suitcase sliding towards one wall from the impact.

"Orihara!"

Shizuo jolted as he heard Shiki shout Izaya's name.

Izaya was hiding behind a crate nearest to the suit case. It was within his reach if he only ran out and grabbed it. Just about seven paces away.

'No. Don't Izaya! Stay a coward! You're a coward, Izaya. Always have been!' Shizuo's heart thudded against his ears as he watched from his safe distance. His legs trembled and his throat was dry as he watched Izaya's eyes waver, looking at the suitcase and then back at Shiki.

Then somehow. Shizuo knew.

Somehow, through Izaya's eyes, Shizuo understood.

Izaya had no choice.

Shizuo understood that this must have been part of his deal with Shiki. For Shizuo's information, in exchange, Izaya must not only work as a translator but cooperate with Awakusu-kai in order to retrieve whatever was inside of that suitcase.

Because otherwise, there was no way someone like Izaya would stand so near the frontline of any negotiation. He was just an informant, the type who slunk around in the shadows to gather information, not one of these grunts who acted as bodyguards.

Normally, Izaya wouldn't ever put his life in danger like this.

Normally.

Except… earlier tonight, Izaya had slipped and said something very strange to his cat. A secret he normally wouldn't share. Something perhaps pertaining to the possible theory that Shizuo was dead and Izaya… might…

'No… don't… Izaya!'

Even before Izaya could make his move, Shizuo bolted. Because Shizuo was able to catch that slight millisecond of fear in Izaya's gleaming rust eyes in the dark and it was a sight Shizuo never wished to see. So he ran across the floor, bullets flying above him, while Izaya dashed out from his crates.

Izaya made a grab for the suitcase just as one of the Russians came running forward, he too trying to make a mad dash for the loot. But Izaya was quicker, being one of the fastest parkour specialists in Ikebukuro, he snatched it right before the Russian fell on top of it. Then with his fur trimmed coat shadowing behind him, he ran back for safety.

Four… three… two more steps and he would be safe…!

But the Russian who had tried to grab the suitcase had a gun. He yanked it out and aimed at Izaya.

And Shizuo was there. He watched as the big muscle head raised the gun to fire a new hole right into the young informant's skull…

*BANG!*

Pain.

Excruciating pain that exploded off of him. Suffocating pain that crushed something inside him.

Pain so intense that the shocking fall to the hard floor compared little to it despite the accompanying splitting headache as the world spun around him.

Shizuo tried to look up, still half in shock from the pain. He had jumped to lunge after the assailant's throat and had purposefully come between Izaya and the gun point to block the shot in case it fired before he reached his target. And now he could barely see the whirl wind as Izaya swirled a tornado kick along with a consecutive crushing blow to the Russian's face with the heavy suitcase, causing the man's head to ram into the side of a heavy crate. Then with a graceful sweep that followed a cat-like landing, Izaya grabbed the crumpled feline and rolled away behind another crate to hide.

"Flea? How the… what the hell are you doing  _here?_ " Izaya cried out as he gathered the semi-unconscious pet into his arms.

"Oh god… you're… shot."

His voice cracked a bit as the blood soaked through the arm sleeves of his dark jacket.

Shizuo mewed. If he had taken the bullet then… Izaya must be unharmed.

'Good.' Shizuo thought, his consciousness drifting in and out. 'I finally repaid you my debt.'

Ironic. It was he who was the debt collector though their position had changed. He should be the grim reaper collecting debt from others. But instead karma had taken its toll and here he was, repaying Izaya of what he believed was his own debt. It was a confusing mess… Shizuo had once thought that it was Izaya who owed him a debt for all the schemes the raven had put him through since high school but now the blond had found out it was him who owed more of a debt as the young raven harbored secret feelings for him. Then more debt piled up with interest as Izaya took care of him as his pet cat…

No matter. His debt was paid. And his guilty conscious slowly faded away now as peace settled within him

"No, no, no! Don't sleep! Flea!"

There were still guns being fired and bullets peppering the wooden crates. But they were sounds in the far distance to Shizuo's ears despite their close range.

"Orihara! Over here!"

Izaya glanced to the side to see that Shiki had changed his position to duck behind a closer crate to the informant. He quickly slid the suitcase to the man in white suits, across the no-man zone, so that Shiki could take it from there.

His work here was done.

With the suitcase no longer in his possession, the Russians started to fire now at where the yakuza men were gathering up to escape. Using this as a distraction, Izaya quickly bolted out of the warehouse as fast as he could. He was taking off his jacket to wrap around the wound on his cat as he was calling someone on his speed dial all the while as he ran far away from the warehouse and the sounds of guns being fired. Though Izaya was holding onto his tabby cat as closely as he could, the bouncing hurt Shizuo even more while his wound continued to ache.

*Thud, thud, thud.*

What was that sound?

"Shinra? Good. I need you to operate on someone immediately!"

The yelling was too loud as Shizuo moaned, sounding a lot like the pathetic mew of a broken cat while he turned slightly to press his ear against Izaya's chest.

*Thud, thud, thud.*

"My cat got shot! I need you to wake up and… yes, I know you're not a vet but I need you to operate on him! The vets closed at this hour and how the fuck am I gonna explain about bullet wound in a country that illegalized guns?"

*Thud, thud, thud.*

What was that erratic sound? He couldn't sleep. The sound was too loud even as Izaya's voice kept drifting in and out.

"Then look it up! Cat organs can't be that different from humans! You got at least 20-30 minutes to study up on the internal organs of a cat, while I try to get there alright? And send Celty over! I need to get to you asap! I'll pay you so, please…! I'm at…." Then Izaya rattled off the location for Celty to pick him up.

Why are you so desperate Izaya?

It's just a cat right?

Just a cat.

Totally replaceable.

Never mind that the cat had supernatural powers…

There were plenty of other monsters in this world to replace Shizuo.

Shizuo was always replaceable, cat or human…. Right?

Not that it matters. Izaya doesn't love monsters. Only humans…

Love?

Ah…

Shizuo realized then… the sound he was hearing so loudly against his ear was Izaya's own heart, pounding fast as he desperately ran to save his pet cat with the monstrous strength that was just like his beloved Shizuo's who had disappeared on him.

Are you afraid Izaya? Of losing your cat too?

Would you be heartbroken if you lost both Shizuo and a pet that reminded you of your Shizu-chan...?

Do you really love me?

Why?

I had thought you hated me all your life… that you wanted me dead.

Since when…? Was it that time that I had taken you to Shinra?

Or was it love at first sight?

Since when was it…. When you fell in love with me Izaya?

And… is this even really love?

Can you even call this…. love?

Shizuo couldn't sleep. Not with the sound of Izaya's heart furiously pounding for him to live. Not with those fingers gently stroking his tuff of fur on the top of his head or with how those thin arms lightly squeezed him tightly against Izaya. He was so tired… he wanted to rest… The loss of blood made him weak and wet but Shizuo had no power to lash out at Izaya for having that nasty sensation of being 'wet' anymore despite how much he hated it.

But finally he had repaid his debt.

Couldn't he get some sleep now?

Shizuo vaguely heard the sound of a whining horse as Izaya quickly jumped onto the back of the black rider's bike. Then Shizuo could feel the way cold shadows began to lightly squeeze him as it held both him and Izaya on top of that shadowy carriage.

"Hang in there Flea. Don't die on me."

If Celty thought Izaya's gentle yet overly concerned expression was unnatural, she didn't voice it through her PDA. Instead she hurried along the asphalt streets, racing to get home in time.

And as Izaya held Shizuo close to his heart, the cat mewed softly in pain.

Shinra…

Something about Shinra…

Shizuo had been avoiding Shinra for months now… and something in the back of his mind told him he still didn't want to see his doctor friend. But strangely he couldn't figure out why. As the hazy pain faded and all he heard was Izaya's heartbeat that kept him awake, he tried to think why he had…

Then he remembered.

The once-debt-collector remembered why he didn't want to see Shinra!

Shizuo squirmed, trying to get out of Izaya's hold but the sharp pain shot through his lungs. The cat yelped in pain.

"Don't move. You're bleeding heavily. Just…. just hang in there a bit longer. We're almost there."

There was a crack in Izaya's voice again, as if he's choking back his tears. But there was no way the heartless informant would cry for a mere cat right? Though… for a man who claimed to be heartless his heart was beating awful loudly for his injured pet.

Shizuo gritted his teeth and struggled once more.

No. He must… get away. He couldn't…. he couldn't let Izaya know of  _his_ secret. Because now Shizuo too… had a secret. Secret he wanted to hide from Izaya just as Izaya was hiding secrets from him.

If Izaya found out that… his pet cat actually was Shizuo…

… and that his pet cat of which he had opened up to,

told secrets to,

cared for and loved openly,

showed affections that he was only able to show because he was a cat…

even walked around nude and masturbated in front of…,

… was in fact Shizuo, the man that Izaya had claimed and pretended to be the mortal enemy of, the enemy that he had wanted to kill for over years and years of lies…

Shizuo swallowed.

He didn't want to see it. He could only imagine the worst. Not only would it mean total mortifying humiliation and shame but it might break Izaya's ego; his well preserved and protected pride. Removal of that mask that never fell from the infamous informant's face. Shizuo had seen too many things that Izaya would never show to anyone else. He had heard too many secrets that Izaya would never share. He knew too many secrets of Orihara Izaya that only he was able to obtain because he was a cat who would never betray him.

Betrayal.

Shizuo knew instinctively that that was what Izaya would feel if he found out that his one and only silent friend betrayed his trust. Never mind that Shizuo had no way of telling his true identity. The cat was supposed to be his one and only friend, the keeper of all his secrets. A little pandora's box to which Izaya believed only he held the key to open.

And now the secrets would be out if the cat turned not only into a human but the very person Izaya was keeping most of his secrets from.

The tabby struggled harder, gasping in pain and mewing when he felt his muscles tear and his life blood draining from him.

"Flea! Stop that. Just… oh god, is he having a stroke?"

Izaya panicked as his cat twisted and turned in his hold, his limbs trembling and spazzing about. He feared for his cat, already traumatized by the idea of his pet dying in his arms due to taking the bullet that was meant for him.

How had this cat known how to get out of his house in order to follow him into a dangerous warehouse like a loyal hachiko? Did his animal instinct kick in and sensed danger for his master? And then to take that bullet like some k-9 police dog?

It was unbelievable that a cat would show such loyalty to his owner. Such faithfulness that Izaya had always wanted in a companion.

And so his thoughts were filled with that single idea of wanting to save his cat when Celty finally climbed up to Shinra's building. Izaya jumped off the bike with the sweeping motion of a parkour expert and hurried to the door.

"Shinra!" Izaya shouted as he held his cat, desperate to have the good doctor look at him. Shinra had been waiting by the door, leaning against it yawning while already dressed in his white coat, still partially sleepy but alert enough when he stared at the bloodied cat that was thrust into his arms.

"Why, if it isn't Shizuo! Izaya, you found him! I had no idea that he was with you." Shinra blinked then smiled with a genuine surprise as he fixed his glasses. "This will make the surgery so much easier!"

"Shizuo? What are you talking about?" Izaya asked, bewildered.

Shizuo's head spun, the blood draining too fast from his body.

'Fuck…' he thought.

His cover was blown for good now. It was over.

The long chase of hide and seek had ended.

As a sense of both dread and relaxation over the fact that Shinra would take care of the rest consumed him, Shizuo finally fainted unconscious in Izaya's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AA's Note: (posted on kinkmeme and ff/net)
> 
> Happy Bday to Izaya! XD  
> This ends the 3rd arc! The next chapter will be the beginning of the final arc, the 4th arc!  
> Thank you for reading thus far! This fic will be one year old in 2 days (first chapter posted on May 6, 2011 x.x )  
> Thank you so much again for keeping up with my slow updates ;_; (at least this update was long? ^^;; )
> 
> I love all the comments and fanarts. ;_; thank you so much guys! I really really appreciate it.


	17. Chapter 17

Have you ever tried to watch yourself through another person's eyes?

It's like watching a movie.

You sit there… no, rather, you're floating there as you watch yourself - a child with ruddy brown hair tussled in the wind, running and running and running. You are running towards a cliff. It's an inevitable drop.

But behind you, you're being chased by this monster. This black fear that engulfs everything in your path.

The grass turns grey as the cemented streets turn to rubble before you. The trees distort into abandoned buildings - uprooted from their foundations and bent in weird shapes due to acid rain having done its aged damage.

But you still run. Even as the landscape changes and there's something bitter in your mouth and the butterflies in your stomach knot into a painful twist, you still run. Even as your knees bleed due to the brushing frictions of crumpled rocks and stones and the skeleton hands try to pull you down to your grave…

You run up that cliff.

To the highest point.

And when you're finally at the top you look back.

There are your parents crying out to you as the darkness swallows them.

The milk lady with her broken body laying still… so deathly still that chills race down your spine.

Your brother too is sitting at the highest jungle gym, watching the red bleeding sun while the shadows take over.

You scream.

You tell them to run too.

You tell them to run away.

It'll eat you.

Devour you.

Destroy you.

Crush you into oblivion.

But you are just a child, helpless as the dark monster looms over them, the shadow too large, too strong and too…

You know that face.

You know the name of that monster.

You don't want to face it.

But you know… who _'it'_  is.

You back up towards the edge. The drop is a million miles down, a black abyss that also calls your name with deadly whispers.

You have only two choices. Both are just as deadly… but the cliff sounds sweeter than the fear that approaches you.

Just as you're about to leap and just as the shadows touch the tip of your toe, you hear a voice calling you.

A small voice that repeats itself.

It's a familiar voice.

…

A familiar… voice…

_"Shizu-chan."_

* * *

He woke up in a cold sweat, the blond immediately sitting up straight and instantly regretting it as pain rippled through his body alongside of a splitting headache.

"Fuck." Shizuo cursed as he lay back down to now finally noticing the familiarity of the ceiling above him.

It was Shinra's.

The blond looked around him. He was bandaged up to his mid-torso without his shirt. There was a beeping machine that calculated his heart beat as he was wired up in several places. He was in one of those roll-away carts that served as a make-shift bed like the ones he saw in hospitals with just plain white sheets upon them. There was also a second one next to him but it was empty.

Shizuo groaned as he tried to get up again once he had oriented himself, the male still trying to wake up from his nightmare.

"Ah, Shizuo! You're awake!"

Shinra's perky voice almost irritated the once-debt collector before he suddenly froze up as memories of last night came crashing down upon him.

"Where's Izaya?" Shizuo demanded as he sat up with one hand supporting him.

"Easy, easy~ He slipped out in the morning I think, after he gave you a blood transfusion. Could you believe he stayed here all day yesterday and did not even stab you? I must say, even Celty thought it was unusual. You should really thank Celty, my love of my life was so worried over you, I was getting jealou-"

"Wait, what? What do you mean all day? Where's the flea? What do you mean bl-" Shizuo was cut off by his own coughing, tasting the iron in the back of his throat.

"Shizuo-kun! You should rest! It's only been two days since Izaya brought you here. Well, you were in a cat form… remember? Ah, good. You do. So I've been looking all over for you and to find out Izaya of all people found you fir…" Shinra noticed that angry glare on Shizuo's face that said 'hurry the fuck up,' so the doctor adjusted his glasses to do just that.

"A-anyways, so my father brought over the cure and once I had you drink it, it easily turned you back into human. Of course there was about 92% chance of it working so the numbers were not against you and oh man, you should have seen Izaya's face. And Celty's! Of all people, you'd think Celty would be used to supernatural forms but she's so cute when she faces unnatural occurrences! Granted, maybe she was shivering and blushing because of your natural human form - and I must say it's totally unwarranted that you are _that_  well-endowed between your legs and all - I had wished Celty could of seen  _me_ embracing mother nature's original calling in full glory and nude but to say…"

"SHINRA!"

"Oh, right. So I was saying Celty took good care of you after the surgery, for god knows I'm better at operating humans over cats, to the point I was tad jealous of you. Really Shizuo. You shouldn't be stealing your friend's future fiancée like that!"

Shizuo groaned. His headache certainly tripled. "Izaya. I want to know what happened to Izaya! Is he safe? Is he alright? He wasn't hurt?"

The blond's bespectacled friend blinked through his glasses in surprised. "Izaya? Ah no. He had few scratches and bruises I think but I was pretty much busy fixing you up. You do have abnormally strong muscles that are hard to cut with my scalpel; it even dulls my diamond plated ones. The bullet was easily removable but the wound enlarged itself too as you became human. Luckily it missed your vital areas, which is quite surprising but then again cat organs are a bit different from humans so not sure how that works when transforming back. You lost a lot of blood so… and well, we know that you two both have Blood Type O so he agreed to give his blood… now that you mention it, it was rather strange that he agreed so easily when I said I'm running low on transfusion blood… then again I was also quite busy trying to keep you alive during the operation and I thought Izaya was more in shock over you being a cat…"

"Izaya… so… he… was laying next to me?" Shizuo looked over at the empty bed, feeling hollow inside. As if a lung was taken from him and something was missing.

"Yeah. All day actually, even after we transferred blood. At first Celty kept watch for an hour to make sure he wouldn't stab you while you slept, bless her soul. But she left you two alone when she saw that Izaya clearly wasn't planning to harm you." Shinra then frowned as if he had just realized how strange that sounded even in his own words. He was rather preoccupied with Shizuo's wounds and Celty's care for the blond to actually notice too much about Izaya… but now that he thought about it…

"So… did he say anything?" Shizuo interrupted Shinra's thoughts. The doctor looked back into Shizuo's caramel eyes that seemed to implore and beg for more. More of… what?, Shinra wondered.

"No. He was mostly silent." Shinra said quietly as if he realized there was more than meets the eye going on between the two. Since when had Shizuo been so curious of Izaya? Since when was Izaya ever _silent?_ And Shizuo had always either just wanted to kill their mutual school mate or didn't even want to talk about him.

"So. He slipped out in the morning then." Shizuo murmured to himself as he leaned back against the pillow and sighed.

Shinra watched quietly as Shizuo sat there deep in thought. After awhile, the doctor called out, "Shizuo, do you want a phone? Calling might be a good idea," as he handed him his phone.

"Ah right. Thanks. Do you have Izaya's number?" The blond asked, though that was a dumb question. Of course Shinra would know Izaya's number.

"Shouldn't you call your brother first? Or your boss? I didn't tell them you're alive and well you know. Privacy issue and all…" Shinra said carefully, his eyes ever watchful behind those gleaming glasses.

Shizuo almost stiffened under the surveillance. "O-of course. Yeah. I… I should call them first huh." Shizuo fumbled as he tried to remember Kasuka's phone number.

"I'll… give you some privacy." Shinra said, his glasses hiding his expression as he slipped out the door.

Shizuo sighed. He screwed up big time there… but it didn't really matter.

He called Kasuka first. The phone only rang twice before the star picked it up.

"Kasuka, it's me. I'm alright." Shizuo said hurriedly in reassurance.

"… brother." Kasuka replied solemnly. There was no hint of surprise, just acceptance of the fact that Shizuo was alive… never mind the fact that the blond had been missing for two and a half months. Shizuo could imagine his younger brother just nodding shortly with a deadpan face. He couldn't help but smile warmly at the thought.

"Ah, listen… a-about Izaya… He had nothing to do with it. I mean, I just… well…" Shizuo tried to think of ways to explain how the blond knew his younger brother might try to threaten Izaya… well then again maybe it was natural that most people would expect Izaya had something to do with Shizuo's disappearance. Right? Not because he was the cat who witnessed the threat first hand…

"I understand brother. Don't worry." Was Kasuka's answer. Shizuo sighed in relief. He was very glad that his brother never asked awkward questions.

"Uhh, sorry to cut you short but I should call my boss next and…"

"Do not worry brother. We can talk more later."

"Thanks Kasuka."

"Brother?"

"Ah, yeah?"

"Welcome home."

That small short phrase made Shizuo's eyes widen briefly and the corner of his irises glisten.

"Ah… yeah. Thanks."

The next call was to Tom. A call that was a lot longer and winded. Tom was at first elated with joy and overwhelmed with emotions, embarrassing Shizuo to no end over the thought that maybe his senpai was choking with tears… then the dread-lock debt collector fired away so many questions, Shizuo hardly had the time to answer all of them. Where was he? Where had he been all this time? What had happened? Was it Izaya? If it was Izaya, Tom was willing to cripple that demonic informant for sure this time and he was willing to help. Even Vorona said she was willing to help. Or perhaps Vorona was more than willing and would gladly do so. It wasn't Izaya? Then what had happened? Was it Awakusu-kai? Oh, no, was the yakuza involved? Was he sold to some Russians? How did he get back? Did he have to swim across the ocean? Tom betted that Shizuo could. Vorona in her weird Russian pride was assured the Russians weren't involved, else she'd know about it. Then Tom asked how in the world Vorona had such connections?

Regardless, the phone call was quite a mess, Shizuo trying to keep the answer short, yes, no, uhh not really, no, no Tom-senpai, it wasn't like that. Uhh. I gotta go. But yes, he will come to work from now on. No, he wasn't hurt… oh wait, yes, he is hurt. Bullet wound actually… ah no, it wasn't related with Awakusu-kai. No, not the Russians. No Russian guns involved… oh wait, maybe it sorta had to do with them but… A-anyways, Izaya had nothing to do with it! Well.. he did but… no, no wait. No. Don't go killing the informant, seriously, Shizuo would explain everything all in good time,  _later_ but he needed to rest.

Luckily the word 'rest' turned out to be the key when Tom said he understood that Shizuo needed to rest. But the blond still assured him that he would come to work tomorrow. He sucked at lying and it really did not help that he did get wounded due to the Awakusu-kai, the Russians and Izaya… but he really didn't want Tom and Vorona to hunt the informant down and interrogate him.

Once he hung up from that phone call, Shizuo plopped down on the bed and sighed. He looked over to the empty bed next to him, trying to imagine Izaya laying there with his arm stretched out, his own life blood transferring between the tube into Shizuo…

The blond's fingers twitched when he could almost see Izaya's form. But… he couldn't imagine his face.

What kind of face would… Izaya have had as he watched Shizuo lay there sleeping… the man the raven had searched for inch by inch all over the entire city and perhaps, all of Japan and more… only to find out that the man had always been right under his nose… as a cat…

As a cat who had seen and heard secrets Izaya would have otherwise kept from the very same man.

Shizuo jolted up, cursing slightly as the pain shot through him once more. But he couldn't stay here. He needed to find Izaya.

He couldn't use Shinra's phone… the caller ID would definitely log everyone Shizuo called.

Once he got out though, Celty was there, trying to tell him through her PDA that he needed more rest. He dismissed it, telling her with a gentle smile that he was fine. This was Heiwajima Shizuo after all, no bullets could kill him.

Shinra had managed to find Shizuo's old clothes from two and a half months ago when he had changed into a cat at his place. Shizuo eyed the cellphone and silently pocked it along with his cigarettes and lighter. He hadn't smoked in months and already his lips were itching for the taste.

As soon as he was few blocks away, Shizuo quickly dialed Izaya's number. A number he never called… he only had it to 'block.' Granted, Izaya had used different numbers to bypass the block but still, Shizuo had kept the number anyway. Now though, he called Izaya for the first time.

It didn't even ring before the informant's voice rang into Shizuo's ears. "Hey there."

"Iza-" Shizuo started to say, then for a brief second he wondered what he should say. What could he say?

But it was only a split second before that choice was taken from him when the recorded message greeted Shizuo instead of the informant himself. "I am sorry that I'm unavailable right now. Please leave your name, number and a detailed message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."

After the beep, Shizuo just hung up. There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. A feeling he hoped was wrong.

Shizuo grabbed a taxi and went straight to Izaya's apartment. He still did not know what to say when he would come to face the informant. But that was the least of his problems. Right now it was far more important to see just Izaya as the blond began to desperately hope that his instinct, for once, was wrong.

His legs were on autopilot as he paid for the taxi and ran to the elevator. He tapped his foot impatiently inside as he finally arrived at Izaya's flat. The sinking feeling in his stomach only grew worse when his heart fell at the sight of the sign on the door that read, 'Out on Vacation. Please send all inquiries to…' and there were further instructions on the phone number to call. The same phone number as the one Shizuo had already called. Shizuo knew instinctively… it would be pointless to leave a message. Izaya would never get back to him. Or rather, Izaya would never come back to  _'him,'_ Heiwajima Shizuo specifically. Because…

Orihara Izaya had run away.

Shizuo swallowed hard. He knew this. He knew this was inevitable. He knew… this would happen.

As he leaned against the wall of the hallway and slid down, looking at the door sign in disbelief, only then did he remember…

He was dying for a smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: And now starts the final fourth arc! We're almost finished guys! Thanks for reading thus far~ *sends you hearts and hugs!* Everyone who sent me reviews, thank you so very much. I appreciate all of them. *hearts!*


	18. Chapter 18

He sat there for a long time.

The hazy smoke rose into the air above Shizuo's head before it faded away, the musky smell mingling with the scent of the carpet that covered the floor he still sat upon in the hallway. The blond's gaze transfixed itself on the door, mocking him as it remained closed for some odd hours.

It was past seven now and seven was around the time when Namie would leave after finishing her work. Shizuo knew this after having lived in that flat for so many months just like how he knew Namie was punctual. She wouldn't care if Izaya's ruse was foiled or not.

But the door never opened. It remained closed and locked like a suitcase with a lost key. Shizuo knew that all he had to do was turn the knob to break it and yet he still sat there waiting, _hoping_ , for some kind of miracle or even a 'Surprise! Miss me Shizu-chan?' just as Izaya came bounding up behind him to try to stab and shred his precious gift from Kasuka just to irritate his beloved monster before running away again, laughing.

Shizuo could imagine these things so easily; it was almost life-like. A daydream that was too real to be just his imagination. He could so effortlessly remember the way that raven smiled as he tossed that small feline body into the air before catching him. And then he, Shizuo would scratch the living hell out of that face in his revenge…

The blond's smirk turned almost creepy as he tried to suppress it. He must've looked odd right then as he gazed at that door, lips quirked in a grin that wasn't quite a grin, just as one guy heading down the hall towards his own flat shot him a weirded out expression. But Shizuo just coughed and covered his mouth with the hand holding his cigarette. It was only then when the blond also noticed the look of disgust being shot at him for smoking indoors. Sighing to himself, Shizuo reluctantly snuffed the end with his two fingers, simply not caring about the sizzling burn, before tossing it into his cigarette envelope to throw in a trash can later. Already it had more than ten cigarette butts inside.

It was quarter until nine when Shizuo finally got up. The bitter cigarette taste kept him company long enough to keep his hunger at bay but he was slowly starting to feel it. Making sure that no one was looking, Shizuo turned the knob carefully, breaking it in a smooth manner like one would crack an egg and by doing so making the pretense that he was turning the knob smoothly with a key… and he entered.

He knew he didn't have much time… in case the security alarm silently went off after he broke in. He quickly looked around. The place was exactly as he remembered… minus all the computers. The desktop and laptop he usually kept on the desk and the coffee table were missing. Wanting to cover all his bases, Shizuo quickly peeked into the kitchen first then ran up the stairs to the bedroom. The closet door there was opened and looking inside, Shizuo did notice a small row of clothes missing… from a possible hassled packing. He couldn't help but smile a bit at that.

Just in case, he checked the bathroom as well only to find it too was empty (this time of toiletries)… though he did notice the bottle of flea shampoo was still there. Though there wasn't much time, Shizuo walked in and picked it up, examining it.

He remembered how much he hated baths. And this goddamn shampoo that coated his fur was the most disgusting feeling in the world for those two and a half months. It was like someone poured sticky honey on him or a cake of mud.

With each turn and a peek around the flat, Shizuo kept hoping for that miracle. For that small chance of seeing Izaya huddled under his clothes in his closet, trying to hide and hope that the blond would leave… or a surprise backstab in greeting before the informant ran off with that nasty smirk which Shizuo now knew was just a mask. But reality was even more bitter and cruel than the stab of a flickblade upon his chest, trying to cut his heart out. It was like walking into an abandoned house known for being haunted, expecting to see a ghost… but facing the truth of ghosts not existing at all and would as a consequence, never reveal themselves to him. Some dreams were too good to be reality.

Disheartened, Shizuo walked down the stairs with heavy steps, the sounds of 'thud, thud' loudly echoing in the silent flat. Looking down into the living room that he could clearly remember from his cat's point of view, his eyes couldn't help but rest upon one of his claimed 'spots.' He'd watch as Namie clicked and clacked on the sofa by the coffee table, taking away Shizuo's number one favorite spot… which the blond gave up only when Namie came before quickly taking it back when she left. He would watch as Izaya swirled around his chair idly until Namie gave him a nasty glare like a school teacher giving him her silent disapproval to her student for not studying properly in a self-study class. When caught, he might go back to his computer or pour over his work for a minute or two before returning to goofing off.

Shizuo knew Izaya only did this to get on her nerves. Because he had seen him stay up all night catching up or busily working. He enjoyed work, Orihara Izaya that is. He actually enjoyed his job, reading up on scandals, being nosy as he theorized the why's and how's and if's of a person or his clientele's requests. Izaya often forgot to sleep when he focused, time passing by too quickly for the informant while simultaneously passing by too slowly for the cat who had nothing to entertain himself with save for the enjoyment (or lack thereof) that came with watching the raven work. The raven even whistled from time to time like a bird and the cat would just swish his tail back and forth, memorizing that face, that expression, that elated smile when the raven found a new scandal on a famous politican… or that small shaking shoulder as he hid his face in his hands when he couldn't find any news of his monster even after days of searching.

Shizuo remembered all this as he stood there, these memories of a cat as if they were his previous life being seen from a second pair of eyes. He walked down the rest of the steps and stepped into the kitchen.

Without much deeper thought, Shizuo casually opened the fridge to look inside. He reached in and pulled out one of many milk cartons.

* * *

_"Heh… so you like banana milk too huh. That one was Shizu-chan's favorite along with the strawberry milk."_

* * *

He could hear Izaya's voice in his ears as if he was transported to that day.

* * *

_"I know… I'm kinda stubborn. I know even if I want to thank him properly, I would never be able to. My tongue would tie and I'd wind up insulting him instead."_

_"Which was why… if the next time Shizu-chan was able to find me and take me home, I just… wanted to be prepared… to…. to be prepared to give him a carton of chilled sweet milk." He sighed, the breath heavy with regret._

_"But now I guess even that that opportunity is now taken from me."_

* * *

The ghost continued to speak as his memory came to him so vividly, it was as if he was there, not as a cat, but in his human form as Izaya squatted next to his cat and talked while watching his tabby lap up the sweet milk.

Shizuo closed his eyes, remembering. Remembering the broken informant in the alleyway, waiting for him. Waiting for him to come find him.

Blue lips... cheeks too pale to be healthy as the rain water dripped down that face. Shizuo remembered poking his cat nose, trying to nuzzle against the raven despite his own wet fur. The way Izaya laid there looking up at the angry sky that cried bitter tears; the raven's motionless form, like an abandoned rag doll with its stuffing torn out, waiting for the impossible yet again...

...Waiting to be found.

Shizuo came back from his trance, back away from the grim memory of that dark alley to the safety of the quiet kitchen. He looked back at the milk and turned it over in his hand.

It would expire in exactly two and a half weeks. An ironic number.

Shizuo opened the fridge back up and placed the milk back in its proper place.

"Two and a half weeks, Izaya," Shizuo promised to the ghost.

"Two and a half weeks. Before this milk expires… I'll find you again."

Orihara Izaya had spent many months of sleepless nights and restless days, using all of his connections and finances to look for him.

Now it was his turn.

He would find Izaya. And he would make Izaya sit in that chair and watch as Shizuo drank that milk in front of him just like Izaya had wanted.

A proper thank you. Whether Izaya wanted to give it to him grudgingly or not. Because Shizuo knew, Izaya wouldn't graciously give him milk as a thank you even if he had wanted to.

Didn't matter.

This time, Shizuo planned to find Izaya, bind him to the chair in ropes if he had to and get that proper 'thank you' that was over-due for more than seven years.

"And this time… I'm not letting you go," Shizuo whispered to the ghost, the fridge and the milk carton with two and a half week expiration. A ridiculous sounding hollow vow but a solemn pledge to himself.

And with that, Shizuo closed the fridge quietly and left.


	19. Chapter 19

It was almost a foreign feeling to wake up in his own bed room, staring at his own ceiling, and wrapped within his own sheets. But what was worse… was how much weirder it felt to not wake up with the weight of a large log around him. Of course, it wasn't actually a log laying on top of Shizuo while he was a cat, but rather a large human arm securely trapping him within its warmth. And the heavy scent of Izaya… while Shizuo could typically always sniff the man out whenever he was in his vicinity he had felt as though the smell only got worse during those moments. It had reeked… But now waking up not surrounded by that scent felt weird.

At least the morning sunlight from the window felt familiar in his now strangely unfamiliar room.

Shizuo slowly rolled out of his bed and stretched, scratching at his bed head while he groggily walked to his bathroom to wash up. It was good to be human again… but there were certain things he missed from when he was still a cat.

As he headed out for work, the debt collector heard a meow. Looking down, there was a pure white cat with beautiful rose colored eyes rubbing against his leg.

"A stray huh?" Shizuo noted, seeing that it had no collar. Then he remembered how rough it was to be a stray cat in the city. With those pound people trying to catch them, the cars who didn't care if they hit a small animal and the kids who thought it was fun to throw blocks… Then eating trash all their lives…

Trash…

The word hit Shizuo deeply. After all, he had been called 'trash' before in his teens. Dying his hair blond made him automatically a 'delinquent' in the eyes of adults. No one truly cared to understand why he had to dye his hair after all.

"Ah, wait here…" Shizuo quickly ran inside and opened his fridge. He had to go buy food last night since all the food at his home spoiled over the months. He would have grabbed milk or fish first, considering that was what he had once thought cats ate, but Shizuo remembered Namie's words and grabbed the leftover chicken, hoping it would suffice. And a small bowl of water.

Setting them down, the cat meowed what seemed to be in gratitude as it sat down and ate the food hungrily. Shizuo squat next to it, his cheek resting on his fist, and smiled.

"Is this how it feels like, flea? To feed a cat…."

He could now see why Izaya had wanted to pet him while he ate. Shizuo almost did, but he remembered how much he didn't like being disturbed while eating. That and… well it was a stray, it could be carrying diseases.

"You know, even if I was a cat for all that time, I actually don't know much about you guys…" Again Shizuo found himself talking to things that could not reply back. Perhaps Shizuo felt more comfortable talking to inanimate objects or animals… or someone like Celty. The silence eased Shizuo, very different from the constant prattling of Shinra or Izaya.

The cat meowed when he finished eating and moved to now sit on his hind legs while he washed his whiskers. Shizuo smiled. Well, no. Not all of them were completely silent. And Shizuo now could tell the cat was a boy.

"Glad that guy with the net didn't catch you."

The cat gave another meow before it scampered off. Shizuo stood up to call out, "be careful out there! Don't get caught!" But by then, the white cat had disappeared around the corner.

When he finally arrived at work the blond apologized to his colleagues waiting for him. But they didn't mind. Tom immediately told them that he planned to let them take it easy today, to have Shizuo slowly get back into things. Vorona nodded solemnly and said they plan to go to the cake house afterwards, to which Tom tried to wave his hand in a motion that suggested that it was 'supposed to be a surprise.'

Their work was rather easy. The men were definitely far more intimidated by Shizuo than a Caucasian female such as Vorona. That and most people  _knew_  Heiwajima Shizuo's reputation. From the moment Shizuo got out of his house, the Dollars board exploded. All the informants exchanged informations, the yakuza started to fear again, the police force gave out a long sigh at the future paperwork for property destruction and the gangs, ganguro girls, the preppy snobs, the arcade gamers who skipped class every so often, etc… all bombarded each other with new rumors, each growing crazier than the last from one cell phone text to another.

[Ne, ne, did you hear? Heiwajima Shizuo is back?]

[I heard he had to go underground for awhile to hide from the yakuza!]

[You idiot! It's the other way around! He went on a vacation to Hawaii or something after he killed a yakuza boss and inherited all his money!]

[Stupid! Why would he still be a debt collector then?]

[You're the stupid one! If you suddenly had all that money, the police will be suspicious!]

[Guys, you're all wrong! I heard from the most reliable source, that he got shot and was in a hospital.]

[No, it's a woman! Woman I tell you! Heard his woman got pregnant with his kid! Had to go in hiding for abortion and shit!]

[You fool! He's not the one pregnant, why would he have to go in hiding for 2-3 months?!]

The city was abuzz with the overwhelming news. News that spread so fast it was hard for even the 24/7 informant extraordinaire, Tsukumoya Shinichi to keep up.

And oblivious to all these news was its center, Heiwajima Shizuo himself, as he didn't think coming back to Ikebukuro would cause so much of a commotion.

And for once… the one person who was not working in the center of collecting every single information out there on the biggest news to hit Ikebukuro within the last 3 months… was Orihara Izaya, who had vanished from Tokyo under the pretense of 'vacation.'

The 'Welcome Back' party was shorter than planned. Vorona bought the cakes and Tom even had the silly party hats and whistles ready but Shizuo sheepishly asked that they not use them. He even addressed that although he was grateful for the mini party, he just really wanted to get right back to work. At the time Tom was dying to ask questions but he was keen enough to notice that Shizuo's face was paler than usual and in the end did not pursue the matter. Unbeknownst to him, the older Heiwajima was still hiding the bandaged gunshot wound underneath his clothing. The damage was more than what a normal 'gunshot' would have done because when he was shot, he had been in the body of a cat. The bullet was larger in scale so when he was hit, it was as if he was shot with a shot gun or a small bazooka that didn't explode upon target, rather than being shot with only a mere pistol. Thus when he had turned back into human form, the scale of his damaged area was also enlarged, however, Shizuo refused to show pain on his face since he didn't want them to needlessly worry. And to be fair, the pain of the gunshot wound didn't hurt as much as the heavy weight of his heart did even as Shizuo sat in the peaceful cake cafe with the people who cared for him dearly. There were other things on Shizuo's mind.

It was difficult avoiding the 'pink elephant in the room' questions since both Vorona and Shizuo weren't exactly conversational. It was up to Tom to fill the void or otherwise remain in awkward silence. He couldn't say 'how have you been doing?' to Shizuo, or anything close to that matter. Tom started talking about the job they did during the two months but he didn't want to make it sound like it was hard without Shizuo around, since that would make Shizuo look irresponsible for not being there. He tried to stay on some safe subjects such as how the weather has been or even politics... but he ran dry of that pretty quickly. Whenever Tom started saying, "ah, the weather's been pretty bad lately huh?" Vorona and Shizuo would just nod and reply "Uh-huh," and went back to eating their cakes. Or when Tom tried saying, "Don't you think the taxes have been high lately?" and Vorona and Shizuo would both just nod and reply in unison, "Uh-huh..."

After about the fifth try to get a conversation going, Shizuo interrupted Tom saying, "Tom-senpai."

"Y-yeah?"

"Thank... you."

Shizuo's voice was soft and his face downcast. Tom just scratched his head and laughed nervously, "Aha... ahahaha...! What are you saying?! I'm going to work you hard, you know! You won't be thanking me much soon!" And slapped him across the back. Shizuo smiled, grateful that his senpai was trying really hard. But after that, the conversation grew little by little as Shizuo replied back with more than a "yes" and Vorona chipped in, mostly quoting from books she had recently read. The Russian woman's choice of cakes was delicious as well. Shizuo did feel right back at home as he shared laughs with his co-workers once again.

Heiwajima Shizuo tried his best to make up for lost time at work. He followed Tom and Vorona diligently as they tracked down the debtors and shook money out of them. Tom noticed that although Shizuo was diligent when he needed to look menacing enough to force the debtors to pay back their debt, often the blond appeared to be unfocused while they were traveling from one place to another. Or rather, Shizuo looked as if he was searching for something. He once ran right into a pole because he was looking to his side, trying to peer into a dark alley.

After his work shift was over, Shizuo continued to wander around the city every night. He knew Izaya wouldn't be easy to find but he kept searching, trusting his nose. He knew Orihara Izaya's scent very well. Too well. Enough that he trusted his senses and continued to wander around the city inch by inch just like how Izaya had done to search for him. But Shizuo was never able to sniff out the flea. Not once was he able to smell the louse to the debt collector's dismay.

He didn't get it... Where could he be hiding?

Could he have gone to the country side, far away from Tokyo?

No... Izaya had to be in a city surrounded by people...

Perhaps Izaya had gone to a different city. Or even out of this country.

But something told Shizuo that Izaya was still around. A gut instinct. So the blond debt collector kept searching. He had asked Celty for help and the courier agreed. Even with the help of his supernatural friend on her speedy horse disguised as a bike searching around the city, they both could not find the elusive informant.

A week passed by too easily and Shizuo grew more desperate. Izaya was still missing and nowhere to be found. Every day Shizuo woke up to an empty bed and it felt weird each time - as if some integral part of him was missing without the weight of that stupid flea hugging him. The bed felt too big for Shizuo too. He had gotten too used to sharing it with Izaya, as the male's arm wrapped cozily around him... or even the feeling of curling up next to the flea's scent on the couch or on his lap as Shizuo fell asleep to the sound of the keyboard typing. He realized just how much he even missed the musky smell under the couch too as he used to hide under it most of the day. All the little things he had grown used to doing daily had become part of him, but now they had suddenly been all stripped away along with Izaya who was at the heart of everything that was once a daily routine.

In the morning when he woke up, Shizuo took a shower and dried his hair. The first few times he laughed to himself when he noticed his own hair dryer. He remembered how scared he was of the silly thing. Why was this small daily object so scary back then? But Shizuo remembered how terrified he was of this little guy. Now he continued to use it without the fear, just fond memories.

Speaking of 'little guys,' more cats started to show up at Shizuo's front door every morning for their daily meal. At first it was just that white cat, but the next day he had brought a friend; a larger white cat with the same rose colored eyes. Shizuo figured he was the older brother or something like that due to the similarities in their fur coat and looks. Then a calico cat with orange and black coloring followed them the next morning. And then another... and another cat came by. Some cats came only once or twice but Shizuo had a few 'regulars' after awhile. And as Shizuo fed each and everyone of them, surrounded by cats every morning. He started to name a few of his regulars, being able to distinguish them even by their personality as well as their looks. The first white cat that he met, Shizuo named him 'Psyche.' He was the curious one. He never feared Shizuo... always trusted him. Shizuo always worried about that factor... worried that one day Psyche might trust a stranger and get hurt. But Psyche seemed to be smart enough not to get into too much trouble. The bigger white cat with pinkish eyes, Shizuo named him Delic. Together they were the Psychedelic pairs. The smaller orange and black calico cat, Shizuo named him Hibiya, a nickname using the word 'day' and 'Izaya' because Hibiya was always the first to be there, waiting for Shizuo. The bluish large cat, Shizuo named him Tsugaru after the river Tsugaru because he was so laid back and chill.

Even though searching for Izaya was Shizuo's main priority, the debt collector ended his tiring day as he stopped to buy some cat food for his morning crew. Once he walked past a section selling silvervine sticks and stopped in front of it. He crouched down and stared at it with warm sentiments. How could he have been once so addicted to these sticks instead of his cancer sticks? Granted he wished he was still addicted to these silvervines rather than his cigarettes; they were far healthier.

In the end he bought a bag. The next morning, he gave each cat a silver vine stick and watched as his crew mewed, drooled and fondled all over their new toy. Shizuo laughed at their silliness and had to catch Psyche before he rolled off the stairs drunk on his stick. After making sure the cats were safe while having their fun, the debt collector hurried along to his work.

Often the debt collector went by Shinjuku, to Izaya's apartment in hopes that he could catch the informant coming back home or sneak inside... but that nothing ever happened. The apartment was clearly empty.

It had been a week. A whole torturous week and despite the sense of peace that the cats gave Shizuo, it wasn't enough. It was at the end of the week when Tom finally revisited one of their old debtors, who had been hiding from them, by trying to find him at one of his older addresses. Shizuo barely registered the sound of his senpai kicking at the door, yelling to see if anyone was home.

Because Shizuo was staring at the alleyway.

_That_  alleyway.

This was the house Shizuo had last visited when he was human before he had turned into a cat.

The house that Izaya had come to investigate on the mysterious disappearance of Heiwajima Shizuo.

And that  _alleyway_  was where the gangs came down on them like black vultures reaping their prey.

The horrific scene replayed before him like a nightmare from which he couldn't wake up. He was back inside that body of a cat, watching helplessly as the informant fell to the floor, knocked down by heavy chains pounding into his back and a steel pipe which slammed painfully into his chest. They stripped him first for his money. Then for fun. The black vultures ripped away at their prey, the shirts torn easily like plucking feathers to get to the meat. It was as if the nightmare was played in slow motion, Shizuo remembering Izaya's face in explicit detail, the expression contorting in pain as they….

His heart thudded loudly as blood rose to his eyes. All he saw was red. He could feel the violence rise within him like the setting for a perfect storm. His conflicting emotions of guilt and anger mix into a chaotic concoction of a hurricane and a tornado as Shizuo could feel himself become ready to erupt…

Right before Shizuo was about to demolish the alleyway in a storm of anger he couldn't control, he stopped.

Rain had started to pour.

And with the rain… Shizuo remembered…. A smile. A smile that stopped the violence that was about to explode.

"Shizuo! Hey, Shizuo! Come on, what are you doing? Let's get inside!"

The older Heiwajima felt a tug on his arm as someone dragged him inside for shelter. The young Russian woman waved a hand in front of her senpai's blank face. When she was about to pat her senpai to try to wake him up from the trance, Tom stopped her. Their superior noticed something was up with Shizuo and suggested to the young woman, 'let's wait it out and see. It's raining anyway. Aaah~ we still couldn't find that bastard today either.'

But the words faded out as Shizuo's mind continued to play the scenes of that day. After returning to that alleyway, something had triggered the nightmares he was trying to bury… and they were all coming back whether he wanted to remember them or not.

The scene he was remembering had gone through its course and was now paused in the rain. The rain that came after the vultures had finished picking their bones, leaving their broken doll abandoned with all the stuffing torn out.

Shizuo stood there watching the cold body shiver in the rain.

He needed to get Izaya help.

Izaya needed him.

But he froze there, trapped in time as the cold rain poured down on both of them. He couldn't move at all as if a ghost had fixated their arms around his body, chaining him to that place. The horrific scene continued to plague Shizuo's mind but there was a small beam of sunlight despite the darkness in his heart.  
 _  
"Flea… it's alright." Izaya whispered. He held up his weak hand to beckon the cat._

_"You know, you don't have to drag me out here. I don't mind laying down." Izaya's voice was gentle as he looked directly into Shizuo's eyes._

_"It's alright if I don't get help. As long as… there's one more chance for Shizu-chan… to find me."_

"Over here," Tom shouted abruptly to guide his kouhai, Vorona leading Shizuo inside. The room was abandoned by the debtor. It looked as if he hadn't been here in a long time. Tom sighed as he started to rummage through for clues to see where their 'client' had fled.

Vorona found a towel and carefully dried her senpai's blond hair. He was still unmoving, frozen as he stared into a distance. Tom looked out the window to see if the downpour would let up and tsked as he complained loudly, mostly to fill the silence in the otherwise abandoned room by the debtor. And Shizuo continued down his dark memory lane.

_"Do you hate them? Humans? For what they do to you? Heh… you remind me of someone I know."_

_"Since he's a flea bitten mongrel, I think I'll name him Flea,"_

_"So you decided that the first thing you want to do is hide from me? Lovely. You really do hate humans huh?"_

_"Namie-san? Namie-san! You should have seen this! Flea just used the toilet!"_

_"You're all wet now you know. I'll have to dry you again. You sure are good at giving me extra work, Flea._

Each and every time, Shizuo remembered just how Izaya smiled. That cruel smirk, that nonchalant twist of his lips, that taunting look and that teasing smile. Sometimes Izaya was elated with joy, sometimes smiling happily at his cat's antics. And the way the informant giggled without any malice. All the different faces of the informant Shizuo had never seen before danced before his eyes.

But there were other smiles that overlapped too. And other faces behind that mask.

_"There, there. As long as you're not hurt."_

_"Stop! Stop it! Leave my cat alone!"_

_"Sorry Flea… I'm sorry you have a terrible master. It hurts huh?"_

_"There, there… sorry, are you cold?"_

Words of concern. Fluttering feelings that warmed Shizuo's heart and that forced him to continue to look for Izaya despite his fruitless search. That forced smile… trying to hide his pain in front of his cat…. How Izaya seemed more worried over his cat's wound rather than his own….

The scars of that day were too fresh in the debt collector's memories.

'I should have… played more with Izaya…' Shizuo thought to himself as he remembered Izaya laughing at him, holding up that ridiculous fake mouse attached to a stick and a string, dangling it above him. He remembered how he scoffed at him, only batting at the tail to amuse the informant.

'He deserved better… someone who could love him more unconditionally without strings attached…' Shizuo remembered how Izaya's eyes lit up each time the blond came toward him to sit near him.

'You were so desperate for even a little affection to be returned to you…' Shizuo swallowed a lump forming in his throat. Izaya just wanted a companion, even if it appeared in a form of a cat. It was perhaps the lack of affection in Izaya's life… the lack of someone disciplining him, the lack of someone telling him that what he was doing was wrong… the lack of true companionship that had made Izaya the way he was. Or perhaps Shizuo was trying to forcefully place a reason when it wasn't necessary. Whatever it was… Shizuo knew one thing.

He needed to find Izaya.

He wanted to hold him properly, just lay his ears down upon the raven's chest and listen to the informant's heart beat again. To hear the sound of the keyboard clacking as Shizuo fell asleep peacefully. To feel the warmth of those arms around him that gently held him like waves that swept along the endlessly wide sandy white beach.

Shizuo wanted them all back. Their daily life that was nothing but peace for the both of them. Somehow, he had to turn it back to the way it was. Even if it went back to the days when Shizuo would throw vending machines at the informant, the debt collector just wanted Izaya back in his life.

He knew that now. He knew clearly that this was what he wanted.

And it was only then that he could finally see in the corner of his eyes something familiar.

Something associated with the informant.

Shizuo immediately jumped up, startling Tom and Vorona who were searching for some sort of clues left behind in the dust.

"S… sorry Tom senpai, I'll be right back!" he yelled as he jumped off the window. The rain was calming down into a drizzle when Shizuo grabbed the young man with the umbrella.

"Wait, you!" Shizuo shouted as he yanked on the shoulder of the startled shorter male.

"M-m-me?!" The voice squeaked a bit as the younger male realized who he was exactly facing. "S-Shizuo-san? Why… what?"

"You…. You work for Izaya don't you?" Shizuo shouted with a hint of desperation as he clutched upon the one piece of hope he had just found. "I recognize you. The kid… with the yellow bandana …."

Masaomi Kida gulped as his eyes wavered. Everyone and especially Masaomi Kida knew not only how dangerous Heiwajima Shizuo was… but also the animosity he shared with Shizuo regarding the smaller blond's current employer.

"L-look here, Shizuo-sa… I mean, Heiwajima-san. Sir. I would really appreciate it if… or rather, I beg you to…"

"PLEASE!" Shizuo cut him off. Kida was more startled by Shizuo's genuinely pained expression more than the shout. "I need to find him! Do you know where he is? Or where to reach him?"

Kida blinked as he stood there, trying to analyze his situation.

"W… well Shizuo-san… I can call you that right? Erm… let's get out of the rain, huh?" Kida smiled wryly as he tried to use his small umbrella to shield both of them. "You'll catch a cold if you run around like that… even for you."

"Ah… yeah. Thanks."

Shizuo tried to calm himself as they both walked to the sidewalk with a under the canopy entrance of some convenient store as they waited for the rain to die down.

Normally, Kida would charge for his information. In fact, in any normal occasion, Kida would be worried to sell Orihara Izaya's information, especially about his whereabouts due to the high possibility of his current boss blackmailing him. But this wasn't a normal situation. And Kida's gut instinct told him otherwise.

"This is… that bastard's… I mean, Izaya-san's phone number. Only way for anyone to reach him is to call him. However I just text him and he replies right back." Kida flashed the number to Shizuo.

The debt collector frowned, his bangs dripping wet. It was the same number that was posted on the informant's door on his apartment.

"Is that the only way? You don't meet him?"

Kida shook his head. "Even I don't know where he is. But the chances are, he's still in Japan if he could reply back so instantly when I send him texts. There's a chance he has an international phone but…" Kida looked thoughtful as he tried to think harder. "My guess is, he's still in the city. It's just not like him to leave this city which he 'loves' so much." Kida rolled his eyes and made a quotation marks with his fingers. "But Izaya-san's a bit of a coward. He prefers to stay in a territory he's most familiar with. So I doubt he went very far."

Shizuo thought about it and the more he did, he started to think that Kida's words were true.

"Thanks kid," he said after thinking it over some more.

The debt collector realized he owed the 'kid' something and awkwardly asked if he wanted to get tea or coffee. Kida burst out laughing at first then quickly apologized, adding that he wasn't laughing 'at' Shizuo-san, no sir, nope. But for payment, Kida gleefully added that it would be nice if Shizuo punched Izaya for him once. Shizuo chuckled lightly at that.

"If he's that annoying to you, I'll tell him to go easy on you a bit. Or raise your pay."

Kida blinked at those words and looked thoughtfully at Shizuo who waved good bye and went back to his co-workers now that the rain had finally stopped.

'Shizuo-san… has changed…' Kida thought to himself as he went on his way. It was a lot to think about. One of the pillars of unchangeable fact in Ikebukuro was Heiwajima Shizuo's violent rage. It was like how the sun rose from the east and settled in the west. It was always as predictable as how terrible all school lunches tasted no matter which school you went to.

But Kida had just witnessed something that might be a change in Heiwajima Shizuo. And the sharp minded young boy braced himself for the possible incoming storm.

Heiwajima Shizuo, on the other hand, had a lot to think about.

All day long Shizuo had been clearly distracted and in the end Tom had decided to end their work early since they couldn't locate the man they were chasing. He thanked Tom in gratitude as he went back home. The blond sighed as he sunk into his bed and stared at the phone. That was all he had been doing, staring at the screen of his phone.

He had no idea what to text Izaya.

Should he ask [Where are you? I know you can read this.] ? No… that sounded more like a threat.

[Tell me where you are, we need to meet.]

[Where are you? We need to talk.]

[Hey Izaya, I have something to tell you, can we meet at…]

All of them, Shizuo would type it out, stare at it, and then quickly erase them without sending them out. It was futile to know Izaya's phone number. Even if he knew Izaya would read it, Shizuo didn't know what to tell him. He was a man of action rather than words…

"I just want to see you Izaya…" Shizuo sighed as the rain continued to lightly pitter patter onto his veranda and fogged up his window.

It was about the 10th day, too close to the time limit Shizuo had set for himself. It was his day off. He decided he would have to type anything. Because wherever Izaya was hiding, Shizuo couldn't sniff him out.

So he texted finally, [Hey, it's me. We need to talk. Let's meet.] and quickly pressed the send button before he changed his mind.

Then he waited in torture with his eyes glued to the screen. 10 seconds passed…. 20 seconds passed… and no answer. Maybe that kid lied about the number? No, the kid seemed to hold a small grudge on Izaya, the fact that he contacted his employer by texting was no lie.

Maybe Izaya was asleep? Though… Shizuo knew already that Izaya normally didn't take naps during the day. Maybe he was busy meeting a client?

Shizuo rolled around in his bed, fingers lightly holding onto the cellphone. He wanted to hold onto it tightly but he was afraid he would break it. He rolled around to the other side of the bed again-

[Ring ring!]

The sound startled the debt collector so much, he fell off the bed with a loud crash.

He quickly checked his phone to realize that it wasn't a text but a phone call from Tom, asking him if he wanted to go out to eat dinner since it was their day off. Tom had been worried about how Shizuo was spacing out a lot lately and wanted to have a chat…. not that he told the blond.

Shizuo, not knowing that his senpai was worried for him, just laughed and declined. "I have something planned today, sorry senpai." Shizuo was glad to hear from Tom though, and the anxiety over the text message slowly died down.

He waited and waited and waited. But there was no reply from Orihara Izaya the entire day. Shizuo wasted the day staring at his phone, feeling his emotions go up and down in a roller coaster. The waiting was painful. He tried to distract himself by watching T.V. or cooking something light to eat… but in the end, he always returned to staring at the phone for hours and hours and hours.

Finally, Shizuo gave up. He knew that Izaya had received his message and had chosen to ignore him. Any further contact was pointless.

He got up and dressed in his normal bartender clothes. He grabbed a taxi to the one place that Shizuo never wanted to go to… but at this point he had no choice. It was his last remaining ace card. The only people Shizuo figured would know the true whereabouts of Orihara Izaya.

It took awhile, but he finally got the location of the headquarter for Shiki-no-danna from Awakusu-kai.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Shizuo had never thought he'd be here.

"Hey kid, scram. The gallery is closed." One of the men in suits who were standing guard at the front door approached, chewing his gum as menacingly as he could, trying to look down on the blond who was obviously several inches taller than him. Overall the effect appeared pathetic as Shizuo just stared down without moving aside.

"H-hey, hey. T-that's Heiwajima Shizuo, you idiot!" The second guard's eyes widened as his partner tried to scare away any loiterers. Quite obviously the one chewing gum was a new recruit, not even aware of Shizuo's fame. Shoving his trying-too-hard-to-look-tough partner aside, the one with a scraggly unshaven face scratched his head as he stood in front of the man in a bartender outfit with a nervous hunch.

"Sorry but the gallery is closed to the public. You can't go in right now… uhh, we're waiting on the new shipments to arrive and…"

Shizuo didn't bother to listen to the rest of the lie. He already knew that the gallery was a sham.

"I came to see your boss, Shiki." Shizuo said quietly, not wanting to sound threatening, but willing to use force if necessary. He didn't want to, so he hoped his reputation would be enough for a forced entry.

"Ahaha… so you know our boss huh? W-well, you'd need an appointment and… he's a busy man you know and…" The guy kept scratching even more nervously as he seriously didn't want any more trouble. If he let this man in, he'd be beaten and scolded later…. But if he didn't, he'd be hospitalized… he was definitely between a rock and a hard place.

Right before Shizuo had to make a forced decision, the door swung open. A gruff muscular man with a scar on his cheek growled, "Hey. The boss said to let the kid in."

"A-ahaha… ahaha… okay, well then!" The guard readily stepped out of the way, sighing in relief. Shizuo walked inside. Before the door closed on him, Shizuo could hear the guard chiding his partner about how his rude behavior to the blond could have gotten them both in trouble while the man whined and chewed his gum even louder, obviously more annoyed with his partner and not quite believing in the possible danger he had just faced.

Regardless, Shizuo followed the gruff bodyguard down the hall. It was empty, not a single furnishing on the concrete floors and walls. The man led him to a door and Shizuo followed.

Inside was a room with interior decoration; a desk with a computer, few chairs, two sofas and a coffee table between… obviously it was a meeting room. There were a few unmarked wooden crates here and there in the corner, which only looked more suspicious of what was inside them rather than authenticating the gallery.

And lounging on that old sofa was none other than Shiki of Awakusu-kai in his pure white suite and black shirt, complete with simple gold chain around his neck and a ring around his finger. But it was more than just his outfit that gave out an aura of power and undivided attention. Perhaps it was that stern look on his scarred brow, or those sharp grey eyes…. As a cat, Shizuo could  _smell_ the strength of this man, not a physical strength… but a dangerous scent nevertheless. Now facing him as a human, he could still feel the power exuding out of this yakuza executive.

"Shiki… san." Shizuo said cautiously. He hoped this man wouldn't know that they had actually met previously. There was no way Shiki would know but still, something about him only made Shizuo more wary.

"Ah, Heiwajima-san. Welcome. Please sit." Shiki didn't bother looking up from his paperwork around him, his one hand holding a cigar as he flipped the newspapers.

Shizuo did as told, sitting across from the executive. Though there were several muscle men guarding Shiki and the exit, Shizuo felt more threatened by the presence of this one lean man than the ten around them. He waited while Shiki finally folded his work and set it aside.

"Before we go on, Orihara-san is not here." Shiki said simply in a matter of fact tone.

"I know. I can't smell him." Shizuo replied, nodding. The men around them murmured, snickering that it was a weird way to sniff a man out, a few grumbling as to why Shizuo was here if he knew that Izaya wasn't.

"Alright, once that is cleared, how can I help you?" Shiki asked plainly, letting Shizuo have the floor.

"I… figured you would know… where he is." Shizuo said, trying to choose his words carefully as possible. He could have hired other informants for Izaya's whereabouts but he figured that Shiki would know more than anyone else. A gut instinct since Shiki seem to work directly with Izaya.

"I do." Shiki nodded, not bothering to hide.

Shizuo waited… and Shiki did not say anything further. The blond sighed.

"How much will it cost for the information?" Shizuo asked as his shoulders drooped. This would cost a fortune wouldn't it?

"I'm not an informant, Heiwajima-san. That and the safety of a valuable informant such as he is quite important to… our organization, don't you see." Shiki folded his hands together and smirked slyly.

'This old fox….' Shizuo's eyes narrowed at those words. So he couldn't even buy the information.

"I'd rather not use violence…" Shizuo made a fist to show that he was willing to do so despite his words. As soon as he did, all ten men moved in unison as the loud sounds of 'kachik-kachik' were heard, all of them readying their guns and unlocking the safety.

Shiki however remained calm despite being in the direct target of that perilous fist.

"I didn't threaten." He raised his hand. Shizuo wasn't sure if that was a signal telling the men to hold their fires or … signal ready to tell them to shoot. Either way, it was a very tense atmosphere and hairs rose as Shizuo felt a cold sweat run down his brow.

"Heh, that's what all you scumba…" Shizuo was about to launch an attack, perhaps willing to take a bullet or two when suddenly there was a soft knock on the door.

The room froze for a millisecond in silence. One of the guards lowered the gun and fumbled for the door, opening it clumsily.

A man in a gaudy outfit walked in, sporting a pair of cool shades to hide a scar over one eye and his slicked back red hair.

"Heh~ What's this, Shiki-no-danna… did I come in at the wrong time? What's the hold up for?" The new man snickered, surveying the room with a smile as he leaned on his walking cane, though Shizuo noted that he didn't limp at all.

"Akabayashi…." Shiki scowled at the other executive of the Yakuza present in the room. Shizuo noticed Shiki frown for the first time. He had kept a cool smile no matter how the atmosphere changed… so it surprised the blond that this man's presence had made Shiki drop his unwavering countenance.

The man named Akabayashi walked over and sat next to Shizuo in the sofa, clearly surprising everyone in the room save for Shiki, who just sighed with aggravation. Shiki didn't seem to like the fact that this man in red had decided to disturb a negotiation. The other men in the room didn't know what to do and the guns pointing towards Shizuo wavered now that Akabayashi was also in the line of fire.

"Don't mind me. Do go on with it." Akabayashi waved his cane happily as he leaned back on the sinking sofa.

"Akabayashi, get out." Shiki glared at his partner.

"Aww, come on. Let me in on the fun~" The man shot him his most winsome smile. To which Shiki rolled his eyes.

"Uhh… actually…" Shizuo hesitated, now that the game plan looked changed, he tried again. "I came to ask if Shiki knew where Orihara Iza…"

"Ah, he does. In fact, they spoke to each other the other day," Akabayashi grinned and gave the information freely. Shiki's eyes narrowed warningly.

"Y-yes." Shizuo didn't know how to handle this man's amiable smile. "Well, I wanted to know where he is and…"

"Oh, he's at Disneyland." Akabayashi smiled fondly, freely giving even more information.

Shizuo blinked. "D-Disney… land?"

"You know, the one in Chiba, the Tokyo Disneyland. It's where Orihara's been doing his business lately. Surrounded by ton of people. Such an extroverted guy. Guess he likes it there." Akabayashi shrugged as he prattled. Shiki sighed and rubbed his temple as if he had a headache.

"Disneyland…" Shizuo's eyes widened in surprise. Of course! It made sense! Not only was that still in Tokyo and surrounded by people, Shizuo would never find him there… because Shizuo would have to pay at the gate each time he needed to enter and look around. The blond didn't have that kind of money to throw around nor would Shizuo ever feel the need to go to Disneyland since he never had a date.

"T-thank you… sir." Shizuo got up hastily. "I… I think I overstayed my welcome so…"

"No worries, go on now. I think that informant had a long extended vacation anyway, it's time he came back to the game properly." Akabayashi waved him off, clearly indicating that he knew that he had given Shizuo the information he needed for a reason of his own.

Shiki on the other hand looked coldly at his partner with flat steel eyes, not even bothering to look at the debt collector leaving.

After Shizuo left, Akabayashi burst out laughing. "Now then. Bourbon? A good whiskey shouldn't be wasted." He quickly whipped out the bottle containing the warm colored liquid.

"And… why?" Shiki asked, still very annoyed with Akabayashi and clearly not on the subject of alcohol.

"Oh come now. Orihara's been performing very poorly due to his limited location and you know that. We need him back on his feet soon or the damn gangs will call us old outdated coots." Akabayashi shrugged as he popped the glass cork and poured a glass for his partner.

"Cheers for good outcome? Well, as long as Orihara comes out alive with few bruises, it shouldn't be a big deal." Akabayashi slid the drink across the table.

Shiki sighed and took it. He would be needing that drink, he knew.

* * *

It was a fortunate chance that Chiba was close by the gallery where Shiki's headquarter was located because Shizuo's heart was beating so fast he couldn't stand still long enough to grab a taxi or take the subway.

So he ran instead.

He ran pass the crowds of people, saying sorry each time he bumped into someone, but didn't stop his two legs from taking off like the wind. He used his parkour skills to swing around the poles and signs, not wanting to lose his momentum, unconcerned with the people and obstacles in his way and uncaring of how far the distance was – as though they were nothing to Shizuo. Because no matter what, no matter how difficult the journey, it wasn't nearly as hard as to deal with as not knowing where Izaya was nor as torturous as thinking that it was impossible to reach the informant. Now, however, there was direction. Now it was possible to chase after him. It was as if he could  _see_ Izaya running in front of him again and all he had to do was not lose sight of him. It felt as if for awhile now, Shizuo had been chasing Izaya but had temporarily lost him. But now he felt as if he found him again and he kept running faster and faster to try to catch up. His heart burned at the extraneous physical activity but he didn't care. It was also beating wildly out of joy and exhilaration.

Finally, Shizuo had reached the gates for Disneyland. He paused then, chest heaving as he caught his breath while leaning against a large lantern pole and staring up at the fairytale castle in the distance.

The signs at the top read, 'Welcome to Disneyland, where all your dreams come true.'

Shizuo chuckled at that, lips curling upwards at the joke being played on him in a way but he was too happy to care.

After catching his breath, Shizuo started rummaging for his wallet as he walked up to the gate. There was a short line before he got to the front and the lady in a costume asked for the fee. Shizuo winced at the amount, a fairly high one that had been the result of his never having been to amusement parks like these before.

Once he paid, Shizuo walked inside. The place was colorful, with balloons, high towers, shops, small carts that sold takoyaki and cotton candies, and children squealing at the people dressed in mickey mouse and other cartoon characters… it was a lively place. He breathed in the refreshing air as he stepped forward, finally feeling like he was getting somewhere.

That soon ended quickly as he wandered around…. but he couldn't find Izaya at all. Of course there was no one dressed in that dark coat with fur trims running around… just families and couples. The place was so  _big_ inside and Shizuo had quite honestly no idea that that they could be… so large. Since he had never been in one he thought it'd be really quick to find Izaya or at least sniff him out… but it was even more difficult to find the male here than in Ikebukuro. It was like a mini city inside as Shizuo got lost following unfamiliar streets one after another. It was very disheartening.

He kept walking around aimlessly even as his heart started to sink further and further, trying to see if he could even see a glimpse of that flea. Shizuo could sort of smell him, a faint smell… but it was too hard, not with this many people here. At least Shizuo did know Izaya was indeed here… and that that man in the red gaudy suit didn't lie.

But news would travel fast. If Shizuo didn't find Izaya today… and if Izaya figured out Shizuo was here, which the damn informant would know - probably hiding somewhere and watching Shizuo right now - then the debt collector worried that Izaya would run away again. Because the damn flea would run away and this time, perhaps somewhere further.

Desperate, Shizuo tried harder, trying to see past the crowd of people, sometimes walking up to some of the costumed mascots and taking off their heads to look inside and scaring some of the kids. He apologized for his rudeness but he couldn't help himself when he thought he saw someone with Izaya's height in that outfit.

Already three hours has passed and an announcement was made over the loud intercoms posted in various places that Disneyland was closing in 45 minutes. Shizuo's heart jumped in panic. He didn't know what to do. Where could Izaya be? Where could he be hiding? Shizuo couldn't figure him out. It would be somewhere obvious… yet somewhere Shizuo wouldn't think to look. Somewhere perhaps high up so he can observe people? Where would that kind of place be? In fact - would Shizuo even have access to get to the employee's only areas?

Just as the panic was about to swallow his heart whole and sink its claws into the beating organ, a thought hit him.

The intercom!

Shizuo hurried back to the entrance. Already there was a crowd gathering around, making their last minute purchases at the gift shop. There was a Mickey Mouse handing out colorful balloons to kids at the exit. And next to that was the security office. Shizuo walked over, bowing his head slightly in a respectable manner as he approached the elderly man with the receding white hair in uniforms.

"Excuse me sir…" Shizuo approached as he ducked under the low doorway to the small box office. The older security officer with a slight chubby chin turned, he had a very kind countenance and small thin eyes. "Ah yes, young man. How can I help you?"

"Erm… is this where I go if I lost someone?" Shizuo asked a bit nervously.

The security officer chuckled. "Why yes. Did you lose your parents?" The older man jested which made Shizuo smile. Before Shizuo could reply, the man waved at him, "Ah, I was kidding. You had such a serious face, son, I couldn't help myself. Did you lose your phone or something young man?"

"Something like that…" Shizuo said, his face lifting up slightly. It was like he was talking to his old grandpa or something.

"Well, these things happen. I can call her name for you and ask her to come to the entrance to meet the boyfriend." The security officer said as he grabbed a pen and paper so he could write the name to call out.

"A-actually… it's a he…" Shizuo corrected, partially embarrassed. The old officer raised his eyebrows chuckling, "came to pick up girls then? A nice looking young man like you should come here with a girlfriend you know." The officer kept making warm jokes that made Shizuo feel more at ease despite that he was still worried that he would never see Izaya after this.

"The name is 'Orihara Izaya'…" Shizuo wrote the name down in hiragana so it was easier to read out loud.

"Orihara Izaya, huh… well it's fairly an unusual name. Hope he'll hear it. Ahem…" The security officer cleared his throat and turned on the microphone.

"Orihara Izaya-san. Orihara Izaya-san. Please meet your party at the entrance. Your friend is waiting for you." The announcement was made over the loud speaker throughout the Disneyland.

"Now then, we wait a bit and hope he shows up." The security officer said as he grabbed a chair for Shizuo. "Why don't you take a seat? Would like some tea, young man?"

Shizuo politely declined, preferring to wait standing. He didn't think this would work though. Izaya wasn't the type to come out of his hide-and-seek just because his name was called out. It felt like it was a good idea at the time, to call Izaya out as a missing person but… the idea was only great in his head, the actual plan seemed like a failure. So he stood outside, nervously lighting his cigarette and quietly smoking as he leaned against the wall. He kept searching at the entrance, hoping against hope. But minutes passed and Izaya was nowhere in sight.

"Hmmm… it's been 15 minutes… the place will close in half an hour… do you think your friend had already left?" The officer asked Shizuo, seeing how anxious he was waiting for his friend.

Shizuo slightly inclined his head and gave him an awkward chuckle, "w-well actually… we sort of… had a disagreement. I… I don't think… he'll come and see me unless… I call him out…"

"Huh… one of those things then? Young man, you should apologize if you made a mistake, though not sure what you did…"

"I don't think… he even wants an apology. I would like to apologize to him in person if I could…"

The security officer looked at Shizuo for a good second before he made up his mind, "Well son, I can't let you apologize publically over the intercom, but I can let you say the description of the missing person. Maybe someone could direct him here if they thought that he was the one lost. It might be an incentive at least."

"Really? I would really appreciate it." Shizuo's face brightened.

"Here, let's see… if I can set this up fer ya…" the man said as he moved over the microphone. The box office was tiny, made only for one person… and Shizuo was way too tall to even fit. The officer tried to move the microphone as far as he could so Shizuo could reach for it while his head was inside and the rest of his body was out.

"Erm… looking for a missing person, Orihara Izaya. He's male, black hair, … er comes to my shoulders…" Shizuo scratched his head, trying to describe Izaya. The security officer laughed and whispered, "if he comes to your shoulders, he'd be about… 173cm to 177cm?"

"Ah, thank you. He's about 173cm to 177 cm…, kinda thin… er…. short hair…"

There were some chuckling as the people around the gift shop over heard and giggled. Normally the call for missing person were for small children, so it was obviously funny that the missing person wasn't a short kid crying over losing his or her parents. But Shizuo didn't care… as long as Izaya could be found…. If someone could notice Izaya in the crowd and possibly say, 'hey is that you he's calling for?' then it was worth it.

But the more he thought about it, Shizuo couldn't figure out how to describe Izaya to make him stand out. He… he was an average height, average weight Japanese man. Shizuo couldn't even describe what kind of hair style he had since he didn't really know fashion nor did he even know names of hairstyle to begin with. Shizuo doubted that Izaya was wearing his normal fur trimmed coat…

Shizuo felt stuck. He couldn't describe Izaya at all except that he was a regular Japanese man just like everyone else here. But Izaya was more than that. He wasn't just a data that could be explained in numbers or descriptions such as height, weight or his face. He wasn't like anyone Shizuo had ever met. Izaya clearly stood out amongst everyone Shizuo had ever met and probably more. To Shizuo, Orihara Izaya wasn't just a random person among the crowd and he never would be. Orihara izaya was so much more than what anyone could imagine, more than  _he_  could have ever imagined. He had spent 10 years chasing the back of that man and never once had he stopped to face him. To _really_ look. But now -

But now Shizuo was looking.

Now all those things he had never wanted to know - all those traits which humanized Izaya – were the traits that Shizuo most wanted to see.

To know.

To touch.

To hold and to feel…

And this... this was his last chance, wasn't it? If he let Izaya slip away from his fingers now, who knew the next time the informant would return to Ikebukuro. And Shizuo didn't have the means, the transportation, the funds, the  _ability_ to search him out no matter how much his heart ached to hold him.

Orihara Izaya was everything but average. He was irreplaceable. Shizuo's grip on the microphone tightened as he said the next line with renewed determination.

"Orihara Izaya loves his pet cat." Shizuo added, the security officer sitting in his chair raising his eyebrow, wondering how that might help find the missing person. "He also likes his coffee black and likes drinking Darjeeling tea. He watches children's cartoon shows religiously, particularly doraemon and the super sentai shows. When no one's watching, he dances to the opening songs. He even does sentai poses in front of his T.V."

That earned quite a chuckle from the crowd around him, some even cheering him on. Perhaps everyone thought this was a good joke or a prank. Shizuo glanced at the crowd, wishing he had it in him to play this whole thing off, but despite their good nature all he could do was furrow his brows further in worry. He wasn't sure if this was the right way to do it but… he knew that with his ego, Izaya hated being embarrassed. Perhaps embarrassing him in public like this might give him a reason to come and stop him. It wasn't the greatest plan in the world and he knew Izaya would hate him even more… but at this rate, Shizuo was willing to try anything. The security officer just folded his arms and chuckled like a good natured grandpa as he gestured Shizuo to go on. He winked and whispered, 'Don't worry, I'll deal with the paperwork later, you go on.' The small encouragement gave courage for Shizuo as he pressed on with even more earnest.

"Orihara Izaya loves his cat even if he scratches him and hisses at him and is in general, a big pest."

"Orihara Izaya gets really cold at night. He always has several blankets to warm him while he sleeps. He's always curling next to his pet cat even though the cat would scratch his face if he did."

"Orihara Izaya sits in front of his computer exactly at 9p.m. to catch up on the daily internet drama. He always has several chat sessions running at the same time. He likes to cross his legs when he sits, the right over left, with his head leaning on his left hand."

"Orihara Izaya actually buys women's soap and shampoo and stuff because he thinks the girl products work better for delicate skin. But then he sprays himself with men's cologne afterwards so he doesn't smell like a girl." That one received a good laugh from the crowd so he paused and smiled too. Not because it was funny, well it was rather funny the first time he had realized it in Izaya's bathroom, but rather because the memory made his heart tighten now. He really missed the little quirks Izaya had… and he knew plenty of Izaya's habits, so he continued.

"Orihara Izaya likes this particular coffee shop where he'd always get the same macchiato with mint and cream and no sugar. He would always sit by the window which faced out onto main street, watching as the people outside walked on by."

"Orihara Izaya doesn't like candies or sweets. He's particularly fond of bitter food and sushi, though he always has sweet milk in his fridge to give to his… 'friend' if he ever visited him."

"Orihara Izaya always makes dinner for more than one. Sometimes I wonder if he expects someone to come visit him even if he knows no one does. When no one comes, he'd feed it to his pet cat instead."

"Orihara Izaya would always tell his pet cat that he doesn't care that he has no friends and that because he loves all humans, they should love him back. But still, he likes to go through his high school album, going through each person one by one, telling his pet cat about all the intimate details he knows of each person… he knows them so well, I've wondered if he ever wanted to be close to them sometimes and that was why he collected so many data of what that person liked and not liked to do."

These were things he learned as a cat. While Izaya's pet he was able to observe Izaya when he had thought no one was looking, to observe the true face of a man who always hid behind multilayered masks. He continued on, making a full list of 'Orihara Izaya is this… and Orihara Izaya is that…' and at first the crowd laughed in amusement but slowly as the people listened, they all grew quiet. No one left through the entrance as all the people who had planned to leave gathered instead around the security office box. The information was too descriptive, too personal, and very intimate… it was obvious that this wasn't a joke or a prank. It was a man pouring his heart out to try to find his 'friend.'

"Orihara Izaya… w-when… when he gets hurt, he doesn't cry. He laughs at it, burying the pain in his heart and pretends to move on. But you can catch him sometimes on his face when he thinks no one is looking… and when he thinks no one is around."

"Orihara Izaya… he… he pretends to be strong but he's actually a delicate guy. Sure he's not a nice guy, he… he does a lot of bad things to hurt people, but… that's his way of shielding himself so he doesn't get hurt. He would hurt others before they could hurt him."

"Orihara Izaya is a coward. He's afraid of intimacy. Even though he wants to say 'thank you', he can't so he chooses to run away from his friends instead. All he does is leave behind some abandoned milk in his fridge and tells it to his pet cat how he truly feels."

"Orihara… Izaya…" Shizuo continued, as now the box office was surrounded by a large crowd of people listening, all of them waiting along with Shizuo, hoping that this 'Orihara Izaya' would finally come. Some were waiting to jeer obviously but many were touched as they all felt the longing and passion in Shizuo's voice.

"Orihara Izaya… had said some things and showed some things to his pet cat and thought no one else would know. He's too embarrassed I think … but I want him to know that … his cat forgives him. And that his cat would like him to come back. That his … _'cat'_ isn't angry at him anymore nor will he judge him. Maybe… the things wouldn't be the same as before but… maybe we… can work it out."

"I... I know that Orihara Izaya loves his cat a lot and… even though the cat always scratched him and did a lot of bad things, he'd still… still love him no matter what. He didn't mind being silly in front of his cat… and I know thinking back on what had happened is embarrassing but… I would like him to know that … his… cat…" Shizuo swallowed hard, pausing briefly before he was about to announce something that he wasn't sure if he should. By now he had a captured audience, everyone holding their breath at Shizuo's every word even if they did not understand the content nor the circumstance of the story, they understood his 'feelings' and his intense longing to find his 'friend.' Even the old security officer watched at Shizuo with gaped mouths and his thin small eyes as wide open as it could possibly get.

_"STOOOOOOOOOOP!"_

The muffled shout from a distance forced everyone to look back in surprise. Shizuo too stopped as he pulled away from the microphone and looked up. From a short distance, Chip from Chip and Dale Chipmunks came running towards Shizuo. The crowd parted like a wave in the ocean as the suited man ran huffing and grabbed Shizuo's arm.

Shizuo smirked, clearly recognizing that smell.

"And the cat would like to say… he really loves his master back too." Shizuo ended as he pulled off the head to reveal a bright faced and flustered Orihara Izaya whose face for once conveyed a complicated mix of emotions ranging from extreme anger to intense shame. He must have ran from a pretty far distance in that heavy suit as Shizuo could smell the strong scent of  _Izaya_  as well as see the perspiration on his face. It was the scent that Shizuo had once hated, but now he knew he missed that scent the most, no matter how unhygienic that might sound to anyone else.

"I  _hate_ you, you proto…! W-wwhooaa?" Izaya was yelling before he was picked up by Shizuo in bridal style. The crowd cheered, realizing that the man in the bartender suit had finally found the 'friend' he wanted to reconcile with. Shizuo first bowed to the security officer, the old man just nodding and waving at them to go. And Shizuo happily carried Izaya out of Disneyland with the entire crowd rooting for them as if it was a wedding. Except in this case the wedding dress was a comical chipmunk suit and the groom's tuxedo a bartender outfit.

"W-what the hell Shizu-chan! What were you even thinking?! What the fuck's wrong with you?! And let me go!"

"Not letting you go flea. Not ever." Shizuo said calmly despite that Izaya was hitting him quite hard. He didn't care, in fact, he had expected it anyway so he wasn't angry.

"At least let me down! I can walk! Where are we _going?!_ " Izaya screamed him, still furious but more than anything, clearly embarrassed.

Shizuo didn't say anything for awhile, just taking in the abuse because he knew Izaya just needed to vent out at being embarrassed in public like that. Then he said calmly, "home of course. You still need to feed me your milk, right?"

Izaya paused in mid-punch as the flush on his face was renewed. He didn't say anything as he shrank further into Shizuo's embrace, wanting to hide himself since he couldn't get out of his Shizuo's grip anyway.

"Y-you know… t-that sounded…. Very perverted, Shizu-chan." Izaya murmured, his eyes shifty.

Shizuo finally flushed at that, realizing what he had said.

"S-shut up." Shizuo tightened his grip around Izaya, still holding him securely despite looking away so he didn't have to meet eyes with Izaya.

Izaya didn't say anything back afterward, accepting the inevitable fate as Shizuo carried him home.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> I'm getting a few people in my reviews saying they don't know who Shiki is. For the few of you who seem to be very confused, Shiki is in episode 7 (Inside the car where Izaya comes out when Shizuo's talking about Izaya dealing with yakuza) and episode 15 where the reporter guy asks the yakuza group Awakusu-kai for Shizuo's information and meets with Shiki (the guy in the white suit who talks about how his business is 'clean'). Shiki also appears in episode 12.5 that's only released in the dvds. (but you can still watch it online i believe).
> 
> Akabayashi is only in the novels, I think he appears in book 6 or 7. But you can google their names with the word 'durarara' to look at how they look like :3
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I apologize again that i'm a very slow writer. I'll try my hardest to update faster but I can't promise. I will promise that Catnip WILL BE FINISHED, as this is the last and final arc and we're clearly reaching the end *hearts*
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments too ;_; i really appreciate it guys.


	21. Chapter 21

It didn't take long to reach Izaya's home but it felt like an eternity of silence for the both of them. Izaya had nothing more to add and Shizuo wasn't really the talking type... and the debt collector didn't feel like creating a conversation that would eventually lead to Izaya throwing a fit anyway... which he knew would ultimately happen.

Thankfully they did make it to Izaya's place without incident; the informant quiet for once, a rare sight. Shizuo was very certain that Izaya was thinking carefully of plans and back up plans to get out of this situation... considering the blond was much stronger, he would need something that was not physical force to make Shizuo let go.

Izaya's place was exactly as Shizuo remembered it, though the cat's sharp nose was gone, the place still smelled familiar... though perhaps just a bit dusty. It smelled of home now to Shizuo... after living here for months, more so than his old apartment.

"Let me down please, now that we're here." Izaya snapped at Shizuo, reminding him that he was still being carried. Shizuo wordlessly obeyed, not even mentioning that the tone wasn't necessary. Izaya walked away with a huff, unzipping the suit just a bit lower to his collar bones for some breathing room but still not taking it off.

"Well?" Izaya glared at Shizuo as he pointed at the kitchen. Obviously Izaya intended to remain 'angry.' Perhaps he had decided that he was going to try to make Shizuo rage... but the blond's gaze remained steady behind his blue sunglasses. He took off his shoes quietly as he walked inside, walking past Izaya's hostile gaze and straight for the fridge.

He opened it up to pick out his favorite milk. The debt collector smiled as he turned it over, just confirming already what he knew; the expiration date had not passed.

As he turned around, Shizuo heard Izaya pull up a chair and sit next to the table, his arms crossed. It looked ironically cute with him still in the suit.

"Aren't you hot in that thing?" Shizuo finally spoke, as he ripped open the milk carton.

"It's none of your business. I don't feel all that safe with you in my place so I plan to keep an eye on you until you leave." Izaya kept his glare intense, his arms folded and his voice stiff.

"I lived here for two months, I didn't do anything to you then." Shizuo shrugged as he took a sip. His mouth flooded with the delicious taste of the banana milk.

"You were a  _cat._  I'm sure as a human, you're a lot more dangerous again." Izaya's eyes remained steely.

Shizuo pulled up a chair opposite of Izaya and sat down. "I think you're just making up excuses. We both know if I had wanted to harm you, I would have already."

"It doesn't make you any less dangerous." Izaya shrugged as he pushed his chair back further away and against the wall.

Shizuo continued to sip his milk silently as Izaya watched. It took few minutes but it felt like hours as Shizuo finished his milk.

And the blond continue to sit there. Izaya frowned in irritation.

"Well? If you're done, leave."

"... I haven't gotten my thank you yet." Shizuo said with a calm expression.

Izaya's eyes almost bulged out, unable to contain his anger. He burst out laughing in disbelief. "You want a  _what?_ "

"A thank you. Isn't this what it's about? The milk. Don't pretend all of a sudden I don't know shit. I really was a cat and I do understand human language."

Izaya rolled his eyes at Shizuo's unusually serene countenance. "Oh so you believe everything I say when you're a cat and call me a liar when you're human? Don't you think you're being ridiculous? Well I lied when you're a cat too, how about that then, Mr. Protozoan?" Izaya sneered right back at him.

However, Shizuo continued to coolly stare at Izaya behind his blue shades without his usual anger. Which seemed to piss off Izaya even more. By now the damned monster should be flipping the table and causing havoc. Yes, Izaya had seen Shizuo turn from cat into human but it was still hard to face the visual acknowledgment that his pet 'cat' was sitting in front of him at the same time.

"If you're trying to make me angry, it's not working." Shizuo just said flatly. "So no need to be rude."

Izaya's eyes narrowed with obvious hatred. Despite his ridiculous animal suit, Shizuo knew that he must have crossed the line.

"I don't have to tell you  _anything._ "

Shizuo sat there contemplating what he should do. They were going no where. He scratched the back of his head.

"Look, if it's embarrassing that I ..."

" _Embarrassing_  doesn't even begin to cut the surface. You pretty much invaded my privacy."

"I didn't ask for it, flea." Shizuo glared back, half finding it ironic that he was using that word again to Izaya. "If you remember, you dragged me to your place."

"Yeah, I had no  _idea_  that a monster could actually turn into a real  _animal_. If I had known, I wouldn't hav-."

"But you did. So there's no need to-"

"Oh really? So you couldn't have turned away when I was stripping to take a shower? Did you like me nude that much? Or maybe realize you should respect my  _privacy_  and walk away if I'm sprouting nonsense and..."

"Look here  _flea,_ " Shizuo growled. "It was  _you-_  who forced me to-"

"I didn't force you to look when they raped me."

That sentence struck Shizuo silent. His gaze fell. Izaya's tone wasn't harsh. It was … one of just matter-of-fact... and that hurt even more.

"L-look. I'm... sorry about that one. I tried to-"

"I didn't need your help either. You should have ran when I gave you the chance."

Shizuo swallowed hard. There was no pain in Izaya's eyes... perhaps he was a lot better of an actor than Shizuo gave credit. Right now it was impossible to read Izaya... if he actually did feel the pain from the aftermath of that incident, bringing it up so casually without a hint of trauma. But it was deeply affecting Shizuo, making the blond relive that horrifying moment again when he truly felt like a failure. That one moment when everything mattered the most and he had completely failed. The blackness sank to the pit of his stomach and spread like poison numbing his senses.

"I don't need your apology. Nor are you getting mine." His voice still steady, his eyes unwavering save for that obvious distaste of having to talk to the 'monster' before his eyes.

"Leave. You know you're not wanted here. I wouldn't have ever shared any moment with you, had I known you were the cat. It's repulsive feeling to know you used to watch me naked, slept with me,  _bathe_  with me, cuddled around like a feline begging for love..."

"Izaya! I-!" Shizuo got up from his chair to retort but Izaya wasn't finished as he tossed his head.

"And you just watched me as they beat me up and did whatever they fucking felt like. Yet you had to find me and drag me back here to hear an apology? From me? How laughable. Who do you think owes more apology here?"

Shizuo could feel the world falling apart. He knew... Izaya would have a plan. Izaya had told him... as a cat.. that his ego would refuse to let him apologize. And he was right. Even if Shizuo had known... and he had thought he was prepared for this... he was not. He had thought he had known exactly what Izaya was capable of... but Shizuo realized he was in no way prepared for anything Izaya planned to throw at him. Always, always, always...

"Look. I'm sorry. For... that time. If you could forg-"

"I don't want to forgive you. Just leave. It's even ridiculous you're even here asking me for  _my_  apology. Get. Out. Before I call the police that a certain monster is trespassing."

"IZAYA!"

Shizuo bit his lower lip as he glared back at Izaya in anguish. This... wasn't... what he had wanted. He had wanted a peaceful resolution, a happy one. Where finally and maybe... Izaya would confess properly. He had confessed to a cat... why was it so hard to confess now that Shizuo was back to normal?

The ex-bartender gritted his teeth as he balled his hands into a fist. He just... wished... he just wanted...

"Izaya... aren't you tired of lying? To everyone... and to yourself? If you could... tell a cat the truth... if you could tell to a cat that you lov-"

"I'm not in love with you Shizu-chan. Let's get that straight. I don't know what delusions you have but that one is even more ridiculous."

"But-!"

Shizuo looked up at Izaya and wasn't surprised anymore to see that unwavering rustic eyes glared right back at him with determination. Shizuo himself still wasn't sure why he was pressing this hard. He was seeking his own answer to and this wasn't helping at all. He had hoped that through this, perhaps he could finally understand himself... if... Shizuo himself could actually forgive himself and finally learn to …

But Shizuo straightened up and sighed deeply.

"You're right. I'm just a monster in your eyes, isn't it flea?"

"And I'm just another  _insect_  in yours."

Yeah, this was what Izaya had wanted. Back to their normal lives. Back to where Shizuo hated Izaya... and where Izaya hated him back just as equally. Back to the normalcy of Ikebukuro.

His eyes hidden from his blue shades, Shizuo walked toward the entrance of the kitchen. Izaya could hear the footsteps fade as the debt collector quietly walked away defeated. The informant heard the door open and close shut.

And then silence.

For about thirty eternally long seconds, Izaya held his breath. There was no sound in his apartment, save for the ticking of the kitchen clock. He sat there still stiff and rigid, in his comical looking Chip suit, holding in his breath as he counted in his head, waiting in his empty apartment.

He was truly alone again.

Izaya swallowed hard before suddenly standing up from his chair, arms quickly pushing the table out of the way as he made a mad dash to the door. He swung it open hastily just to check and make sure...

But Shizuo was nowhere in sight.

The raven haired man just stared out into the empty hallways , a mixture of emotions slowly surfacing upon his face. At first he laughed though it came out in short hiccuping spurts… then he leaned against the door. Izaya was glad that he was gone... and glad that... he wouldn't see him...

...break down.

Because the mask was cracking almost immediately as tears started to fall from his smiling face.

"Ahha.. haha… ha… ha… ah... see? So you did leave. I knew... you would." Izaya said just above a whisper as he bit down his stuttering lower lip and swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

"S-stupid protozoan. How do you expect me to even tell you if you come to me so straight forward? I told you and I told you I...  _I can't_!" His voice rose higher and higher before falling back down into despair. "I _can't_ tell you. I-I just..."

Izaya's mask was deteriorating fast, like pieces of fragile glass flaking off in shapes of tears as he held onto the door frame. His face scrunched up slightly, lips curved wide and vividly scarlet eyes dimming, while he gripped the wood as though it were the very glass shards he was struggling to keep a hold upon. His entire body felt numb - unable to even sense the way blood slowly stopped flowing to his fingers as the digits turned paler, paler, and  _paler_  until with a sudden intake of breath he let go...

To  _punch_  it.

Over and over he punched it, the tears finally fully released to stain a spiteful face while his eyes lit up once more in  _anger_.

"You stupid, stupid dumbass! Just go back to your damn Ikebukuro and _hate_ me! It's not like you'll ever love me anyway! What the fuck did you even want?!" Izaya slammed the door one final time and leaned against it, sliding down while tears continued to streak across and burn his cheeks.

"Just an apology?! Is that it? If it was that _easy,_  do you think I w-wouldn't have just..." izaya wiped his tears with the back of his hand, still throwing a tantrum and feeling like everything had just burst open like an old yellowed wound as the puss dripped away.

"T-that's why I fucking hate you so much. You don't even fucking understand. Why I can't... I can't say... that I..."

"That you what, flea?"

Izaya froze at the voice. He looked up slowly in shock as he saw Shizuo lying on his couch facing towards him with the happiest grin in the world. If Izaya's world had just shattered earlier with the sound of Shizuo closing the door, seeing that he was deceived like this and that somehow… the blond had spied on the moment he wanted to hide the most had practically numbed his mind, all his nerves screaming in horror.

Shizuo had somehow walked back quietly and hidden himself from view and, thanks to the back of the couch facing towards the kitchen entrance, Izaya did not see Shizuo as he ran past him to the door.

Izaya's eyes widen, horrified that Shizuo had seen him cry pathetically over him and quickly got up to run. But before Izaya could open the door to run out, Shizuo was there, slamming the door shut. Then he crushed the knob, trapping Izaya inside.

"Caught you."

Then with that, Shizuo turned the trapped and terrified flea and captured his lips. It was salty... and ever so soft as Shizuo sucked on those cold lips while his arms wrapped around that thin waist as the animal suit bunched up between them.

"S... Shizu... nnng…-no! S... stop! I don't... want...!"

"Oh really?" Shizuo pulled away briefly. "Do you really not want it?"

Izaya paused at the intensity of those honey brown eyes, hesitation clear upon his face. And before Izaya could answer with composure and a proper mask back on his face, Shizuo's fingers were interlocking with his and pinning him completely against the door.

"Liar. Your hands… are cold." Shizuo said as he locked lips again, knowing that Izaya's body temperature was far more honest than Izaya's lips. He had only seen how people do it in movies... he had never done this himself but he figured that he would want to do it now... with someone he realized that he cared for. The other's tongue was pliable and the inside of his mouth deliciously hot and wet.

The blond debt collector could feel Izaya moan into the kiss before he could hear him, the vibration sending tremors down his spine. He felt the man grow limp in his arms as Shizuo licked up the salty tears in his mouth and tongue. He knew... he shouldn't kiss someone who hasn't given his consent but waiting for Izaya to say 'yes' would be like waiting for the sun to rise from the west. So instead Shizuo pressed Izaya against the door and felt the man's chest quiver as their chests met. The blond had hard time feeling for Izaya's body through as the furry costume was huge on the thin man. Quickly getting frustrated and wanting to feel Izaya's body underneath his hands, Shizuo fumbled for the zipper to impatiently pull down.

Shizuo paused despite being breathless for more as he stared down at Izaya. He was wearing some sort of a thin, tight black bodysuit... similar to what Celty wears... practically showing off his slim figure and his growing erection.

"So that's why you refused to take this suit off even if you were hot in it..." Shizuo grinned almost boyishly as if happy to know one of the answers to the questions he was asking himself. Izaya stared at him also breathlessly, his lips wet with drool as he half tried to focus from that dizzying kiss while he continued to try to remain 'angry.'

"T-the hell was that for?! And stop staring at me you creep!" Izaya glared, kicking a bit as he tried to loosen his hands. "Let me go! Why the fuck are you kissing me?!"

"Really? Do you have to keep pretending?" Shizuo sighed but not as full of despair as before. At least Izaya didn't seem to have his mask completely back on him. It meant that his kisses... were somehow penetrating through the man.. or so Shizuo hoped. He looked back up at Izaya with serious eyes. It wasn't like Shizuo had not seen the near confession…. But if Izaya continued to deny it, then… Shizuo had other plans.

"You know... I thought... maybe kissing a guy... would be a huge turn off. Or make me throw up. But... I think I like it." Shizuo smirked as he placed his forehead against the informant's, staring into those bewildered crimson eyes smugly.

Izaya froze at those words, his angry eyes looking more shocked at the confession.

"W-what are you saying! If you're straight then-!"

"I'm saying, I think I love you."

Izaya paused at those words. At first, to take it in. Then his eyes flashed in rage at the realization, "... you  _THINK?!_ "

Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle.

"I meant, I love you flea."

"The hell! Well I don't! And I never asked you to kiss me! This is a fucking sexual harassment and I-"

"Do you not like it? Kissing…" Shizuo's eyes frowned with a hint of just the right amount of sadness to pull off the kicked puppy look. Izaya was flabbergasted. S-s-s-since  _when_  did the damn protozoan learn to look like  _that?!_

"I... I didn't say that!" Izaya shouted, his cheeks heating up.

"Then… you do like this…" Shizuo leaned closer, his breath warm as it bounced against Izaya's skin and lips soft as they brushed lightly against him like a feather.

"I… didn't say that either…." Izaya could feel butterflies in his stomach and his heart pounding against his chest like a madman trying to break loose. He needed to escape. This was… like falling into a sweet Venus trap. He needed to say…

But Izaya didn't say no as Shizuo deepened the kiss.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight dubcon at the beginning.

Izaya shuddered as Shizuo's tongue entered his mouth, devouring him and leaving him breathless within moments. Shizuo was clearly hungry for his taste, - the blond suckling on his tongue, licking at his wet lips, and plunging in for more with every passing second. It left Izaya’s knees weak while Shizuo continued to lean in, stealing kiss _after kiss_ from the still surprised informant.

This wasn’t a dream, this was Shizuo in the _flesh_ as he pressed the raven up against the door - trapping him there so that the blond could steal the kiss that they both knew Izaya would never admit having cried for all these years. Even now, was in disbelief as Shizuo kissed him again and again with such passionate fervor and all Izaya could wonder was why…?

Izaya knew more than anyone else what kind of man he himself was. He was nothing more than filthy trash, dabbling in underhanded blackmails, cheating, scandals, and everything that no decent man would ever even want to touch. Izaya was like a cruel and spoiled child, desensitized to tragedy and devoid of empathy. After all the horrific insensitive actions he had done to so many, including Heiwajima Shizuo, he knew that seeking things like love or even an embrace of comfort - anything that was decent and good in this world - was as undeserving to to him.

So how? How could Shizuo, a person who was decent and deserved so much better than Izaya, ever love him after all the horrific things Izaya had done to him and so many others? How could Shizuo kiss _human garbage_ like him? 

Each kiss left Izaya shaking, unable to believe that this was really happening. Unable to believe that he who watched others fall into the pit of hell and laughed at their suffering would be allowed to have this moment of happiness, that someone who had fallen into the deepest of depravity and debauchery just to see how it felt could be allowed to have someone love him for who he was. He was the most unlovable person he knew, someone who had joyfully walked over a pile of dead corpses to reach his goal, like they were nothing more than stepping stones he could use to win a petty game of his own.

Izaya struggled, still in denial that this was all a mistake. He didn’t want this man’s kisses because it was too good to be true and things that were too good to be true always hurt him. Thus his wary mind screamed all kinds of warnings at him despite how his heart wanted to believe that each kiss was true and that this wasn’t a trap some cruel god had sent just for him. Izaya wanted to believe, yet his cynical mind continued to hiss quietly in his ear that the kisses were just sweet lies that would lead to a painful heartbreak.

But as each kiss made the raven’s knees tremble his resolution to put on a facade becoming weaker and weaker. 

He had longed for this for years... many times he had dreamed of Shizuo kissing him fervently, the man starving for him and becoming desperate for his taste. However, the kisses stung him now despite their surprisingly gentle and loving caress that one wouldn’t have ever expected from the reputable monster. They stabbed at him and made his heart throb with the pain of desire. Because he knew he did not deserve these kisses. Because he knew Shizuo deserved better, and because Izaya believed that if the blond truly knew how ugly and despicable he was as a human being, Shizuo would leave him forever. Izaya would rather never know the taste of these sweet kisses if they also came with his inevitable heartbreak. He had always wanted Shizuo to just hate him and he would have been content with such a relationship rather than to have the blond forever break his heart. The idea of a romantic relationship with him scared Izaya more than the daily physical beating of raining vending machines and stop signs. The physical bruises, after all, would always heal over time but Izaya wasn’t sure if he could ever survive a broken heart. And so he had guarded himself over the years, making sure that Shizuo never found out about his feelings, choosing to be hated rather than loved. Because love meant opening up and being unguarded and Izaya feared letting someone have so much control over his heart. And he feared the monster that was Shizuo not due to his supernatural strength, but because he couldn’t prevent himself from falling in love with this man and giving him that control. And as much as Izaya loved these kisses, it terrified him at the same time. 

Thus Izaya firmly believed that there was no way Shizuo truly loved him. The idea was inconceivable to Izaya and ridiculously laughable. Izaya knew fully well how disgusting he was, how tarred black his heart had become stained with all the ugly malice and scorn within him. He was a man who had turned a blind eye when one of his loyal follower was about to be brutally raped and violated in a van by several ruthless gang members, who had an unsavory habit of dealing and smuggling underground information - including human trafficking. He knew exactly what happened to those men and children who were kidnapped with his information. He had watched with detached amusement as the suicidal girls he met online were tipped over the balance of life and death all with just a little bit of teasing, and found it entertaining as he neatly wrapped them into the palm of his hand. He played with the lives of humans like chess pieces, their sufferings serving as just a means to move the pieces across his nameless board game. Worst of all, he had no remorse nor pity, Izaya had always figured they had had it coming and in the end it was all out of their own choice or decision - all he did was ‘talk’ to them. He had never shoved a knife into someone’s stomach or pulled the trigger of a gun but he had provided the knife or the gun for their use then stepped back and watched. To him it was a game and that was probably the most despicable part of his entire personality. He knew it and yet he didn’t care. There was no one to stop him. There was always no one to stop him…

No, that wasn’t correct, not entirely. There was always someone who did stop him, only one person who had ever bothered. Heiwajima Shizuo always had tried to stop him ever since their high school days. The man who had, not only the guts and power, but also the man who innately hated the entirety that made up what is Orihara Izaya. 

Despite everything Orihara Izaya wasn’t in complete denial. He knew that his hobbies were considered unsavory by society as a norm. And he knew very well that Heiwajima Shizuo, despite his infamous reputation, was a man with a towering sense of justice and righteousness; which was why he had always gone out of his way to stop Izaya to begin with. So to have this blond say he loved him was impossible. They were two things that could not mix well together, like water and oil. Even if Shizuo had miraculously fallen for him Izaya was certain that after such heightened emotion died down Shizuo would leave him. Their values were too different, their moral complete opposites. He never even had the heart to hope for his feelings to be returned. Ever. Which was why it seemed so impossible for their relationship to last even if Shizuo claimed to love him because Izaya was convinced, without a doubt, that once the high emotion faded and Shizuo saw the true blackness of Izaya’s heart once more, the blond would leave him completely heart broken. 

“S-Shizu-chan… s-stop!” Izaya struggled again. He wanted more. _God_ knows he wanted more of Shizuo’s kisses. Yet, he was more afraid of this growing desire more than the monster’s life-crushing blows. 

“No,” was the soft growl before Shizuo continued his kisses. He too lost himself with each kiss of those lips, not wanting to let Izaya go, not wanting to _ever_ let him slip away and run again. Because Shizuo knew now, that Izaya had been hiding behind that same mask, saying one thing but wanting something completely opposite. And now that the debt collector had a way to know the difference between the truth and lies behind Izaya’s face Shizuo wasn’t going to allow Izaya to slip by him again. 

“Stop lying to yourself Izaya,” the blond murmured before sucking on that lying tongue as he initiated another brief kiss. 

“You were crying when you thought I had left. If I leave you now… won’t you just go back to crying again?” Shizuo paused to look the raven directly in the eyes. He saw the crimson eyes flinch at the rebuke then harden. Ah, perhaps he shouldn’t have been so blunt with the informant. 

“I did _not!_ cry!” Izaya glared back. 

“Oh really?” Shizuo smiled half amused which only made Izaya angrier with shame. They both knew that lie was very unconvincing. With a small smile Shizuo reached to grab Izaya’s wrist and gently kissed the underside of his palm. Izaya’s cheeks renewed in their redness at such a soft, innocent kiss before flushing even deeper at the lewd lick that replaced it. 

“It’s cold. You’re lying again Izaya,” the blond said after he tasted and touched Izaya’s hand. Shizuo looked up at him with those glorious golden and lightly hooded bedroom eyes causing Izaya to stammer his reply, the male too stricken to think coherently of any sort of a comeback at that sinuous look. Since _when_ did this man become so _manipulative_ and seductive at the same time?!

“The temperature of my hand is _not a lie detector!!!_ ” Izaya managed to yell out as defiantly as possible despite the last word quickly dying out when Shizuo leaned forward to resume their kisses. The blond still had Izaya pressed up against the door, his hands refusing to let go of the informant out of a desperation to just feel him in his arms again. Despite Izaya’s protesting and stammered words in his heart Shizuo understood what it was that the other male really wanted to say. It wasn’t just instinct that kept him going anymore, it was something more natural and almost disgustingly romantic than that. He had gained the perception to know and to differentiate the contradiction between Izaya’s words and his actions.

Shizuo understood Izaya. 

In his heart. 

It was as though there was a connection between them that Shizuo had closed himself off to before and now, even as Izaya spewed lies that caused his hands to grow cold, his actions - his reactions - told the blond differently. Shizuo knew, just as much as Izaya did, the truth behind the way the raven’s lips quivered hungrily against his, the way their breaths mingled with each moaning murmur, and finally with the way that Izaya’s weak refusals diminished with each strengthening kiss. The physical reciprocation caused Shizuo’s mind to reel with an emotion he couldn’t possibly express other than through this kiss.

And this kiss.

And _this_ kiss. 

For when Izaya finally stopped struggling and pushing him away and instead clung to the front of Shizuo’s shirt and parted his mouth open with trembling arousal the blond found himself completely lost to the desperation of both their desires. Lips parting, the blond enticed Izaya deeper - tongue tasting the inside of his mouth with the curiosity of a cat while he traced the ridges of Izaya’s teeth, the roof of his mouth, and at times the softness of that pliant tongue. Unlike with his previous words the raven’s body responded so much more easily to him and as a man of action this spoke louder to Shizuo than words ever could. Every hitch of breath, every trembling moan and every touch of those icy cold hands guided Shizuo to the truth and told him time and time again that Izaya was lying. Shizuo's fingers intertwined with the informant’s as he tried to warm those hands a bit, trying to coax and plead with him to trust Shizuo with his heart. 

Even now Shizuo could see that there was a flickering hesitation in Izaya's eyes, obviously wanting more of the kiss yet unable to give voice to his desires. Izaya’s tongue hesitated, not quite licking the blond back but no longer pushing him away. As if to ease him the debt collector's thumb began to caress the side of the informant's hand as he kissed softer now, their embrace more like wet butterfly kisses after such a heated one, while Shizuo began loosening his grip as he began to trust that Izaya wouldn’t bolt and run anymore. A moment later and Shizuo was catching Izaya’s hand, his eyes hooded slightly as he brought those cold hands to his lips. Pausing for only a moment to make sure Izaya was watching the blond then began kissing every finger from thumb to pinky with an unspoken promise for each one.

First, that he would never leave him.

Second, that he would never betray him. 

Third, that he would love him fully, for all his goods and his bad sides.

Fouth, that Izaya could trust him with his heart. 

And lastly, that he would make Izaya the happiest man in the world. 

Glancing up, Shizuo’s heart raced with hope when he sensed Izaya finally acquiescing. The blond couldn’t help but feel a thrill run through him then when he saw the raven's eyes lower as his cheeks flushed a shy pink. Not wanting to lose the chance freely given the blond dipped his free hand behind the informant's back to reach up so as to begin lowering the zipper just a bit. The tightness of fabric around Izaya’s neck loosened then just as Shizuo ducked his head down so that his teeth could catch the edge of the suit. Smirking slightly from around the fabric Shizuo began to help peel away the skintight suit away from the front of Izaya’s neck with his teeth as his fingers continued unzipping the rest of it from behind until the scent of sweat filled both their nostrils.

“Your smell is strong... I used to hate how you reek but... I think I missed this,” 

However, those words snapped Izaya out of his daze of disbelief when his quick temper and pride took over.

“Don't _smell_ me, you idiot!!!”

Izaya tried to push Shizuo away in complete embarrassment. But to his dismay, Shizuo’s teeth only willingly let go of the stretch fabric so that he could instead drag his tongue up his neck, licking and tasting his body in a deliberately slow manner. 

“You taste interesting,” Shizuo’s grin twisted wolfishly as Izaya stared at him in horror.

“No! You're so not doing this! Let me go! I want to clean up!” Izaya struggled to get out of the debt collector's hold, but when the struggle increased so did Shizuo’s grip upon Izaya. Not wanting Izaya to get any advantage over him, the blond removed his hand from behind Izaya to instead press the male back up against the door. The sudden pressure made Izaya react, the little raven standing up on his toes as if to try and put some distance between them to no avail. Instead the movement only made Shizuo’s lips curl in a wider smirk, a canine tooth now glinting in the dim lighting as he leaned closer in. 

“Oh no. I missed your scent... and I'm going to indulge myself while I have the chance,” Shizuo growled the words out heatedly as he continued to peel off the bodysuit that had stuck onto Izaya’s skin with sweat - only stopping once the hollow of the informant's nicely defined collar bones were bare. The ticklish sensation of Shizuo’s tongue sliding up his skin then set Izaya on edge but even worse than that was the thought of how unsanitary Shizuo was being at the moment. 

 

“S-Shizu-chan, beast or not, this is _disgusting!_ ” Izaya trembled at each sucking and licking of his neck. That was surely going to leave a mark. 

 

“Mmm... and weren’t you the one telling me I should lick myself clean?” Shizuo murmured as he drank in the fierce scent of Izaya that he had really craved. The smell of sweat was much stronger as his fingers began to peel the suit further away bit by bit, the blond’s body following the slow descent so that Shizuo could continue sucking and nipping at every new inch of revealed skin until he all too suddenly paused.

 

Glancing up, a slow - albeit triumphant - grin began to suddenly crawl upon Shizuo’s face when he finally found where Izaya's scent was the strongest. He took a deliberately deep breath then from between Izaya’s legs as if to show off his position to the flushing informant.

“ _You were a CAT THEN!!!!_ ” Izaya screamed at the blond in his bartender suit, his voice becoming a bit shrill. The informant watched, horrified and ashamed as the blond started to peel the suit down the middle and toward the lower region of his torso, smelling him all the way. Izaya shivered as he felt a chill crawl across his skin, the raven dripping in his own sweat as his body suit continued to be peeled off. It did not help that the informant clearly had gone commando and there was a small bush of pubic hair slowly being revealed along with the tip of a shy erection.

“Now you know why I didn't,” Shizuo shrugged as he came back up to nip at the tip of Izaya’s ear. 

The blond was being as playful as a cat and Izaya's head was spinning from trying to keep up. Wait, did this sly, overgrown beast just dodge his question?!

“L-look here! This is undoubtedly revolting, so let me clean up..”

“If I let you clean, are we gonna continue?” Shizuo cut Izaya off, and cunningly invited the informant for something that meant a lot more than what the raven had in mind.

“Absolutely not!” Izaya hissed before crying out as he felt two large hands suddenly squeeze his ass cheeks. The thin bodysuit left none to imagination as the hands’ heat transferred right through the fabric. This guy was getting way too bold! 

Still wearing that sardonic grin Shizuo noted that the biting edge of Izaya’s retort was gone and his complaints were mostly out of habit. Whatever lingering hesitation Izaya had back then was now carefully replaced by Shizuo with minor annoyance. Shizuo was learning how to handle the lying tsundere of a raven. 

Without warning, Shizuo ignored Izaya’s complaints as he suddenly lifted the informant and started carrying him off towards the couch. Caught off guard and balance, Izaya yelped, clinging to Shizuo out of a reflexive fear that he might be dropped. But before he could register the situation and push himself off, Izaya was dropped down onto the soft couch moments before being closely pursued by the blond beast who began to climb up on top of him.

When Izaya tried to push Shizuo off of him then, the blond seemed to ignore him as he simply grabbed both of Izaya's wrists and pulled on the sleeves so as to tie them together, effectively making it into a type of straitjacket.. Shizuo gave him a look over, inspecting his work of art with an expression of amusement. Izaya looked rather adorable with his flushed cheeks and tight wet spandex. Plus, with his wrists effectively out of the way, Shizuo could now kiss him as much as he wanted.

“W-what the hell...! Shizu-chan!!” Izaya cried out as the blond dropped down his body and pulled his legs apart, forcing the informant onto his back. After that Shizuo then crawled between those thin limbs to sniff where Izaya had smelled the strongest. 

“Oh my god, you're not gonna...!” Izaya's eyes bulged, and he froze up in disbelief at the thought of what Shizuo might do. Surely Shizuo wouldn't go so far, right? For someone who hated his scent for so long the blond wouldn't-!!

Only for the insufferable fortissimo to prove him wrong _yet again_ as he licked at the growing bulge beneath his suit.

“D-don't you dare! Shizu-chan, s-stop!!” 

“You know, this isn't... as bad as I thought it'd be.” Shizuo looked pleasantly surprised as he continued licking at the skin tight spandex. With the way the sleeves had stretched up to tie the informant’s wrist, the torso area was now clinging to Izaya’s skin again. However, the raven’s taste despite being hidden beneath the fabric was still there... not to mention the throbbing erection growing with each lick only added to the taste. He sucked a bit at the apparent length and licked at the soft sacks, his hands now firmly holding Izaya's hips down.

“What do you mean, it's not bad as you thought?!” Izaya hissed in a different sort of anger. The informant had prided himself on being relatively attractive. To have someone claim he was anything less, no matter what his current predicament was, was quite offensive.

Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly. “It's my first time sucking a cock.”

Before Izaya could even retort, Shizuo hooded his eyes in a manner that caused the informant's breath to catch. 

“Didn't you want to be licked clean?” Shizuo smirked as he continued to lick at the growing erection that tented the fabric. Izaya's cheeks burned with shame. S-since when did this man learn to be so cheeky and... _sexy?_

… then Izaya remembered the damn beast had been his pet cat for two months, during the course of which he had played all sorts of games with him. At that time the sneaky little cat had been suddenly playful and cuddly every time Izaya felt sad. He had thought that it was because the cat was brilliantly intelligent. But this sly mongrel knew exactly what he had been doing! All those cute poses, rolling around, doing tricks, begging him for more milk with his big kitty eyes...! It wasn't Izaya playing with a cat, the beast had been totally playing a joke on him all along! He had _learned_ to be a sneaky little rascal while pretending to not understand human language in order to make things go _his_ way with the informant for months now!!

“You overgrown cat! That was then! This is now! Know when to pick the time and place! And no I do NOT want to be licked clean! Humans have showers for this!” Izaya tried to kick and close his legs, but Shizuo remained firmly in between the male’s, effectively keeping him spread wide open for the blond.

“But I've learned now to clean by licking.” Shizuo winked. He _winked!!_ at Izaya whose lips practically trembled with livid anger. Not because Izaya was angry at Shizuo for licking him per say, but because Izaya had prided himself in being one of the best at manipulation and for being able to read people like an open book. However that exact pride was being thoroughly crushed by this man who had received his tutelage from Izaya, without the informant’s consent! And now, Izaya learned, Shizuo had been an excellent pupil.

“Let me go, Heiwajima Shizuo! I swear, after you're through, I'm calling the police!”

“Ah... so you'll let me finish then?” As soon as he finished talking, Shizuo opened his mouth and took in as much of the erection as he could - despite the fabric covering the cock - and sucked.

“NNnnnnngh….!!!!”

Instantly, Izaya’s back curled, arching away from the sofa as he moaned softly. Oh god that felt… _heavenly…._ Izaya almost came right then. It took all his toes curling to hold himself back and he did so just barely. He saw spots and stars swimming on his ceiling that he was certain shouldn’t be there.

“Too bad it's hard to taste you through this spandex,” Shizuo licked his lips before going back to licking at the now hard cock stretching the thin fabric dangerously.

“Then why don't you fucking take it off?!” Izaya gritted his teeth and glared at Shizuo, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to control his breathing. He swore he was panting due to anger... not arousal. He made a point to wiggle his arm to show that his wrists were still tied up.

“Nah... You're sexy in this outfit.” Shizuo brushed off Izaya’s retort nonchalantly.

Izaya spluttered and Shizuo smirked knowingly. The more Izaya got angry, the more honest Izaya became and that was what Shizuo wanted. 

“Hey, you don't mind if I make a tiny hole.... here, right?” Shizuo asked with feigned innocence as he pressed a finger between the informant's buttcheeks. Izaya stiffened instantly.

“Don't you dare!”

“So I can?”

“ _NO!_ I NEED TO _RETURN THIS!_ IT'S NOT _MINE!_ ” Izaya screamed at the man who was clearly not listening to him.

“I'll just buy you a new one as replacement,” Shizuo shrugged as he started to pull on the spandex to tear it. In his panic, Izaya became hysterical. Why wouldn’t this man _listen?!?!?!_

“Get it through your damn thick protozoan skull head! Besides, do you even know how to...!”

There was a ripping sound as Shizuo tore the fabric, causing the spandex to snap right back and slap against Izaya's sensitive privates between his legs. He winced visibly at the sting. Now he could feel a cool draft right at his ass entrance, and it stunned him in disbelief that Shizuo had boldly ignored him.

There was silence as Shizuo stared. After several solid seconds of observation, the blond finally said, “It's actually cute. Your hole is kinda... pinkish?”

Izaya was beyond mortified and exhausted from keeping up with Shizuo’s ‘my pace’ attitude. Normally it was Izaya who kept his cool and moved at his own pace, but not like this! For a moment Shizuo wondered if he actually saw foam in Izaya's mouth as he dropped his head backwards before he snapped right back up to screech.

“You degenerated son of a hell's offspring from a distorted womb! I'm going to _murder_ you once I...!!!” Izaya snapped as he struggled to get up and somehow get away, never mind that his hands were tied and that his ass was bare to the world. 

Izaya paused in mid-sentence when he saw Shizuo dig through his bartender's vest pocket to pull out a small bottle and pop it open with a flip of his thumb. The disgustingly luscious strawberry scent saturated the very air around him while Izaya stared in shock.

“... You brought _LUBE WITH YOU?!_ ” the informant’s voice went up another octave. 

It was definitely on the screechy side, Shizuo decided.

“Yeah, don't you know how gay sex works?” Shizuo gave Izaya a very critical look that spoke of volumes of sass that the informant had never known the ex-bartender to possess.

Needless to say, the Shinjuku informant was flabbergasted.

“S-since when did you became so...! N-never mind that, since _when_ did you carry …?!?!?!” 

Izaya's mind was reeling. Since when did this man became so damn sassy? And why the fuck does a virgin man - or at least Izaya believed Shizuo was a virgin - carry a bottle of _lube_ around as if he could actually …?!?! Wasn't Shizuo always afraid to love someone?! Afraid to hurt them?! How did all of that get cured so abruptly?!! Hell, wasn't this man _STRAIGHT?!?!?!?!?!_

“HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW GAY SEX WORKS?!” Izaya finally blurted, mind spinning away from the earth's axis. He definitely was not keeping up with the blond’s pace. 

“I watched videos,” Shizuo shrugged in that infuriating, nonchalant way he had picked up somewhere. Probably from Izaya himself. Actually, Izaya was sure Shizuo learned that mannerism from him since Izaya always did exactly that just to keep his clients off guard and annoyed. 

Izaya groaned. The damn cat had been watching him for two months twenty-four seven after all. The informant was reaping what he had unwittingly sowed.

“Wait, what videos?” Izaya felt his anxiety budding as he watched the blond pour lube onto his fingers. Shizuo then warmed the lube by rubbing it between his fingers quite expertly, Izaya noted.

“You know... The ones at those seedy stores. They gave me weird looks when I first walked in but I paid them, so whatever. While I looked for you during the day, I decided I should do some research at night so...” Shizuo left it hanging. They were more than just for educational purposes, of course. He had also wanted to see if... he could be turned on by men.

“You... actually... rented out... _gay porn videos?!!!!!_ ” Izaya's jaws dropped, eyes looking as if they were ready to pop out.

“Well, yeah. It's not like I can ask somebody.” Shizuo could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he turned away briefly, unable to meet Izaya’s stunned gaze.

Izaya quickly stopped himself from adding that the dumb brute could have looked it up on the internet. Instead, Izaya began to imagine the highly embarrassed, most feared man on earth - Ikebukuro’s very own Fortissimo - and the god of violence incarnate... walking into a seedy looking store, marching up to the shady looking, possibly fat and balding clerk in order to hand him the gay sex tapes so that he could pay for them. He could even almost hear the impatient tap of the blond’s foot, and see the cigarette bent from being bitten at the tips out of nervousness. It was so crystal clear in his head that Izaya might as well have been present to witness the most humbling act. The informant suddenly burst out laughing.

“Hey, it's not funny,” Shizuo gave him an injured reproach.

Izaya just laughed some more, rolling around a bit on what small space the couch offered him before looking back up with teary eyes. “So? You didn't punch the clerk? He didn't give you dirty looks?” He shifted one of his shoulders a bit higher, to try to wipe the tears from his eyes.

“A-actually, it was a girl... w-who worked there.” 

Shizuo hung his head and looked away abashedly, his cheeks dusted with pink. “S-she was quite helpful once she realized I'm... pretty new at everything.”  
That sent Izaya on another round of peeling laughter as Shizuo cringed, taking more injury to his pride.

“Oh god, it wasn't Karisawa-san was it?!” Izaya asked as he finally got back up with only more tears in his eyes.

“Erika? Ah, no. Someone else,” Shizuo seemed to look quite uncomfortable at the memory. “Every time I returned, she kept offering me more and... will you stop that!”

Izaya was choking from laughing.

“Anyways, I checked them out. It wasn't all that different from … normal porn, anyway,” Shizuo muttered, his mouth suddenly craving for a cigarette. “I... I mean other then the fact that she kept trying to get me to watch more of the hardcore tapes with BDSM, I kept saying I wanted something with a simpler... taste but...”

Izaya was snorting. Shizuo ignored him.

“The first tapes made me want to puke, I admit. I mean... it was educational yeah but... I just couldn't stomach... most of it.”

There was breathy silence as the slightly calmer Izaya stared up at the ceiling now, the aching in his stomach slowly subsiding as his laughter died down.

So, Shizuo really was straight.

Izaya had known it all along. But there was still that sinking disappointment, almost like a punch to his gut, when his suspicion was confirmed. His heart grew cold and hard as the reality finally began to catch up to his dream.

However, before the dejection could fully sink in, Shizuo began rambling rather fast as he went back to rubbing his fingers together as if he was pretending to concentrate more on the lube. 

“But... one of the tapes had this guy who looked a lot like you who bottomed. Well, similar hair style, and a way too thin body like yours that looked like you needed to eat more burgers... Although the nose was different and his eyes weren't as sharp as yours... and his dick was a bit too big and...” Shizuo scratched his head, catching himself from going completely off track in order to hide his embarrassment. He coughed to clear his throat, trying to get back on topic.

“When I … pretended that he was... you... I realized...” Shizuo’s voice trailed off. 

Izaya held his breath.

“...”

“...”

“... I realized...” Shizuo started again, his voice stuttering as he bit his lips and struggled. “I was very turned on.”

Izaya swallowed hard, his dead heart beginning to pick up speed, thumping with a hopeful note. He shifted a bit, using the leverage of one arm to try to sit up so as to look into Shizuo's honey brown eyes that looked embarrassingly back at him.

“What I'm saying is... I realized I'm not... gay or anything. But... if it's you... I don't think any of that matters.”

Shizuo's voice sounded dead serious, his tone a deep timbre that fell softly across the stilled informant in a bewildering caress. And yet, compared to his voice, it was his eyes that kept Izaya enraptured within the moment. His eyes which still held the tint of warmth that the informant had come to associate them with now held an amorous expression with a passion he had never even dreamed of Shizuo possessing. Lost in those passionate hues Izaya felt as if the world around him had evaporated and nothing besides Shizuo's piercing gaze and promising confession remained. He could feel his heart squeezing tightly, wanting to believe what he had just heard, and yet his mind screamed at him to run, telling him that this was surely an impossible dream, that Shizuo would soon be disillusioned and dump him for the trash he was in the near future.

“Maybe... you just like that porn star.” Izaya tried to jest lightly, shrugging it off in another attempt at escaping this, whatever this was. However, it only served to reinforce that Shizuo had definitely gotten that shrugging sassiness from him and it resulted in Izaya cringing inwardly at that.

“No, Izaya. I wasn't turned on until I imagined him as you. I was pretty sure I was revolted by the video just like all the previous ones I had watched until... I started to... think of him as you. You know.. doing... all those things, making those noises and... those faces... And I wanted... I wanted...” Shizuo struggled to find the right words. No, to find any words. Anything which could express himself better now than his usual stumbling about. In the end no matter how much confidence his personality gained over the last couple of months, he was still the same old Shizuo inside. The same man who was every bit as socially awkward now as he had been in high school. 

“But seeing you, now... Kissing you, holding you... tasting and touching you... not imagining in my head anymore but actually being with you. I am certain,” Shizuo hastened on, the blond stumbling upon his words as he leaned in closer, holding Izaya's gaze for as long as he could while he still could.

“I love you.”

Izaya’s vision blurred and for a split second, he didn’t know why. But Shizuo knew. He pushed up, moving ever so carefully so as to not startle the other man, as he kissed each of Izaya’s eyes before softly licking away the salty tears that had built up unknowingly by the informant. Izaya's heart was in a state of freefall where his reality and his impossible wish collided and shattered to pieces and he didn't know what to do. Luckily in that moment Shizuo was now there to gently pick up the lost boy's lonely heart before he completely tumbled to the floor and instead seized the chance to embrace him and hold him close. 

“I love you.”

The second time he heard it, it felt more real to Izaya, the reality of those words breaking the walls he had built up within his heart in an almost gentle manner - as if all it took was a whisper as light as a gentle spring breeze to send them crumbling down. 

Shizuo was kissing him then, lips sliding along Izaya’s cheeks, his jaws, his temple... anywhere the blond’s lips could touch. Izaya didn't even realize he was crying yet. It wasn’t a lot, of course, just a few sniffles here and there. But, his eyes kept welling up with tears that seemed as bottomless as the darkness that had swept up his heart. Before the informant had realized it, Shizuo had finally broken through the wall Izaya had used to shield himself as a means of prevening him from becoming too intimate with anyone due to his fear of intimacy only leading to pain and betrayal. At long last, this one man had braved the spikes and thorns and every bitter word and spiteful action that Izaya could throw out against the world to find the lost crying boy hidden deep inside who had been slowly dying of loneliness. After what seemed an eternity the blond finally reached the informant's lips, his kiss still gentle as if scared of Izaya falling completely apart within his arms until with a hesitant press of his tongue he could feel Izaya’s lips parting for him so Shizuo could pull him in for an even deeper kiss. 

“Shizu-ch…” Izaya’s words melted as Shizuo continued to kiss him. Rough thumbs gently brushed away the remaining shame that kept falling down the informant’s cheeks while the blond’s tongue tenderly nursed the opened wound that Izaya tried to hide. 

A few minutes later, after Izaya finally calmed down, Shizuo finally pulled back to look down at him. Eyes soft, the blond stared at Izaya quietly for a few moments before he was leaning down to place his forehead on top of Izaya’s. By now the tears had slowed down and the trill of embarrassment began to seep in when Izaya realized what had just happened. But, rather than mocking him for it, Shizuo simply smiled as his hand slid up to caress Izaya’s cheek. 

“If you can’t say it out loud, then that’s okay.” 

Shizuo breathed the words out against Izaya’s lips, making the raven open his eyes just a bit to look up into the blond’s as he continued. “A nod is all I ask for to show me if this is okay.”

Izaya’s heart was in his eyes but his lips trembled. His mind could not make up if he should take this next step forward. He wanted to say yes but the fear of rejection scared him so much, the possible and inevitable karma coming back to backstab both of them.

“Izaya…” Shizuo’s eyes soften as he understood. 

“Before I turned into a cat…, I had thought that I shouldn’t ever love someone. That I didn’t deserve it. I’ve hurt too many people and I know… that I could always lose control over my powers and hurt the very people I want to protect. I know this too well which was why I had thought that… it was better that I never love anyone at all. But now I know that that’s wrong. I may not be perfect but please, can you trust me? Will you allow me… to love you?”

Izaya’s glassy eyes wavered again. 

“And if,” Shizuo continued. “If, the gods decide that we are not allowed this… happiness…. or whatever you call it, we’ll just kick their butt, won’t we?”

Izaya couldn’t help but laugh as tears welled up once more. His heart bubbled with overwhelming joy. He nodded slowly as Shizuo again wiped away his tears. 

“So, will you trust me? And let me love you? We’ll both take this next step together, so you aren’t walking it alone.” Shizuo asked again as he kissed the side of Izaya’s temple. “I promise I’m strong enough to beat the hell out of anyone that gets in our way… be it gods or demons or any monsters…”

“I don’t know Shizu-chan… some yakuza are scarier than the king of hell.” Izaya teased. Shizuo scoffed. “Then stay the hell away from Shiki guy.”

“But it’s for businesss~~~” Izaya whined. Shizuo figured that was a good sign despite that he really did not approve of Izaya doing this ‘business’ with that yakuza. . 

“Well a few yakuza won’t get in our way.” Shizuo looked so determinedly at Izaya that cathe raven’s breath caught briefly at the fierce look. To have Shizuo feel so strongly about him, it really was like a dream. 

“And if I run away again?” Izaya asked softly.

“Then I’ll find you again.” Shizuo’s eyes hooded. 

“And if…”

“Izaya.” Shizuo cut him off. “Nothing, will get in my way. Not anymore. As long as you love me, I’m yours.” 

Izaya’s eyes lowered unable to meet such a fierce gaze. He had never imagined that Shizuo would love him so passionately and it was overwhelming. 

“Then… can you untie me?” Izaya suggested instead. 

Shizuo blinked. Then he smirked like a tiger. 

“No, everything but that. I am tired of you running away.” 

Izaya’s eyes flickered. “W-wait why not?!”

“Because chasing can be fun but… it’s no fun if I don’t catch you once in awhile…. and besides,” Shizuo’s eyes hooded once more and Izaya couldn’t help but be reminded how sexy the blond was especially when those bangs half covered those light chocolate eyes. 

“You look sexier this way.” Shizuo’s one free hand tweaked Izaya’s nipple in response. The informant gasped at the stimulationi. 

“W-wait, that’s not fair!” Izaya shouted heatedly. “Didn’t you just say you’ll…” Izaya floundered too embarrassed to repeat what Shizuo had just said… about them being together and walking together…How could the blond say such things without shame?

“How is it not fair?” Shizuo shrugged. “I want you right here and if I untie you, you’d run away. So until you answer me, I’m not untying you.” Shizuo then went lower to lick at the bud on top of the fabric, sucking on that hard nipple. The raven gasped as his body burned with need. 

“A-alright. I… I will. I will!! So… please untie me!” Izaya conceded hastily before Shizuo continued. 

“You will what?” Shizuo asked as his free hand not covered in lube caressed the side of Izaya’s thin waist. 

“I… I will… walk with you.” Izaya murmured softly as he tried to bury his face into the corner of his sofa.

“Walk with me?” Shizuo feigned his confusion. “We parkour all the time together.”

“T-that’s not what I meant!” Izaya snapped his head back up to look at him while his nostrils flared in anger.

“Then say it properly.” Shizuo smiled down at him and again Izaya’s heart fluttered. The blond who always frowned or screamed at him in anger was finally smiling at him genuinely… and all those years that Izaya had secretly watched in jealousy every time Shizuo smiled at someone else flashed before his eyes.

“I… I want to be… with you. Shizu-chan.”

“Why?” Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly.

Izaya’s jaw dropped. WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY _WHY?!?!?!_ He had just answered him didn’t he?!

“W-what do you mean why?! What more do you want?!!” Izaya blurted out, wanting to slap the man. 

Shizuo just stared right back patiently waiting. He knew Izaya wasn’t stupid. And Izaya knew what Shizuo wanted deep down. He bit his lower lip as he swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry.

“I… I…” Izaya struggled, this was impossible for him. 

Shizuo finally sighed sadly. It was as far as Izaya was willing to go it seemed. He tugged at Izaya’s wrists to untie him, to Izaya’s surprise. Then the raven looked up at Shizuo in consternation when the blond got up to leave. 

“Sorry for your trouble then Izaya. I guess this is goodbye.”

No, wait. Izaya’s mind raced in panic. Why was he leaving? 

He was willing to leave just like that? 

Didn’t the man confess?!?!?! Why was he giving up so easily?! He had said that he would fight the gods and demons for him!! He had said that he’d never leave him!!! That damn-

“DAMMIT YOU PROTOZOAN! DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU!!!” Izaya screamed at the top of his lungs as Shizuo turned his back on him. Then, before he could even look back up, he was scooped into an embrace as Shizuo hugged him tightly. 

“I’m sorry…. I’m sorry Shizu-chan. Don’t leave me… I’m sorry….” Izaya stammered as he could feel his tears well up again. Shizuo was kissing him fervently while apologizing as well as he could between them. 

“I just… I just wanted to hear…” Shizuo’s arms squeezed tightly around Izaya. “I just… wanted to confirm….” 

As soon as he got the chance Izaya kissed back softly on Shizuo’s temple. The blond too was crying and only then did the informant realize that Shizuo had been holding back a lot back there… gambling everything he had, his heart just as fragile as well in the hopes that Izaya would finally confess. 

“Shizu-chan…” Izaya cupped Shizuo’s face and looked into his eyes. They were honest, the hurt still lingering within them from the pain of when he had to face losing Izaya due to his stubborness. But soon those chocolate eyes smiled back at him like a gentle giant as Shizuo’s hand wrapped around the one holding his face.

“You’re not cold anymore... Izaya.”


	23. Chapter 23

"You're not cold anymore... Izaya." The blond murmured lowly as he pressed his forehead against Izaya's, one hand gently caressing the other male's cheek while he stared adoringly into Izaya's eyes.

Those soft words warmed up Izaya's heart as he shook his head.

"You silly… I keep telling you. My temperature isn't a lie detector."

"That's what you think but I'm inclined to believe otherwise." Shizuo chuckled before moving his lips up to kiss Izaya's forehead. Then, without warning, the blond suddenly scooped Izaya up to carry him after quickly pocketing the bottle of lube back into his pants.

"Even though you're sexy in that black suit, let's get you cleaned up like you wanted."

Izaya swallowed hard, his face burning once more as Shizuo started to walk up the stairs to pass through his bedroom so as to reach his one bathroom.

"So you'll wash me properly?" Izaya attempted to tease in the hope of getting rid of the slight awkwardness he felt over his earlier confession. The fact that Shizuo was acting so sweet and he himself wasn't trying to fight or attack back was a surreal feeling. This was a new territory he was diving into as trusting someone to hold his heart and being honest with his own feelings was never something Izaya had allowed to happen before.

The blond nuzzled Izaya's face against his in a manner similar to how he had done it when he was a cat. "Well, you didn't want me to lick you clean…"

"That's just gross, Shizu-chan," Izaya chuckled as he leaned his head against Shizuo's.

Once in the bathroom, Shizuo shuffled Izaya around a bit so that he could free one hand to close up the toilet seat before sitting Izaya down on top of it. Then he rolled up his sleeves with the one hand that wasn't covered in lube before he closed the bath tub's drain and started to fill it. As he did so, Izaya couldn't help but watch how domestic Shizuo was being, the thought of him acting almost like a good wife causing the informant to inwardly laugh. When he tried to unzip the suit though, Shizuo lightly tapped on Izaya's hand to stop him.

"No, I'm going to do that." Shizuo admonished Izaya as if he was reprimanding a small child.

"Why? Why does it matter?" Izaya pouted as he sat down on the toilet seat. He shivered as his bare bottom touched the cold cover, from the spot where Shizuo had ripped open.

"Because, I want to do it." Shizuo stubbornly replied as he poured in the liquid for a scented bubble bath into the tub.

"Wait, we're taking a bath, not a shower?" Izaya eyed the blond as the liquid was poured and the bubbles started to form.

"Why not? Baths are more relaxing."

"Well…" Izaya couldn't argue with that. "I thought shower would be faster?"

"Why, you don't want bubble baths? Don't want to spend some quality time with me?" Shizuo smirked as he used his lubed hand to test the water. "Well, I like bubble baths. Besides…" Shizuo turned to face the tub so his flushed face was less visible to Izaya. "I want to take my time."

Izaya could feel the heat rising to his own cheeks as well and looked quickly away. _'Stupid Shizu-chan...I can still see your ears turning red, you know…'_

As the bathtub started to fill slowly, Shizuo turned to finally unzip Izaya's back. "Too bad… we really should have you wear this again." Shizuo eyed that small 'fuck hole' he had made with disappointment for such a wasted opportunity.

"Are you kidding me? I'm never wearing this again!" Izaya hissed as he pulled off the sleeves and started rolling off the suit but paused when he noticed Shizuo eyeing him intently.

"W-what…? You've seen me naked already." The informant, the informant squirmed slightly under Shizuo's intense gaze, the look making him suddenly shy with his own nudity.

"W-well… yeah. But you're rather sexy right now, I don't want to miss one second of your strip teas-ow!" Shizuo chuckled playfully as Izaya punched him as hard as he could on his arm. It obviously hurt the informant more than the blond though.

"Quit it! I'm warning you." Izaya tossed off the rest of the garment and shivered. The cold sweat had dried against his skin and made goosebumps. He slid over to the bathtub, ignoring Shizuo's out stretched hand to help him in. He shuddered at the heat but quickly sat half way down, cringing. It almost hurt to sink down so quickly but he didn't like how Shizuo kept staring at him with what felt like a lewd gaze.

"Will you quit staring at me?" Izaya held onto the sides of the tube as he slowly lowered the rest of his body. He was glad the bubbles at least hid him in the tub.

"Am I not allowed to watch? You can watch me all you want, you know." Shizuo laughed as he started to unzip his pants.

Izaya turned away, his cheeks flushing. "Whatever Shizu-chan, it's not like I haven't seen handsome men's bodies or anything before."

"Oh, so you think I'm handsome?" Shizuo teased back.

"I didn't say t-...!" Izaya whipped his head back to retort but his words froze in mid-sentence as he had caught Shizuo right when he was pulling off his shirt above his head, giving him a very good look at his well toned pecs and well shaped abs. Izaya swallowed hard. Now, _that_ was a strip tease.

Izaya turned his face away flustered as Shizuo went ahead and folded his clothes neatly, having not noticed Izaya's sudden fluster. Next, he took off his pants and underwear and folded all of them neatly as well before taking care of Izaya's torn suit and placing them above and away so they wouldn't get wet. Once done, he turned off the faucet before he stepped one foot in first then slowly lowered himself in front of Izaya so they were facing each other. Izaya pulled his legs forward and hugged them to give space. The tub was obviously too small for both of them but Shizuo didn't seem to mind.

"Come over. I can't clean you if you're that far away." Shizuo beckoned Izaya with his hand. Pouting, Izaya scooted a bit forward. Shizuo lightly grabbed Izaya's shoulder and turned him around so they could spoon properly, Izaya's back to his chest.. Izaya felt something touch his back and sat up straighter, jolting upright. Did he just… touch…?

Shizuo just laughed as he cuddled the man though before wrapping his arms around him.

"Are you afraid of me?" Shizuo placed his chin on Izaya's shoulder to whisper huskily.

"Never!" Izaya hissed back then frowned. 'Fear' wasn't what he felt towards Shizuo but...intimacy wasn't something that came natural to him.

"Good." Shizuo grabbed the shampoo bottle and squeezed some into his hand. He started to lather it into Izaya's hair, massaging his scalp gently. Izaya leaned back a bit and relaxed as Shizuo made soothing circles on his head. Was this really happening? Izaya was still in half disbelief. Just few hours ago, if someone had told him that he would be confessing to the love of his life and they would be taking a peaceful bath together, Izaya would have scoffed and said to go jump from a rooftop to see if they could fly.

For awhile, Shizuo didn't say anything, concentrating on the feeling of Izaya's head on his fingertips. He was slightly afraid he would hurt the man, but he knew that it was just his own fears and insecurity due to his unnatural strength. Izaya was not afraid of his physical strength, he never was, and for that Shizuo was always grateful. He wanted this man to accept himself like how Izaya had accepted all of Shizuo's faults. While Shizuo had always been afraid of himself, Izaya never was, and in fact, the flea loved him more for it. Now, Shizuo wished Izaya could accept himself in a similar manner, to learn to love himself when he was 'in love,' to be able to trust himself when he trusted others, and to not be afraid of being intimate because he was afraid of getting hurt emotionally.

"Remember that time you tried to wash the cat?" Shizuo smirked as he massaged behind Izaya's ears. The informant snorted in memory. "OOoooooh, yeah. Do I ever." They both chuckled hard, the once quiet bathroom filled with laughter.

"Learned my lesson on that one. Next time I have to wash a cat, I'm getting Namie to do it." Izaya shook his head. Shizuo rolled his eyes.

"I would rather have you wash me than her to be honest." Shizuo's eyes trailed down as his one hand wandered off to raise up Izaya's wrist from the soapy water.

"Glad it didn't leave any scars, Flea." Shizuo murmured softly, his eyes lowering. Izaya could feel Shizuo's voice resonate with lingering guilt..

"Who's calling who 'Flea' here, ' _Flea_ '." Izaya retorted back, wishing to change the subject. "Hope you also learned your lesson to not call me such a ridiculous nickname."

"But you also gave me a pet name I don't like, so I call it even." Shizuo rubbed the spot in a circular motion with his thumb, the smooth skin that was once pierced by that knife and later scratched by himself as a cat. He then brought it up to his lips to leave a soft kiss on it. Izaya swallowed, his heart fluttering and his stomach feeling queasy. These soft kisses continued to make the informant feel weird and self conscious, forcing him to be aware of the fact that Shizuo now knew he loved him…and by some crazy spin of fate, this blond that once hated him with all his heart, loved him back now. It was still too much to swallow and Izaya still half wondered if Shizuo would leave him for whatever reason one day. Shizuo should know even more than ever how cruel Izaya could be by nature, what kind of a liar he was, and how undeserving of affection he was. So it was still unfathomable how or why Shizuo had fallen in love with him.

"Why…?" Izaya blurted out without realizing. "I don't...understand."

Those words gave Shizuo reason to pause, his body freezing for a moment from behind the informant. His hand was still wrapped around the other male's wrist, lips pressed to the thin skin there so that he could feel the soft beating of Izaya's heart through the pulsing blood. After a few seconds, however, the blond breathed out a heavy sigh. Letting Izaya's wrist go, he moved his hands back down to hold the other male's waist as his lips brushed up against Izaya's shoulder and moved towards his neck.

"You're a real idiot sometimes, y'know?"

The word made anger press upon Izaya's features, yet even when he tensed up against Shizuo the blond refused to let go.

"I know when you call other people idiots, you're the real idiot. But I know I'm an idiot so I can call you that." Letting go of Izaya's waist, the blond reached up to cup Izaya's chin, forcing the raven to turn and look at him. "You're an idiot and you aren't going to change. You'll keep trying to use people, to hurt others, to protect yourself." Shizuo's eyes darkened in his expression, his other hand sliding down to grab Izaya's hand. "But I love you despite knowing that." The words were growled out, the blond's tenor voice deep as he tried to pour the truth of his emotions into them. "Because in the months I spent with you, I learned other things and now I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to not loving you - no matter what you might try to do."

It was dumb.

It was dumb now to think about.

Falling in love was easy. A person just had to be open to the possibility in order to allow it to happen.

Yes, falling in love was the easiest part in all this. It had happened before Shizuo had realized it. He didn't know when exactly it had happened - it could have been that time Izaya had been anxiously searching for him, or the day he had first felt the male's cold hands - but it had.

Falling in love was easy. Choosing to stay in love, choosing to chase after Izaya though, well-

That had been the hard part.

But Izaya had always believed in Shizuo, and now it was Shizuo's turn to believe in him.

"Hell if I know why I fell in love with you, flea. But I did." Shizuo could feel Izaya's hand tightening on his own. Despite the warm water it felt cold and the blond could see the way Izaya's lips quivered as though he were still prepared to run. "And I won't stop. No matter what you might try to do. I'll stop you before you can do anything that might hurt me or any others. I'll stop you before you can do anything that might make you fall back into that darkness you helped me claw out of."

Letting go of Izaya's hand, the blond reached down to help the informant turn in the tub so that they were forced to face each other. Izaya's face was scrunched up slightly, his body shivering in uncertainty as Shizuo placed both of the informant's hands between his and held them up for the two of them to see.

"Stop running from me, Orihara Izaya. Face me, and I promise to never let your hands go cold again."

Izaya's expression remained shadowed, the male unresponsive for a few long seconds before, slowly, his hands began to tighten around Shizuo's.

And they felt warm.

"I'm not going to wait for you anymore, stupid Shizu-chan."

There was a smile, brief and small, upon Izaya's lips as he looked up to face Shizuo. The expression pulled his own grin onto Shizuo's lips before he was letting go of one hand to suddenly pull Izaya down towards him. Their lips met halfway, clashing together at first in mutual desperation to eliminate everything that separated them from each other. It wasn't a deep kiss, but more like that of a wave as Izaya surged forward, chasing Shizuo before retreating as the blond pushed back. They fought, lips sliding against each other in a desperate claim of ownership as the males stated physically what words could not yet fully convey.

There was pain.

There was darkness.

But there was hope.

Wet lips and wetter tongues quarreled, neither male yet willing to break the kiss for air or speech until a shudder slipped down Izaya's spine and the kiss slowed as another smile pressed upon his features.

 _Just this once, then._ The raven thought to himself as he finally, slowly pulled away.

"You win, Shizu-chan."

If it meant never being alone again, if it meant being protected and no longer having to fight on his own, just this once Izaya could let Shizuo finally catch him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Talk about a Christmas miracle. I'm STILL not done with this fic but with so many of you asking for me to update, I went ahead and cut it where it's a decent point and went ahead and posted what I have orz. I had wanted to post it for Christmas, but I had to write two fics for the Durarara! Secret Santa Event. Anyways, Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all and let's all hope I finish this fic soon... because i really want to finish this fic soon and focus on writing other fics.
> 
> FYI THIS FIC IS STILL NOT DONE. So please don't comment that you guys loved the ending sob...(like, i'm grateful if you loved the ending of the chapter but don't think the fic is over ;_; )


	24. Chapter 24

 

* * *

Eyes softening, Shizuo whispered, "Well, finally," before his hungry mouth devoured Izaya again, sucking and licking to earn each enticing moan and alluring gasp. His heart started to pound even faster as Izaya started to whisper his name, pleading him for more. Shizuo was new at this kissing business and Izaya was clumsy at making 'love', but they were both willing to learn, and the raven shuddered as Shizuo explored his mouth, passion consuming them both. Even if the blond didn't know how, Shizuo seemed to instinctively tune in to how Izaya wanted to be touched and kissed. Shizuo savored the quality of the gasps that told him whether Izaya enjoyed it or wanted a small break. Each minuscule twitch and shudder told Shizuo where to squeeze for more or just caress him gently. And each of Izaya's soft susurrations made his cock harder and harder. Shizuo wanted to learn how to 'love' together with Izaya, both of them new to the concept.

He wasn't sure how Izaya had invaded his heart and conquered him. He was even less sure how Izaya was in his every waking thoughts now. But Shizuo didn't care. He loved him. He didn't know how he fell in love with the bratty rascal that he used to hate, but it didn't matter. He loved him, the good and the bad, and he wanted Izaya to know that he would forever love him as long as his heart continued to beat. It was important that Izaya knew, Shizuo knew that. Because Shizuo now understood how long Izaya had waited for him and suffered alone, thinking that his affection would never be returned.

That...was too painful a feeling.

"Izaya...I love you." Shizuo started to whisper into Izaya's ear again. He could feel the informant freeze up in his embrace, his breath just a bit ragged and his chest heaving heavily.

"I-I got it… I know, so you don't have to keep repeating." Izaya's voice was low, barely audible due to the splashing of the water around them. Shizuo couldn't help but smile. Ah, so he was embarrassed.

"Yes, well. Even if you know now, I figured I owe you several millions I love you's." Shizuo tilted Izaya's chin with his fingers so their eyes could meet. Izaya swallowed hard, his throat feeling dry. He wasn't used to this. This emotion that swelled inside him, thick and warm like the humid air around them in the tub. He never asked for it either. He had dreamed of Shizuo returning his feelings but his logical mind always told him it would be impossible. That it would only remain a dream. And he had stomped on that desire before it had the chance to bloom.

"I…well…" Izaya fumbled for words. Again, Izaya was at a loss with this Shizuo who kept pouring his love to him. It was overwhelming. It was overflowing. Izaya was so unused to being loved back to this extent. Even all of humanity hated him more than they loved him after all. It was more than he could bear and his cup overflowed.

But whenever Shizuo smiled, Izaya couldn't look away. He was mesmerized by that dazzling smile. He thought he would only see Shizuo's smiles from a distance, far away...like a voyeur, since Shizuo would never smile at him. But now, Shizuo's smiles and laughter were his, and each time Shizuo did so, Izaya couldn't help but stare in awe, drinking up the sight before him, soaking it up like a sponge while being slightly afraid that this moment wouldn't last.

"What, cat got your tongue?" Shizuo nuzzled his little blushing love. When Izaya started to splutter and protest, Shizuo decided they had enough time 'cleaning.' He held Izaya to him and got up, the water splashing and spilling over from the bathtub into the small drain in the middle of the Japanese style bathroom. The blond could feel Izaya wrapping his arms around Shizuo and clinging to him as the debt collector held him bridal style.

"Sorry, might be a bit chilly but I promise to warm you up." Shizuo laughed at his own naughty joke before he quickly grabbed a towel with one arm and left the bathroom to go to the bedroom. He gently lowered his flea onto the bed sheets, still very much wet and shivering. Shizuo wiped Izaya first and then started to dry his hair.

"My bed sheets are wet." Izaya pointed out, again trying to break up his own embarrassment as Shizuo caressed him more sweetly than he had ever imagined in his own dreams. Shizuo leaned in to kiss him on his cheek which made Izaya's heart swell once more. "I promise to do the laundry later." he replied so tenderly that it tugged on Izaya's heartstrings. Shizuo's eyes conveyed even more as he leaned closer with unspoken promises, making Izaya's breath catch in his throat. Eyes seeking each other, they slowly kissed; their tongues languidly tasting each other as Shizuo lowered him down even more. Before Shizuo could devour him, Izaya grabbed the wet towel to wrap it around Shizuo's head.

"You're still wet, Shizu-chan." He tried to dry Shizuo's hair from his position before the blond laughed and took the towel back to wipe himself down quickly.

"Don't change the subject, flea." Shizuo tossed the towel on the floor as he cupped Izaya's face to kiss him again, his mouth sucking on Izaya's tongue with dream-like gentleness before his own tongue entered inside him to lick him sweetly, tasting every crevice and taking Izaya's breath away.

"S-Shizu-chan…" Izaya moaned again, his entire body aching for Shizuo once more. He shivered as the cool room's air gave him goosebumps but Shizuo's tongue was hot, his fingers burning as they left invisible marks on his body. The debt collector was so gentle, so sweet, leaving no visible bruises, just fingerprints on his heart.

" _Nnngh_ …."

"Feels good?" Shizuo asked though he didn't really give Izaya a chance to answer. He wanted to kiss every part of Izaya, let him know how much he loved him. That he wouldn't let him go. He understood Izaya's insecurities. As a cat, he saw how devoted Izaya truly was and how fragile he could be. Shizuo wanted to give him back the years they had lost because the blond couldn't see past Izaya's mask.

Izaya blushed softly and nodded, unable to reply save for a few moans and whimpers as Shizuo's tongue devoured him. He felt himself slowly drown in Shizuo's love for him and he allowed the current to take over. For the first time, he was allowing someone else to take control and strangely it felt liberating despite feeling a bit scared. But if it was Shizuo, and it was because it was Shizuo, Izaya felt that he could trust his heart with him.

Shizuo shifted on top, using his elbows to support himself, making sure he wasn't crushing Izaya under him. But their bodies were pressed against each other and it burned Izaya, his body wanting more. That was when Izaya felt something hard press against his own hard cock and he looked down. Sure enough, their cocks were bumping against each other, needily.

Shizuo too looked down and breathed heavily, a hand sliding between them to squeeze their cocks together. Izaya closed his eyes and groaned. It was...heavenly. Like a dream that was too crazy to be real.

"I'm...not dreaming right?" Izaya had to ask when Shizuo broke their kiss briefly to stroke their cocks together. He dared not open his eyes then...he had a feeling Shizuo was staring and it was hard to face the blond's sincere heart that always reflected on his eyes.

"No, not a dream, 'Zaya," came the husky answer. Finally having the courage to open his eyes, Izaya peeked. He was rewarded with those warm chocolate eyes that had melted his icy heart. Shizuo may not be good with words but his gaze said it all...full of love and adoration.

Izaya couldn't help but tear up again, biting his lower lip. How? He still didn't understand how he was able to have Shizuo love him back. It didn't make sense still and he still couldn't wrap his mind around it.

He probably never could. As Izaya couldn't help but only see the most disgusting side of himself and he could never think he was worthy of someone like Shizuo.

However Shizuo knew and understood that aspect about Izaya. His insecurities. His own self hatred. And he was more than prepared to make sure Izaya knew every day that he loved him for who he was.

"Ready to feel good, flea?" Shizuo asked instead, not asking why Izaya was tearing up. He didn't need to ask. He knew why. So instead he kissed Izaya's teary eyes and started to stroke their cocks together a bit firmer, earning him a small whimper.

"Stupid Shizu-chan. D-don't get cocky…" Izaya turned his head to the side to try to bury his face, his tears still threatening to fall.

"Ah, is that challenge?" Shizuo smirked, his thumb now swiping over the swollen head of Izaya's cock. Ah, see? There was Izaya, gasping each time Shizuo rubbed at his sensitive spot. He was so adorable especially when his expressions were unguarded like this.

"I can't seem to get enough of you….is that alright?" Shizuo confessed softly as he started to kiss Izaya's lips once more. Shizuo still wanted to kiss every part of Izaya...but he could barely move away from just the lips alone. He hungered for Izaya's taste each time their mouths separated. "You taste so sweet, Izaya..."

" _Nnngh… nnngh… haaaah_ …" Izaya gasped as Shizuo squeezed his cock just right, precum squirting out as his tongue melted against the blond's. "S-Shizu...chan..." His heart was pounding so hard against his chest, it felt as if it would burn a hole; his mind as if he was floating in the clouds. He'd had sex obviously but it had never felt like this, like Heaven on Earth as his heart hammered against his chest.

"Sorry… I really… want to taste every part of you." Shizuo struggled as he pulled away from Izaya's wet lips. He finally started licking Izaya's jawline, trailing his tongue down to suck on the flea's throat. He was so smooth...his scent and taste so intoxicating. He could hear Izaya whimpering when he sucked on his jugular notch, lightly biting him on his clavicle bone to leave a small kissmark.

"I still liked it better when your scent was stronger." the debt collector smirked as he pulled up Izaya's arm and started to lick at his armpit. Immediately, he got the reaction he expected as Izaya squealed and tried to close his arms.

"Shizu-chan no! It's dirty!"

"But I cleaned you now." Shizuo frowned like a puppy who got his treat taken away. "I still liked it when you were wet and sweaty."

"Ewww! No Shizu-chan!" Izaya cringed, "I don't care if I'm clean or not, don't lick me t-aaahn!" Izaya shuddered when Shizuo pried him open for one more lick. He really liked how Izaya trembled; he was definitely sensitive at that particular spot.

"Meanie. I still want to devour all parts of you though." Shizuo pulled up completely, sitting up as he slid his hand down Izaya's arm to hold his wrist. Then he kissed the back of Izaya's hand like one would with royalty.

"I promise...I'll never let these hands grow cold again, Izaya."

Shizuo smiled softly down at him and Izaya's heart stopped right then and there, as if the informant's eyes were capturing an image that he would remember for the rest of his life.

"S-stupid. I keep telling you...my hand isn't a lie detector." Izaya blushed, trying to look away. His heart was pounding madly as if he were falling in love with him all over again. But he didn't have time to rest as Shizuo started to lick up Izaya's index finger, dragging his tongue from bottom to the tip seductively, his eyes hooded. Izaya instantly felt hot as he tried to pull his fingers away but Shizuo held him there, his grip on Izaya's wrist firm, but not painfully hard.

"Not yet...let me… _suck you some more._ " Shizuo closed his eyes and opened his mouth to suck on two of Izaya's fingers together, his tongue licking the underside. He moaned...and that sent electrifying tremors up Izaya's spine. He couldn't take his eyes off of Shizuo, not understanding how this man could look so sexy just licking him. Then as if he just remembered, the blond flicked his other wrist while holding onto Izaya's throbbing cock.

"Haaah..! __" Izaya jolted as Shizuo went back to toying with his cock. He tossed his head and his toes curled at the sensation. " _Nnngh_ …. S-Shizu…."

"You taste… _so good_." Shizuo pulled the fingers out now to smell Izaya's palm, then licking right below his palm where his main artery throbbed with the informant's heart beat. Izaya could barely think as all his nerves were heightened wherever Shizuo was touching him.

" _Mmmgh_ …." the blond moaned as he pushed the two fingers back inside his mouth. This time, his tongue started to lick the joint between the two fingers, sliding up and down the digits. At the same time, Shizuo was thrusting his hips, his cock sliding against Izaya's.

"I...I'm gonna die…" Izaya moaned as his free hand clung to the bed sheets under him. His heart felt like it was racing so fast, it would jump out of his chest. It felt so good...everything felt so good. And this was Shizuo. No one else but Heiwajima Shizuo, seducing _him_. 

"I haven't even gotten to the main course." Shizuo chuckled as he pulled the fingers out of his mouth, now wet with his saliva. "Still got to get to your torso...and the rest of your body."

"Kill me now. I can't… take this anymore…" Izaya covered his face with the side of his arm.

"All in good time...if you'd like that." Shizuo smirked naughtily as he looked down on him, emphasizing his word with a thrust so that Izaya knew that he meant he wanted to 'kill' him with his dick.

"When the hell did you learn to be...ah never mind." Izaya groaned. By now he knew he had no one else to blame but himself for being so cocky. With another throaty, warm laugh, Shizuo stopped stroking their cocks, using both of his hands to thumb Izaya's pink nipples. They immediately perked up with a gentle roll. Izaya sucked in his breath and shivered.

"I want you...very badly, Izaya." Shizuo's voice was deep and low, burning Izaya's ears with shame. "I think...I'm getting drunk off of you. Is that alright?" Izaya looked up to see Shizuo's tongue lightly lick his own lips to moisten it. The informant's chest tightened up at that sight, his cock throbbing even more so.

"I hate you so much right now…" he closed his eyes, his cheeks heating up. His entire body was begging for Shizuo at this point. He wanted him too. He had always wanted him but…

"Am I allowed to have you?" Shizuo lowered his head to lick on one perky areola, twirling it with his tongue, again seeking permission. Izaya groaned softly, his toes curling again, pinching the bed sheet under him. Everything was making him dizzy as if he too was intoxicated by breathing the same air as this man.

"If you fuck anyone else other than me, I'll definitely kill you." Izaya muttered, unable to answer him straight forward. Shizuo laughed, knowing that that was the closest thing to 'yes' he would ever get.

"I love you so much, Izaya." that was the last thing he murmured before he sucked on one of Izaya's nipples, hard.

" _Haaaah_! S… shit _aaahnn_ …!" Izaya arched his back as Shizuo tweaked his other nipple, pulling at it. It wasn't rough but it was a notch above the gentleness he had shown earlier. "Oh god…" Izaya almost came from that alone as Shizuo started to suck harder and harder…obviously trying to leave a mark on his nipple. After rupturing his blood vessels under the skin, the blond lightly grazed the areola with his teeth, forcing the hard bud to feel the light painful bruise he had made with love. Then he nipped at it, tugging at it with his teeth playfully.

"Shizuo… _nnngh…. hnnnngh_ ….oh god," the raven's face contorted with pleasure. Shizuo was completely taking his time to make sure Izaya felt good. Sometimes being gentle...sometimes slightly playful. Never forceful or painful…. No one had ever loved him so… nor gave him such tender foreplay. He couldn't help but feel his heart squeeze so tightly, it felt like it would burst... He wouldn't mind if he did die the day after that...if Shizuo was his tonight. Not the Shizuo he knew before, the one who hated him and always frowned at the sight of his face, but the Shizuo who was now completely devoted to making sure that Izaya was properly loved. Izaya's mind still couldn't truly believe that this would last forever, it still felt like it was a fleeting dream.

Suddenly, Shizuo let go and pulled away. "Ah, did it hurt? Did I hurt you?"

Izaya felt a thumb brush away the tears and he opened his eyes to look up at a very concerned face. He had not realized that he had started crying again when he thought this was too good to be true. Now that he finally had Shizuo being this sweet to him, he was even more afraid to lose him.

And now Shizuo was worried for him. Smiling at him. It really was like Izaya had died and found himself in some land of the impossible, somewhere between the living and the dead. Izaya felt his tears falling as his lips trembled. He was breaking apart again and this time not because of pain but the overwhelming love that Shizuo was submerging him with.

"No...I'm not hurt Shizu-chan. It...felt good." Izaya wrapped his arms around Shizuo's neck and drew him close. Even as he placed both hands on Izaya's shoulders, Shizuo still looked alarmed when Izaya cried, clearly worried sick that perhaps his strength got the best of him again.

"Don't...scare me like that." Shizuo spoke softly, exhaling heavily. He understood in his head that it probably wasn't because Izaya was hurt that he was crying, but it was still his greatest fear; that one day he might not realize his own strength and hurt Izaya. Shizuo was doing his best to hold back and keep his strength in check. It was painful to do so as more than anything, he wanted to thrust his cock inside that hot muscle, feel it envelope around his cock and pound into it greedily, but he refused to be like those...thugs...back at the alleyway. That experience had traumatized Shizuo as he could remember it as if it was yesterday, he himself still a cat and dangling helplessly as Izaya was raped raw.

"I'm not hurt Shizu-chan." Izaya tilted his head so he could rest it on Shizuo's. "Don't stop…"

Those words meant so much to Shizuo though Izaya had no idea.

" _Aah_ … S-Shizu…" Izaya moaned as Shizuo bore down on him with renewed passion. Shizuo's hands were on Izaya's hips, the thumbs tracing the thin hip bones as his mouth sucked on Izaya's tongue. He just… couldn't get enough of the fact that he was kissing Izaya. And Izaya didn't seem to mind having Shizuo take his breath away with each kiss. In fact, Izaya himself couldn't get enough of it either as he clung onto Shizuo for more.

"Ah...I just realized something…" Shizuo pulled away, a bit breathless.

"...What?" Izaya too was panting roughly though he looked a bit annoyed at being interrupted.

"...The lube. Let me go get it." Shizuo blushed as he scratched the back of his head and got up to grab the lube from his pants' pockets. Izaya groaned as he plopped back on his bed, not liking another break between their make-outs. But Shizuo was back quick as he sat next to Izaya by the foot of the bed. He tossed the bottle on the bed within his reach as he grabbed Izaya's ankle and lifted it up to kiss the toes. Izaya giggled involuntarily as he was ticklish there.

"I didn't know you were ticklish here…" Shizuo smirked as his thumb slowly rubbed circles on the side of Izaya's ankle before lightly pressing his lips there. Izaya didn't understand why his cheeks flushed up from that intimate gesture. Then he flinched as Shizuo licked his ankle, sucking too as he tried to leave a small kissmark where it would be invisible to the world, like a small secret tattoo only they would know.

"Ahahaha….Sh-Shizu….it's… a bit ticklish…" Izaya protested as Shizuo tried his best to mark him. Then Shizuo licked his tongue across the top of the raven's foot to suck on the front toe. Izaya took a sharp intake of breath then let out a small whimpering moan as Shizuo's tongue licked between his toes while his teeth slightly grazed him.

"It's...dirty...Shizu-chan…" Izaya cringed again, his breath ragged. Why did this man continue to torture him gently like this?

"But I said I want to taste all parts of you...Izaya." Shizuo whispered as he dragged his tongue down the base of his foot, which definitely made Izaya laugh involuntarily.

"Stop! I'm ticklish there!" Izaya kicked Shizuo's face with his other foot, trying to push him away. The blond grabbed both ankles and pushed himself in between, now dragging his tongue on Izaya's calf, kissing and sucking in various places. Shizuo was slowly devouring him alright and all Izaya could do was lie there and writhe in pleasure.

The blond lifted Izaya's legs up on his shoulders, still leaving tiny bitemarks on Izaya's inner thighs. Izaya gasped and tried to close his legs, which he knew was impossible.

"Haaah… oh god… S-Shizu… _aaahn…. aaah_ …!" Izaya arched as Shizuo continued to relentlessly mark his sensitive inner thighs, one hard suck earning a long groan. But Shizuo didn't stop until those pale milky white thighs were covered with his bite marks and Izaya's cock was back up erect and dripping wet again. He lingered even though there were plenty of marks, mostly because Izaya's voice was delicious and that hard cock told him that the raven enjoyed it.

"Sh-Shizu!" Izaya's fingers tangled into Shizuo's blond hair, his toes curling in the air. He shuddered particularly hard when his lover started to harshly suck on one particular spot near his groin. He gasped as a squirt of precum landed on his stomach. Shizuo swiped the precum from the cock to lick and taste it from his fingers. It was more clear and the scent a bit too thin...Shizuo hungered to taste Izaya's cum now.

"Too close?" Shizuo looked up to stare at Izaya's expression. That flushed face with those clenched eyebrows and hooded dreamy gaze… Shizuo really wanted to see how Izaya would look if he actually entered inside him. His own cock continued to stir hungrily as he licked his lips. Then the blond held onto Izaya's hips to hold him in place while he leaned down to lick at the stomach to taste more of that sticky precum. The raven groaned as the tongue tickled him, not to mention he couldn't help but cringe at the idea that Shizuo's tasting his precum, lewd or not.

"I...I want it…" Izaya finally admitted. He couldn't take it anymore. "Enough with the foreplay…give it to me already."

Shizuo blinked, then he chuckled to himself. "I do want to give it to you...but not yet."

"What do you mean _not yet?!_ " Izaya's voice was slightly shrill, clearly upset as he pushed himself up with the back of his elbows.

"I said I want to taste every part of you….I'm not done yet." Shizuo shrugged in that nonchalant way he had picked up from Izaya within the recent months. Izaya's jaw dropped again as Shizuo went back to licking Izaya's stomach, now sucking and leaving marks here and there near his hip bones. What the hell, Shizu-chan! He even begged for him!

Okay, well no. Izaya didn't really _beg_ Shizuo for his cock but still! He had finally confessed he wanted him! How dare he deny him now?!

However, before Izaya could speak any further protests, Shizuo began to nip on the skin right on his hip bone, sending another delicious shudder down his spine. He whimpered as Shizuo left yet another bitemark there, then watched as the blond licked it as if he was apologizing for the wound. He then secured Izaya by the hips with his hands and lowered himself so he could lick the base of Izaya's twitching cock.

" _Nnngh._..no fair, Shizu-chan! I … I said… I…. _haaahnn…. nnnn_ …." Izaya gritted his teeth as Shizuo started licking Izaya's length up and down...then took one of the testicles into his mouth to suck him gently, rolling the ball with his tongue.

" _Haaah_! Haaah… god… I… can't…" Izaya plopped back down to the bed as his entire legs curled, wrapping around Shizuo. It felt….indescribably good. It was beyond heavenly. He could just come from having his balls sucked. Still, Izaya tried to hold on, grabbing the base of his own cock to stop himself from feeling too much.

"No, don't do that. Come if you want to." Shizuo carefully pried off Izaya's fingers one by one before he used his own hand to grab hold of Izaya's length, gently stroking him up and down as he continued to lick the scrotum. He watched as Izaya moaned and writhed under him. He must have been feeling very good, Shizuo thought as he focused on sucking him off, trying to taste Izaya's body. Izaya definitely gave off the strongest scent there and, like a cat, Shizuo sniffed him.

"Dammit...S-Shizuo…. _nnngh…. aaahn_ … no… it's… too early to… _aaahnnn_ …." Izaya's mind was reeling with pleasure as now Shizuo started to lick his length up and down while his hand rolled his balls. The informant jolted and arched his back when Shizuo flatten his tongue and licked across the top of his head to taste the bead of precum that had built up.

"Mmm…it doesn't taste that bad." Shizuo sniffed at Izaya's cock again before licking for more beads of precum to taste. He remembered how he used to hate the scent of 'flea'. But now, he couldn't get enough of it. As if drinking a delicious flavored milk, Shizuo swallowed the head into his mouth and sucked.

" _Haaaaah_!" This time Izaya jolted so much, the arch of his back lifted his ass up in the air. His entire lower body melted away with that sucking, his legs stiffening up before turning into jelly. He definitely couldn't think of anything else but the divine sensation of Shizuo's mouth ravishing him as if he was the most delicious pudding he had ever tasted. Shizuo then started to stroke the base of Izaya's cock, as if he was trying to pump for more of that exquisite precum for him to drink up.

"Oh god, Sh-Shizu…! I… no! _Aaahnnn! Aaah! Aaaah_!" Izaya continued to writhe and jolt, as if his entire body was being electrocuted with lascivious stimulation, his cock stirring wildly. His mind was clouded with lust, his body: hot. He felt so vulnerable and helpless as Shizuo delivered him the most magnifying experience he had ever felt. He couldn't even describe what it made him feel or what it made him want as Shizuo's hands slid under to cup his butt and squeeze it, spreading his cheeks open while his hot mouth sucked him dry.

"S-Shizu..! I… I'm gonna…!" Izaya couldn't even warn him as he let go, his hot cum shooting out like jets of waterfall. However, Shizuo was ready as he slackened his jaw and started to swallow the thick sperm as if it was cream being squeezed out of icing decorating bags. Izaya trembled as Shizuo sucked every last drop of his cum and licked for more. His mind was still hazy from the high, his body trembling from the intense ecstasy he had just experienced. His mouth felt so dry now from all that panting, his heart still pounding in his chest while his legs...he could barely lift them.

"...S-Shizu….no more...is gonna come out… _nnngh_ …" Izaya shivered as Shizuo's tongue continued to lick him up like a puppy wanting more milk.

"You sure? You tasted so good, Izaya…" Shizuo gave a small kiss on the tip of Izaya's tired cock. "Even if you can't come anymore, you still taste so good, Izaya. Your cock… has a unique scent and taste, I can't get enough of it, like your kisses."

"S-Shizu… I'm seriously gonna die if you keep licking me there…" Izaya whimpered as he continued to pant from overstimulation. They... hadn't had sex yet and it already felt so good. He wasn't sure how it would feel with Shizuo's cock inside him now.

"Alright...maybe more later." Shizuo licked his lips as he finally stopped licking him. Izaya sighed in relief.

However, Izaya realized it was premature as Shizuo bent even lower to lick at his puckered entrance.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya jolted at first in surprise then he tried to move his ass away.

"What? Don't tell me you're ticklish here." Shizuo pretended to frown. Izaya fumed.

"I told you, it's dirty!"

"No it's not. And I also told you, I intend to lick and taste...Every. Part. Of you." Shizuo emphasized each word, his eyes hooded and his hot breath baited. Izaya swallowed hard as he saw the blond's determination, drawn into the sultry gaze.

"S-still! No! It's dirt…"

"I washed you. You're fine." Shizuo gently reminded him. Then he used his hands again to pry open Izaya's butt cheeks, watching with intense interest as Izaya's asshole twitched, the pink inner muscles moving. He had never seen another man (or woman's) ass up so close and the way it moved… was rather cute. Like it had a mind of their own, similar to how Izaya's cock had behaved.

"And you're not dirty, 'Zaya." Shizuo told him firmly before giving him a good lick.

"!" Izaya jerked again at the sensation, his entire body still sensitive from the orgasm earlier. He couldn't even comment on this new 'nickname' he had somehow earned from Shizuo. Even without the climax, that lick would have sent the informant yelping in pleasure. Shizuo smirked as he started to insert his tongue slowly.

" _Haaaah! Aaaah_! S...Oh god…!" Izaya held onto the pillow for dear life as Shizuo relentlessly 'tasted' his inside. He had no idea it felt...this good to have his asshole licked. The smooth and velvety folds of Shizuo's tongue slid in and out of his inner muscles, causing even his tired cock to bob up and down from the delicious stimulation.

"S-Shizu...I… I'm gonna die…" Izaya crumbled under Shizuo's licking as the thrusts started to gain speed. It felt so good...it was so dirty and yet…! Izaya wanted to cry in frustration at how good it felt despite feeling repelled by such a salacious and vulgar act. His legs trembled, losing strength as they wrapped around Shizuo's shoulders. Shizuo's arms too were wrapped around his hips and legs, holding him in place as he started to seriously lick and suck.

" _Hnnnngh…. Nnngh_ … oh god… I-I want to come… I want to come…!" Izaya tossed and turned. He wanted to come again but he couldn't. His refractory period wasn't that fast and he knew it. Instead he was in a perpetual state of pleasure, the high right before he could achieve his orgasm. All he could feel was that delicious tongue licking him so lewdly as Izaya was forced to give into the carnal pleasure that also repulsed him.

It took another several licks before Shizuo finally pulled out, satisfied. He wiped his wet lips as he stared down at the now exhausted informant, his hands covering his face. He was drenched in his own sweat now instead of the water from the bath. Shizuo reached for the bottle of lube and opened it, pouring some onto his fingers. He hoped he was doing it right. He researched what he could about sex between men because he didn't want Izaya to feel hurt or feel any pain. Still, it made him nervous. He had read on several websites that the first time would hurt unless the partner was relaxed. The blond wondered if that was enough foreplay for Izaya to relax, though of course the foreplay wasn't just to make him relax, he also wanted Izaya to feel good. To feel loved.

"Did that feel good?" Shizuo asked, half teasingly as he rubbed the lube between his fingers. But he also needed the affirmation. He had read that it was best to warm them up before inserting them in. It probably didn't feel good to pour straight cool lube down in there.

"Will you quit asking embarrassing questions?!" Izaya finally blurted out, not wanting to answer it. He got that Shizuo needed him to confirm that it didn't hurt or that it felt good before he continued, but it was a serious strain on his pride. "It...it feels good. Got it?" Izaya huffed his answer, his chest heaving with anticipation. He peeked over to see Shizuo give him a gorgeous smile that made his heart skip a beat. It was so rare to see such a soft look on his usual angry face, even though he was on the receiving end all day now, Izaya still couldn't believe that that smile was for him, and no one else.

"Maybe I should have continued then." Shizuo placed his fingertip on Izaya's twitching entrance, the digit slowly poking through. He then lowered his face to lick at the throbbing head, tasting more of the precum.

" _Haaah_ ….!" Izaya arched and shuddered as the finger slid inside him even deeper. Shizuo was going too slow and he almost felt impatient. But he knew why so he didn't complain, allowing Shizuo to take the reins. For someone so inexperienced other than watching pornography, Shizuo was quite skilled in his own way. He understood techniques and more than anything, unlike the others before him, Shizuo wanted to please Izaya and that made all the difference.

" _Nnngh_ …" The raven sunk into his soft mattress and pillows as Shizuo embedded his middle finger completely to the hilt. Then he slowly pulled it out to thrust it in. Shizuo half wanted to ask if it hurt but he stopped himself; he could tell from Izaya's face that it must have felt really good. Part of him wanted to know how it was compared to...his other times. Izaya had made a slip before that he had had sex before or hinted at it. Shizuo had no idea if those previous times were consensual, or perhaps it wasn't with his ass, it could be that he had been with a girl before, but the blond swallowed hard instead. No matter how many Izaya might have been with in the previous past, at least now he was with Shizuo. And the informant had confessed that he had been waiting for Shizuo for a long time. Even if Izaya had experience, this was still his first time making 'love' to someone.

'Sorry I made you wait,' Shizuo gritted his teeth as he quietly again felt the guilt eating him away. 'Sorry I wasn't there for you.'

But he was here now. And Izaya wanted him. His eyes were finally honest, filled with pleasure and trust. Izaya trusted him to make him feel good. And he trusted him with his heart.

"Sh-Shizu-chan…" Izaya moaned as that finger continued to slip in and out and cover his tight walls with lube. "I...I want… _more…_ " He could feel his cheeks burn but Shizuo was going too slow. And he really wanted him. Badly. Desperately. For them to connect. He had waited for so many years. He almost wished that the beast would just pound into him already.

Shizuo's eyes widened briefly and he swallowed hard. Clearly that lustful look had an effect on the blond. Izaya was so sexy right now. He did want to plunge into that tight asshole and have him cling onto him. But not now. All in due time.

"Mmm...more what?" Shizuo decided to tease instead, knowing that it would irritate Izaya. "This?" Shizuo inserted his second finger, watching it sink deeply.

" _NNnngh_ …! No you protozoan! You know what I'm… _aaahnn_..!" Izaya was interrupted as Shizuo rubbed at his prostate inside him.

"Ah… found it." Shizuo smiled softly, his eyes hooded. He was looking for that. He gently rolled his fingers to rub at the sweet spot. "You like it right here… right?"

" _Nnngh… aaah_! D..don't toy.. _.aaah_! W-with… _aaahnnn_!" Izaya could barely talk, twitching as Shizuo started to thrust in a steady beat. Each small jab sent shivers up and down Izaya's spine, making his cock hard once more. It felt good. So good….his entire body felt like it was melting in caramel pudding. Shizuo had clearly covered his innerwalls with lube by now as the squishy and squirting sound burned into his ears with each thrust.

"Not yet, Izaya...hang in there… it'll feel good, soon." Shizuo promised as he inserted a third finger slowly.

" _Hyaaaaaaaaa_!" Izaya arched and fell down to the sheets, shuddering hard. Shizuo lowered his mouth to now suck on his twitching cock, licking at the tip for more milk as his fingers slid in and out. Each time they slid in, they made sure to rub at that bundle of nerves, making Izaya jolt again and again.

"Oh god… I… I can't take it anymore…" Izaya groaned as Shizuo continued to suck and finger fuck him. This was definitely the longest foreplay he had ever received and his body was overstimulated with pleasure.

"You know, I just barely started." Shizuo licked his lips as he pulled up, sucking hard up until the tip of Izaya's cock. He could taste the precum as he swallowed. The fingers were now scissoring inside Izaya and the informant was writhing under him.

"I…! _Aaahnn! Aaahhh_ …!" Izaya gasped as the fingers curled inside him now, rubbing against his prostate. The pleasure was so intense, his toes curled and his legs twitched. He held onto the pillow desperately, trying not to come.

"Why not let go?" Shizuo asked as he went back to licking that throbbing shaft. He peered over to stare at Izaya's beautiful orgasmic expression. It made his heart swell with pride that it was his touch that was making Izaya make those lewd faces.

"C-cuz...I don't… _nnngh_ … want to… tire… out early…" Izaya panted in between his words, his legs closing around Shizuo's neck. But no matter how his legs twitched desperately to close, his ass was still left bare open for Shizuo's teasing fingers and his cock was defenseless against the debt collector's taunting licks.

"Mmm… is that a bad thing?" Shizuo started to suck on Izaya's testicles one by one, kissing them before he took them into his mouth to give them an even better lick. Izaya's legs twisted as he cried out from the intense pleasure. Those devious fingers were still fucking him sweetly while Shizuo was giving him the best blow job he had ever received...how the hell could a guy who only watched porn be so good in bed in his first time?!

"I… _haaa….aaahn_ … I don't…" Izaya struggled to form a sentence as his mind was flooded with white heat.

"Don't...what?" Shizuo pulled away from sucking to lick at Izaya's length that was so close to bursting with cum.

"Don't want to….tire out...before you're done." Izaya managed to grit his teeth and hold on as Shizuo slowed down finally.

The blond paused, his heart squeezing a bit. He chuckled lightly as he finally pulled his fingers out. "You really do say the sweetest things sometimes, Izaya." Perhaps there was hope for them after all. Shizuo had thought that Izaya might always be 'tsun', and never be as honest as he was to his cat but…

...there was a small glimmer of hope.

Shizuo climbed on top of Izaya, looming over him as a giant shadow was cast. Izaya looked up at that massive chest and shuddered. So he was finally going to do it…

The debt collector's eyebrows furrowed a bit as his hands slid down from Izaya's thighs to his ass cheeks, spreading open his asshole in an almost lewd manner. It made the raven blush as he could feel himself be even more exposed.

It was pink...and it was throbbing as if it had a life of its own. Shizuo almost wanted to lick it again but he himself was struggling to hold it in.

"Tell me if it hurts, I mean it, Izaya." Shizuo told him softly, but firmly. He knew Izaya would never tell him anyway but still. He had to say it so Izaya knew that he knew.

He then used one hand to grab one of Izaya's hands and laced their fingers together. Izaya frowned as he looked back up at the blond. "I keep telling you… the temperature of my hand isn't a lie detector."

"Maybe. But I'll take all the help I can get." Shizuo beamed a smile before pecking Izaya's lips. Then he remembered how much he missed kissing his lips already. He just could never get enough of this guy.

" _Nnngh_ …." Izaya moaned softly as he felt Shizuo's fingers grip at his thigh and the warm tip of his cock press against his entrance. The blond must have been still worried about the pain as Shizuo leaned forward to make their foreheads touch, their panting breaths mingling a bit before Shizuo's lips sought Izaya's. The raven gladly parted his own, needing Shizuo's kisses again.

As their lips met, Shizuo started to enter inside Izaya. Their hands squeezed together, Izaya gasping as the thicker side of Shizuo's cock started to spread him apart. He… _was huge._

"S-Shizu…" Izaya whimpered and Shizuo stopped moving in, his lips pulling away and his eyes concerned. "Does it hurt?"

"...No." Izaya shook his head. At least… not yet. He was a bit scared but it seemed Shizuo had stretched him properly.

"Focus on me, Izaya." Shizuo's thumb caressed the side of Izaya's hand, his voice strained and husky. He then went back to sucking Izaya's lips, his tongue plunging into that hot cavern. Izaya moaned, his entire body shuddering with renewed passion. He could feel Shizuo's cock sliding in slower now. It didn't hurt, which surprised him. Even as Shizuo managed to sheath himself completely, it didn't hurt at all. But his ass felt so stretched, the muscles greedily wrapping around that hard throbbing cock. Izaya could feel Shizuo's heart beat and he had never felt so connected to someone before.

Once Shizuo had his cock in all the way to the hilt, he pulled away from his kiss to look down. They really were connected, he couldn't believe it. The blond waited as he felt Izaya's inner muscles squeeze his cock. It was...pretty tight in there. He had read that he should wait for his partner to 'adjust' but he had no idea how long. Judging from how tight it felt, a sudden fear struck him. What if...this was hurting Izaya?

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" Shizuo looked up to ask. Izaya shook his head. Then the raven smiled, his whole face softening up because he could feel how much Shizuo cared for him. "Doesn't hurt, Shizu-chan," he replied with his heart in it.

Shizuo felt his heart stop at that expression, the kind of a smile that made his heart melt and yearn for him even more. He really thought...that now he wasn't a cat, he would never be able to see Izaya's smile as often as before. And he had his heart set on still loving Izaya all the while giving up on all the things he was able to witness secretly as a cat.

"I'm glad…" Shizuo swallowed a lump, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. He knew it was stupid to get choked up and emotional due to something like this but he was glad in more ways than one.

"If you don't move soon...I will," Izaya frowned dramatically. Then seeing the opportunity, he grabbed Shizuo and rolled over so the blond was under him.

"W-wait, what?!" Shizuo slightly panicked when Izaya rolled him so his back was to the bed and his cock slipped out. Then Izaya climbed on top, licking his lips like a predator cat that found its saucer of milk. Wait, was Izaya going to…? Shizuo swallowed hard as he remembered when he was a cat and he caught Izaya masturbating. At that shocking moment, the blond tabby had feared that Izaya had wanted to top and despite saying he loved Izaya, he really would rather not bottom. Which was one of many reasons why Shizuo had initiated. Now the blond could feel his hair rising as Izaya lined his ass and…

….he slowly sat on his dick. Shizuo's eyes couldn't help but zoom in as Izaya's ass literally ate up his cock, sinking in deeply.

"Nnngh…" They both groaned as Shizuo felt that heavenly warmth wrap around his cock...while, for Izaya, he felt Shizuo's heart beat as that hard rod penetrated deeply inside him once more. It felt extremely satisfying to be 'one' again, their brief moment of separation already painful.

Izaya sat there with his back straight, trying to adjust to that thick cock. He could feel Shizuo inside him. It felt fucking amazing. It didn't hurt at all, Shizuo had done his job and had properly prepared him. In fact, Izaya wanted to move now...very badly.

Shizuo on the other hand couldn't get his eyes off this man. Izaya's eyes were hooded, seductively meeting his gaze. His lips were parted as he panted, and his chest kept rising harshly accentuating his perky nipples...and it was a sight that took his breath away. Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle in relief, a hand massaging his temple.

"What's so funny?" Izaya pouted, not liking the thought of being laughed at. It took a lot of guts to initiate this position after all.

"No, I just… it's nothing." Shizuo decided that he would not tell Izaya that he didn't want to be the one 'taking' a cock in his ass and his position as 'top' was unquestioned. At least, for now.

"No, clearly it's something. What is it?" Izaya huffed then like a perturbed cat whose fur was stroked the wrong way.

Shizuo smirked as he looked up at his sexy little fox. So instead he answered him, "I love you."

There was an immediate effect again as Izaya stiffened up and his cheeks blushed. He was so lovely, sexy, cute and hot. Everything Shizuo really wanted.

"That wasn't what I asked," Izaya's pout grew. He had thought he could have the upper hand if he switched positions but nothing ever worked as planned when it came to Shizuo.

"You wanted to know why I laughed? Well…" Shizuo grunted as he thrusted his hips upward. Izaya bounced and slammed down on him, gasping as the cock buried inside him even deeper. It literally felt as if that hard rod had hit the bottom of his stomach.

"I love how you look right now. I can see your hard erection telling me you need it... _nngh_ … and...your hard pink nipples… _nngh_ … and the way your thin waist and hips move to match my…" Shizuo continued to thrust upward as he started to talk a bit dirty. But after a few bounces that sent Izaya reeling with electrifying pleasure as that rock hard cock slammed into him again and again, the raven shouted, "S-stop!" and covered Shizuo's mouth.

The blond's eyes were grinning as his tongue licked teasingly at Izaya's palm. They both started to pant as Shizuo now grabbed Izaya's hips and started to thrust, roll and thrust again.

" _Aaahn… hhaaa… nnngh….. aaaah_ …." Izaya's hands wrap around Shizuo's mouth to cover him but he couldn't help but feel the way Shizuo thrusted his hips into him, that cock driving inside him deeply, pounding into his muscles and tight walls again and again. It felt good, especially good each time that massive cock stretched and rubbed against his prostate, sending little tremors throughout his body.

"Shizu... I… _nnngh… aaah… aaaah_ …." Izaya lost the energy required to keep himself up as he fell onto Shizuo, shuddering. Shizuo's hands were on Izaya's ass now, spreading his cheeks open as he started to pound into him faster and faster.

" _Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaaah_!" Izaya started to fall apart, his hands on Shizuo's face losing their grip. Instead he grabbed onto the pillow and held on for dear life as the blond grunted.

"S-shit, you feel amazing, 'Zaya." Shizuo groaned as he grabbed the back of Izaya's head and started to suck on his neck. He could feel Izaya tighten up even more and god was he delicious. Their hearts were beating faster and faster together. The lewd sound of their skins slapping against each other grew louder and louder as the bed squeaked and shook under them.

"Izaya…. Izaya…." the debt collector groaned as he nipped at the side of Izaya's neck and sucked on it harshly to leave a lovemark. He could feel Izaya's nails on his shoulders now as the raven switched from grabbing the pillow to grabbing at him. He could feel Izaya's lips kissing his forehead or wherever his lips could touch as his body bounced and rocked on top of him.

"S-shit….I want to fuck you harder." Shizuo breathed harshly even as his heart hammered in his chest, it wasn't enough. He wanted more. He wanted to shape and carve the inside of Izaya with his cock's shape only so Izaya only remembered him...and no one else he had previously slept with. He wanted to mark this man and claim him as his so badly, even if he knew that someone as fickle as Izaya could never truly be tamed. Izaya was more of a cat than he was after all and Shizuo wished he could put a bell collar around Izaya's neck with his name.

"Then... _fuck me harder_ , Shizu-chan…" Izaya breathed seductively into Shizuo's ears. The sultry temptation made Shizuo grow even harder inside Izaya's ass and the raven chuckled as he felt that cock slam into him particularly strong.

"Don't want to break you…" Shizuo wrapped his broad arms around that small frame. He still remembered that day at the alley when he couldn't save Izaya from the attackers. He didn't want to be like those men. He wanted this to be special. Even if Izaya clearly wasn't like others and shrugged off the sexual assault as if it was no big deal, it was _traumatizing_ for Shizuo. Although Izaya appeared on the surface as the type of guy who could easily embrace the darkness of other humans and perhaps laugh at them saying that he was a god, that no human could truly harm him... Shizuo didn't care. He wasn't sure if Izaya was very hurt back then or not. Back then, Izaya had focused more on the fact that he had wished Shizuo had come to save him, rather than focusing on the fact that he was brutally raped by strangers in the rain. Perhaps that was just how Izaya coped with his pain. Shizuo would never know the truth but he knew one thing: that he didn't want it to ever happen again. This time, he would always be there for Izaya, no matter what.

"You won't break me." Izaya smiled, not knowing the dark thoughts that threatened inside Shizuo's mind. Shizuo took a deep breath and looked up, his eyes clearly showing a struggle with himself and with pain. He wanted Izaya. But he also didn't want to hurt him. When Izaya smiled down at him with such trust, Shizuo could feel his heart squeeze even tighter. And he worried even more, not wanting to fail that trusting smile.

"You won't hurt me, Shizu-chan." Izaya kissed Shizuo's forehead. Though he may have not known what Shizuo was thinking, specifically that rainy day at the alley that changed his perspective on Izaya, the raven knew one thing. Shizuo feared his own strength. That one day he would hurt someone he loved dearly with that cursed strength. Izaya knew that very well.

"Besides, who do you think I am? I'm Orihara Izaya. I don't break that easily, especially for monsters." Izaya leaned down and nipped on the tip of Shizuo's ear. They had stopped moving a while back but their cocks were still hard and their hearts were still beating fast. Izaya just took it as the calm before the storm.

"You know I've always loved seeing your strength in full display ever since we've met. I want you...to fuck me hard Shizu-chan." Then Izaya licked Shizuo's ear before he leaned in to whisper even more darkly, "Don't you want my body to remember you...and only you?"

That clicked something inside Shizuo. It was as if all locks were broken and his hesitation disappeared. The blond turned to face Izaya and kissed him, bringing their faces close together as Shizuo turned Izaya over again so the informant's back was on the bed. Izaya giggled.

"You really like the missionary position?" Izaya shook his head. "We should try something more kinky, you know."

"Perhaps next time…" Shizuo laced their fingers together. He wanted to feel and touch Izaya's hands. He brought one close to his lips and kissed it as if he was promising it to him. "Today, I want to see your face as you reach your orgasm."

Izaya's face instantly turned bright red at such a bold statement. Before he could reply, Shizuo started to thrust.

 _"Nnngh…_ " Izaya shuddered as that one powerful thrust forced his body to rock. He could feel all the strength in that one.

" _Aaah_!" Izaya's back buckled this time with the next thrust. And then the next. Then the next. Shizuo started to thrust hard and strong, slowly at first, letting Izaya feel the power behind each one before he started to pick up his pace. He started to grunt as each thrust became more steady, the entire bed shaking and rocking like it was going to break under them.

" _Aaah! Aaah_! S-Shizu..! _Aaah! Haaah_!" Izaya held onto Shizuo hard as he had nothing else to cling onto. His body felt everything, each slam pounding into him. His inner muscles were forced to give way to that thick cock driving deeply in and making his insides 'know' that shape. His toes started to curl as his body started to grow hotter and hotter, his mind slowly numbing into the pleasure.

"Shizuo! I'm….. gonna….!" Izaya's nails dug into Shizuo's hand as his leg muscles tightened. His entire body shuddered as he came hard, the splurts of his white cum splattering onto both of their torsos. White light took over his vision when euphoria swept over him. He had never experienced such a blinding orgasm even as he felt Shizuo grunt and thrust a few more times before he too, came inside Izaya. Somehow it felt so fulfilling to feel that hot spurt of cum coat his insides, that sticky mess completely filling him to the brim and knowing that he had satisfied this beast.

Shizuo finally slumped over and they both started to breath heavily. When they finally turned to face each other, Shizuo started to smile. As if it was contagious, Izaya too smirked. Then they both began to laugh.

After their laughter, their afterglow and when their heartbeat slowed down to a normal pace, Shizuo tightened his grip onto Izaya's hand. He had not let go the entire time he had held him, and now he brought the back of Izaya's hand to his cheek and gently leaned on it. Closing his eyes Shizuo felt his temperature. Then he opened his warm, caramel colored eyes to smile at Izaya, the specific type of smile that forever left the informant breathless. The one that Izaya had never thought he would ever be on the receiving end of and that he had always been fervently jealous of anyone Shizuo had given it to. Now, Shizuo was smiling at him like the sun he was to Izaya's nights.

"Looks like you're not cold anymore, Izaya."

Izaya blinked, slightly confused when his vision blurred. He wasn't sure why until the tears had fallen down and he remembered that Shizuo had promised early that he would keep him warm after the bath.

Or perhaps Shizuo had meant it metaphorically. Izaya didn't know.

Instead he smiled a bit, the corners of his lips turning up into a self- deprecating mock.

"Stupid Shizu-chan. I told you...my hand isn't a lie detector."

"Don't care. I'm still gonna make sure your hands are never cold again." Shizuo shrugged repeating the words as he kissed the back of that said hand. Then he wrapped his arms around Izaya and brought him close to a hug. He pulled up the covers so they were warm.

"Get some rest?" Shizuo asked, wondering if Izaya was too exhausted after their last round. Or perhaps he was bruised or hurt and did need to rest but wouldn't tell him.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" Izaya didn't know why he had asked that. Perhaps because everything still felt like a dream. And because he knew he didn't deserve to be this happy.

"..." Shizuo paused for a second at those words. He leaned forward briefly to kiss Izaya's lips. "I don't plan to go anywhere, flea." He whispered as his voice grew thick.

"I'm not going to leave your side flea. Not ever." Shizuo tangled their legs together to trap Izaya as if he was the one not wanting Izaya to leave. Izaya chuckled but snuggled closer to Shizuo to rest, sighing deeply as he relaxed.

Shizuo gazed down at that Izaya with matted hair and a tired but happier smile. He loved him. His worst sides and his best ones. The parts that no one else would love as well. Just as Izaya had shown that he had loved him at his worst, even down to his cursed strength that had made others avoid the blond, Shizuo too decided that he would love Izaya back. Despite Izaya's twisted way of showing love, Shizuo decided that he would return Izaya's love in the only way he knew. With honesty and a bold declaration of love.

"I love you, Izaya." Shizuo smiled sweetly, caressing away the raven's bangs. Again as the blond expected, Izaya cringed.

"C-can you not...say that when I'm trying to rest?" Izaya blinked open his eyes to frown at his lover, feeling embarrassed.

"Nope. You're stuck with me, and I plan to say I love you at least several times a day."

"This is going to be mortifying." Izaya sighed as he covered his face.

Shizuo chuckled, leaned forward and moved a hand away to kiss Izaya again.

"I love you, Izaya." Shizuo spoke again softly. And this time, Izaya didn't deny him, only snuggling closer with pink dusted cheeks.

Yes, Shizuo planned to love this little shitty flea. He would make sure he knew he loved him every day, every second of his life. And Shizuo too needed him. Their love was like an addiction, an addiction he couldn't cure nor did he plan to cure. Izaya was his catnip and Shizuo planned to never let it go.

Intertwined together like a vine that grew to support one another, they both closed their eyes in anticipation of their new tomorrow. They knew they had a long journey ahead of them. But they would face them together. Tomorrow.

* * *

 

**Conclusion:**

Although their life had their own turbulence, Shizuo and Izaya started their life together. After Shizuo came to stay over at his place every night, by the end of the week, Izaya just gave him a spare key. After that, they agree to move in together. Shizuo came to live with Izaya...and with him came all his adopted cats, to Izaya's dismay. Shizuo just couldn't abandon the street cats that he always fed so he adopted all of them. The debt collector also started to volunteer at the local animal shelter as well, finding an affinity for taking care of the abandoned cats and dogs that needed a home with an owner who loved them.

Izaya continued his work as informant but Shizuo was able to curve him away from more of the illegal and dangerous side of the work as well as the more morbid hobbies of his. Shizuo convinced Izaya to bring back all the men he had sent off as forced labor workers for an indefinite amount of time, which included the rapists. Shizuo wasn't surprised that Izaya had a hobby of taking revenge into his own hands by punishing those who 'wronged' him, but he was rather surprised that the number of people Izaya had probably sent off as forced slaves was a lot larger than he thought. He firmly made Izaya bring them all back home. If he wanted justice, let the police take over next time. Izaya grumbled but did as he was told.

The informant wasn't quite happy that Shizuo had a say with his work now and then, but he was kept too busy to complain too much. His evenings where he used to spend bored as he pretended to be a young girl chatting with fat old lonely men were gone as Shizuo always came home in time for a proper dinner. And the debt collector had made sure that Izaya ate well and was pampered. It wasn't too bad, Izaya begrudgingly admitted. Not to mention all the cats. He had a ton of lapcats to keep him busy all day at home while at work. Namie made it clear that she would not take care of any of them and even though Izaya too had told Shizuo that it was his responsibility to take care of the cats, Izaya didn't mind one or two of them that decided to use his lap as a heating pad.

Izaya still was insecure that he didn't deserve Shizuo and that he might leave him for an attractive, nice, and homey girl. And Shizuo was insecure that he would hurt Izaya one day with his supernatural power and that Izaya too might find someone smarter than him and leave him. But overall Shizuo and Izaya lived happily ever after, slowly and carefully learning to trust one another.

And Shizuo made sure that Izaya's hands were never cold ever again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Thank you for reading. It’s been a long journey. I’m still not quite happy with this ending but hopefully you guys like it.
> 
> There is an epilogue to this fic though. The ‘ever after’ story of how Izaya and Shizuo live together with there eclectic collection of ‘cats’ they’ve adopted, Psyche, Tsugaru, Delic, Hibiya, Hachimenroppi and Tsukishima. And later they’ll adopt Sakuraya and Shitsuo. Basically Shizuo becomes a crazy cat gentleman? Ahahaha. And Shizuo keeps Izaya out of trouble while they both deal with their own insecurities that they don’t quite ‘deserve’ the other. Hopefully I’ll have the time to write it soon. But before then, enjoy imagining Izaya living with Shizuo happily ever after with a lot of cats. A loooot of cats. 
> 
> Oh, and Shizuo volunteering at the animal shelters haha. I love the idea of Shizuo rubbing a labrador on the head saying ‘good boy!’ and petting a cat gently with a sweet smile. And of course, there is always his favorite catnip, Izaya who’d somehow squeeze his way in between Shizuo’s love for animals.
> 
> Hope you liked the fic guys <3 and now I move on to my other fics hopefully. (and work on that epilogue...eventually. Just subscribe for notifications! <3 See ya next time guys!)


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